Karen's Wish - part 1 (730 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (View user info) at 2006-08-29 14:41:38 EDT
I've often wondered what it'd feel like to be a man, you know, just idle curiosity. I've often thought that if I could have three wishes I would wish for money, to enjoy a comfortable life, I would wish for the ability to read minds, just for a short time, you know to see what really goes on in people's heads, and I'd wish to be a man for one day. Of course one never expects to have such an opportunity so this idle dreaming of mine seemed completely harmless.
That all changed yesterday. Yesterday I bought a lamp, a regular looking table lamp. When I got home I grabbed the silver polish to try to take some of the tarnish off the base. I started rubbing and as the tarnish came away I noticed a faint inscription in the silver, it read; "tap three times, jump up and down, screw up your face but not into a frown, do it right and opportunity will knock, do it wrong and you'll need a smock". I stared at this inscription for a long time trying to figure out why in the world anyone would put that on such a simple silver lamp and for some reason felt compelled to try it.
So I tapped the lamp three times, I jumped up and down, I screwed up my face, and then I waited. I must have gotten something wrong because suddenly I did wish I had a smock as gallons of fetid, putrid smelling water came gushing out of the top of the lamp. Soaking wet and nearly ready to yak I looked at the inscription again. Noticing a little corner of writing below the script I polished some more and saw that written beneath the inscription was the addition "while screwing up face make sure to close right eye". As much as I disliked the results of the first attempt I thought it worth it to try again. I tapped, I jumped, I screwed up my face closing my right eye, and again waited for something to happen. And again I didn't have to wait long. This time, a mass of foul smelling sludge spewed forth from the lamp covering me in a disgusting coating of slick slime.
In a fit of anger I threw the lamp at the floor and kicked it. The lamp rolled across the floor and hit the wall. When it hit the wall the base fell out and a piece of old paper followed. On the paper in a similar script as that inscribed on the lamp was the following: "I apologize for any inconvienece or distress that you may have experienced due to the instructions inscribed on this lamp. For best results polish lamp completely, write down all instructions and then complete the sequence of the original inscription. I started polishing and as the lamp began to shine I saw there were several other instructions etched into the silver; "When jumping up and down do so on your left leg only" and "Tap the top of the lamp with a piece of bread" and "face should be contorted enough to be uncomfortable".
I was still seething from the last two attempts to unlock whatever secret this lamp might hold but I was compelled to try again. Very carefully I polished the rest of the lamp to ensure I'd missed nothing else and satisfied that I hadn't I tried the sequence again. I jumped up and down on my left leg, I tapped the top with a piece of bread, I screwed up my face uncomfortably and closed my right eye and immediately could feel a change in the room.
Coming out of the lamp was what looked like the blob from that old horror film. Red, and gooey it floated up into the open space in the air until it looked like my lamp had sprouted a giant red balloon covered in slime. The stench of the thing was incredible and I found myself pulling my shirt up to breathe through it in an attempt to stifle the smell. Finally the blob rotated and I found myself staring into a face that had definitely seen better days.
"Yo bitch, whatchu want?"
"Um.... The lamp says opportunity would knock if I did the things I did."
"Yeah, what of it? I'm opportunity. You don't actually expect me to knock do you?"
"Well, I didn't really know what to expect, I saw the writing and thought I'd try it. What does it mean?"
"People are so stupid, if you saw some writing on the side of a bridge that said jump off for new opportunities would you do it? Whatever, look, you get three wishes, make it quick, I got bitches in the living room gettin it on."
"Three wishes? Whatever I want?"
"Shit bitch, get on with it. Yes, three wishes, what's your first one?"
"I wish to have enough money for anything I want whenever I want it."
"Duh, I already completed that one before you asked. Number two?"
"I want to be able to selectively read other people's minds."
"Ah, the old mind reader wish, how dull."
"Hey, why are you in this lamp?"
"My old lamp was a dump yo. So I upgraded, this pad's got it all it's.... hey wait, come on bitch, I got shit goin on, what's your third wish?"
"I want to be a man for twenty four hours."
"Haha, that's a good one. Hope you like it. I'm out yo."
With that he was gone. I stood there, looking around at the mess expecting something to happen, to feel different. I scratched my balls and started cleaning up the mess. I looked down and saw that my tits were gone. I shoved my hand down my pants and found a one eyed trouser snake curled up in my panties.
User Reviews
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:38:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
part two: http://www.ubersite.com/m/92424
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-08-30 06:52:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-08-30 02:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-08-29 18:06:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hot Karen became a dude? I'm sorry buddy. but hey, it makes for a good story, right?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:34:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I, Lucifer
Read it on a flight back from London.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:23:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
glad you're writing.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what book was that O-man? it sounds familiar.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:05:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Duh, I already completed that one before you asked. Number two?"
Such attitude.
This reminds me of a book I read where the devil lives a stretch of time in a guy's body as a vacation. Only yours involves a penis and no breasts. And a jive talkin' djinn.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:31:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha. Last line is interesting.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:20:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I borrow that lamp when you're done with it, I, uh, need to make some adjustments
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:10:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
man she whoops ass. I was afraid I'd scare her away but she just rolls with it. I sent her your reviews too.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:03:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
love you long time
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-29 14:50:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I will not sell her either. you have your own woman.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-08-29 14:49:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
no she is no man. this is fiction. she asked me to write her a story. I have not yet received her reaction to it. <scared>
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-29 14:48:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I JUST GOT DONE READING THIS.
DOES THIS MEAN HOT KAREN IS REALLY A MAN?
YOU SICK FUCKER. THAT'S NASTY.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-29 14:45:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sell me the woman
i have chores that need to be done around the house