The Pirates of Pen's Ass (646 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicLabels: captainthorns_music
Rating: 1.45 on 16 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2006-08-29 15:25:41 EDT
A week and a half at the new job and they *still* haven't given me any real work to do. Stuck reading manuals and poking around the databases until someone takes an hour out of their day to sit down with me on an actual assignment.
Sigh.
That being said, this idea ran through my head a few months back, so no time like the present to develop and post it. And no, I *won't* be rewriting the entire opera, no matter how much you beg (cough cough *Orgasmatron* cough cough)...
====================================
* sung to the tune of "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major-General" from 'The Pirates of Penzance' *
SCOURGE:
I am the very model of a modern, mayven Uberite,
I've information 'bout the shitty alters that infest this site,
I know the Uberladies, and I quote the posts historical,
From J-Date to a bum's ass licked, in order categorical;
I'm very well acquainted too with matters hypothetical,
Like whether whysenheimer and Sphagnum are antithetical,
About Brad Linzy's theories I'm conspiring with KindaNews---
With many cheerful facts about ThoreauMe and his types of views.
CAPTAIN THORNS:
He's good at finding and exposing rantings most ridiculous,
He knows the real name of his online love Sacrilici-ous,
In short, in matters 'bout the shitty alters that infest this site,
He is the very model of a modern, mayven Uberite.
SCOURGE:
I know the mythic history of Random Joe and Bickerstaff,
I answer long acrostics harder than my dick ('tis quite the laugh),
I quote in elegiacs all the names of MeTHodonius,
In sonnets I expose peculiarities felonius.
I can tell doubting Thomases from users that ignore the truth,
I know how to reveal the latter strictly by sole means of sleuth,
And then I'll hum a fugue or melody the modern woman scorns,
To rid my head from that infernal crap composed by Captain Thorns.
THORNS:
But I'll create a haunting song constructed of most perfect form,
And serenade it hoping that I'll score with girls in college dorms;
In short, in matters of the operatic form in which I write,
I also am the model of a modern, mayven Uberite.
SCOURGE:
In fact, when I know "what the hell man, if they're comin' at ya" means,
When I can tell at glance if Caul is wearing Abercrombie jeans,
When such affairs as goatse and tubgirl I discern as true,
And when I know precisely what is meant by "HA HA RABBIT," too,
THORNS:
When I have learnt what progress has been made in fusion cold and warm,
When I know more of tactics not from writings meant to misinform:
In short, when I've a smattering of nuclear physiology,
You'll say a better modern Uberite was never meant to be---
SCOURGE AND THORNS:
We must admit, despite the Uber knowledge that we've both derived,
We've only been around here since the dawn of year 2005;
But still in matters of the alters, posts, and users that we write,
We are the very models of a modern, mayven Uberite!
User Reviews
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-30 14:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:30:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:54:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw your website.
I take back everything I ever said about fucking your wife.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Nuh-UH! No takebacks! What's done is done.
And I mean DONE!
--------------------------------------------------------------
O-KAY. I'll fuck her. But I'm not going to enjoy it.
Much.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-30 08:30:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:54:10 (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw your website.
I take back everything I ever said about fucking your wife.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Nuh-UH! No takebacks! What's done is done.
And I mean DONE!
(Referring to your sister, of course.)
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-08-30 04:31:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Holy Christ you're a moron.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:54:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I saw your website.
I take back everything I ever said about fucking your wife.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:01:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
teh rawks.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The song blows- I HATE musicals - but what a great title.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:15:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Check the uber-project website.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-29 17:02:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm impressed that the poem Lishy linked only has seven reviews.
I guess ghey pirates aren't liked in these here parts.
Haters.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Caul totally rocks L'Abercrombie jeans.
Oh, and this needs more Pentameter ass.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:27:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
o nigga please - this shite is barely ghey
now THIS
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72222
now that's ghey!
==
Aww. Who loves me? Scourge? I never saw this show.
And THIS is teh ghey:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75471
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-08-29 16:27:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My singing voice is fucking awful, but why the hell not?
I'm game.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:34:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Um...wow.
I just now noticed that the third pirate from the right looks eerily similar to Rad.
Am I right, or am I right?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:29:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:26:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
i saw this performed once.
exactly like that.
--------------------------------
If you wanna come up to central Illinois, I'm sure I could talk Scourge into us doing a public performance of the song.
Right Scourge?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember Stewie singing that on Family Guy, except it was about ghey sex.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:27:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
o nigga please - this shite is barely ghey
now THIS
http://www.ubersite.com/m/72222
now that's ghey!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-08-29 15:26:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i saw this performed once.
exactly like that.