The Death of a Pizza Delivery Man (880 hits)
Category: Business & FinancialLabels: fiction
Rating: 0.92 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maltese (View user info) at 2006-08-29 18:21:56 EDT
It was a bright, slow, sunny August day. Pretty much like this one, actually. In fact, it was three years ago yesterday. On the morning of August 28, 2003, all seemed to be going well for the town of Erie, Pennsylvania. The sun was shining, children were playing in the streets, and the ice cream trucks provided popsicles and treats for them. Erie was what one could consider a "big small" town - its population had just reached one hundred thousand that year.
If the ice cream trucks ran out of ice cream, as they would eventually in the early afternoon, then people would go for the next best thing - a nice large pepperoni pizza. There were about three pizzerias in Erie: a Papa John's, which was the most popular pizza place; a family-owned pizzeria downtown; and Mama Mia Pizzeria, a failing pizza place which saw little, if any, customers each day.
Brian Wells did as best as he could to keep Mama Mia going, after all, it was his life. For the past thirty years Brian had served Erie with its pizzas, famous mostly for its scrumptious toppings.
Brian had been sitting behind the counter for thirty minutes, bored as all hell. He was used to waiting however, a tolerance he had built up for the forty-six years since his birth.
Suddenly the phone rang.
"Yes, a customer!", he thought to himself as he picked it up.
"Hello, Mama Mia Pizzeria, may I take your order?"
"Yes.", said a lifeless voice.
"OK, what'll it be?"
"A small pepperoni pizza and a small sausage pizza."
"And your address?"
"324 Summit Road."
Brian got into his green Chevrolet and drove off with the pizzas. He got out of his car after the fifteen-minute drive across town and was puzzled by what he saw when he arrived at his destination.
There was no 324 Summit Road. There was a 322 Summit Road, followed by a junkyard and a radio tower. Using logical deduction, Brian determined that 324 was probably the radio tower. As he walked towards the tower, a gloved hand from behind the junkyard fence grabbed his T-shirt and pulled him into the fence, knocking him over. Three men, dressed entirely in black, with black ski masks so that their face could not be seen, walked around the fence.
For the next ten minutes, they beat him, kicked him, fired three shots at him (all of which missed), and gagged him.
One of the men took out a device from his pocket. It appeared to be a metal collar with a bomb attached to it. Brian screamed but they covered his mouth and held him down.
"For your own good, don't say anything", said one of the men.
The collar was locked in place around Brian's neck as he laid in the dirt.
"All of it shall be explained in here", said another man, tossing him some folded papers. "Do exactly as it says."
"And take this with you", said the third, handing him a cane. "Our job here is done".
The three men turned away and left.
As soon as the men left, Brian got up and ran to his Chevrolet and sat inside it, unsure what to do. He opened up the notes they had given him.
"We have attached a bomb to you, which will detonate in sixty minutes. You must follow a course of instructions to find keys and combination-codes to disarm the bomb. Bomb has tripwires. Forcing or tampering will detonate. This powerful, booby-trapped bomb can only be removed by following our instructions. If you delay, disobey or alert anyone, YOU WILL DIE. So will others. We have sentries on every street who will detonate you remotely if they see you talk to anybody. You will go to the PNC Bank and quietly give the teller this note, or the receptionist or manager. Use the weapon if anyone panicks."
In carefully written block letters, it finished:
ACT NOW, THINK LATER, OR YOU WILL DIE
60:00 left
Brian drove to the PNC Bank, which took fifteen minutes.
45:00 left
Brian reluctantly walks into the bank, "cane" in hand (a 12-gauge shotgun disguised as a cane). He slips the note under the receptionist's desk. The receptionist opens up a safe and fills a bag with money and sounds the alarm. Brian points the shotgun at the receptionist.
"Please", he said, close to tears. "I don't want to hurt you. This is not me. This is not me!"
Police arrived at the scene about three minutes later, and by this time Brian was in his Chevrolet racing to the McDonald's parking lot, where they told him to leave the bag of money. The police gave chase, and as soon as he got out of his car, he was arrested, just a few yards from his goal.
13:00 left
Brian calmly explained to the police about the bomb.
"It's going to go off any minute."
But they didn't believe him. He was forced to sit there for thirty-two minutes while his death was slowly coming. The bomb squad wasn't even called until eight minutes later.
"This is not me at all... did you call my boss?", said Brian calmly, as if nothing was happening.
Those would be last words he ever spoke.
The bomb was remotely detonated with twelve minutes left on the clock, leaving a large hole in his chest. He writhed and weezed for a few seconds before he stopped breathing.
Brian's family of one mother and two siblings was not notified of their brother's death until eight hours after the incident.
The bomb squad was not called until four minutes after the bomb was detonated.
Investigations concluded that Wells would not have had enough time to complete the tasks - the whole thing was just a sick little game to see how much a man values his life.
To this day, nobody knows who is responsible for his murder, and the FBI is offering a reward of $100,000.
User Reviews
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-08-30 19:31:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck is with all this ridiculous fighting?
Maltese, I liked your post. :-)
Submitted by dr_weazel (user info) at 2006-08-30 18:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:57:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
______________________
1. fuck off idiot. anyone can find this page - www.snopes.com/urban/piz14
2. i am who i am, deal with it n00b
3. CNN.com? - that is your 'proof' are you serious? "ETS - this one is for you"!
4. Rolling Stones DID NOT use my username as a song title you fucking halfwit
5. When LSD made the joke some people laughed, when you use it no-one does.
-2 die bitch
-----------------------
1. That snopes page doesn't exist, in fact there is NO snopes page for this story.
2. You ARE an alter, and your entire review pretty much makes that obvious.
3. You actually think a non-political story like this would be faked by CNN? Are you retarded?
4. Ummm, what the fuck, how ignorant are you? Here: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/r/rolling+stones/paint+it+black_20117875.html
5. Everyone laughs at you because we hate you even more than you hate yourself. Get your Triceratops ass back to the Mesozoic Era, you cum-guzzling thundercunt.
Here, have a couple of links about this story, then come back telling me it's fake again. But only because you're too self-righteous to admit to being wrong.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brian_Wells
http://www.answers.com/topic/brian-wells
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/9120093/ (This one even has video, explain that one, cuntbucket)
As for this post, I gotta givea -1 for simply re-wording a real story.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-08-30 11:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminded me of The Game with Michael Douglas.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-30 10:47:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-30 04:02:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did this place +2 PLAGARIZED MATERIAL?
_______________
It's not "PLAGARIZED". He took the basic information from a news article and turned it into a story.
I wouldn't say it's the most brilliant idea ever or anything, but I would not consider it plagiarism.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-08-30 04:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-08-30 04:22:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-30 04:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Since when did this place +2 PLAGARIZED MATERIAL?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-08-30 01:30:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:38:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:57:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
______________________
1. fuck off idiot. anyone can find this page - www.snopes.com/urban/piz14
2. i am who i am, deal with it n00b
3. CNN.com? - that is your 'proof' are you serious? "ETS - this one is for you"!
4. Rolling Stones DID NOT use my username as a song title you fucking halfwit
5. When LSD made the joke some people laughed, when you use it no-one does.
-2 die bitch
______________________
I laughed...
----------------------
And me.....
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:57:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
______________________
1. fuck off idiot. anyone can find this page - www.snopes.com/urban/piz14
2. i am who i am, deal with it n00b
3. CNN.com? - that is your 'proof' are you serious? "ETS - this one is for you"!
4. Rolling Stones DID NOT use my username as a song title you fucking halfwit
5. When LSD made the joke some people laughed, when you use it no-one does.
-2 die bitch
______________________
I laughed...
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This post was awesome. You've got a bit of a fucked up head, though.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 23:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YO FAGGOT I SAID
-2 die bitch
COMPREHEND?
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
______________________
1. fuck off idiot. anyone can find this page - www.snopes.com/urban/piz14
2. i am who i am, deal with it n00b
3. CNN.com? - that is your 'proof' are you serious? "ETS - this one is for you"!
4. Rolling Stones DID NOT use my username as a song title you fucking halfwit
5. When LSD made the joke some people laughed, when you use it no-one does.
-2 die bitch
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:38:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Not enough conflict.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:33:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job pulling yourself together, Maltese. Make sure not to post every day, and make sure your posts are good.
Submitted by Slash (user info) at 2006-08-29 22:15:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
----
Good story, even better reply.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 21:01:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
----
1. This is not plagiarized, asshole.
2. You are an alter, and a bad one at that.
3. It's not an urban legend, it was on CNN.com for fuck's sake.
4. You are not worthy to use the title of a Rolling Stones song as a username.
5. You are a triceratops.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:26:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
plagarizer this is one of those urban myths fuckwit
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is what you're aiming for, I assume, Electro Jr.?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:20:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At the rate you're going, you'll have 300,000 hits in under a year.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:11:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You sure post a lot.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ready Ike? Kick the baby!
Don't kick the baby.
Kick the baby!
*crash*
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-08-29 20:05:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
told you so
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:51:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Blown Away," by G. M. Ford
http://www.statesmanjournal.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060820/LIFE/608200301/1059
If you're going to "take liberties" with a true story, at least change the names like the above book does. Still an interesting post though.
Authorities are still uncertain whether he didn't set the whole thing up himself.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:42:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oops i meant Justin
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
OH NOES - THEY KILLED WIGGLES?
YUOU BASTARDS
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:18:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:05:16 (#)
Ranking: -1
this did happen. you just took creative liberties with a news story...
----
Habeeb does the same thing with his Illustrated News Stories, except in my stories I'm serious.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:12:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty decent. I remember hearing about something like this at some point.
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-08-29 19:05:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
this did happen. you just took creative liberties with a news story...
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-08-29 18:54:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow, what an elaborate plan...neat.
Did this actually happen? I am assuming so given the pictures and such, but if not, you have a creative mind indeed.
Good story.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-08-29 18:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Business and Financial?!
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-08-29 18:26:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
reads like paid in full. I mean that in the best way possible. This made my day.