Olfactory Rape (488 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -1 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Behold, I am Sugarface. (View user info) at 2006-08-31 06:10:41 EDT
Ah, the Oakland bus. A place of troglodytes, nutters, reres, and oldies. That's right, one of those buses that circles mental institutions and planned communities, carting the social dregs from their one lockhouse to the other one. A smelly metropolitan Hell on wheels. Me and my sister only rode it to get downtown because we too lazy to walk.
The players:
1. Fat crazy lady - fat, smelly
2. Hairy psycho lady - crazy as hell, straw hat
3. Troglodye b/w moustache - creepy, smelly
4. Old lady - old, smelly
5. Young rere guy - dumb as a sackful of bricks, smelly
6. FIVE babies. FIVE - self explanatory
7. Overbite nutter - amusing
8. My sister - bizzare
9. Yers tru-uly - carrying a bag of dog food
10. old fucker - remember Paul's grampa from "A Hard Day's Night"?
The first half of the trip went- HOLY SHIT! Get the fuck outta here, you little freak!
Sorry about that. Some mouse just ran over my foot.
Back to live action! The first half of the trip went fairly well. Number 3 shit himself and laughed hysterically as he got off. Number 2 gave me venomous looks whenever I looked at her; looks thay called me a cracker. Number 7 sat there and ate croutons. Bored, I struck up conversation.
Me: "Check it out, that old freak across the aisle keeps giving me "I'mo kill you, cracka" looks."
My sister: "That remind me of this joke... What would you call the Berenstain Bears if they were black?"
Me: "Uh..."
My sister: "Niggers!"
Me: "What the hell?!"
My sister: *laughs*
Me: "You're a real ass ranger."
My sister: "Cockface."
Me: "Cum dumpster."
That went on for a while, so we didn't notice only 1, 5, 4, and 7 were left. As the bus pulled away from the mall that's when it all went to hell. All five babies began crying simultaniously. 5 and 4, who were (disturbingly) their parents, began to smack them and call them "yuh little whiny cunts". I resisted my urge to put my shoe up their his and her ass, opting instead to do nothing like the stupid fuck that I am.
When they got off, I began talking to noone about how people don't raise their kids right.
Unfortunately, this drew the attention of Number one, who began yammering at us. She was kind of like a lava lamp, she had no definite form at all. The yammering added to this, making her wobble and flow. The talking was mostly just grunts and snorts, but I could understand some of it. Listening to the this bitch (not recommended) yields:
1: "...SO THEN I GOT HOME AND HE HAD OUR DOG BRUCE ALL THE WAY UP..." "...AND SINCE I'M GOING THROUGH SUCH AN EMOTIONAL TIME I CUT MYSELF. WITH A SEVEN INCH BLADE." *farts very loudly* "OOPSIE HEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEEHEE OH LOOK HERE'S MY STOP, KEEP SAFE DOLORES."
The only one left was "Delores", the overbite. It took all of the muscles in her jaw to open her mouth, showing us very detailed tendons. It was so oddly engrossing, watching her crunch on her little bisquet things. She had an absolutely HUGE overbite. Like, 4 or 5 inches. Finally, she noticed us staring at her.
Delores: "Aaa guh zyen fuh dubbarayyhk."
My first instinct was "...Russian?" My second was "Oh. Russian for 'special' purposes." My third was to laugh. Rather missing the point, Decidous D began to laugh along with me.
User Reviews
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-30 11:50:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-31 14:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
another face?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-08-31 10:31:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Thanks. If my cat had a digital litterbox, this would go right in it.
Submitted by Molari (user info) at 2006-08-31 09:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for repeating that joke
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-08-31 09:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What the cunt?
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-08-31 08:00:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-31 06:49:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuck it
+2 for trying to pretend you were ever in Oaktown
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-08-31 06:28:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I really enjoyed HOLY SHIT!
Sorry about that, a mouse just ran over my foot. -2 for inspiring him
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-08-31 06:23:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Please translate to English.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-08-31 06:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's the bullshit altar to Zonkashweezen, the god who will go to town in your ass.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-08-31 06:16:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
whose bullshit alter is this?