Slingshot Jackson (544 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.83 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bubba2341 (View user info) at 2006-09-03 00:57:08 EDT
Did I ever tell you boys about Slingshot Jackson? No? Well, pull up a piece of porch
and hear about the craziest fucker in Le Grande county since God was a boy
Slingshot showed up back in '36, right here at this general store. Said he come from
'down South', but he weren't never too specific about exactly where. Had him one of
those slow drawls and a pure hate for niggers, so's we guessed he might be from
Mississippi or Alabama, but that don't matter nohow. Point is, he was a lot different
than local folks.
If the sight of a lanky, red-headed, nineteen year old fellah with a slingshot in his
hip pocket wasn't strange enough, the yellow bandana tied around his neck caught
everyone's eye.
"Mister, why ya wearin' that hanky around yer neck?"
"Well, honey, two reasons. I like yellow and it keeps my neck warm."
He lied to the little girl, but it was OK 'cause she wouldn't have understood the truth.
Seems that our man Jackson had been the lucky guy in a lynching gone wrong,
and the folk what done it ran scared before they was sure he was dead. The tree
limb busted and dropped him to the ground.
Left a real nasty scar, which accounted for the bandana 'round his neck. The
reason they tried to hang him had something to do with him killin' three niggers
with his slingshot.
Boys, Shlingshot lived up to his name the time a bunch of us went deer huntin'
in '37. Everyone in the party started makin' fun of the man when he showed up
with no rifle, only his slingshot.
"Shit, boy, ya might as well throw some spitballs at them deer."
He just smiled and took to checkin' on his little pouch of lead balls. A dozen or so
round balls of lead, each about one-half inch across. None of us figured he could
hit a deer with the damn thing, let alone kill one. Man, was we ever wrong.
The red-headed Southern boy stepped into the woods without making a sound.
A couple of us started to follow him, but he moved so fast and quiet that we lost him.
The next thing we saw was a deer moving across the clearing just to the left of
the woods. We all took our rifles off of safety and waited for it to get into range,
but just before it was close enough, Slingshot Jackson stepped out of the woods.
He pulled back on his slingshot, took aim for about one second, and let fly.
We heard the snap of the elastic of his weapon and saw the buck fall to its knees
and then over onto its side.
We was all too befuzzled to speak for damn near a minute. Even then no one
had much to say, so we all ran out to inspect the kill. He'd shot that animal in
its left eye, and it died damn near instantly.
After that, nobody around these parts ever questioned again the rumors about
how the Southern boy had killed them three niggers from 50 yards away.
At night.
User Reviews
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-03 10:32:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh ... fuck ... yes.
Redheaded southern boys killing people.
BEST FUCKING POST EVER BAR FUCKING NONE.
And I'm not saying this just because I'm a redheaded southern boy.
~OathMeal Approved Post~
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-09-03 09:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-09-03 03:29:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YeeeHawww!
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-03 03:03:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If the KKK would have written Hang Em High, it would go something like this.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-09-03 02:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-03 02:15:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:55:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Something about this story bothered me.
Oh, yeah. It was fucking stupid.
And poorly written.
Yeah, that's it.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is very possibly the stupidest joke I have ever heard
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:18:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:10:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting Bubba, but I feel this could have been a bit longer and more substantial.
I liked it anyway though.
________
Thanks, Mike. Yeah, I saw where I could have elaborated and made it six times as long,
but what the hell. I guess it's open to a continuation. . .
Submitted by rockdocc (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
this was good.
reminds me of the stories my great grandma used to tell.
including the use of word "nigger"
the family's old south, what do you expect?
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:10:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-09-03 00:57:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sling tis. DFuuckl.
Are you retarded?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:10:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Interesting Bubba, but I feel this could have been a bit longer and more substantial.
I liked it anyway though.
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-09-03 01:09:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
why not
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-09-03 00:57:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sling tis. DFuuckl.