As it turns out, I'm a sexual offender (1249 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.81 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyTeeOne <My_Tee_One.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-09-05 12:56:05 EDT
I was lying in bed last night around midnight all warm and cozy. The fan blew in a cool breeze and the thunderstorm was gently lulling me to sleep. It was nice to be in bed before 1:00 am and I was looking forward to good nights sleep when the phone rang. The phone only rings late at night for a few reasons.
1) A drunk dial from a friend or ex. These are usually entertaining and I will answer them.
2) A death in the family. As I've still gotten my fingers crossed about grandma, I would have taken this one.
3) Wrong number. I will also answer these just so I can make whoever called so late feel bad for waking me up.
The reason for this call was, in fact, a drunk dial from someone I don't know well enough to drunk dial me. She directs another group and I met her at a show one time. We exchanged numbers (and e-mails) so we could perhaps work together in the future. Like I said, I would have never expected a drunk dial from her.
"You're never going to believe what happened to me the other day," she slurred out.
"What's that?" I inquire.
"I got arrested for sexual harassment."
Well, this got my attention and I sat up in bed. I asked her to start from the beginning and this is what she told me. Apparently, after a cubs game a few days ago, she went out with her friends. On the way to the bar she had to stop in an alley and answers mother natures call. The cops spotted her squatting behind a dumpster and arrested her for sexual harassment. Apparently, since her "junk" was exposed, it qualifies.
So far, I can't find her on the site (but I also don't know her zip code). I'd like to find out if this is true because if it is, how ridiculous. First off, who here hasn't urinated in public? Everyone has at least once. This punishment seems a bit severe.
Imagine, if you will, having to go and tell all your neighbors.
Knock, knock.
"Hi Mr. Smith, my name is MyTeeOne. I live across the hall. Yeah, well anyway, please lock up your kids. I'm a sexual offender. Yeah, you heard me. I took a leak right outside this building. I'm crazy. I need help."
And, she can no longer live within 500 feet (or is it 500 yards?) of a school.
"You'll see Mr. One, this apartment has hard wood floors, vaulted ceilings, on sight laundry, and parking available."
"Well, it looks great and the view is spectacular. Wait, is that a school?"
"Yes, it is one of the finest schools in the district."
"Oh, that's going to be a problem. I pee in public."
"YOU SICK BASTARD!"
I mean seriously, if this is true, it's ridiculous. So, here is my plan. First, I need to verify if this is true. If it is, we can unite and try to change the system.
Or...
We can have some fun with this. We've all taken a leak in the great outdoors. Why not all turn ourselves in? America could become the worlds leading sexual offender country. By obeying this law in its entirety, we could render it obsolete by flooding the system.
So who's with me Uber? Are you ready to be a sexual offender?
User Reviews
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-09-06 14:23:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm way a head of you buddy. I took a piss on a cop dog just the other day.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-06 14:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm just recounting it as it was told to me. I'm still trying to figure out if public urination constitutes getting placed on the SOR in IL. The serach isn't going well because I have a lot of blocked sites here at work.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-06 13:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not going to read everything everyone else wrote, so I apologize if there's a repeat in the following list of Problems With This Post's Content:
#1) A cop would not give her a sexual harassment ticket for peeing in an alley unless she is not telling you the whole story. They have "Public Urination" tickets. They would have used one of those.
#2) Just because someone gets a ticket for sexual harassment doesn't mean that they are a sexual offender. Sexual harassment may be a misdemeanor, but not a felony. In other words, there will not be an alert going out in her neighborhood.
#3) Maybe you should have posted this AFTER you figured out whether it was true or not.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-06 11:10:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-06 10:58:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who isn't?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-06 10:40:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't have time to look yesterday, so I still don't know if pissing in public is considered a sexual offense here in IL, but yes, I heard her right.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-06 10:31:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... Don't you mean indecent exposure?
Well in any case you're right, but she was probably exagerating or leaving something out or just plain lying because otherwise she'd appeal.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-06 10:15:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
prevert!!
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-09-06 09:23:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Flooding the system, hehehe
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-06 09:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:23:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the cops in Athens mace the shit out of a guy once for peeing on the street. That put the fear of God into me.
--------------------
I saw a similiar thing in Cyprus. But instead of mace, he got a big ass truncheon across the back of his legs
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-09-06 02:17:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always knew you were a perv
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-09-06 01:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i'm gonna go with pff.
are you sure you heard her right?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-05 20:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-09-05 18:59:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That is plain obscene....I've pissed outside hundreds of times...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the things I do NOT miss now that's I've moved out of San Francisco is the pools of human piss on every corner, in every doorway, and on every other bus.
I think public urinators should be drowned in the bay, but I'm biased after years of suffering the liberal San Francisco piss and let piss attitude.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The world is my urinal.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:43:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i got told off by a policeman once for pissing in public.
In England they tell you off.
In USA you got to jail.
And everyone wonders why you cunts haven't got a sense of perspective.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:39:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People who've been arrested for streaking have to register as sex offenders too.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:34:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Urinating in public?
I picture Alice Cooper pissing in public singin' 'I want to be erected'
Back home they call it 'wild pissing/urinating' and I do know someone who got caught for that, not just that too, he turned around to the officer talking to him and pissed over his legs.
He swore that he'd take a taxi to piss in next time!
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yesterday I did it all over my city several times, fucking beer
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
actually i know a dude who got arrested for public urination in vegas. they either were going to or have changed the law regarding this and he might have to register as a sex offender because of that.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:27:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Oh, that's going to be a problem. I pee in public."
this sentence is going to be great to say as a nonsequeter at my next gathering.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'm gonna piss on you.
Drip, drip, drip."
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:23:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw the cops in Athens mace the shit out of a guy once for peeing on the street. That put the fear of God into me.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:17:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:00:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where I went to college the citation they gave for public urinitation had and/or public masturbation on them. Makes me wish I went ahead and got the *and* portion since the fine was the same.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:18:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I got caught pissing on a cop car once, the cop came out of the gas station and yelled at me to stop as I was in midstream. I ran, still pissing, and got away. I was soaked in my own urine; hands shirt pants shoes, everywhere.
I figured running a load of laundry and taking a shower would be cheaper than the bail.
I will not pee on any more cop cars.
The end.
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:16:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm gonna piss on you R Kelley style in public! WOOHOO FOR PUBLIC PISSIN!
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:08:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
In a taco bell? That's gross. In a KFC though, well that's another story.
Anywho, my idea isn't to get rid of the SOR all together. I simply don't think urinating in public is a sexual offense. That's what I'm trying to reverse with this movement. If it was in a school yard or at the zoo...OK, maybe I can see it. But this was in an alley behind a dumpster, in the worlds largest beer garden. That's public intoxiacation, possibly even vandalism, but sexual harrasment? No.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:02:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm rocking out with my cock out right now.
I usually pee in my enemies' shoes.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:56:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is anyone surprised that stabkill would hang out with someone who would randomly drop their drawers in a taco bell?
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:47:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For once, I completely agree with Stabkill.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:47:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i urinate in public at every opportunith, but only onto appropriate vegetable matter
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:44:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People, for some stupid reason, are cowards. They will coward out of going to court and subject themselves to being put on a SOR for a stupid reason rather than risk "jail time" if they take it into court.
There are plenty of people who get busted for urinating in public and it is usually a small fine and plenty of embarrassment by just getting caught doing it.
I had a friend pull his pants down in Taco Bell and was slapped with a public indecency charge. I suppose that could get you on the SOR also since it is the same as some dude beating his dick in a car parked outside a grammar school.
The laws are stupid, but if you want to avoid those charges you have to plea bargain down or get a fuckin' attorney (rip off). There are instances of 17 year old girls being put on the SOR for having consentual sex with a young male as well....some state laws are strict.
The system is pretty much designed to suck money out of the general public and impact the poor even more to keep them down. ETS can talk about conspiracy theories all he wants, but the court system is designed to rake in cash and pay for itself more than anything. That's what the judicial system has become.
Don't believe me? Go to traffic court sometime and see how they plea down illegal immigrants instead of slamming them in jail. Fucking ridiculous!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:43:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this can't possibly be true
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:39:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SOUNDS LIKE FUN!
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:28:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i am in favour of public urination onto appropriate vegetable matter, in an appropriate manner.
i am not in favour of pissing all over concrete as the frogs do.
although who knows, maybe that actually does add some magic romantic quality to your city, as with paris.
i am not in favour of the child sex offender situation described. it's odd how we don't care if mass murderes live next door, so long as they're not kiddy fiddlers thats ok
but that is due to the powerful fear parents feel for their children's well being, which does seem to have some kind of legitmate claim to know about recidivist repeat offending child molesters next door.
so i dont' think mass pissing to destroy the sex offender list would be productive. the way forward, in my view, has something to do with open acceptance of natural sexual feelings that sometimes take place between adults and children's bodies, regardless of any mental sexual intent. eg, a male might feel physcial sexual arousal as a result of seeing a pretty little naked female shape in the batch, i mean bath, even thought the shape is underage. the old something comes up when sitting on daddy's lap situation.
to be frank, in an ideal world i would like to spend as much time as possible engaging in sexual and romantic interaaction with female humans of ALL AGES. well, maybe starting from when they are walking and talking and wearing pretty little kiddy slut fashion. i don't really go for the babies and toddles at all. i thimk that is perfectly natural, too. to wish for that. to dream about it if possible. but obviuosly not to act it out on the stage of realty, for fear of all the dreadful life-ruining consequences which are very real, i should think. unless of course i migrated to mongolia where apparentlh it is the custom for dads to make love with their virgin daughters prior to their marriage, to prepare them gently for the pleasures that await on the marital bed.
it seems a rather lovelry custom, to me.
i could be wrong of course, i don't acatually know anything about it.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:27:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When can we hang out Lishy?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:16:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:11:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. So I sexually offended twice in the park before the Phillies game yesterday?
=============================================================
Twice dear? I understand the first time, but you couldn't find a bathroom for the second time?
===
Oh, the second time I was just walking through the park topless, on a quest for free beer. You know, as a favor to my friends. The same friends who didn't bring enough beer.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If she was pissing on one of the officers, then THAT would constitute the "sexual harassment" charge.
Especially if she was enjoying it.
Submitted by mallett (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:16:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:16:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:11:34 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. So I sexually offended twice in the park before the Phillies game yesterday?
=============================================================
Twice dear? I understand the first time, but you couldn't find a bathroom for the second time?
And I told you prof., I didn't know if it was true or not. I'm still looking into it (but not that hard as I don't care that much). I don't know why she would lie to me though either.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:11:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. So I sexually offended twice in the park before the Phillies game yesterday?
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I think it's funny how Prof. fuckface's reviews don't count.
Very amusing.
Unlike this post ... which was only marginally so. Still, +1.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*urinates on this post*
But in a good way. Urination in support.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-09-05 13:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
sexual harassment? what are you fucking stupid? pissing in public is indecent exposure or public obscenity, smelling the back of your secretary's shoulder is sexual harrassment you stupid fuck, not pissing in public
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-05 12:59:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OH, and I'm ready to turn myself in right now.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-05 12:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh dear
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-05 12:57:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am too...
Now to read the post.