Resume - The Honorable George Bush (597 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.4 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by marginwalker (View user info) at 2006-09-05 14:22:39 EDT
I did not compile these facts myself - they were sent to me by the gentlemen who wrote the Canadian Encyclopedias.
None the less - they are relevant to everyone, and if nothing else, are good for a chuckle.
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GEORGE W. BUSH 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue Washington , DC 20520
EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE
LAW ENFORCEMENT
I was arrested in Kennebunkport, Maine , in 1976 for driving under the influence of alcohol. I pled guilty, paid a fine, and had my driver's license suspended for 30 days. My Texas driving record has been "lost" and is not available.
MILITARY
I joined the Texas Air National Guard and went AWOL. I refused to take a drug test or answer any questions about my drug use. By joining the Texas Air National Guard, I was able to avoid combat duty in Vietnam
COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE
I ran for U.S. Congress and lost. I began my career in the oil business in Midland , Texas , in 1975. I bought an oil company, but couldn't find any oil in Texas . The company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. With the help of my father and our friends in the oil industry, including Enron CEO Ken Lay, I was elected governor of Texas .
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS GOVERNOR OF TEXAS
I changed Texas pollution laws to favor power and oil companies, making Texas the most polluted state in the Union .
During my tenure, Houston replaced Los Angeles as the most smog-ridden city in America
I cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas treasury to the tune of billions in borrowed money.
I set the record for the most executions by any governor in American history.
With the help of my brother, the governor of Florida , and my father's appointments to the Supreme Court, I became President after losing by over 500,000 votes.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT
I am the first President in U.S. history to enter office with a criminal record.
I invaded and occupied two countries at a continuing cost of over one billion dollars per week.
I spent the U.S. surplus and effectively bankrupted the U.S. Treasury.
I shattered the record for the largest annual deficit in U.S. history.
I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
I set the all-time record for the biggest drop in the history of the U.S. stock market.
In my first year in office, over 2 million Americans lost their jobs and that trend continues every month.
I'm proud that the members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in U.S. history. My "poorest millionaire," Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named after her.
I set the record for most campaign fund-raising trips by a U.S. President. I am the all-time U.S. and world record-holder for receiving the most corporate campaign donations.
My largest lifetime campaign contributor, and one of my best friends, Kenneth Lay, presided over the largest corporate bankruptcy fraud in U.S. History, Enron.
My political party used Enron private jets and corporate attorneys to assure my success with the U.S. Supreme Court during my election decision.
I have protected my friends at Enron and Halliburton against investigation or prosecution.
More time and money was spent investigating the Monica Lewinsky affair than has been spent investigating one of the biggest corporate rip- offs in history.
I presided over the biggest energy crisis in U.S. history and refused to intervene when corruption involving the oil industry was revealed.
I presided over the highest gasoline prices in U.S. history.
I changed the U.S. policy to allow convicted criminals to be awarded government contracts.
I appointed more convicted criminals to administration than any President in U.S. history.
I created the Ministry of Homeland Security, the largest bureaucracy in the history of the United States government.
I've broken more international treaties than any President in U.S. history.
I am the first President in U.S. history to have the United Nations remove the U.S. from the Human Rights Commission.
I withdrew the U.S. from the World Court of Law. I refused to allow inspectors access to U.S . "prisoners of war" detainees and thereby have refused to abide by the Geneva Convention.
I am the first President in history to refuse United Nations election inspectors (during the 2002 U.S. election).
I set the record for fewest numbers of press conferences of any President since the advent of television.
I set the all-time record for most days on vacation in any one-year period. After taking off the entire month of August, I presided over the worst security failure in U.S. history.
I garnered the most sympathy for the U.S. after the World Trade Center attacks and less than a year later made the U.S. the most hated country in the world, the largest failure of diplomacy in world history.
I have set the all-time record for most people worldwide to simultaneously protest me in public venues (15 million people), shattering the record for protests against any person in the history of mankind.
I am the first President in U.S. history to order an unprovoked, pre-emptive attack and the military occupation of a sovereign nation. I did so against the will of the United Nations, the majority of U.S. citizens, and the world community.
I have cut health care benefits for war veterans and support a cut in duty benefits for active duty troops and their families-in-wartime.
In my State of the Union Address, I lied about our reasons for attacking Iraq and then blamed the lies on our British friends.
I am the first President in history to have a majority of Europeans (71%) view my presidency as the biggest threat to world peace and security.
I am supporting development of a nuclear "Tactical Bunker Buster," a WMD. I have so far failed to fulfill my pledge to bring Osama Bin Laden [sic] to justice.
RECORDS AND REFERENCES
All records of my tenure as governor of Texas are now in my father's library, sealed and unavailable for public view.
All records of SEC investigations into my insider trading and my bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
All records or minutes from meetings that I, or my Vice-President, attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review. I am a member of the Republican Party.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN THE 2006 MIDTERM ELECTIONS. PLEASE SEND THIS TO EVERY VOTER YOU KNOW.
User Reviews
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:04:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto Copy & Paste -2.
But either way, you could do something like this for every President in US history. Clinton especially.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-06 09:39:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Would have been +2 if you weren't telling the world anything they didn't already know
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-09-06 01:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It doesn't help that he looks like a constipated chimp with a mild case of Down's.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-05 22:07:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to 2000, dipshit.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-05 19:56:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Reeked of bias, untrustworthiness. Writing an encyclopaedia doesn't make one an expert. Give some real credentials.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-09-05 19:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
americans love their little emperor whatever he does. just wave a flag in their face and give them a war to make them feel good about themselves.
you're wasting your time.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-05 18:32:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:32:19 (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, this was fucking lame when i saw it in an email 7 or so years ago.
Way to disapoint fuckhead.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-05 18:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no
Submitted by BobLobla (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:32:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow, this was fucking lame when i saw it in an email 7 or so years ago.
Way to disapoint fuckhead.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:13:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but Bob Dole agrees with badassmofo,
Unwritten Ubersite Law #121:
Copying and pasting material form an email forward earns an auto -2
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Fair enough.
I'm not looking for positive ratings, I merely wanted people to peruse it.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-05 16:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sorry, but Bob Dole agrees with badassmofo,
Unwritten Ubersite Law #121:
Copying and pasting material form an email forward earns an auto -2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:50:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:06:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:51:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
What the fuck are you still doing here if you think you are so wise and Americans are so stupid?
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Because if everyone with a bit of willingness to look at the picture and go out on a limb with it assumed that attitude, people with mindsets such as yours would really be fucked.
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People like you and ETS "llok at the picture and go out on a limb"???
You are too fucking stupid to look at the picture. You think the secret service asking questions about a threat equals a fascist country. How does ETS go out on a limb? by telling other people not to pay taxes when he does pay his taxes? That really make America better.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:31:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto copied email -2
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:06:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:51:40 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:48:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone else noticed how gas prices went down about 40-50 cents before one of the busiest holiday weekends of the year?
Has anyone else noticed the sheer volume of 9/11 stories on TV and in the movies lately?
Have any of you noticed the sharp increase in 'terrorist threats' and references to 'possible terrorist threats' lately?
Smells like an election year to me.
I think next week a Dateline special (don't quote me on this) is supposed to feature the question of "why we should trade our liberties for security". Should be interesting.
It's really starting to make me sick. I can't take it. If you have any sense whatsoever, you will be able to see through it for what it is. But the sad fact is, most of you, and by 'you' I mean Americans, will not.
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What the fuck are you still doing here if you think you are so wise and Americans are so stupid?
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Because if everyone with a bit of willingness to look at the picture and go out on a limb with it assumed that attitude, people with mindsets such as yours would really be fucked.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-05 15:00:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of this is pretty damn funny, some of it is scary, and +2 for some stuff I didn't even know about.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:51:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:29:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
Your forwarded meails belong in your trash, not on ubersite.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:51:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:48:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone else noticed how gas prices went down about 40-50 cents before one of the busiest holiday weekends of the year?
Has anyone else noticed the sheer volume of 9/11 stories on TV and in the movies lately?
Have any of you noticed the sharp increase in 'terrorist threats' and references to 'possible terrorist threats' lately?
Smells like an election year to me.
I think next week a Dateline special (don't quote me on this) is supposed to feature the question of "why we should trade our liberties for security". Should be interesting.
It's really starting to make me sick. I can't take it. If you have any sense whatsoever, you will be able to see through it for what it is. But the sad fact is, most of you, and by 'you' I mean Americans, will not.
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What the fuck are you still doing here if you think you are so wise and Americans are so stupid? If life is so good and people are so smart in jolly old england then go the fuck there. nobody here wants you.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:51:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
he played baseball at yale too.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Has anyone else noticed how gas prices went down about 40-50 cents before one of the busiest holiday weekends of the year?
Has anyone else noticed the sheer volume of 9/11 stories on TV and in the movies lately?
Have any of you noticed the sharp increase in 'terrorist threats' and references to 'possible terrorist threats' lately?
Smells like an election year to me.
I think next week a Dateline special (don't quote me on this) is supposed to feature the question of "why we should trade our liberties for security". Should be interesting.
It's really starting to make me sick. I can't take it. If you have any sense whatsoever, you will be able to see through it for what it is. But the sad fact is, most of you, and by 'you' I mean Americans, will not.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
how about taking 10 of these points and linking to factual evidence of them
how about taking one of these points and creating a discussion about it
HOW ABOUT DOING ANYTHING MORE THAN COPYING AND PASTING A FUCKING EMAIL YOU RIDICULOUS CUNT!
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
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Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:37:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
but you are still ignoring the fact that all you did was copy and paste and email, present no facts that couldn't have been found on 30 other fucking websites and offered no insight of your own.
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And what - in your mind - could possibly be said on the topic that coupld even be considered relatively "insightful"?
I think anyone requiring direction of thought/clarification after reading the above was probably the one being picked last in gym class, my friend.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:37:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:26:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
there are facts here, I know, but it's hard to care when they're buried beneath such an immature and obvious layer of personal bias.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:37:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
yes yes yes....fuck me
but you are still ignoring the fact that all you did was copy and paste and email, present no facts that couldn't have been found on 30 other fucking websites and offered no insight of your own.
were you chronically picked last in gym because you always struck out at kickball?
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:30:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
The man is a giant knob, plain and simple
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:34:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
COLLEGE
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. I was a cheerleader.
Only for that one.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:31:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
in all seriousness though, you're like that little kid that wants to fit in but does nothing to contribute?
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Ha ha ha.
Really, fuck you.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:31:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
in all seriousness though, you're like that little kid that wants to fit in but does nothing to contribute?
copy and pasted email = Auto -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:30:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The man is a giant knob, plain and simple
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:29:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your forwarded meails belong in your trash, not on ubersite.
For the record I am not a big fan of Bush, but this sucked, and I think it was emailed to me last month.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:27:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
why don't you post your 'resume' miss squeaky fucking clean?
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-05 14:26:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
there are facts here, I know, but it's hard to care when they're buried beneath such an immature and obvious layer of personal bias.