APW: Sunday on the Pot With George (758 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: apw
Rating: 1.14 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-09-06 12:42:07 EDT
Pulse pounding through my forehead, breath held in my lungs like a fart in church
On the finest seat a man in my position could ask for
Off went the shirt like Costanza the moment I first felt the bomb go off (gastric rupture)
Perhaps I should have brought myself a magazine - BUT ALAS I HAVE NO TIME NOW!
I'm going to shoot this dump through my underwear, by God, I swear, I swear it true
Such is my desire to give these cotton drawers of mine the stinkeye
For though they are deliciously binding
Until I sent them down my legs a-winding I thought them my friend
No more
No more
You little mincy Fruit of the Loom bitches; you tricksy, false little Hobbitses of my Ass Shire
A serpent in my garden found I sliding through the grass
Slipping forkéd tongue at me with promises of anonymity and comfort
ARE YOU WATCHING ME, INSPECTOR #4?
Ridiculous, my assumption that my briefs would be bug free and left untouched by
Evil hands with malice under their fingernails and spitstink on their tips!
Perhaps I might not have cleared the sticker upon purchase
And perhaps my aging wife is still a great lay
I think not, my good man
Nay
This sticker has been recently planted, for I have smelled the curve of my trunks
I do not smell mine ballsweat or mine ass
No trace of pube or butt dampness to be found upon this sticker
Good try, Inspector #4
Sorry it couldn't have been better
Oh yes, oh yes here it comes, I feel as if my prostate is being fingered!
Fire, torpedo! Strike this battleship of my oppressors! STRIKE A DEATHBLOW FOR ME! BLAMMO!
Pushing harder than a Hindu mother in the grip of labor
Out comes the flood, the gush of last night's broccoli-heavy dinner
O Fortuna! The bouquet does make my eyes tear and my soul laugh! I am overcome!
Pity the log didn't break through the stitching after all. You win this round, #4.
User Reviews
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-07 14:25:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-07 04:32:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 22:54:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Let the record also state that I sent my morning concoction to scourge and ghola after submitting it before the deadline.
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What exactly do you mean by morning concoction, and who's to say Ghola didn't snowball jonny-cakes?
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I'll post it once Snark gives the green light - it certainly reads like it was written over the course of an hour (plus) - but that's the price one pays for being a last minute fiend.
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You spent an HOUR (plus) on the toilet?
JE-SUS.
The witness is excused.
As for you, bubba, half the time I don't even know what you're talking about, but you always make me laugh, you babbling buffoon.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-06 23:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 22:04:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:45:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh Velvet man and Saccy have it sussed out.
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Hahahahaha Bubba. Still trying to kiss saccy's ass and get back in her good graces, I see.
You funny bubba.
__________
you are a fucking fuck boy, Kinda. I do not need to get in Saccy's good graces. Either she likes me or she hates me, I don't really care.
On the other hand, I give less of a shit about you than I do about Saccy, Ghola, or Gasm-man,
because they are all cool people, and you are a dumb ass fuctard. Why don't you post under your
REAL, name, Sphaggy, you retarded fool??
Like I told Caul, you are a dumb shit who wants attention, and you really deserve some. The kind
of attention garnered by a fool with an IQ smaller than his shoe size. Do you really think you are cool enough to ream my ass? I don't think that is true, nor does the majority of the site. Everyone here KNOWS you are a dumb fuck, so why don't you just shut yer pie hole. Hmmmmm?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 22:54:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:37:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm grateful you do, but I still have to ask, why do you waste your time here? There's an answer you'd give in private, if we were close, and another "public" answer. I don't care for the second, and will probably never receive the first. But I'll rest easier having asked.
---
I've kind of given a public answer once before.
You can find it here - http://www.ubersite.com/m/92172#2113111 (I am, after all, a linkwhore) or just read below:
" I discussed this in an email with Coleslaw the other day, but your comment brings it back to mind: before I started posting on Uber the most I ever did with verse was limited to the occasional nonsensical piece like "Birthday Cat." Random collections of lines presented in scattered fashion so as to adopt the look and feel of poetry to add to their ridiculousness. Things to make some friends, or myself, laugh. Aside from one or two 'serious' poems written - naturally - for girls, I don't think I'd ever taken a pen to paper or fingers to keys with the intention of writing anything for quality's sake.
So, in a way, Uber's been a sort of sandbox for me to play in and see what I can do with meter and rhyme. I'm sure I've formed a lot of formless hills and dug a lot of holes, but I'd like to think I've built some decent castles.
THIS BLOG ENTRY HAS BEEN BROUGHT TO YOU, IN PART, BY THE FINE PEOPLE AT GILLETTE.
GILLETTE: THE BEST A MAN CAN GET.
[promotional consideration paid for by Hello Kitty] "
If you'd like a private answer, feel free to drop me a line: orgasmatron2029.at.yahoo.com
Oh, and you can add "I post here because I love the yellow man" to my list of reasons. I loves me some asians (as recent developments have proven).
Thanks for the testimony, Lishy.
Let the record also state that I sent my morning concoction to scourge and ghola after submitting it before the deadline.
I'll post it once Snark gives the green light - it certainly reads like it was written over the course of an hour (plus) - but that's the price one pays for being a last minute fiend.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 22:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:45:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh Velvet man and Saccy have it sussed out.
-----
Hahahahaha Bubba. Still trying to kiss saccy's ass and get back in her good graces, I see.
You funny bubba.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:47:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:43:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
_____
Thank ya. Thank ye 'ver much. Retard.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Teh Velvet man and Saccy have it sussed out.
KindaFuckedUpAsshole, why don't you stick your head up your ass and disappear?
You are a worthless asswipe, and even Caul outdoes you. So does Electro.
Hell, even JayPeg is better than you. My dead grandma blows your shit away.
You are a suckass alter with delusions of competence, and everything you think is
so unfounded you should drink bleach and eat metallic sodium. Die, bitch!!!!
Oh, and have a nice day. . . :)
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:43:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm grateful you do, but I still have to ask, why do you waste your time here? There's an answer you'd give in private, if we were close, and another "public" answer. I don't care for the second, and will probably never receive the first. But I'll rest easier having asked.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sigh..OK..I'll try.
I think anyone who bothers to enter UM would be proud if they were to win it. I know Orgasmatron enjoys comps and has won or placed highly in some of the informal ones on uber. As far as soul-selling, meh. Who has the energy?
Identity wise, I don't know how that works. But clues to your identity can do more harm than good sometimes. And also, the entries were e-mailed in, right? No one is entirely anonymous.
By shitfest, do you mean these reviews here? 'Cause I haven't talked him in HOURS. I try to deal.
I'll be happy to address a good pussy if you can provide one. But Orgasmatron can't because he occupies that of his woman and the pussy you left up there looks kind of dried out, if you ask me.
I'm going to go get high now.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-06 21:16:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't blame the Museum of Bad Art, I BLAME YOU!
NO BISCUIT!
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:28:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:17:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I get a witness for this?
====
Orgasmatron is Ye Olde Tyme Procrastinator. To this I can attest, because on occasion, I've solicited written favors from him and he can provide them on demand. He says he wrote it this morning, and I believe he did, cause that's how he rolls.
Also see his "Pen for Hire" post, and the timestamps will speak for themselves.
----
I don't see how this addresses my main point, which is that oh-boy would sell his soul to be named uberlord of the approximately 150 people who regularly frequent this site.
But I'll take your word for it he writes quickly, Miss BoredAtWork.
But I guarantee he wrote something with hints as to his identity.
I'll also guarantee the private e-mails will fly thick and fast between D.C., Philly and parts unmentioned during this proud shitfest.
Now address the "pussy" portion of my insulting review and I'll kick it up another notch.
And don't tell me you've never addressed a pussy before.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:17:01 (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I get a witness for this?
====
Orgasmatron is Ye Olde Tyme Procrastinator. To this I can attest, because on occasion, I've solicited written favors from him and he can provide them on demand. He says he wrote it this morning, and I believe he did, cause that's how he rolls.
Also see his "Pen for Hire" post, and the timestamps will speak for themselves.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Great 'fags below' uberboard message, by the way, Whoever Left It.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 20:17:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Can I get a witness for this?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 18:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:56:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
I had to write my UMIV submission this morning, so I had no time to find a quality piece of art and write something decent. So I figured, crap painting, crap poem.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahapussy
Do you expect anyone to believe you're just going to write something quickly for UM the morning of when you live and breathe ubersite?
You've been working on it since the announcement, I suspect.
Probably even writing one of your shit poems so the judges will all know it's you and let you in because of all your past dick sucking. Hedge those bets, you bitch!
Or maybe a story incorporating a poem that cries out "Hey, it's meeeeeeee! Let me in!"
Why don't you grow a pair and dispense with the bullshit posturing?
You want it baaaaad, oh-boy.
Admit it.
Pussy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I almost did Mama and Babe. Almost.
The clown one's pretty messed up too.
I had to write my UMIV submission this morning, so I had no time to find a quality piece of art and write something decent. So I figured, crap painting, crap poem.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:39:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:22:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
From http://www.museumofbadart.org/
If you haven't been there before.
___________________
Ridiculous.
"Mama and Babe" is horrific. "Peter the Kitty" is so bad that it's funny.
Odd choice for APW, and the inclusion of INSPECTOR #4 was redeeming.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:18:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SHITTER'S FULL
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The lady's right.
In fact, this may hurt your chances of participating in SUPA. Keep this up and you may join Shlongy on the List of Users Who Cannot Compete.
Send me $40 in Nilla Wafers and all will be forgiven.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote a really good poem today.
I'm not showing it to any of you unless I get desparate during the next FUPA.
===
THAT'S CHEATING.
All FUPA, or possibly SUPA, entries must be written during the round in which they are due, or Imma keel yoo.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-06 17:03:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
APW = Auto +2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:52:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote a really good poem today.
I'm not showing it to any of you unless I get desparate during the next FUPA.
---
Liar.
You'll crack before next February.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:53:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's one hard poo :-(
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:52:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wrote a really good poem today.
I'm not showing it to any of you unless I get desparate during the next FUPA.
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-09-06 16:18:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I saw that picture today. He was considered
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92709
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:39:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
APW +2 This looks like one of the models from my life drawing class: ugly naked guy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:22:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
From http://www.museumofbadart.org/
If you haven't been there before.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:20:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the piece just screams "KERPLOP, SPLASH", dont you think?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-06 15:15:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fag below
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-09-06 14:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Twat below.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-06 13:46:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow.
Submitted by Mahalagus (user info) at 2006-09-06 13:45:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something for everyone here, reminiscent of Robert Frost.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-06 13:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For supporting art.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-06 13:00:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:56:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I thought 'one or two over par' was usual for you.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:54:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I know. Shlongy; right on, par usual.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:51:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No one should have bothered with the painting in the first place, Shlongy.
Your review is the precisely the point.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:49:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:45:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't bother (-2)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have posted this at midnight so you'd be on the cusp of APW & SPT for full effect.
Poop is funny.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't bother (-2)
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-06 12:43:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Boatplank should enjoy this post.
And my lord ... that fellow in the picture has quite a severe case of shingles.