Had a Baby? Time for a Speedo! (670 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.75 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by PMJ <potatomanjack79.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-09-06 22:05:48 EDT
I think I've finally solved the age old mystery of shifts in bathing wear among males. You all know what I'm talking about. It seems that at a certain age, men all of a sudden decide to abandon their trunk style bathing suit for the speedo style which causes the general public to cringe in imagery recoil.
What could cause sane men to abandon their sense of swimwear fashion? It's not like men have never seen and been revulsed by the middle-aged gut of a ghost white blubber-fiend spilling over it rubbery speedo cage. So why do the most rational of lose our common sense all of a sudden and decided to don a swimsuit that only kids aged 3 or under can pull off.
Today, I will tell you. You will be shocked and amazed by diabolic-super-evil-geniousness of it all... or well, no you probably won't because the title pretty much gives it away.
Babies.
Babies are the evil that drive the nut-divulging male bulge plaguing the world.
I was able to put this together, because my cousin has recently had his first child, and no sooner had this occured that the board shorts were replaced with a fire red speedo, and believe me for all those who think that it's not such a bad thing, a doughy 30-something canadian is not something you want to be highlighting its package.
OK, I realise that I'm dancing around the point, but haven't quite got there yet. So with that said, I'll stop and get to point.
The chain goes like this:
1. Men are inherrently proud of their accomplishments.
2. Men are inherrently conservative in their choice of dress.
At this point pride in accomplishment < choice of dress.
Man has a baby. The baby is an accomplishment. Sense of accomplishment increases.
pride in accomplishment > conservative dress
So here, the man is now proud that he has made a child. It's an accomplishment, however it's also disembodied from the fellow. So what is he to do to stress the fact that he has achieved such a great feat?
On goes the speedo. Problem solved, now men can make a statement without saying a word.
"You see that? THAT makes babies!"
Voila!
Or maybe it's a midlife crisis... how the fuck should I know?
Man I'm hungry... when's lunch?
User Reviews
Submitted by paul_anthony (user info) at 2007-03-02 01:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This is crap.
You're not funny, you never will be.
You're nowhere in the vacinity of original (this has been done by a hundred retards who probably drool less than you)
Kill yourself forever.
-2 Die
Submitted by januaryhwb (user info) at 2006-09-07 14:11:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-07 13:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My next post is ME in a speedo.
The world has you to thank for that.
8-O
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-07 13:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-07 13:26:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where did you get my family album from?
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-09-07 10:55:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Gag reflex > reflex to cover my eyes
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-07 10:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-07 02:33:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
I hearby swear that no matter how many babies I have, I will never wear a banana hammock.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-07 02:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hearby swear that no matter how many babies I have, I will never wear a banana hammock.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-07 00:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob Dole wishes to apologise for the (mostly) unnecessary cheap shot at canada in the previous review.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-07 00:29:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bob Dole thinks the Speedo is an evil creation. It's like some guy thought they should be able to wear a thong and get away with it. Yeah..... no.
It's ok at your own house, around your own pool. It's ok in canada, and it's ok at gay beaches. But Bob Dole would like to see a marked decline in Speedo-wearing by guys in public places.
Women in thongs however, make Bob Dole's little Bob Dole very happy.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-09-07 00:15:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that picture is fucking gold
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-07 00:04:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder how many suicides I would cause if I wore a speedo. Wait, let me call Vegas and get odds.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-06 23:56:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rabid!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-06 22:35:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't see a lot of speedos here in the US. THANK GOD. Then, I like to go to the beach at night so as to be spared from beach fashion in general.