Fun With Fake Email (partially NSFW) (1044 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.12 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Wildcat (View user info) at 2006-09-08 11:03:18 EDT
It all started in jest. It was harmless. See, my coworkers, two men twice my age, thought it would be the funniest thing in the world to set my computer background as a bunch of men soaping each other off while I was out of the office. I came back to snickers and muffled laughs, clueless to what was going on. Then I rounded the corner and saw the background on my Mac. I knew who had done it, I knew they thought they were funny motherfuckers.
And so it began last Friday.
I sat and plotted my revenge. I thought about what would be the best way to get an aging ex-sailor in a humorous fashion. I didn't want to do anything physical like placing tacks in their seats or place a 'shocking' pens on their desks that would zap them when they used it. No, they might take that the wrong way............ and the minute current might have stopped their feeble hearts. I knew I'd have to utilize Don's tendency to print out every fucking email he ever receives. What would I do?
By Thursday afternoon, yesterday, the rumor mill in the office finally started churning out the best of my efforts and the word was out. In fact, they were 'out'.
*Ed. Note: There were several emails in between that were harmless and helped set the tone but these few highlight what was passed around.
---Fake Email #1---
From: John (another coworker that is a known BDSM freak)
To: Don
Subject: My cats
Hey,
Is there anyway you could use that key I gave you and go over and check on and feed my cats? You know where the food is, right? While you're there you can watch that video we made. I think it's in my top drawer under my socks. Ciao!
John
**** I copied the body of the email and sent it to Don's Mac from John's when he was out to lunch. After some simple text editing I was able to print it from his computer................. to several printers around the office, where they sat until people picked them up to see who they belonged to. Of course I deleted the email after I forwarded it back to myself as a PDF to be used for editing. A whisper here and a whisper there let me know that the printed emails made their way around the office. Perhaps the old folks should start password protecting their computers.
---Fake Email #2---
From: John
To: Don
Subject: After work
Don,
Steven just called me to remind me that it's our turn to host the party. He said that him and his group will be over around 8 tonight. I've got the room set up, make sure you bring your carabiners and your straps. I know you'll bring them but I just wanted to send you a friendly reminder. Oh yeah, Steven said that he shaved his chest last night and we'll have to see how that works out.
John
**** This too was printed out to all the 'wrong' printers in the office. Luckily we've been having network printer problems so it could be blamed on that. Nobody had said anything to either of them and that pissed me off. I needed to step it up a notch. Turns out it was the final notch.
---Fake Email #3---
From: John
To: Don
Subject: Hush Little Baby
Don,
You little fucking slut. Just wait until you come over tonight. I'm going to tie you so tight you're going to beg for my sweet release in your mouth so that maybe, just maybe I'll untie your puny little cock and yank it until it bleeds while I fuck you hard and dry. 3 more hours you whore and you'll be mine. All fucking mine.
John.
****I couldn't stop laughing as I hit the print button several more times sending it to all the wrong printers around the building. Then I got nervous, thinking I could lose my job for that one. Then again, they haven't figured things out thus far, I should be in the clear, right? Then I got this in my box around 4:36pm yesterday afternoon.
---Final Email---
From: Don
To: All Employees
Subject: Disgusting Emails and Rumors
To All:
After a meeting with Mr. Blablabla (Company President), I must inform you all that John and I are not homosexual. Again, John and I are NOT gay. Whoever has been falsifying emails and printing them on company paper ON COMPANY TIME will be dealt with severely.
To The Person Responsible:
You are sick and should be ashamed. You will be found out. You will be dealt with.
Regards,
Don
**** Well, he got one thing right: I am sick. I bet he won't be putting any gay backgrounds on my computer anymore because now he's trying his hardest to act heterosexual, whatever-the-fuck that looks like. The Brawney Man he ain't. Things have been pretty quiet around the office this morning. I wonder why?
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-11 19:21:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you could still get busted for that, dude
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-11 14:57:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pah!
i was being an arsehole long before that decrepit old fart fired up his 33mhz 486 and logged onto this bulletin board.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-08 18:53:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Apollo paid the money and sent away for my course- "Shlongy's Become an Asshole in 30 Days"...or his money back.
Submitted by nitty34 (user info) at 2006-09-08 13:15:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Too much 'meh' plagarizing Tom's Fun With Email.
Plus, this was the funniest thing I've read all week. Apollo is starting to sound a bit like Shlong. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
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Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:06:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
so you find out you have a kid then spend the rest of your time arseing around at work?
winner.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:41:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have doubts about how real this is, but it made me laugh, and that means only one thing
+2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I have a PDF file of the original and used it for editing the first couple of times. Then I got lazy and started using MS Word and the copy and paste function to make it look legit. And now that I know a meeting was had, I got rid of all the evidence and emptied my trashcan of the shitty attempts. All in all, it was a good laugh. Both of the guys are joking about it now though.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny, but you're gonna get caught.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:15:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to believe this... so did the person KEEP going for lunch and allowing you to email from his unprotected computer?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:09:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92772
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:08:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Of course. I be employed, my babies momma should be happy, yo.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-08 11:06:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
so you find out you have a kid then spend the rest of your time arseing around at work?
winner.