Completely unoriginal post.... (846 hits)
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Submitted by <runswithscissorsbackwards.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2003-06-23 17:23:06 EDT
Well....I am having a very blah monday (mostly due to the fact that I was not able to
go skydiving as planned this past weekend due to weather)......anyway, I received this
via e-mail some time back, and every time i read it, it makes me laugh....so I thought
I would share and see if it elicits a chuckle from anyone else. And sorry if this
has already been posted a while back.....
************************************************************************************
The story behind the letter below is that there is this nutball in Newport, RI named
Scott Williams who digs things out of his backyard and sends the stuff he finds to
the Smithsonian Institute, labeling them with scientific names, insisting that they are
actual archaeological finds.
This guy really exists and does this in his spare time! Anyway...here's the actual
response from the Smithsonian Institution. Bear this in mind next time you think you
are challenged in your duty to respond to a difficult situation in writing.
Smithsonian Institute
207 Pennsylvania Avenue
Washington, DC 20078
Dear Mr. Williams:
Thank you for your latest submission to the Institute, labeled "93211-D, layer seven,
next to the clothesline post...Hominid skull." We have given this specimen a careful
and detailed examination, andregret to inform you that we disagree with your theory
that it represents conclusive proof of the presence of Early Man in Charleston County
two million years ago.
Rather, it appears that what you have found is the head of a Barbie doll, of the
variety that one of our staff, who has small children, believes to be "Malibu Barbie."
It is evident that you have given a great deal of thought to the analysis of this
specimen, and you may be quite certain that those of us who are familiar with your prior
work in the field were loathe to come to contradiction with your findings.
However, we do feel that there are a number of physical attributes of
the specimen which might have tipped you off to its modern origin:
1. The material is molded plastic. Ancient hominid remains are typically
fossilized bone.
2. The cranial capacity of the specimen is approximately 9 cubic centimeters, well
below the threshold of even the earliest identified proto-homonids.
3. The dentition pattern evident on the skull is more consistent with the common
domesticated dog than it is with the ravenous man-eating Pliocene clams you speculate
roamed the wetlands during that time.
This latter finding is certainly one of the most intriguing hypotheses you have
submitted in your history with this institution, but the evidence seems to weigh
rather heavily against it. Without going into too much detail, let us say that:
A. The specimen looks like the head of a Barbie doll that a dog has chewed on.
B. Clams don't have teeth.
It is with feelings tinged with melancholy that we must deny your request to have
the specimen carbon-dated. This is partially due to the heavy load our lab must bear
in its normal operation, and partly due to carbon-dating's notorious inaccuracy in
fossils of recent geologic record. To the best of our knowledge, no Barbie dolls
were were produced prior to 1956 AD, and carbon-dating is likely to produce wildly
inaccurate results.
Sadly, we must also deny your request that we approach the National Science Foundation
Phylogeny Department with the concept of assigning your specimen the scientific name Australopithecus spiff-arino. Speaking personally, I, for one, fought tenaciously for
the acceptance of your proposed taxonomy, but was ultimately voted down because the
species name you selected was hyphenated, and didn't really sound like it might
be Latin.
However, we gladly accept your generous donation of this fascinating specimen to the
museum. While it is undoubtedly not a Hominid fossil, it is, nonetheless, yet another
riveting example of the great body of work you seem to accumulate here so effortlessly.
You should know that our Director has reserved a special shelf in his own office for
the display of the specimens you have previously submitted to the Institution, and
the entire staff speculates daily on what you will happen upon next in your digs at
the site you have discovered in your Newport back yard.
We eagerly anticipate your trip to our nation's capital that you proposed in your
last letter, and several of us are pressing the Director to pay for it.
We are particularly interested in hearing you expand on your theories surrounding the
trans-positating fillifitation of ferrous ions in a structural matrix that makes the
excellent juvenile Tyrannosaurus rex femur you recently discovered take on the
deceptive appearance of a rusty 9-mm Sears Craftsman automotive crescent wrench.
Yours in Science,
Harvey Rowe
Chief Curator-Antiquities
User Reviews
Submitted by seanfogy (user info) at 2004-01-25 21:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha holy shit how did i miss this?
Submitted by ThatOneGirl (user info) at 2004-01-25 21:39:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Haha great! I was thoroughly amused.
Submitted by Nicole3 (user info) at 2003-06-24 11:49:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really funny, but not true unfortunately.
http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/smithson.htm
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-06-24 11:21:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shit, i don't carte if it's fake, this shit is funny!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-06-24 11:12:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Is this true?
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-06-24 11:03:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahahahahahahahah!!
"Australopithecus spiff-arino."
ahahahahahahahahahahahah!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by sevens (user info) at 2003-06-23 21:14:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this made me laugh very hard...its the kind of thing I and my friends would do....AHHAAHAHHA
Submitted by YoDumbass (user info) at 2003-06-23 17:53:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
;) I read this several years ago and it still stands up.
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2003-06-23 17:37:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-06-23 17:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wonder if it really happened? I hope not...