Things I've Left In Other People's Posts: Vol. 4 - The Minus Twos (1148 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: tiliopp
Rating: 1.16 on 42 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-09-08 15:09:26 EDT
TILIOPP: Vol. 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/80600
TILIOPP: Vol. 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/82106
TILIOPP: Vol. 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/85949
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-24 11:00:57 (#)
Ranking: -2
*puts on best Killers voice*
I'm starting off this Monday
And things are goin' just fine
Takin', takin' a dump to start the morning right,
Sat down, just readin' some posts
And then one made me morose
(It was only a post, it was only a post)
Now I'm stabbing my eyes
And I'm punching my sack
Blindly working my broswer
And trying to hit 'Back'
And it's all in my head
And my stomach is sick
Because I'm reading this post
Why don't you suck my
Hang
Down
Jump off a bridge and
Drown
Now
Please just go.
And I can't not read
It's killing me,
It's taking control.
Shitty posts, are the things I hate the most
Reading this lame first attempt
Wishing that you'd just get bent,
But that's just the price I pay
Ubersite is killing me,
Off yourself and say goodbye:
Negative Two, Die.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-10-18 22:43:28 (#)
Ranking: -2
The afterbirth heavy breeze blew softly over the fields.
A pregnant silence, long bloated from the overeating and constipation of being with child, fell over the Mobil station.
This figure standing tall with cash in hand, the afternoon sun backlighting him and his blood red nose.
Nose as red as a Thai hooker's labia, face greasepainted and white with flabbergast and surprise, bottle of seltzer tucked into oversized pants.
Alone at the edge of America, he paid for his petrol and left.
What say you of this buffoon extravagant?
The economy of a Slavic nation-state could rest on his peformance, were he only to apply himself and wipe the slate clean.
His family's honor, long since tarnished like flatwear coughed on by a bag lady with hepatitis.
Their honor, his to reclaim through oversized shoe tap dancing and piefaced abandon.
Once, in Chattanooga, he gave a man a handjob for twenty bucks - such was his need for money for petrol.
He will make them all pay, he will make them all laugh their miserable selves to death.
Years at the wheel of the clown car, years of striving for petrol. Years and years and years, the road warrior carried on.
He was the bozo, and knew what he must do.
He must make the next gig. He must satisfy the need for belly laughs and erectile dysfunction brought on by cotton candy laced with Febreze.
Under the big top, yuks are king. Perform, he will, to earn his bling.
A road stretched out before him, opened wider than Kirstie Alley's asshole after some vicious butt banging by Lebron James. He put the clown car in Drive, and pressed on.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-05 20:50:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Oops, my bad!" This piece of shit
Has flicked my hooded, hidden clit,
Its dull vibrations stir my pot
And heat my blood 'til, boiling hot,
It spills, engorging meatstick, mine,
And now, with chubber, I feel fine.
I know, I know, you'll ask, in shock,
How I possess both snatch and cock;
I'll tell you - it's my secret trick
To hide my she-box 'neath my dick.
A tranny is as tranny does
And, man, my clit ring joys my buzz,
Almost as much as nipple clamps
Or blinged out cock ring in my pants.
And yet, my femme parts I would trade
If only this post was not made,
I swear, I'd sacrifice my cooze
To spare you all these minus twos.
But, so sorry, too late now,
Your fate is set, you fatted cow -
The knife will fall, that knife held high,
Spray your blood...-2 die.
AND FOR OUR INTERNATIONAL USERS:
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-21 11:39:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
For this you get something of mine translated from English to French, from French to Spanish, and from Spanish back into English. I prefer it better this way.
"Oops, my bad one" This piece of excrement
cleared my clit to hood and hid,
its vibrations you kill removes my pote
and even warms up my blood ', hot boiling,
is reversed, engorging meatstick, mine,
and now, with of chubber, I feel very well.'
I know, I know, I will request to them,
in the shock, how I have picks and the faucet;
I will say to them - neath is my secret
return to hide to my-CAJA ' my to Dick.'
Tranny like tranny becomes
and, man, my ring joys of clit my humming,
almost as much as bridles of nipple or blinged
outside the ring of faucet in my trousers.
But, my parts of woman that would negotiate to me
if only this post did not become,
right of perpetual ownership,
would sacrifice of cooze to save all these to them without two.
But, so sad, too much in delay now,
its destiny is placed, you fatted the cow -
the knife will fall, that the knife judged the discharge,
pulverize its matrix -2 of blood....
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-08 18:15:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
You don't even get the effort
Of a real reply
My meter will suffer and this'll be shit
But we'll always have Paris and this -2 DIE:
Fuck you, dear user, in your waxy ear
Fuck you with no form of protection,
Cum hits your eye and draws a blue tear
I long to curb-stomp your erection.
Bite my bag and blow me, buddy,
Trumpet my brass horn,
And gargle my load while you sing me a diddy
Maybe something slow by Pete Yorn.
I am
Not
Very
Effective this evening,
Which is not your fault.
But you know what is?
The fact that your sister had to abort her baby by throwing herself down a flight of stairs, because she'd rather be known as "the girl that miscarried a rape baby" than have it come out that her brother stuck his fiddlehead in her box and coated her insides with his pre-natal Pepto Bismol and a child came from that, their meeting.
Fucker.
Switch those roles around if you're a femme.
I didn't care enough to take note of your username.
Sit on my smell, Ali Baba.
Bung.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-08 19:34:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
It's times like these that I think back to what my grandfather used to say a lot before he died: "Gasm, he'd say," (he called me Gasm) "I believe I was born in the wrong time. Sure, I had a chance to serve my country in Korea and watch America mature into the country that it is today, but my heart was never really in tune with the times, you know? I wish I had been a caliph in India, or a Templar Knight protecting the faith in Darkest Europe. Perhaps even a coachman in the Old West, ferrying heads of state to and from the most dangerous reaches of places where the Old Law still held sway. I think of this, and it saddens me. What have I done with my time? I have bakers hands, Gasm. Does the world really need another baker?"
He'd take a slow drag off of his hand-rolled cigarette and recline. And then - and this was always the same - he'd say, "Bakers are only good for one thing: kneading dough. You have baker blood in you, mark me. Make the most of it and marry a woman with a little extra'n the side, so you can knead the night away. Your Gramma still squeals when I tickle her dough with my rolling pin. Goddamn that woman can get as wet as a fishtank sometimes. Women only get better with age, Gasm. Remember I said that."
Then he'd put his thumb in his mouth, pretend he was blowing, and cut loose an old, dusty fart ripe with a bouquet of salmon steaks, snap beans and blood.
And then he'd laugh. Oh, my stars, how he'd laugh.
Even though I knew it was coming, it'd always take me off guard. And so I'd invariable inhale some of it, through my mouth and nose.
The memory of the taste of my grandfather's asshole in aerosol form is something that I will keep with me for the rest of my days.
Reading this post brought that memory back, and for that, I thank you.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-09 11:40:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Doctor! Quick! We have a man who needs your close attention,
His trauma wound won't close and it's just too fucked up to mention.
I'll warn you, Dr. Hibbert, that this man came in face down
Atop a rusty gurney, pants and undies can't be found.
Verily, I saw him first, I saw the bloody hole
I watched the bubble-blood spurt out - I thought it first his soul,
But then the man looked up at me and wailed two loud words,
His teary eyes they struck me as he shouted 'GIANT TURD!'
Collapsing, then, he fainted as the shock o'erran his frame
And quickly, thus, I covered him to spare him from the shame,
I ran him to the OR as the sheets soaked up the blood
And watched the whitewashed linens turn to brown with anal mud.
Doctor, I implore you, brace yourself before you go
This man has passed a mighty log, the size I do not know,
I pray you'll do your best for him, his colon try to save
Spare him from pooping in bags and from an early grave.
I wonder, what could cause this, what could gape an ass so wide?
Oh, Doctor, save this man from death born from his loosened hide."
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-11 23:26:52 (#)
Ranking: -2
I planted my arrow in her bow
And pulled her pubic strings,
I helped her tailor a leather cockvest
And countless other things,
She, my tailor, she, my bow,
Split my heart with her decision,
And now, here I sit, posting pics of her clit
On the web with my hateful derision.
Fie! Fie! Wretched creator of my cummuffin!
Try showing your face in Borders now that I've shown your furburger to the masses!
Perhaps you'll find another he
Who shoots the loaded jack like me.
Or maybe you'll just turn lez to avoid the awkward moments
Where you meet someone in a bar
And they've seen your labia in their poorly-lit, amateur glory;
Perchance you'll turn to autoerotica
And tango your diddlenub with fingers of your own
Day out and day in,
Days of anal, days of quim.
Or maybe, just maybe,
You'll die succumbing to the strain and exposure inherent to an individual attempting to break the "Most Sexual Partners" record for the Guinness crowd,
Splayed out, reclined, legs in stirrups,
A beef train of pantless men straining to keep their erections while waiting for an opportunity to dip their wicks in you,
Heartdead and shuteye, passive against their thrusting,
Man-seed and the salve of their spittle-lube running down your thighs,
Pooling around your flattened buttocks and dripping from the stirrups,
Spermatazoa wriggling like newborn maggots in the pores of your skin.
And maybe a drop of janx will slide into your untouched anus,
Mingling with the parasites and shit-lining of your colon,
Finding sanctuary in a molecule of your feces,
And going for the gold with a whip of the flagella and a whiff of ozone:
This pairing, then, would birth a child,
Whorestocked and poo-fathered,
It would amount to nothing in its short, despicable life.
And yet,
Even the most potent spitup born from this brown baby's malformed mouth,
Even the yellow mucous found in the recesses of its sinuses,
Would be worth more to the world than this post,
This shitty, shitty bo-bitty post.
Thanks for playing.
Die.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-12 11:32:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
Ten, ten gigs of mp3s
Played from out the hole I pee
From, played from urethra mine,
Prince and Green Day sound just fine
When pissed out from this hole, long used
For passing waste and sperm dubloons,
Often both one after next
All 'cross your mother's face and neck.
I heart Winamp, yes I do,
Songs played near the hole that poo
Comes from, come, now and sing
O mighty peeflow! Do not sting
When casting Ashlee into the night,
This playlist, mine, sure suits me right.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:37:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd like to mate,
Check yes or no,
Would you, dear, like to be my ho?
I promise not to slap you much
Or use your blonde head as a crutch
When down on me, you're going,
Yes, when on your knees you're blowing,
And I, lamed by the gilded arrow of folly
Am without a strong leg.
I'll molly
Wop you,
Smack, smack, smack,
And do you doggy-style, like blacks
Rutting in fields of tobacco while Massa is away.
Check yes or no, damnit! Tell me what you have to say
About my Velvet Jones request,
You'll be the whore that I love best, by God, I swear it true:
I'll buy a leopard-printed dress
And take you to the corner,
You'll streetwalk daily, dawn till dusk
And rake in those Benjamins while you spread your she-herpes to the men on the block.
Grant me now your quick reply
Or else it's five across the eyes,
I'll fuck you till you love me, girl,
And I won't use no protection,
Cause damned if barebacked alley fucks
Don't give me great erections,
So what if I gots some disease?
You ain't got one or two?
I'll skeet skeet skeet all over you and help abort the baby.
I know how to do that shit,
Courtesy of correspondance courses in jail.
But back to the mighty, bling-knuckled backhand:
My pimp hat will blow in the breeze,
So moved by my mighty backhand rattling the rotting teeth in your mouth.
And you'll thank me for it,
If you know what's good for you.
So smile like a donut, girl,
Check the box you like,
But let me know - check yes or no,
And be my ho tonight.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:50:04 (#)
Ranking: -2
I sit here in this Pauly Room,
With shrines to Pauly Shore dripping off the mantle like wax from my lover's nipple,
And I call for my pipe.
Come, smoke, fill the sparring churches of my lungs,
You, their celebrant of white,
You, the opiate of their masses.
Dragon, run and fly you well,
I'll chase you to the depths of hell.
With sedated eyes I look now 'cross the square feet of my den,
These Pauly walls mocks me with their feng shui and its idolatry:
What designer, mine, would convince me to drop ten large on a poster of Encino Man?
What peon worth his weight in mothballs could construe that Biodome schwag would set off a room?
Butler, bring me pipe and light again!
Be quick, be quick!
The hateful eyes of the Son in Law poster stare into my very soul,
My lips still wrapped around the smoking gun,
My glassy eyes listless in their abandon,
Look not at me, Shore! Presume not to know my secrets, and my villainous ways!
YOU DON'T KNOW ME!
YOU DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL!
Where were you the night I found my wife with the plumber's nuts in her mouth?
THE PLUMBER, PAULY!
They don't even take showers during the day!
Who knows what vile sauce of cooked-up sweat drawn from thighs heated by an afternoon of toil
Coated the mouth of my wife, the whore.
And how many times, Pauly, had she done it before?
And kissed me when I arrived home from the slaughterhouse?
DID SHE KISS ME WITH HER BALLSWEAT LIPS, PAULY??
CAN'T YOU SEE WHY I HAD TO KILL HER?
I'm sorry, butler. I fear the dragon has escaped me tonight.
Perhaps I will continue the chase later tonight.
For now, please leave me.
Leave me here in this Pauly Room.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-13 17:10:41 (#)
Ranking: -2
My hummus has a first name, it's D-E-R-K-A
My hummus has a second name, it's D-E-R-K-A
If you post this shit again you'll get sperm in your eye
'Cause shitty posts they make me cry, so -2, bitch, kthxbi.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-14 14:53:34 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are hooked on smack and rock
And, too, the white juice from my cock,
You're shaking, dear, so on your knees
And earn my cumspray as you please
My ribbed, red rod, my dermis dome,
My butthole bumper stripped of chrome.
You need your fix? Come suck my dick.
You need a score? Suck well, you whore.
I drop my dimebags - skeet skeet skeet,
I cut my white lines 'cross your feet,
Now suck your toes and earn your high,
Don't miss that dribble on your thigh,
Lap it up and chase that dragon,
I hope you don't fall off the wagon.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-20 23:49:06 (#)
Ranking: -2
In times when Fate prevents the eye to move
And spare the mind from shitpost torture, vile,
I weep - tears full and athletic, wearing cleats
And coursing down my face in minute mile.
Emo tears, surrender! Flood mine dead-stare eye,
Make me not a wailing shackled captive to the suck.
Burst your saline, pale skinned tears! Rip them!
Blind me, force me blink so that I will not give a fuck.
Much like a jizzed 'pon pizza pie, this sits
Gooey, slowly drying in the breeze, baby-lapp'd
And foaming with extra manly cheese - I dare you, eat:
Eat, ingest the gift of red dicks lately rubbed and slapp'd.
Yes, I'd rather taste a piping square of spermed-up dough
Than read another post of yours - just thought I'd let you know.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-21 17:27:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
Do yourself a favor, Casey Barnes, and kindly die
Spare us all your prattling ways and stab out both your eyes
Contract some infection from a lady of the street
Choke yourself with poorly chewed-up squares of uncooked meat
Pick a building, take the lift and leap from off the roof
Lay your body down, get trampled by a horse's hooves
Pay a man to kick you in the balls until you perish
Have a fat chick sit on you with ass so wide and hairish
Suck down vials of acid, listen while your insides melt
Skin yourself and sell your hide to Frenchmen as a pelt
See that stapler? Take it, bash the brains from out your head
Force a dildo up your ass until you wind up dead
Have a pony rape you till it kills you with its weight
Place a bag around your head while jerking, suffocate
Draw a bath and hop right in, and then push in a dryer
Get a running start and charge headlong into barbwire
Eat the ghey menz salsa and wind up with full-blown AIDS
Slit your wrists and split your tongue with rusty razor blades
These and more I offer you, but one you need to choose
Tapioca's not my thing, but these are: -2s.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 02:23:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
I drew a drawing of my dong
A year ago today
I took the drawed-on paper and I
Tucked it safe away
Today I found the drawing which I
Opened nice and slow
And this is what I found I'd drawn
So many months ago:
A picture of my dick, swollen and scourged by a whip made of a thousand angry vaginas,
Pussies vomiting ants and hornets, spewing them onto my weeping, tortured cock diesel,
Chained and punished so, my wounded hangdown sits there on the page, cast in graphite:
A testament to the vile, broken world we live in.
A world that will somehow suffer the likes of this bullshit post.
Thank you for making my day worse.
You owe me for these seconds that I will never see again,
And that is a balance that you cannot pay.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-25 23:33:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Love is patient
Love is kind
Love is humble
Love is blind
Love is careful
Love is sweet
Love is golden
Love is neat
Love is freedom
Love, divine
Love is yours and
Love is mine
And sometimes, just sometimes,
Love is a mole-faced, shit-breathed woman that holds herself above you while she slides up and down on your barely-slick skindagger, grunting and perspiring as she attempts to force out an orgasm that simply won't come, simply won't break from out her loins like the little flecks of snot and booger that so brilliantly cascade from out her flaring nostrils and onto your scalp and eyelashes...in which case, love is also pulling the .44 out from beneath your pillow, warmed by the weight of your rocking head, sticking it beneath her chin as her eyes close tight, rapt with pleasure, finally, yes, finally getting the ripples and tidal pull of her cresting pleasure as it builds, peaks and bursts inside of her, dousing your nethers with she-juice and sending another whiff of shoeleather and tealeaves to your much-maligned nose - so thick you can taste it - pressing the barrel of the gun against her chin and pulling the trigger one, bam, two, bam, three, bam.
The stink of the residue of blood, tooth fragments, split iris, mucous and brain pieces that used to compose the now-dead mass of your former love are worth more to the world than this, your shitty post.
Merry Christmas!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-27 15:55:17 (#)
Ranking: -2
Emo tears they make me cry
Emo tears, which make me cry emo
Tears, which make me cry emo tears,
Because they make me cry.
I will not lie
Dear sir, I must be going,
So tarry not I may or linger so
But damn, this post of yours it sure is blowing,
And I just wanted to make sure you know
That I would sooner stick a live piranah in my ass
Or pierce my tongue with fishhooks that had just run through a bass
Before I let my weeping eyes look at this post again,
I can't believe your mom thought that abortion was a sin
For I'd have found a coathanger and handed her the line
Or maybe kicked her down the stairs - I hear that works just fine.
Anyway, these emo tears have made me cry again
And emo tears bring emo tears, so this shall have to end,
Try to nap inside an oven - bake a human pie
Or maybe eat a bullet...either way: minus two, die.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 00:27:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
NIPPLES WHEN IT'S COLD OUTSIDE
NIPPLES WHEN IT'S WARM
NIPPLES ARE THE BODYGUARDS THAT KEEP ME SAFE FROM HARM
NIPPLES WHEN IT'S MIDNIGHT BLACK
NIPPLES FRESH AT DAWN
NIPPLES ARE THE SPRINKLER SYSTEMS WATERING MY LAWN
NIPPLES ON DOLPH LUNDGREN'S CHEST
NIPPLES WHEN I CRY
NIPPLES CANNOT SAVE YOU NOW FROM THIS -2 DIE
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:43:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
If I Can Smell You From the Kitch
Woman,
Your snatch is unwashed and your pit hair's too long if I
Can smell you from the kitch
Your hair is unclean and your skin's lost it's sheen if I
Can smell you from the kitch
The sink becomes a river
As I smell you and quiver
Quiver and look so petrified I
Wonder how a woman can't wash 'tween her thighs
Son of Mine,
Your boxers are soiled and your face is too oiled if I
Can smell you from the kitch
Your jeans are shit-stained and your gums are inflamed if I
Can smell you from the kitch
I think this kitchen circulates
The smell my family percolates
They say they bathe but smell like wet hay
Did personal hygeine rules go away?
German Shepherd,
Your coat is soaked through and you've eaten my shoe if I
Can smell you from the kitch
Your balls you've neglected and your ears are infected if I
Can smell you from the kitch
The Febreze can be used
It's not fresh air to me
But I need something so
I can breathe while cooking breakfast
Family,
I'm just a normal man, so please understand
I can smell all of you from the kitch
You all reek of eggs and there's dirt on your legs
I can smell all of you from the kitch
I know why the monkey masturbates
Jerkoff frenzy born of frustration
Frustration named Caustic Hobo Stench
Whipping out the juice
bagitbeforeyoutagit.com
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-02-25 22:14:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
Look for hidden meanings far and wide...for you'll find them
I spy cameltoe, I spy gilded lillies
Come see the cleft between the slabs of marble
Kiss it with the lips God gave you for singing
My mornings start off right with a hearty helping of "Cunteggs"
You want some to go with that Dick Bacon? No?
Alone at night she sits and weeps
Sits and sweeps
Slits and seeps
By my beard, Olaf, there be giants in my beard
E'er since that night I lip-lapped Brunwelda
And now I itch and itch the giants
No respite, no satisfaction I receive
Oh noes, I think I have crabs in my facial hair
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-19 17:30:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't even know what the picture is.
I don't really care.
It could be a shot of Burl Ives tongueloving the entire Swedish Bikini Team, and have the password and routing number to Shlongy's bank account on it, and I wouldn't give a damn.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-28 01:27:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG! Liek, Uberz! I need 'pinions right away!
I saw a bunch of freaky shit go down the other day!
I thought it was TeH roXXoRz, but then later I felt bad
Once I began debating whether it was right to laugh.
A lady in a miniskirt fell down, went boom, tee hee,
And then she started crying for the fall had made her pee,
With gigglesticks inside my throat I tried to help her stand
But laughed when piss ran down her thighs, and so I turned and ran.
I bolted through the mall (I wish I'd brought my lollerskates)
The shops were all a-closing for the hour was drawing late,
I ran headfirst into a man and saw he was a jew,
I pointed and I laughed, "the Holocaust! Wah wah! Boo hoo!"
He gaped his little jewy mouth, then I ran off again
I bought me an Orange Julius and flirted with some men,
They each had skin of ebony and each had charm and class
I told the guards they'd tried to rough me up and touch my ass.
The black boys all were hauled away, I heard the cops were called
Good thing, cause we don't need more negroes up in this here mall,
I skipped my little tinkerbutt on over to Hop Topic
And there I saw a whale of a woman, pale and gothic.
The walrus in the corset tried to offer me advice
I countered with "How 'bout a diet? Wouldn't that be nice?"
She pulled a blade from out her boot and cut her arm and thigh
And as I walked away I heard her blubber, squeal and cry.
Alone in my old Cabrio I thought about the night
I laughed my silly ass of, but then thought "this isn't right,
Perhaps the jews and blacks and fats are really people, too,
And clumsy people pee themselves sometimes, like me and you."
I felt contrition in my heart and said a little prayer
But then I heard the screetch of tires pierce the evening air,
They say the Hummer broke 100 'fore it smashed my car
And now I ride a wheelchair and eat my food from jars.
The public point and laugh at me - I don't have half my face,
My two arms are all shriveled and my spine is held in place
By steel rods and steel beams, the payback for my stunt,
I guess Fate paid me back for being such a shallow...girl.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-16 11:17:38 (#)
Ranking: -2
Alter, alter, posting shite,
Not a message - just blank white;
Why the effort? Why time spent
Being a douchebag on the 'net?
In what room of parents' house
Do you reside with cat or mouse?
Of what age? Near 44?
Have you e'en touched girls before?
And why fear the showers, you?
Soap and suds and shampoo, too?
Clean that fupa, wash that mop,
Maybe then you'll get a job.
When your dad shot deep inside
Your mother's womb, she should have lied
And told him not a sperm hit true,
Then used coat hangers to kill you.
Alter, alter understand
You should not have roamed this land
Or lived to see these skies of blue.
A parting gift: a minus two.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-25 23:11:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
"Clique" go jocks and brainiacs down high school halls each day
"Clique" go goths and cheerleaders (though each their separate ways)
"Clique" go Young Republicans and liberal gays to class
"Clique" go I alone, a clique unto myself at last
"Click" - my locker door shuts softly, lacking weight and force
"Click" - the classroom doorknob turns, I enter late of course
"Click" - my eyes go red, I find it difficult to see
"Click" - I lay my judgment upon those that have judged me
"Click" goes my revolver: bullet ripping up his face
"Click" goes my revolver: see her bloody, screaming face
"Click" goes my revolver: this young turk won't breathe no more
"Click" goes my revolver: one more dead upon the floor
"Click" goes my revolver: now you'll never laugh at me
"Click" goes my revolver: ah, there's one more left...I'm free
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-01-13 01:15:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
"What's the T for daddy?" asked the daughter with a grin
Noticing the tattoed letter on her father's skin,
Smoothing out her hair, the father tucked her into bed,
Kissed her softly on the brow then cleared his throat and said:
"T is for Theresa, which was your dear mother's name,"
"The mommy up in heaven?" asked the girl, "The very same.
We were high school sweethearts and our love ran deep and wide,
After graduation day I took her for my bride,
Built we both this little house and filled it up with love,
Then we had a daughter who the Lord sent from above."
"Hey, that's me! the girl giggled, smiling with her eyes,
"Yes it was, my lovely dear," the father did reply,
"Soon thereafter Mommy died, we told you she was ill,
But now I think it's time I told the truth. I think I will.
See, your mommy, once you came, began to change and change,
She did things that were naughty and she did things that were strange,
She argued lots with Daddy and she always raised her voice,
I want to tell you honestly - I didn't have a choice.
I tried to teach her lessons, but your mommy wouldn't learn
And over time a little flame inside your daddy burned,
The flame became a fire when I came home once from work:
I found your mommy wrestling with Mr. Joe Dunkirk,
Both of them were very naughty, naughty and no good,
Daddy gave them both Time Outs, the biggest one he could,
Mr. Dunkirk went away, and your sweet mommy too
And soon thereafter I went out and got this 'T' tattooed,
I did it to remind me that with beauty there comes pain
That sometimes you get sunshine but more often you get rain,
I did it to remind me of the love we used to share
And did it, in a way, to keep a little cross to bear.
Hush now, dearest, rest your eyes, it's late and dark about,
Listen to your daddy now...or you'll get a Time Out."
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-03-14 17:34:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
Mamma's got a pouch for you
And sissy, for the pouch fits two,
Shh, trust your mamma, don't you cry
Just climb inside and say goodbye,
A little trip we're gonna take
The three of us, down to the lake,
And there we'll play some hide and seek
Stay in the pouch, girls, don't you peek
A rope I'll use to keep you in
But just 'cause mommy wants to win,
Stop kicking, dears, we're at the dock
I'll carry you both as I walk
The wood, to set you at the end,
You'll both climb out and we'll begin
To hide, to seek, to play at last,
I'm sorry, girls.........*splash*
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:48:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You can certainly not call me Al.
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-09-11 19:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fuck you Weird Al
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-11 18:59:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-08 20:31:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-Man, if the worst you have to worry about is a bunch of shit from KindaStupid,
the rest of your time here is pure velvet.
----
tru dat - I fight alters in waves, like Fezzik.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-09 06:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Dumb.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-09 01:19:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-09 00:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fag below
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-09 00:07:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-08 20:31:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-Man, if the worst you have to worry about is a bunch of shit from KindaStupid,
the rest of your time here is pure velvet.
---
There's nothing to worry about. There isn't any criticism beyond "this is shit."
If he'd provide some concrete examples, complaints, suggestions, etc. there could be an actual dialogue.
I'll find a way to sleep at night. Somehow.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-08 23:24:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-09-08 21:33:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
If we were even the slightest bit interested in what you had to say, we would have read the original reviews.
Submitted by whysenheimer (user info) at 2006-09-08 21:04:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
One post a day, n00b.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-08 20:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O-Man, if the worst you have to worry about is a bunch of shit from KindaStupid,
the rest of your time here is pure velvet.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-08 20:17:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:31:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Only Orgasmatron can effectively rhyme "Harm" with "Warm".
------------
Uninformed and contradictory statement.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-08 18:41:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Things I've left in other people's posts, Volume I:
POOP.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-09-08 18:03:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:15:09 (#)
Ranking: 1
Borderline vain, but undeniably amusing
---
borderline?
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-08 17:54:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-08 17:30:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron, you wordsmith of ryhme,
You, sir, are one nifty cat
But it's fucking Friday my man
And I'm not reading all that
I rewrote this for you. If you can't rhyme in four lines...
O-tron, you shitsmith of word,
You boring-as-all-fuck asshat
The day doesn't matter, you turd
No way am I reading all that
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-08 17:30:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron, you wordsmith of ryhme,
You, sir, are one nifty cat
But it's fucking Friday my man
And I'm not reading all that
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 17:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Looks like I can add another one to this list:
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 17:26:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
A tribute did you offer: this is not,
This printed sheet no bum would use to wipe,
Nor bleeding woman use to catch her clot,
The form is fine, but all the rest is tripe.
No laurel wreath, no standard made of gold
Before me, no fine marble statue carved,
Instead I find a joke that's growing old
The fingerprint of a helmeted tard.
Cast not your hopeful eye to toilet's lip
Nor search for quality behind stall doors,
Lest on a drop of fallen soap you slip
And wake to find you're semen'd, stretched and sore.
A promise made from one man to another
Is broken now; go home and fuck your mother.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:54:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92819
My tribute to you, big boy.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:42:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did a few different versions of the Killers song.
They varied by the day they were posted.
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It wasn't hard to find, a quick search for "skin flute" (include reviews).
You made a slightly different version of that Killers' song, posted 3 days after the one above.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77896#1663508
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Only Orgasmatron can effectively rhyme "Harm" with "Warm".
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:15:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Borderline vain, but undeniably amusing
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:03:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:46:21 (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at nipples
you had me when peon started talking about nipples.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-09-08 16:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something about blowing snot and boogers everywhere mid-coitus made me laugh so hard people at the other end of the office were looking at me funny.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:46:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at nipples
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:45:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coleslaw, rest assured in knowing that these were all certainly exercises in wasting engery and time to leave an immediate, proper -2 to whoever it was that earned it.
However, as I said, I keep everything. Moreso because I know where I can find my posts, courtesy of the My Uber tab, but it would be near impossible for me to go back now and find these if I ever wanted to. I'm sure there are some that I haven't come across again.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:45:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-08-05 14:42:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve of Maltese.
Your name shall be shouted through the streets when the twentieth year has passed. And you shall be honored. And given many a submissive to do with as you please. And offered many a bottle of green tea. And presented with a sweet pair of Vans. There will be barbequed chicken and malt liquor for all. Children will smile and play stickball as the world remembers why shows like Quincy sucked ass. It will be the dawning of a new age. The age of the Orgasmatron.
I, forty seven at the time, will find a way to outlaw colonoscopies and rectal exams for men of my age. I, forty seven at the time, will find a way to make rectal exams mandatory for hot women of all ages, given only by the new Surgeon General himself: Penis of the Orgasmatron, M.D.
Come to me, my children. Join me before joining becomes popular. Your loyalty will be remembered, and rewarded with Jolly Ranchers and A2M.
----
My favorite review by you ever. It made me happy in my special place.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:41:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:39:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadley's vagina? Meet sand. *they exchange greetings*
Another Note:
I can see wanting to save things that take time to write.
On the other hand, I love the idea of "wasting" creative energy on a hateful review, just for the sake of it.
Mixed feelings, but I lean towards the 2nd.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:38:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm much too busy to read all of these, but I'm sure I laughed at some of them at one point.
Good day, sir.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:29:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:23:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you manage to remember all of these and what posts they are on?
---
I haven't written reviews like these in some time, but when I did I'd copy and paste them into a Notepad file and save them all along with everything else I've done.
Basically this is because I'm a completist and prefer having everything accessible, even if it's trvial nonsense like this.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:28:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:18:26 (#)
Ranking: -2
You never get sick of stroking yourself off, do you?
---
If I was interested in having a stroke fest I'd have turned this into 27 individual posts.
Nothing wrong with sharing some original works, right?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:24:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And another because one of these spawned a proposal from me.
Seems like only yesterday, yet now we have feety.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2005-12-29 13:11:59 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2005-12-29 11:43:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
If I Can Smell You From the Kitch
--------------------------------------------
I fucking love you, O-Tron- marry me?
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you manage to remember all of these and what posts they are on?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:18:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOOD GOD!
LOOK AT THAT PENIS errrr POST!!!
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:18:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You never get sick of stroking yourself off, do you?
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:15:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
True story.
I was playing a game of checkers with a lady friend the other night and one of my pieces made it to her final row, which means I get a King!
"King me, bitch."
"FUCK OFF COCK ASS McGRAW"
She refused to king me.
A few minutes later she got up to go to the bathroom, so I asked her to get me a beer while she was up. She opened the fridge and grabbed a Budweiser, the King of Beers. She handed me the beer and sat down.
"..thanks for Kinging me, bitch"
We made out for the next 6 years.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:13:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
uh-huh
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:12:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this because I know I'm not in it-
Auto +2 50K hitz0rz
Everything you ever wanted to know about Sacrilicious
User id: 20860
Registered on or around: 2005-07-27 19:25:12
# Messages posted: 31
# Reviews written: 5417
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 1918
# Hits: 50000
Average rating of all messages: 1.55
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-09-08 15:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment