How to get rid of jehova's witnesses (995 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.72 on 38 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by FlakMonkey (View user info) at 2006-09-10 13:41:18 EDT
I was just reading sonny g's post on the coming of the messiah and decided i would write a little about how to get rid of fucking jehova's witnesses.
How to get rid of a jehova's witness at your door=
answer the door in your boxers and a wife beater, with a pistol tucked in your waistband.
answer the door nude and tell them you love satan.
answer the door and let your pitbull/doberman/rottweiler loose.
answer the door and shoot them in the fucking head.
answer the door and ask them if they can perform an exorcism on your possesed pet pig.
I really despise those cocksmokers.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-10-30 18:04:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I always invite them in, let them speak, then begin the great debate on the existence (or non) of "it" or "him" or "whateverthefuckyouwanttocallhim."
Doesn't really keep them away, but it'll keep me entertained for a good while, getting to see how long it takes them to get upset.
If they don't get upset, then I just flat out tell them I'm not interested, but I was bored.
They usually get pretty upset then.
Submitted by overtoBob (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:55:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
moron
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-11 17:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-11 12:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This is horrific. I'm telling god on you!
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-11 12:13:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
actually you are wrong, I take criticism well, I just like to be an asshole. I find its good for the soul. However you are right, I forgot to rate sunny's post. I apologize sunny, I will rectify that now.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-11 07:02:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-09-11 06:15:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Call them "Jehovah's Alibis" or "Jehovah's Character Witnesses". They apparently hate that.
...and I spelled "Jehovah" correctly here.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-09-11 04:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Rule #1
Always answer the door with red wine stains on your wife-beater T-shirt, with the Lucky Strike cigs folded in the sleeve, and with a white circle on each of your nostrils.
White crust in the corners of your mouth helps along with a substantial drool.
The revolver tucked in your waistband, with your hand on it, is the minimum acceptable baseline.
Incoherent speech, body spasms and facial tics are optional.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-10 22:27:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Would have been a -1 perhaps, but your inability to handle criticism brings it to a -2.
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-09-10 22:13:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, the joys of living in a ghetto. I've yet to meet a Jehova's witness...
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-10 21:17:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i think most of those would work
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-09-10 21:15:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get fucked you useless twat.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-10 21:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You blow, you suck, and you eat shit. Go back and rate the post that brought this around for you.
Fuckstick.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-10 21:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Right. You read the other post, but you can't be arsed to rate it.
You are a special piece of shit. . . . . . .. .
Submitted by mockidol (user info) at 2006-09-10 20:48:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I normally just laugh and say, "I'm Catholic."
They always turn around and walk away. Very quickly I might add.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 19:42:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i should change my name to mary ju wanna
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-09-10 19:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I <3 u 2.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 19:07:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S. unabonger, i fucking love your user name. happy 420.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 19:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awesome_fuckface the feeling is mutual, and onequeergeek if ya look you will see that this is only my third post. look at user info read old name,new user. but at least i have posted something unlike defuct. thanks and have a shitty day.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-09-10 18:34:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate Jehova's Witnesses too, bub, but this post needs work.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-10 18:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by OneCheapGeek (user info) at 2006-09-10 17:26:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:22:15 (#)
Ranking: 0
Good to see that such an accomplished writer as yourself defect, gives me a zero. Your 1 and only post in the six months you have been a uber-user was wonderfull, let me tell ya.
not.
Try waiting until you even have a 0 for your overall before you bust that line out.
And quit posting email forwards. There's nothing here that hasn't been an email joke sine 1992.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-10 17:11:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
get over it
Submitted by SunnyG (user info) at 2006-09-10 17:05:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have to try that sometime...it sounds like a plan.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-09-10 16:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG that's hilarious!!
LOL!!!111one!!1shiftone!!!1won!111twoisgreaterthanone!!!1
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-10 16:12:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Haven't had to deal with them yet, so naturally I don't quite know how annoying they apparently are.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-10 15:51:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i really despise you
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:37:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now go +2 my post.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just don't answer the door.
Even if they can see you through your window, don't answer the door.
They'll get the point.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:24:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I must admit, however, try to sell them weed was a good one.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:22:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Good to see that such an accomplished writer as yourself defect, gives me a zero. Your 1 and only post in the six months you have been a uber-user was wonderfull, let me tell ya.
not.
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:16:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could've been so much better....
Come to the door naked, and when they ask if you've found jesus, step out from behind the door and say "No, but come help me find him!" That's robin williams take on it anyways...
Come to the door in a hooded black cloak and a sycthe, and answer in that devil voice: "No."
Dress up like Jesus and answer the door. See what happens.
Before they can ask you, ask them if they've found jesus, had out some pamphlets and slam the door.
Try to sell them weed.
I can't think of anymore for now...
Submitted by Laser (user info) at 2006-09-10 14:03:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Could've been better
Submitted by Zol (user info) at 2006-09-10 13:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
old
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-10 13:46:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I know from personal experience that the first 2 work well.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-09-10 13:45:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a solid niggertive 2 if there ever was one
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-10 13:43:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A solid 0 if ever there was one.