My 9/11/98 (1072 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.69 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by St_Jimmy <st_jimmy14159.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-09-11 22:45:19 EDT
All this 9/11 stuff got me to thinking about my 9/11 experience. September 11 was an infamous day in my life a full three years before it gained its national notoriety. September 11, 1998 was a Friday. I don't remember much about the day itself, but that night will always remain clear as a bell.
Friday nights were for drinking. Well, when you're nineteen, that's pretty much every night, but Fridays were special because I didn't have to wake up early the next morning. Friday September 11, 1998 was no exception to this rule. After work I made some calls and tried to get a group together to do something. I ended up talking to a bunch of answering machines and getting a bit frustrated. I did manage to get a hold of this girl I'd been seeing over the last few months. She said she'd stop by around 9.
A few drinks and a few hours later, she arrives. She was already a bit drunk, but I didn't mind. That just meant she'd drink less of my stuff. So there we sat. As the evening progressed, we became steadily more inebriated as we talked about the meaningless shit you talk about when you're nineteen. The conversation eventually shifted to things we could do to amuse ourselves. We aimlessly kicked around the same old ideas until she stopped talking and looked at me in wide-eyed wonderment with an idea between her ears that she thought was pure genius.
"Dude, I know what we could do!!" she exclaimed. "You could let me shave your balls!"
"What?" I was sure I didn't just hear what I thought I heard.
"No, it'd be cool and sexy." she said.
"Ummmmmmm. No, I don't think so."
"Ok fine. Be lame. I didn't hear you suggesting anything."
Now, this bit of conversation happened, I think, around 11pm. You ever notice how ideas which sound terrible after 5 Jack and Cokes sound unbelievably amazing after 17? About 2am, her idea sounded genius to me and I found myself standing in my bathtub with no pants while she knelt down in front of me with my razor blade and a can of Gillette.
It didn't take long for the inevitable to happen. I was pretty lit and didn't actually feel the cut, but I did notice the warm liquid running down my leg. As I looked down I saw her frozen with the most horrific look on her face. "Hmmm, it's seems you've nicked me a bit." This was the thought in my head I meant to vocalize, but Mr. Daniels had something else in mind.
"Mmmmpppth. Wha da fuck bich!? Wha you cut ma balls like dat?" (Apparently I yelled this more than said it.)
It was at this point that I realized she was no good in a crisis situation. Upon appraisal of recent events, she reasoned the best course of action was to leave my apartment as quickly as possible. So I was left alone, at 2am, drunk with a bleeding scrotum.
Now I'm no doctor, but with all the blood I saw, even my intoxicated ass knew to seek medical attention. Did I call a cab? Perhaps an ambulance? No, now's not the time to stop acting retarded! The hospital's only about a half mile away. I'll just walk. Course, with your sac taped up with a few band-aides, a half mile seems pretty damn far. On the bright side, if you walk through a college town at 2am in sweat pants with a large blood stain over the crotch, people will get out of your way.
After a while, I did make it to the hospital. I learned that if you walk into an emergency room with a large blood stain on the crotch of your pants, you become a priority. No waiting, no paperwork, I was rushed right into an examination room. I guess they thought I was going to be the next Bobbit or something. The doctor came in pretty quick and was somewhat relieved to see I was only a "scrotal laceration". Turns out the cut was a little less than an inch long and only required three stitches. But that didn't stop the nurse rumor mill. During the twenty minutes the doctor was fixing me up, almost every damn nurse in that hospital opened that curtain hoping for a glimpse of a cut wiener. To make things worse, when they saw that wasn't the case, they all gave a disappointed "Oh" and left. Course I'm no stranger to women looking at my junk and sighing with disappointment, but I'm not used to it in such a clinical setting.
So that's my 9/11. I stopped seeing my genital barber not long after that. It's difficult to get excited about a girl you primarily associate with a bleeding nut sack. Call me shallow.
User Reviews
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2008-10-22 07:23:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHA - I trim mine regularly with electric clippers (the hair dresser kind) and one time I retardedly jammed the sliding together, razor sharp, toothed blades into the shaft of my cock. - i still have a line of scars across my cock.
On another note, never ever shave anything around that area - itching you couldn't imagine.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-09-11 20:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think that this day for you was WORSE than 9/11/01.
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2007-09-11 20:13:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the 1st cut is the deeeeeepest
Submitted by RoytheJoy (user info) at 2006-11-29 12:02:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ooQueso (user info) at 2006-09-15 23:28:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha, you're fat.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-12 19:07:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-12 18:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-12 16:07:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-12 10:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-09-12 08:40:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Am I the only one to notice that all that scrotumcutting (the bad part of that evening, I dare to say) did not happen at 9/11? 2 am would make it the twelfth.
Now, back to my Star Trek conventions and Anime cartoons.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-12 04:20:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"So I was left alone, at 2am, drunk with a bleeding scrotum"
-------------------------------------------
Only on uber could this situation seem so hilarious!
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-12 02:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by moneyshotforyou (user info) at 2006-09-12 02:36:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
unsure
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-09-12 02:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
datbitchgotstago!
Submitted by fluffy_love (user info) at 2006-09-12 02:14:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"No, now's not the time to stop acting retarded!"
Submitted by the_lone_stranger (user info) at 2006-09-12 02:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"scrotal laceration"
commence robot laugh: *ha* *ha* *ha*
That will be someone's username within the week.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-12 00:57:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCKING. AWESOME.
I LOVE YOU, MAN!!!
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-12 00:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice.
One of my drunken nights involving a razor blade ended up with me with slashed eyebrows...
it was horrible, and i ended up with stupid looking eyebrows for a month.
god damn rum.
(i didn't mean it rum, i still love you.)
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2006-09-12 00:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
funniest thing i've read on here in at least a year
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-12 00:10:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHAHAHAHA Come on man, I don't care how drunk you are, never let a woman near your package with any sharp object. Walking to the hospital though....damn what a night.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:55:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea a bloody pisser makes it hard to get aroused.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:43:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fucking loved this.
I think I came a few times, as well.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:21:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Scrotasmic!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome...sorry about your wang
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-11 23:01:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:55:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Sad Sack With Sliced Scrotum Says 'SHIT'!!!!" Film at 11:00.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:55:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
On a "junk"-related note:
I saw my 4 1/2 yr old nephew last week when visiting the family.
I was sitting on the couch, and he was leaning over the side. I picked him up and flipped him over so his legs went onto the couch next to me, and his head was on my lap.
He promptly jumped up, laughed, and pointed at me, saying "My face was in your junk!"
BWAHAHAHAA
fuckin kids.
he's gonna be a heartbreaker, I'm sure.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:54:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
for you and your scrotum :(
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:53:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHHAHAHAHAA
this post is funny
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not long after that? Would've been the next day in my world.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:47:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, you poor, poor dear.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-09-11 22:47:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're a shallow prick.