An experience of my travels through time using quantum mechanics (706 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: aild
Rating: 1.75 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Axolotl (View user info) at 2006-09-13 10:48:10 EDT
"Where do you want to go?" Amaliel asked in a booming voice, stepping out into the clearing. "Particles can exist in any world, at any time, all through time. Come, I'll take you anywhere in history."
"Travel in time?" Elizabeth asked, supremely intrigued. "Can you do that?"
"There are a few rules," Amaliel said guardedly. "You can get hurt in the past. Also, unless you kill anyone, the workings of the universe—the scripts, if you will—generally prevent any massive changes. And, you can't travel to the future, as it hasn't happened yet."
"So how do we...what?" Adam asked. "If we...you know what? I'm just going to go with you."
"My great-grandma died last year..." Elizabeth started, uneasily trying to articulate her words. "Before she died, I asked her what life was like back in her time, back when she was a girl in the 1890s. She said...that it was quiet. No background noise from planes or computers or cars or anything...it was just quiet."
At that moment, the sonic boom from a jet plane roared overhead, and Elizabeth smiled. Amaliel nodded, and asked "When was she born, and when did she live?"
"Great Neck, Long Island, in 1891," Elizabeth answered. "Um...my world."
Amaliel looked upward, in intense concentration. "April 7th, 1891, at 8:03 in the morning. Grab my hands."
"Oh my God," Elizabeth muttered, her face shining in anticipation. Adam eagerly grabbed onto Amaliel's hand, and held the others tightly. Amaliel exhaled, and their feet left the ground. Adam was once again plunged into the strange sensation of being tugged particle-by-particle through a vast abyss, just millimeters away, to somewhere new. The scenery bubbled and vanished, replaced by a small dirt road, a picket fence, and a cluster of white-shingled houses beyond a forest.
"It's so quiet," Elizabeth whispered. The silence was unearthly, and totally complete except for the twitter of birds in the early morning. The sky was a pure blue, barely touched by pollution, and everything seemed vibrant and beautiful. Two men were walking down the path toward them, dressed in light-colored shirts and wide-brimmed hats.
"They can't see me," Amaliel said softly as the men drew closer. Adam was not only in a different world, but over a hundred years before his time; would these men be dangerous? He grabbed Elizabeth's hand, trying to silently ask her to give him a warning.
"So I says to the bum, I says that he better start working like a man and not like a coward—'morning," one of the men said, tipping his hat to Adam and Elizabeth. The men passed them by, continuing their conversation in an accent strange and unfamiliar to Adam, but pleasant and nostalgic to Elizabeth.
"You have any requests, Adam?" Amaliel said. Adam looked out, shaken by the purity and silence of the world, the strangeness of the surroundings. The buildings and trees had more color, more feeling—he wanted to leave.
"Somewhere not so quiet," Adam replied. "Somewhere loud, with more people, I can't stand this place."
"Loud and a lot of people," Amaliel hissed devilishly, gripping their shoulders. "I know just the place. Keep your heads down. June 28th, 1778, 12:29 in the afternoon, Freehold, New Jersey...Elizabeth's world."
"I know that place—!" Elizabeth remarked gleefully as Amaliel pulled them into the other world. In an instant, Adam and Elizabeth screamed as their ears filled with roaring, deafening noise. Falling into tall grass—it was blazing hot—the sun was blinding, the explosions like Judgment Day.
"Get a defensive line along the hedgerows!" a deep voice bellowed over the whistling bullets and artillery fire. Adam and Elizabeth looked up; Amaliel was standing, looking down a slight slope across a cornfield where five thousand blue-coated soldiers were running in fear from an enemy. A tall man on horseback was stopping the retreating soldiers on the clogged, crowded roads, and turning them back to defend the farm on the hill. Battalions of musketmen formed lines across a hedge and brook, while kilted redcoats with glinting bayonets advanced in long lines from the cover of the forests.
"Take a look..." Amaliel noted. "General Washington's not too happy with his field marshal. That's Lafayette behind him."
"That's George—" Elizabeth remarked, amazed. Washington was immensely tall, with a thin, acne-cratered face, far unlike the portrait of him as an elderly man on the dollar bill. With General Lafayette and a worried-looking black servant on horseback behind him, Washington rode up to one of his subordinates and began cursing and berating him.
"General, I saved this army!" the subordinate shouted back, gesturing wildly over his shoulder at the advancing Royal Highlanders. "Our troops cannot defend against Clinton's men!"
"Sir, they are able, and by God, they shall do it!" Washington roared back. "Marquis, get Greene and Wayne up here, and Billy, tell the men at the Perrine farm to concentrate fire against the British vanguard."
"This is amazing," Elizabeth said, watching the advancing lines of British soldiers open fire on the American defenders, and the Americans returning fire, systematically cutting down their front lines. Washington's black servant rode up the hill, passing within yards of Adam and Elizabeth, and distributed his orders to the artillery commander on the hill. Caught in the awkward position of receiving a superior officer's orders from a slave, the artillery commander saluted awkwardly and nodded.
"Christ, Molly, bring the water," a Continental artilleryman cried desperately, his uniform sweat-soaked in the hundred-degree heat. As British shells and cannonballs started crashing around the hillside, a dark-haired woman with a large pitcher of water stepped over a pile of ammunition and delivered the water to her husband.
"It's a good thing you have relatively short hair, women weren't usually allowed on battlefields," Amaliel remarked to Elizabeth. Adam huddled in the small ditch in the grassy meadow, listening to the gunshots and praying that it would stop...his world never heard of Washington, or the United States of America, what did he care if Washington lost?
Elizabeth let out a small scream; the Continental who had called for water was on the ground, his arm ripped off by a cannonball; his shoulder was gruesomely spraying blood, and he was moaning in pain. His wife, Molly, leaned down, pouring the water onto his wound and in his mouth.
"Take me out of here!" Elizabeth cried. "Anywhere but here!"
Amaliel seized his two young charges and tore them out of the battlefield, and into a quiet place, by a bubbling stream, with a small group of dark humans in cloaks walking casually down through a light field.
"August 4th, 4263 BC, at 5:23 in the afternoon. Near present-day Rome, in Adam's world, although this far back the world is rather the same for everyone," Amaliel explained. The silence was even more overpowering here, and the six men and two women regarded Adam and Elizabeth with some suspicion. The two women's breasts were bare, and Adam blushed slightly.
One of the men called out something in a strange language, and Adam stood up, pulling Elizabeth to her feet. The men were carrying crude stone spears, looking at the jeans-and-t-shirt-wearing Adam and Elizabeth as though they were some kinds of gods.
"I think we should leave before they kill and eat us," Elizabeth said. "How about Antarctica around the year 1200?"
"Only the Cro-Magnons were cannibals," Amaliel replied loftily. "The humans you see before you are the exact same as you, except they live without any real government, religion, structure, or purpose in life. They're born, they eat, shit, breed, and die. And hunt, I suppose."
"Maybe way back, before humans were around, would be better. Or the birth of Jesus. Central Park when John Lennon was shot?" Elizabeth proposed.
"Who?" Adam said, confused.
"Birth of Jesus?" Amaliel pondered, intrigued. "I daresay I could show you that. All right...this is important, so don't talk or move a muscle, just watch. December 14th, 6 BC, 10:48 at night...outside of Bethlehem, Judaea province, the Empire of Rome."
"I would still have rather seen John Lennon..." Elizabeth whispered as Amaliel pulled them into a world of cool rocks, and a pitch-black night sky. All around, everything was quiet, except for a nearby shack, where two figures were breathing heavily in the darkness. Up in the sky above, a comet shone brightly somewhere out in the universe.
"Adonai shammah," the man said, comforting and holding his wife as she groaned and wept in the pain of childbirth. "Adonai shammah. Adonai yireh, rapha Yeshua, melech ha-melachim."
"Yeshua!" the woman moaned; Elizabeth looked away, but Adam stared in rapt attention.
"Maria abir..." the man said as the woman pushed. A baby's cry echoed off the endless desert of rocks outside the town of Bethlehem.
"Ro'eh Yisrael..." the man said, holding the baby in his arms. "Kaddosh tzur Israel, baruch hu."
"Yeshua..." the woman said in a low, relieved mumble, holding the baby's foot as her husband took it from her womb. The new father looked fondly at the bawling infant, wiping the placental mucus from its eyes. The baby wept and screamed as the father passed the wailing baby to his wife, a broad smile on his face.
"Avinu melkeinu tsidkenu yireh," Amaliel intoned almost involuntarily, looking admiringly at the child.
"That's it?" Adam asked in disdain. "No shepherds paying homage, no wise men? No halo on the baby's head, or beams of radiant light from the up above? No angels in the sky shrieking hymns?"
"No little drummer boy?" added Elizabeth, to Adam's confusion. "Gloria in excelsis deo, et in terra pax, et homnibus voluntatis. Glory to God in the highest, and peace on earth, and goodwill to all men. 9th-grade Latin class."
"Pshaw. Bible-lover." Amaliel grunted, slightly perturbed by their lack of interest. "One of the most important moments in history, and you're begging for theatrics and fireworks? Do you think Washington crossing the Delaware was choreographed, or Julius Caesar actually had the air in his stabbed-out lungs to say 'et tu, Brute' or Galileo before the Inquisitorial Court was a grade-A actor? Be realistic. At least you have a star of David."
Adam thought a moment, wrapping his head around the concept that he was looking at Jesus Christ, the most influential and controversial man in history, knowing that in around thirty years, he would die a torturous death for his beliefs. "All right...I appreciate it," Adam said to Amaliel. "Take us back now."
"Yeah, let's go," Elizabeth said. "I have so many places I want to see...my grandfather's marine training in 1944, Lincoln and Kennedy being shot...um, my own birth..."
"We're done for now," Amaliel said coolly. "Hold on, and remember that if you misbehave I'll send you on board the Titanic."
Adam and Elizabeth wearily grasped Amaliel's hands, and he brought them back to the world that they had started, unharmed and safe.
Thanks blitzkreig_bob
(real title is As I Lay Dying (5): Messengers)
OOH I TRICKED YOU LOT
PS BABIES ARE FUNNY, AND WOMEN ARE ALL BAREFOOT AND PREGNANT
SHLONGY TIGERLILLY METHOD NAMEDROP NAMEDROP ETC ETC
fungah
fungah
FUNGAAAAAAHHH!!
AS I LAY DYING
(1) Unto Dust, and story information: http://www.ubersite.com/m/92393
(2) Pillar http://www.ubersite.com/m/92560
(3) The Balances of Justice http://www.ubersite.com/m/92621
(4) Lilies of Sharon http://ubersite.com/m/92934
User Reviews
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-18 13:28:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-09-18 15:21:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
the one with the demon was still my favorate. by far. but i liked this one. i was going to +1, but then I figured it was really more of a 1.75
haha my only criticism:
an orthodox jewish man wouldnt be attending at his childs birth.
but nice attempt at hebrew transliteration. i could read most of it, and its hard to do.
atah b'emet midaber ivrit? im kein, ze sababa m'ode. achshav ani koreh et-ha sheish.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-14 07:59:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92877
Not sure the post is a gem, but it did throw up a couple of good comments.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 21:57:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
attn
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:37:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:58:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.sobolaward.com/
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:44:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ars
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:12:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:50:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:00:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:57:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:56:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
you've read einstein's dreams right?
wonderful book.
------
Never read it, but sounds good.
Einstein thought of a lot of this time-travel multiple-universe stuff. He came up with the "no future" rule.
--------
which is funny because according to modern quantum physics, they've discovered that particles move backward and forward in time. so there's like one continuous two way stream of existence, so the future is almost simultaneous as the past and present.
-----
someone posted about eternity the other day and a couple of comments came up to explain this.
Basically time is relative to those that measure it. Atoms/particles exsist and alsways will, there is only a finite amount of matter in the universe and always has been. So for atoms time is irrelevant.
Or something.
----
Link me the post about eternity, it sounds interesting.
I see the difference between linear measured time and quantum time, where universes branch off after every nonsequential choice into a factual/counterfactual pair, or as many variables as possible. Shroedinger's Cat inspired this series a bit.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:10:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:17:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I want you to finish this
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84289
-----------
Aw, 7 months ago? I'll dig up the original files from my hard drive, I might have deleted them but I'll check it out.
On "to post" list:
As I Lay Dying parts 6-20
Carbon City Chronicles
The Importance of Not Letting Spiders Near Your Penis
UberMadness
The Malleys finale
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:19:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NEEDS MORE NAMEDROPPING
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:17:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want you to finish this
http://www.ubersite.com/m/84289
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:50:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:00:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:57:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:56:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
you've read einstein's dreams right?
wonderful book.
------
Never read it, but sounds good.
Einstein thought of a lot of this time-travel multiple-universe stuff. He came up with the "no future" rule.
--------
which is funny because according to modern quantum physics, they've discovered that particles move backward and forward in time. so there's like one continuous two way stream of existence, so the future is almost simultaneous as the past and present.
-----
someone posted about eternity the other day and a couple of comments came up to explain this.
Basically time is relative to those that measure it. Atoms/particles exsist and alsways will, there is only a finite amount of matter in the universe and always has been. So for atoms time is irrelevant.
Or something.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:37:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Car +2 n Network Spazmograph.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:42:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
-2 DIE!! NO NAME DROP? DAMNIT MAN!!
just kidding, nice work.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:39:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Robot Dreams" by Isaac Asimov
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny, cool and a scientific debate thrown into the bargain. Good show.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:01:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:53:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not special enough to be on your list :(
i like the rule as to why you can't travel to the future.
________________
I'm pretty sure its in the theory of relativity or something like it, too
----
Yep, that's Einstein's idea.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:01:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:53:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not special enough to be on your list :(
i like the rule as to why you can't travel to the future.
________________
I'm pretty sure its in the theory of relativity or something like it, too
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:00:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:57:38 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:56:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
you've read einstein's dreams right?
wonderful book.
------
Never read it, but sounds good.
Einstein thought of a lot of this time-travel multiple-universe stuff. He came up with the "no future" rule.
--------
which is funny because according to modern quantum physics, they've discovered that particles move backward and forward in time. so there's like one continuous two way stream of existence, so the future is almost simultaneous as the past and present.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:58:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had read this in a book I would wonder how it got there and if the writer & publisher were retarded.
And you can't time travel without a flux capacitor.
---
I said it was originally a short story developed into the series. It doesn't really fit.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:59:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh...right right. I did read that. Good idea. Hope it works out for you! ;)
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:58:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had read this in a book I would wonder how it got there and if the writer & publisher were retarded.
And you can't time travel without a flux capacitor.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:56:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
you've read einstein's dreams right?
wonderful book.
------
Never read it, but sounds good.
Einstein thought of a lot of this time-travel multiple-universe stuff. He came up with the "no future" rule.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:57:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:55:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. But I'm not quite sure why my name is down there at the bottom?? Did I do something?
-----
Check out Blitzkreig_bob's last post. I'm following his hitwhore advice.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:56:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you've read einstein's dreams right?
wonderful book.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:55:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great. But I'm not quite sure why my name is down there at the bottom?? Did I do something?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:54:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:53:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not special enough to be on your list :(
i like the rule as to why you can't travel to the future.
------
I was wracking my brain thinking of people, I knew I should have come to you.
I wrote a basic version of this story for my girlfriend, who was interested in some of the other scenarios (John Lennon's assassination, etc) and I just incorporated this into the main series. Really, this chapter is mostly unneccessary, except just to explain how movement occurs through time and space.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm not special enough to be on your list :(
i like the rule as to why you can't travel to the future.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 10:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shitfuck tigerlilly method badassmofo maltese shlongy bart polyamorousaj blitzkreig_bob orgasmatron ghola redskieslookfake scourge highvoltage900 simple_catalyst gravitas phallic_cymbals wyaystrm berty phuzzygish davros merlina jack_mccallum snark thecaes
It's a good story. I wrote this for a friend, and developed the rest of As I Lay Dying around it.