APW: The Liberation of MaryJane (1086 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: poetry
Rating: 1.66 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Sacrilicious (View user info) at 2006-09-13 11:25:18 EDT
Oops. I meant "EPW: Estrogen Post Wednesday."
She peeled away her fingernail
As he'd attempt to speak, then fail
Her eyes were glassy, sunken low
And his did not know where to go
This back and forth they knew too well
These times when pride began to swell
And neither would admit their faults
But planned their next verbal assaults
It didn't used to be this way
When they first met, back in the day
Her kisses would his blood excite
He'd walk her home, he'd stay the night
And in the morning, love they'd make
And then enjoy a wake-n-bake
But then things changed, he got lazy
His memory became hazy
He'd turn off all her favorite songs
And bogart her three-foot glass bong
He'd eat all of the Cap'n Crunch
And Fritos meant to go with lunch
Staring off-as if retarded--
And his smokes? Don't get her started
He would always have to bum
'Cause god forbid he'd pay for some
Though Wawa was right up the street
He'd never put shoes on his feet
And would it kill him to go down
Once in a while? The useless clown
Had no time for sins of the flesh
Or taking her to Baja Fresh
He'd play X-Box 'til he was numb
But had no time to make her come
They spent no nights out at the bar
He didn't even have a car
Since cops his license did suspend
So hers she'd always have to lend
He never washed a goddamn dish
And soon left her with just one wish
That he would move his lazy ass
Up off her couch and go to class
And end this informal joint lease
And leave her with her thoughts, in peace
So she would be free of this strife
And wouldn't have to play the wife
To this bloated Neanderthal
Whose mooching knew no bounds at all
So one day when he went to pee
She dipped a cig in LSD
And when he wandered off that night
Ideas in her head formed bright
She soaked his boxers in itch spray
And hid all of his porn away
(Why should she waste a good skin flick?
She wasn't getting any dick)
She dumped the ashtrays in his socks
Replaced his cereal with rocks
She swapped his lube with vap-o-rub
And hid some Ex-Lax in his sub
She called his dad and said "he's gay!"
And hawked his guitar on eBay
His comic book collection? Gone
With the X-Box she went to pawn
She poured bongwater in his boot
And gave Goodwill his only suit
She shaved her snatch with his Mach-Five
And reformatted his hard drive
And when he stumbled in that night
There wouldn't even be a fight
For she was out at someplace cool
While he was passed out in his drool
See, liquid 'cid was quite the ride
And now the loser's brain was fried
(I'm sure you've heard of acid cop
And how his trip will never stop)
And no more would her stash he gank
Or fill her bedsheets with his stank
So let this be a lesson, guy
There's more to life than getting high
Just 'cause your girlie likes to share
It doesn't mean you can't be fair
And if you're not, here's what's in store-
But hey- at least she's not a whore.
User Reviews
Submitted by webcorona (user info) at 2007-01-09 11:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-08 15:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:57:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-20 16:25:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-20 14:40:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
WHY ARE YOU POSTING A PIC OF SACRILICIOUS' MOM?????
==
HAHA Oh, JonnyX.
My mom resembled Belinda Carlisle, facewise.
But Julianne Moore IS fucking beautiful.
------
It was that woman's eyebrows, that made me think of you... I do not know why
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-16 20:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Lishy, as they call you, don't you know I'm crawling in your window tonight?
It was supposed to be a surprise..
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-16 19:35:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-15 13:44:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-15 13:38:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
What if I told you that just by dropping acid you could look into God's face and spit in his eye? You wouldn't believe me, and you'd be damn well justified.
===
Yes, I would believe you.
===
That's because you're enlightened already.
I know these things.
===
Takes one to know one to know one, brother.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-16 19:29:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coley dearest, that's what I'm here for. To spread the love. Now gimme some.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-16 15:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious my dear, I'd like to let you know that because of your loverly post and beautimous choice of glasswork photos, you hath brought two uberers together.
Good work.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-15 17:08:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Gee, the first half sounds awfully familiar.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-15 15:01:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit, Otron, that makes me so sad that I missed "the action". Clearly it wasn't too awesome without me.
QueenAshlee
AHHHH of course...here I thought you were doing more sculptures than pieces; silly me.
Email me
rockfishrock.at.gmail.com
and tell me more about who you work with, etc. I have some sites you might be interested in.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-15 14:40:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 18:06:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:50:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 20:01:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
_
Hey, me too... hard glass or soft?
====
no shit...since when? Boro..torch work. On a GTT. You?
___
I started about a year ago... Same, boro, heavywall tubing mostly, sometimes rod for marbles and jewlery, on a Bethlehem Barracuda
==========================
I actually started about four or five years ago..don't remember, exactly. I don't actually "blow" (sorry boys)..I do all solid rod work (there you go boys)..mostly pendants, small sculptures, etc. Working on a GTT Lynx. I don't need a mirage or anything bigger since I do mostly anything smaller than a fist (SHUT UP ALREADY YOU PERVERTS). Unfortunately since I've been back in school and workin like 60 hrs/week I haven't hardly been out there in a long time..every now and then I make something for someone but that's about it.
Do you have a gallery? You should check out www.glassartists.org.
some of my REALLY REALLY old shit is up there under ~coley~.
open a gallery and link it..or email me
rockfishrock.at.gmail.com
------
I checked out your stuff, very nice. I don't have a gallery, due partly to my lack of a digital camera and partly to the fact that i usually just drop off my work at a local head shop on my way home from the studio we've been working at, but in a couple days I'll be posting a pic of a really sick peice that me, my boyfriend, and his friend colabbed on. Soon I'll be setting up a website catalog for the head shops we wholesale to back in FL, so i'll send you that when i get it hooked up.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-15 13:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-15 01:32:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF are you on about, Otron?
---
Lishable got a trivia question right?
"Where," you may ask? Here: http://www.ubersite.com/m/77889
You missed out on the action last night.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-15 13:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-15 13:38:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
What if I told you that just by dropping acid you could look into God's face and spit in his eye? You wouldn't believe me, and you'd be damn well justified.
===
Yes, I would believe you.
===
That's because you're enlightened already.
I know these things.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-15 01:32:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WTF are you on about, Otron?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-14 23:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
OFFICE SPACE
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 18:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:50:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 20:01:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
_
Hey, me too... hard glass or soft?
====
no shit...since when? Boro..torch work. On a GTT. You?
___
I started about a year ago... Same, boro, heavywall tubing mostly, sometimes rod for marbles and jewlery, on a Bethlehem Barracuda
==========================
I actually started about four or five years ago..don't remember, exactly. I don't actually "blow" (sorry boys)..I do all solid rod work (there you go boys)..mostly pendants, small sculptures, etc. Working on a GTT Lynx. I don't need a mirage or anything bigger since I do mostly anything smaller than a fist (SHUT UP ALREADY YOU PERVERTS). Unfortunately since I've been back in school and workin like 60 hrs/week I haven't hardly been out there in a long time..every now and then I make something for someone but that's about it.
Do you have a gallery? You should check out www.glassartists.org.
some of my REALLY REALLY old shit is up there under ~coley~.
open a gallery and link it..or email me
rockfishrock.at.gmail.com
PEACE
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:50:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 20:01:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
_
Hey, me too... hard glass or soft?
====
no shit...since when? Boro..torch work. On a GTT. You?
___
I started about a year ago... Same, boro, heavywall tubing mostly, sometimes rod for marbles and jewlery, on a Bethlehem Barracuda
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 05:52:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can sing this to a swinging Irish folk tune, with fiddles and all the other bells and whistles.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:41:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woo!
*PEELS OUT*
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:39:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coley- That's a sweet hobby. I had a friend who blew a vase for me, he had some beautiful pieces. OMG innuendo.
Coleslaw- I agree. I figure, if you leave it in the shower, it's fair game. Works both ways too- feel free to use my various girlie sundries.
And O- I'm practicing right now. Get in your car.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who wants to play Suck & Blow?
Submitted by Coleslaw_Murphy (user info) at 2006-09-13 22:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I fail to see how a girl shaving her snatch with her dude's razor is a bad thing.
...what?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 20:01:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
_
Hey, me too... hard glass or soft?
====
no shit...since when? Boro..torch work. On a GTT. You?
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
_
Hey, me too... hard glass or soft?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:44:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:09:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ICELAND IT IS..YESSSS.
Brdn wanna come with? We'll listen to Sigur Ros in the car.
Wait. Do they have Wawa in Iceland? Or Fritos? Or marijuana?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:52:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was indeed funny. Apologies for not rating earlier.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:41:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
little known fact: I lived in Iceland for three years.
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:17:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Iceland? sure, what the hell.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh Damon... did you steal that stash off of Pitt during the shooting of "Ocean's 12?"
Submitted by Void_Where_Prohibited (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:33:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Wawa
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:31:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:44:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:04:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh you girls...do I need to be blunt?
===
Yes please. I like it like that.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:04:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh you girls...do I need to be blunt?
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:02:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
So, if I have this straight....
You're married to O-tron, about to have a lesbian vacation with Coley, and we'll be dating soon?
Damn baby...
You rock.
===
Yes. Also married to ghola. See "The Marching Morons" in well, either of our posts.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:00:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, if I have this straight....
You're married to O-tron, about to have a lesbian vacation with Coley, and we'll be dating soon?
Damn baby...
You rock.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:56:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
===
That IS blown, Daddy-O. If I know one thing, it's..
Coley- we can adopt if you're cool with that. I'd like to go to Iceland.
MyTee- It's best not to try. You'll end up doing it anyway. I'm a spaz. But that keeps the spark going, you know?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
=======
I'm a part time glass artist.
OMG!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:52:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glass is an art form only when it's blown.
And with that in mind...I could use an artist right about now.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So, Lishy Lishy Loo...you're saying I should tick you off when we start dating?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:42:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for (filename) GLASS IS ART!! FUCK YES IT IS YOU ASSHOLEMOTHEROFSDUPFSDFSXVCV:WHOTDOINS:FKQWDR:
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:34:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
At least the idiot knows well enough to use glass.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:32:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking awesome.
Sacrilicious, have my bab..wait...let's not have kids. Let's just run away somewhere.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:31:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:47:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
is that matt damon?
===========
MY NAME IS...MATT...DAAAMON
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:23:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT UP, V-GIRL?????
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
rock n' roll
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:17:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:12:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:03:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hi Thorny- That feels goooood, don't it?
==========================================
Come over here and say that again, but with your hands...
Oh yeaaaah, that feels goooood, much like your "experience" with the Orgasmatron!
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:09:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey look it's Darko!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 12:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:43:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh well, great minds think alike......
=======================================================
Great minds think like me.
I liked this. Remind me never to tick you off when we start dating.
===
Oh this isn't about me, silly.
OR IS IT?
Katy- doesn't he look just like him? It was harder to find a good image than I thought.
Hi Thorny- That feels goooood, don't it?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God it feels good to hand out a +2 to you again, after a week of Uber-abstinence. It's almost like an orgasm.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:50:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"i have no idea whats going on right now"
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:47:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
is that matt damon?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:47:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking excellent.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sure
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:43:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh well, great minds think alike......
=======================================================
Great minds think like me.
I liked this. Remind me never to tick you off when we start dating.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But...but what if he just wanted her to be a whore all along?
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:30:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:28:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-13 11:27:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drugs sure are the theme today! Oh well, great minds think alike......