The Strangest Pickup Line I’ve Ever Heard (2503 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.84 on 77 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2006-09-13 13:57:54 EDT
Working at a college is definitely interesting. People are constantly flowing, moving throughout the buildings and hallways, moving through the courtyard and cafeteria. During any given walk to another building, I'll hear a myriad of conversations that I really wish I hadn't.
This makes me feel old. I wasn't 18 so long ago, but I am certain that I didn't feel the need to announce every single aspect of my life to every single strange person that happened to be within earshot. Oftentimes, I find myself shocked and cringing after I hear snippets of these conversations.
How about the detailed recollection of a night of wanton sex?
"Yeah man, I'm pretty sure when I looked down, I saw some shit on my dick."
"Oh sick! What did you do?"
"You know me, I kept on going."
Wow.
Sometimes, I think they want me to hear them, like the kid who was describing his huge "moose nuts and horse cock" to his buddy while they were smoking outside of my building. He kind of looked at me while he was talking, and it made me wonder exactly what he had in mind. Did he think I was going to let him fishhook me when I walked by?
Other times, I truly believe that they don't want anyone to hear what they're saying, but they're so damn stupid and loud that it can't be helped.
For example, there's a fitness center right around the corner from my office. An attendant sits there all day, making sure that the students using the equipment aren't smashing weights over each other's heads (or whatever they might be doing).
Now, I should probably mention that this guy is a little...off. We have no idea what his sexual orientation is, he is 30 years old and lives with his parents and has been working on his bachelor's degree for the past 12 years. He also dresses in the scumbag uniform, a yellowed t-shirt and mesh shorts every single day.
The acoustics in my building are terrible, and voices carry very, very far. Throughout the day, there are various idiotic conversations, such as Myspace pages and how they're gay; debates about robots, pirates and ninjas; how the guy's fruitbasket looks in his sweatpants and how he's on a first name basis with everyone at the local gay bar.
Yet he claims he isn't gay.
It's all too strange for me to comprehend and the depth and breadth of these inane exchanges never ceases to amaze me, yet sometimes, I hear something that really makes me question the youth of today.
Right now, I'm working in fundraising. We've just secured a huge gift for an art gallery, so we're planning a nice event for the opening. After the contractors were finished renovating the gallery, everyone from my department was checking it out, oohing and ahhing at how sharp the new space looked.
I was standing in the receiving room, minding my own business. The door to the hallway was open, and I heard some people talking but I was looking over the program for the opening. I really wasn't paying 100% attention.
As I'm leafing through the booklet, I hear a girl and a guy talking. I continued to flip through the pages since what they're talking about doesn't seem too interesting.
"Are you going to Jim's on Friday night?"
"Probably."
"That's cool."
"Yeah, it should be fun."
"You know, you look really pretty today."
At that point, my ears began to perk up. I knew that at any second, stupid was going to begin falling out of the guy's mouth left and right.
"Thank you."
"Maybe on Friday night we could go to Jim's together?"
A few seconds of silence...she was hesitating.
"Um, sure."
"You don't have a boyfriend, right?"
"No," she said with a little laugh.
"That's good, because I really want to hear you pee."
The girl and I both exclaimed, "What?!?!?!?!" at the same time, except mine was in my head and hers was out loud.
"That's not what I meant!"
"You're completely fucked up," she said. I then heard hurried footsteps getting further and further away.
I casually walked out the door, only to see a kid dressed in some North Carolina Tar Heel gear completely dejected. I gave him a slight smile then walked past, trying to stifle my laughter.
"You didn't hear that, did you?" he asked.
I kept on walking.
"I'm not a pervert, you know!" he shouted.
Pervert or not, if I see him loitering outside the bathroom, I'm calling campus security.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:47:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:03:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-11-14 10:11:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, I want to marry you.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-12 15:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-11-06 12:25:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Those little slips of the tounge are really easy to make. In fact some evil minded bugger may have specifically said to him "Whatever happens you must not say that you want to hear her pee".
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most probably the voices in his head
Submitted by mrwolf (user info) at 2006-11-12 15:33:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why thankyou my dear.
Yes it is I. Did you miss me?
Jolly good post by the way.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-10 17:37:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read a batch of these during my smoke breaks. Excellent.
I like the way you think. That sounds weird. Aw well, hopefully you know what I mean.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-11-06 12:25:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those little slips of the tounge are really easy to make. In fact some evil minded bugger may have specifically said to him "Whatever happens you must not say that you want to hear her pee".
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-11-06 11:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*cough*2-6
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-10-17 19:04:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-06-09 17:42:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
i love the sound of she-pee sizzle in the morning
***
good luck
Submitted by Jarnjonack (user info) at 2006-09-28 10:48:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You get an automatic +2 from me for your comment regarding "bowelsounds"
Submitted by Ejryuu (user info) at 2006-09-18 14:08:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What a stuck up bitch she must've been =(
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-09-15 10:33:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pick up lines
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88827
Not guaranteed to work
Submitted by SiskelandFatboy (user info) at 2006-09-15 10:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin Tarheels.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-15 08:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A girl once peed when I was banging her, something to do with the G-spot or some such.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-09-15 00:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. Fishhook is my favorite word ever.
I dated someone once who wanted to watch me pee. I'll tell you about it later.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-14 11:22:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. Sorry.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-14 11:22:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-14 02:54:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:06:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! This was good.
And about the guy that's 30 and been in college for 12 years, working on his Bachelors...we have one of those at my University. Maybe you've heard of him? He's been on David Letterman and the Today show. His name is Johnny Lechner and he's a giant douchebag.
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UW Whitewater? He said that the only thing he hasnt done is study abroad, and when he does that, he'll leave.
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Yeah...he says, he says. This past May he was supposed to graduate. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. He signed up for it, paid for it, everthing...then the day before graduation he decided "oh, I want to study abroad since I've banged 89% of the girls on this campus and the freshman are now kinda young for me...maybe I'll go overseas and bang some new girls."
So SUPPOSEDLY he's graduating THIS May. Personally, I'm hoping he gets lost in Latvia and can't find his way home. If you ever met the guy, you'd totally agree.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-14 10:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by compEngineer0 (user info) at 2006-09-14 08:28:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-14 08:12:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fixing my fuck up.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-14 08:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ooops, that was supposed to be a 1.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-14 08:11:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with most of this and find it quite funny, but when you say that you didn't find it too interesting, continue leafing through your book and then recollect the whole conversation it kinda negates you not finding it too interesting.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-14 07:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
oohing and ahhing at how sharp the new space looked.
---------------------------
It fucks the hell out of me that everyone now calls rooms 'spaces'. This space is lovely, that space is lovely, isn't it a big space.
ROOM...ROOM....ROOM...ROOM....ROOM...ROOM....ROOM...ROOM
It's a FUCKING ROOM.
None of this is your fault BTW.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-09-14 06:40:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck me running. I'm moving Lily to somewhere that has outlawed stupid.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She didn't let him finish! He said "I want to hear UPN"!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:11:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
that's so hot.
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-09-14 03:57:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
oh man, i've been using that line for years.
all this time i thought it was because i didn't have enough gel in my hair.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-14 02:54:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:06:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! This was good.
And about the guy that's 30 and been in college for 12 years, working on his Bachelors...we have one of those at my University. Maybe you've heard of him? He's been on David Letterman and the Today show. His name is Johnny Lechner and he's a giant douchebag.
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UW Whitewater? He said that the only thing he hasnt done is study abroad, and when he does that, he'll leave.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:39:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-13 21:55:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's good to know I can still click on a pentameter post and get a good read.
You rock
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-09-13 20:22:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't say a word...just the stare
sure it's sorta creepy but it works 2/10 times
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-09-13 19:40:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I personally like the line 'Nice shoes... let's fuck!'
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:51:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:33:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
I once used the line, "I would crawl a mile over broken glass to hear you piss over the telephone". I forgot who I stole it from, but it definitely got me laid..............
In prison.
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HAHAHAHA!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:42:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-13 18:06:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha! This was good.
And about the guy that's 30 and been in college for 12 years, working on his Bachelors...we have one of those at my University. Maybe you've heard of him? He's been on David Letterman and the Today show. His name is Johnny Lechner and he's a giant douchebag.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:33:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I once used the line, "I would crawl a mile over broken glass to hear you piss over the telephone". I forgot who I stole it from, but it definitely got me laid..............
In prison.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:27:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:14:32 (#)
Ranking: 2
I ONCE KNEW THIS GUY WHO USED TO TELL GIRLS THAT HE WANTED TO SUCK THE PISS OUT OF THEM
HE GOT LAID ALL THE TIME """
AAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:14:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:14:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I ONCE KNEW THIS GUY WHO USED TO TELL GIRLS THAT HE WANTED TO SUCK THE PISS OUT OF THEM
HE GOT LAID ALL THE TIME
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-13 17:06:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
who needs fiction when life is like this?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"I once won a pussy eating contest...no lie!"
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:32:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome...people are so stupid.
That picture made me smile, and it is now the background to my desktop. I like the file name too.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-13 16:19:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a friend who tried to chatup a woman with the line...
" You are so beautiful I would drink your piss."
True story.
-Dave
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:53:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My buddy used to walk up to girls, and with a totally straight face, tell them "I'm a tree" then walk away.
The girls would be so baffled they would always go talk to him...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:39:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:59:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i NEVER say anything stupid.
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ho ho
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i can't believe you called me a ho.
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Twice.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:59:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i NEVER say anything stupid.
---
ho ho
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i can't believe you called me a ho.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That pic is necessary; Asians squat over their shitters.
Make an effort to learn about your fellow man!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still can't believe she didn't want to go out with me.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty damn gross, even for someone like me with no social boundaries.
I wonder if it's ever worked for him?
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-13 15:05:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ha ha
that pic is funny
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:59:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i NEVER say anything stupid.
---
ho ho
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:54:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i NEVER say anything stupid.
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Me neither. We must be wonder twins.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:53:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i NEVER say anything stupid.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:47:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
sounds like somethin scruggs would say
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:43:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:)
fucking great.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:38:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:33:54 (#)
Ranking: 1
Good lord. The satisfied look on the face of the man sitting on the toilet properly made me smile.
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Indeed...every time I look at it, I smile. It's awesome.
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:37:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:37:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Suurrreee, as if from day to day you discussed anything more pivotal when you were that age.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:34:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now there's a pick-up line I never would'a thought of trying.
I'll have to try it out on the SIW tonight and post tommorow, supposing I'm still alive.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:33:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good lord. The satisfied look on the face of the man sitting on the toilet properly made me smile.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aww..well I think it's sweet. It implies he'll be around for longer than a minute afterward, right?
Give him my number?
(I've recently lowered my expectations).
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:19:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow.....
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:17:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
B@W
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:17:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Aw. He's saying he wants to be a really intimate part of her life. He's just retarded.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What's the problem???
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:04:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:00:59 (#)
Ranking: 1
I would fuck you, even though you have a bit of a weird face. Wanna meet up?
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How romantic. I'm pretty sure she wouldn't fuck you with someone else's vag.
Weird face??? You've obviously never met this beauty.
I hope you were joking about the above.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:03:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
umm..... WOW.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait... I've used that one...
DAMN.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
People are really into some strange things.
You crack me up silly girl.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:01:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gross.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:00:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I would fuck you, even though you have a bit of a weird face. Wanna meet up?
Didn't read this, btw.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:00:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Can I pee in your butt?"
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:00:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why DO you girls think thats so weird? its a nice sound.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-13 14:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
weird, but funny as hell!
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-09-13 13:59:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment