Being Honest With Myself (848 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.01 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ruthless (View user info) at 2006-09-13 22:34:55 EDT
That sly, sweet grin
Aimed in my general direction
Seeking only my mouth
and my hands
as I wish for more.
Yes prick my heart with your
ever-sharpening sword until
it no longer exists
bled dry by your hands
and your mouth.
Family portraits mock me
from every corner
Sweet smiles, forced cheer and
desperation leer and smirk
as I avert my eyes.
Reminders that I do not need.
Just another day.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-11 01:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i know how this feels
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2008-04-29 22:04:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Finally kicked this loser to the curb. Yay me.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-09-15 00:06:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
worth reading auto +0
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 23:52:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have neither. Sorry dude.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-14 23:25:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Wha?
Essskuse?
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 23:21:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
For fuck's sake, I caught the cock reference. Where's my credit? I accept cash or cookies.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 23:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well I don't think anyone caught it.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-09-14 22:25:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lets see what this does to the rating
Submitted by Xcuses (user info) at 2006-09-14 20:09:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:12:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope, but there is a reference to a penis in there
-----------------------------
Just another example of sex sells.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nope, but there is a reference to a penis in there.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:11:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Does this have anything at all to do with a blowjob?
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:55:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I really should stop posting things that no one but my friends will understand.
It would make sense if you knew me, I promise. Every part of it refers to something in my life.
Ok I'm stopping now.
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-09-14 04:03:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Poetry that doesn't make me gag. I'm impressed.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-14 02:12:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:23:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, coley's right.
============
clearly we aren't married. He'd never say that if we were married.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
stop being emo
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:41:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
ruthless? WHERE'S RUTH?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I agree with Stag. Considering how short this is, the words have to carry all the weight.
These words, for the most part, do not.
Each stanza has a line or term that just flattens it for me - "in my general direction," "ever-sharpening" and "from every corner."
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:17:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I believe that your style is good, expressive. The combination of specific words you uses seems vivid... poetic...
But the poem as a whole doesn't seem to have a clear point, or anything that it's trying to express, so I think 'what's the point?'
I believe that all art should have a specific theme, and that the entire piece should be integrated to support this theme as clearly as possible. I don't think yours did this.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:13:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Yes, I'm not daft. It just sounds a little weak.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:08:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ever-sharpening is a metaphor for... something else.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:02:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"Ever-sharpening" sounds a little weak. I can't think of anything better though.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Stylistic skills? That almost sounded like a compliment. Please expound.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:57:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:25:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
How 'bout some honest feedback? What do you think of this?
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Reading it again, it was okay on Internet poetry standards. But, I have a problem with poetry (or anything) that muddy the waters and does not make its theme as clear as possible.
I'm sure if you used your stylistic skills to make something more integrated and clear, it would be wonderful.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Made me remember that one hit song that Marcy Playground had, and that made me remember being a teenager (yeah, I'm pretty young).
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:48:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm quite the opposite. I put little of myself into my writing.
Funny how that works.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:45:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But that's ok.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ah, yes. If you knew me, it would make sense. I am incapable of writing anything that the general public would understand. It's all very personal. If you don't know me, you won't know my writing.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it, but not the last line.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:31:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Honestly? Stuff like this goes over my head because I don't get it.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Dan Rather is great?
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:25:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How 'bout some honest feedback? What do you think of this?
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:23:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Surely you know that you can trust me. I'm totally non-dramatic, and I'm housebroken. Well, mostly.
Ok, I'm paper-trained. but what else can you ask for from a 43 year old bachelor with bad complexion?
At least I have a job, right?
Ok, coley's right. You can't listen to me.
I don't have a job.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I listen to no one but myself... and sometimes that dude I'm banging.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:18:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS it is generally unwise to listen to Hadley.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:18:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I do feel special. I feel more special than the the time GI Joe tried out the new and improved Kung Fu Grip.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:15:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That dude you're bangin, or married to or whatever, is waaaayyyyyy hotter than KFed.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Only as a joke. And only because of you. Feel special. I command you.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You've started calling him K Fed? That's so...
So....
Awesome.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 23:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I called him K Fed today and he didn't know what I was talking about. Funny that.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-09-13 22:58:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That's what you get for nailing K Fed, Britney.
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-13 22:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No such luck. Sorry.
Submitted by Refresh (user info) at 2006-09-13 22:54:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i thought you were coming out of the closet