a little dead? 4 (422 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.14 on 12 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by allyson, bitches. (View user info) at 2006-09-14 00:04:31 EDT
a little dead? 1 http://www.ubersite.com/m/92917
a little dead? 2 http://www.ubersite.com/m/92962
a little dead? 3 http://www.ubersite.com/m/92978
In the car Danny holds the radio a little away from his head and sighs, shaking his head. Christ, hadn't this kid even read the file? Didn't he know Caribbean Imports had Perspex windows, especially for the offices where Diaz spent much of his time?
He fires, it'll just drive the fuck underground. That can't happen.
Their man arrived a few hours ago, arriving outside his firm in a couple of black SUV's. Danny smiled when he saw the lumbering vehicles, wondering how many big shots he'd whacked out who ferried themselves around in those monsters. But it wasn't the cars that gave him pause; it was the muscle.
Five men - in regulation suits and dark glass, of course - but these guys looked like they knew what they were doing. Danny's practiced eye saw they weren't ex-military, but all five were taut and ready, staying close to Diaz and peering at every possible place an attack could come from. They'd hustled their squat boss inside in a tight group; Danny barely saw Diaz at all. Now they've been waiting for him to re-emerge, waiting for that one moment where Enrique's time in the Marines will all be worth it.
But not fucking now.
"Negative, repeat, negative on green light. Window's are armored, over."
Enrique swears viciously in his native Cuban as Danny's voice crackles into the still air on the roof, but he maintains himself. He knows Danny's right, he just hates this waiting, this skulking around. He's a soldier, goddammnit, why the fuck isn't he fighting?
"Understood, over. Continue watch, over and out."
Danny's final reply reaches him and he goes back to his rifle, lying on his belly as he scrutinizes a completely oblivious Diaz in his sparse office. With a little pang of regret he flicks the safety back on and takes his finger off the trigger.
I can wait, motherfucker...
It's another couple of hours before Danny hears Enrique again, voice even more excitable. The ex-Ranger can guess why, and reaches round to grab in MP5SD on the back seat as he reaches for the two-way. The whisper-quiet sub gun is lying under a blanket back there, a couple of spare mags in Danny's jacket.
Is this it?
"Regiment to Corps, receiving, over."
"Target is moving, repeat, target is moving."
Enrique can feel his heart quicken in his chest as he sees Diaz talk to someone by the door. He frowns as the drug boss gets up, shouting at the invisible figure. After a few seconds he gets up and grabs his coat, heading for the door.
Now Enrique's looking through any window he can, trying to catch a glimpse of the man, or his muscle. Finally he sees them on the stairs to the ground floor, a couple of suited gorillas in front and behind with their master in between them.
"Understood, over." Danny's voice is calm and controlled despite the static, and Enrique listens to every word. "Green light."
Enrique smiles wolfishly as he flicks the safety off for the last time, tucking the CAR-15's stock even firmer into his shoulder as he keeps the scope fixed on the front door. The seconds draw out like minutes as he waits, but the smile stays.
Finally...
The door opens with a metallic whine just as Danny hefts the MP5SD into his lap, other hand gripping the door handle. He's given the order now, and pretty soon Miguel Diaz will be dead, but he's taking no chances. If anything goes wrong he'll be out the car and spraying lead in seconds, and if he's honest, he'd probably refer it that way.
Combat's combat no matter how you cut it.
The first pair of bulky suits step into the street, shaded eyes looking up and down the street. In his darkened alley Danny stays motionless, watching them discreetly as one turns and barks something to the inside of the door. Danny tenses, knowing that Diaz is coming and -
What the fuck?
There's a glint to his right, far up one building, and he turns to look at it. His eyes widen in dismay as he realizes that the flashing little light he can see is Enrique's scope. With a muttered curse he grabs the radio, knowing he hasn't much time.
"Regiment to Crops, come in, over."
"Corps to Regiment, receiving, over."
Enrique barely keeps the irritation out of his voice as Danny breaks the silence of the rooftop. He knows there's no way the goons down below can hear it, but it's still breaking his concentration.
"Your scope, it's reflecting light, over." Enrique frowns in confusion, as he hears this, not getting it quite yet. Danny's voice is even more forceful after. "Repeat, you are exposed, do you copy?"
Enrique licks suddenly dry lips; silently furious he's made such an amateur mistake. But he's strangely indifferent now, fixed on his goal. He can feel the delicious, predatory expectation for the kill, and nothing is going to dissuade him from what he has to do now.
"Understood, over." He speaks with an eye on the scope again; voice strong enough to be heard over the line. "Target is still approaching, over. Will take the green light."
Stupid fuck!
"Negative, repeat negative, Corps." Danny's voice is as calm as always but there's iron in his voice now, a cold demand that his orders be obeyed. "Stand down, repeat stand down, over."
Jesus, how long have we got before one of those fucking assholes spots him?
He waits for seconds that seem to drag forever, a drop of sweat rolling down his forehead as he sees the Versace-clad Diaz stroll into the street, three massive bodyguards in a tight group behind him.
Then he sees one of them squint upwards, nodding at that weird light above them.
Shit.
Enrique sees the frowning hood just as he gets Diaz's face square in his sights.
Shit.
CRACK!
There's a low gunshot as the CAR-15's silencer does its job, but the same can't be said for Enrique. The second the first bodyguard noticed the reflecting scope, the rest tensed up, the ones behind moving a little closer to their boss.
It's one of them who catches the 5.56mm hollow point in the face, blowing it to pieces and ruining Diaz's suit.
"FUCK!"
After that, all Hell breaks loose.
CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK-CRACK!
As Danny had expected, these guy's didn't freak; they reacted. The second the faceless bodyguard pitched over two of them grab Diaz and throw him to the floor. The other two dive behind the Escalade and pull guns from their holsters. Taking only a second to get a bead on their shooter, and they open up.
RAT-A-RAT-A-RAT-A-RAT-A-RAT-A-RAT-A-RAT-A!
Enrique yelps as the MAC-10 sprays his perch with bullets, vicious little gun keeping his head firmly down with 1200 rounds per minute. Another bodyguard opens up with a Beretta, taking careful shots at the blur far above the street.
"GET IN THE FUCKIN' CAR!"
Danny hears the voice over the gunfire as he leaps out the car with gun in hand, implacably noting the cool mind behind it These guys aren't amateurs; they know a firefight is never preferable to simply getting the Hell outta Dodge, and soon they'll be gone.
Stupid fuckin' kid!
PHUT-PHUT-PHUT-PHUT-PHUT-PHUT-PHUT!
He runs to the other side of the road and squats behind the corner before bringing up the MP5SD, getting a fast bead on the men behind the Escalade. A burst of silent lead stitches red holes across the side of one bodyguard, and he goes down screaming until a couple more slam into his head. But Danny barely has time to adjust his aim before another suit, lying on top of Diaz, unlimbers his own pistol and opens up.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Danny ducks behind the wall as bullets spatter into the concrete, sending dust and chunks flying. The MAC's still rattling out it's deadly song but he knows it won't last long. Once they get their man into the car, they'll be gone within seconds.
Gotta do this fas -
"MOTHERFUCKERS!!"
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Danny frowns and peeks round the corner, recognizing Enrique's voice. The ex-Marine's waited until the MAC-toting bodyguard's mag clicked empty, and now is kneeling over the side of the warehouse and blazing away with the CAR-15. Mr. MAC catches a squall of rounds in the chest and face, body in wild spasms as blood and flux pumps out of him.
Enrique smiles at the battered body, the thrill of the kill pumping hard through him. So much so, he doesn't see Mr. Beretta.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Taking his time and aiming steady at the rooftop sniper, the suited muscle takes a breath and starts squeezing off shots, just like on the range. The first couple go wild, but the rest are a solid group.
All over Enrique's body.
"FUCARRRGHH!"
The Kevlar stops a few of them, of course, but his legs are unprotected. A couple of 9mm slugs bury themselves in his right leg and he goes down t one knee. Another round in his shoulder send him spinning backwards...
... Over the edge of the warehouse.
Danny forces himself not to look at Enrique plummets down, assault rifle trailing behind him. Instead he snarls like an animal and pops out from round the corner, lower this time. Mr. Beretta falls into his sights, and he pulls fires.
PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT!
Two short, precise bursts blast him in the side and neck, blood and bone splinters spurting over Diaz and the remaining bodyguard. The Beretta tumbles from his hand as he goes down but the last man's already capitalizing on the situation.
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
Keeping Danny's head down with pistol fire, he gives Diaz the chance he needs to get into the Escalade. The Colombian jumps behind the wheel and the bodyguard follows him, blazing out the window at the fast-approaching corner.
PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT!
As the SUV passes Danny gives it one last burst, hollow point rounds spattering harmlessly against the bulletproof windows. The bodyguard jerks his arm back inside as the bullets ping and whine around him, looking back at that fucking gringo one last time.
Pablo Herrera's eyes go wide as he sees Danny's enraged face, and he's barely even aware he's spoken, just a bemused whisper.
"I know that guy..."
"FUCK!"
It's the only word Danny can think of right now, but it epitomizes the situation perfectly. Swearing savagely under his breath he changes mags as he stalks over to the remaining SUV and the pile of corpses behind it. He sees a little movement from one man and immediately fires a burst into his back.
PHUT! PHUT! PHUT! PHUT!
The dying bodyguard spasms one last time, and then lies still. Danny takes a quick look at the rest but sees no movement. Judging by most of the wounds, a few of them were dead before they hit the floor.
Forcing himself to think clearly, he ignores the bodies and walks over to Enrique. He swallows as he walks over to the contorted, broken Marine, but gets over it.
I told you. I gave you a fucking order and you disobeyed it. Now you fucking paid for it.
"He... Help..."
Danny tenses as the body in front of him feebly twitches, trying to turn from its side on its back. He walks closer and kneels next to Enrique, knowing he has to move fast. The firefight lasted less than minute but he knows the cops will be here in three, and they do not want to be here. But now...
"Can you walk?"
Enrique winces as he flexes something, weakly shaking his head. Danny's hands run over his back and he can feel the break there, at the base of the spine. He closes his eyes and bows his head as he realizes what that means.
Back's broken, that means he can't walk. That means I can't use him... and can't take him to a hospital.
"I.... I'm sorry... Danny." Enrique manages to gurgle a few last words as Danny stands, gripping his MP5SD in both hands. The Cuban's dying, disoriented mind means that he has no idea what that look means, what the coldness and utter lack of humanity in Danny's eyes mean.
"I... I shoulda... listened..."
"Yeah." His eyes widen as Danny levels the gun at his head. "You should have."
PHUT!
With a single bullet Enrique's pain is ended forever, along with his life, and Danny walks away without a second glance. He picks up the CAR-15 on the way back, not about to leave that behind. Even as he walks back to the car his mind is frantically going over the ages, thinking what he's leaving behind for the boys in blue.
Guns go in the river as soon as... no witnesses, not by the look of it.
He clambers into his car and throws both the long guns onto the back seat, revving the engine. He checks the rearview and sees nothing, but can hear the first rising wails of police sirens approaching him. But Danny just eases out of the alley and onto the street like he's just passed his test, building up speed as he cruises down the street and out of Brooklyn.
Keep cool, keep cool... Gotta find another way...
(ps. I broke this one up, on the idea of someone else. If you don't like this way, i'll go back to the other way. Lemme know what you think. Also, i'm sorry it's long, but i couldn't see anywhere to break it. Thanks for reading, i know it's alot of your time. And especially thank you for the critique. Without it... fuck, go read my other shit. THAT's SHIT.)
(pps. This is not the second post in a day. It is 12:05 am my time... NEW DAY!)
User Reviews
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-14 22:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
next post in aprox 2 hours.
countdown till midnight posting.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-14 20:29:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:11:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wow, nice work here.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-09-14 11:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Really enjoying this story. Keep it up. Also, I thought this installment was a pretty good length. But then I think it's usually better to be a little long than too short. That's just me though.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-14 11:11:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
thanks to everyone so far.
except apollo.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-09-14 05:12:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this, but stagger is right. im not saying dont use sound effects at all, just dont use them that much.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:26:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you're right stagger, thanks.
You should edit for me before I post. megglins(at)gmail(dot)com
:)
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:24:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
You don't need sound effects, ever. You can be more descriptive, and people aren't gonna forget there's a gunfight going on. Just set the "tone" or whatever of the scene and let people use their imaginations - people will imagine a lot more than a lot of writers give them credit for.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:22:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:19:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
when i was writing it i didn't know how to exactly get the "sound effects" quite right.
should i write:
CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! CRACK!
or:
The Berettas fired again.
this one i wrestled with alot... but eventually thought i should use the sound effects... Stupid, yeah, but it gets the point across. Don't worry the rest of the story has less sound effects.
also, about the "he fires, it will just force him underground" part:
It was in Danny's mind, (in itallics in my word doccument) just what he was thinking... Should have been " If he fires, bla bla bla" but i thought that it would convey his mind a little more. I know i don't always use perfect english in my thoughts.
but thank you.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-14 00:13:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
He fires, it'll just drive the fuck underground. That can't happen.
------------
"Figures"?
The sound effects in this one really bugged me.