The Story of Peter (726 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.54 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by billy (View user info) at 2006-09-14 13:33:41 EDT
One day there was a man named Peter. Peter lived in a house in a town somewhere. He went to work everyday from 9-5 monday through friday, in some office job. He was an office bitch, making copies, bringing people their coffee and so on. Yet he got paid for all of it.
"Hey Peter, can you get me the paper? It's downstairs in the break room." This was Peter's boss speaking to him. Peter seemed ok with being ordered around, but really he was tired of this job, and wanted a new one. Finally he decided to throw his boss out the window. So he did. The boss fell down, and landed on the ground below, and broke his leg.
"You son of a bitch Peter, you're fired you fuck!! I'm calling the police! You broke my fucking leg! I'll kill you!" Peter realized he was in a bad situation. People heard the commotion and came running into the room to see what happened. What they saw was a broken window with pieces of glass everywhere, blood dripping off of Peter from the glass cutting him, and papers scattered about.
"Oh my god, he's hurt! We need to help him!" said Peter, so he pushed his way through the masses of people, who still didnt realize he was responsible for this. Peter ran to his car, and drove quickly away. He stopped at a nearby creek and jumped in. The water was soothing, and washed the blood and glass off of him. Luckily he had a change of clothes in the backseat of his car, so he changed into them after drying off.
At this time, police sirens could be heard, and they went flying past the spot where he was hiding in the river, and his car was hidden as well. He sat there contemplating his next move. He saw a girl walking alongside the river towards him. She looked to be about 19. So Peter raped her. Although she enjoyed it and he got her number afterwards, so it wasn't really rape.
Peter knew the police would be looking for his car, so he had to get out of there, and fast. He found a canoe in the river, and started paddling downstream. The river split many times, so the police would never know which route he took. Finally he arrived in a small village. There was a campfire in the middle of the village, he could smell the flames burning from his canoe.
He got out of the canoe, and walked down the street. He was hungry, so he decided to buy a grilled cheese sandwich.
"That'll be $6.95," the cashier said.
"But, I only have 5 dollars," said Peter.
"Well then I'm sorry, but you can't have any grilled cheese."
"Are you fucking serious!!"
"Whoa, calm down sir! Here, I'll give you the sandwich for only $4.95."
"Thank you, I appreciate your kindness." said Peter. He paid for his sandwich, ate it, and left. He kept walking down the street, until finally he came to a casino. That's odd, he thought. I didn't know there were casinos aaround here. He walked in, with only a nickel that he had from his change of the grilled cheese sandwich.
He walked over to the roulette wheel, and placed a nickel on black. He won.
A dime on black. He won.
20 cents. Win.
40 cents. Win.
80 cents. Win.
$1.60. win.
$3.20. win.
$6.40. win.
$12.80. win.
2 hours later he was up at 43 million dollars. He cashed out, and placed 43 million-dollar bills into his wallet. At this point, the police showed up to arrest him.
"Gentlemen!" he said. "If you let me go, you shall be rewarded in the form of a one million dollar bill." He placed the bill on the ground, and slowly walked away. The policemen picked up the bill and began to inspect it. "Hey," one of the officers called, "got any more of those bills?" and pointed a gun at Peter's face.
At this point Peter was already 100 feet away, so he just started running. The officer fired and missed. He got into his car and drove after Peter, but Peter ran up a steep cliff, forcing the officer to get out and try and chase him. Lucky for Peter, the officer was fat and could not climb as well as he would have hoped. Peter threw rocks at the officer and laughed.
"What's wrong, fatty?" shouted Peter. "Is the slope too steep for you?" After a while Peter got tired of taunting the officer, who was still struggling to get up the cliff. Peter began walking on. He came to a gun shop, and purchased some guns, and a bullet proof vest. He was fully equipped to handle the police if they arrived again.
"Damn, I'd like to get laid," Peter said aloud to nobody in particular. Soon he discovered he was in somebody's backyard, and there were children playing in the backyard. They looked up with puzzled looks on their face, a mix of confusion and fear.
"Hi children," said Peter, "Do you have any older sisters, preferably over the age of 18?" The children did not reply. "Fine then, I'll just look inside your house." He entered the house before him, and found a lady cooking.
"Who the hell are you!" she screamed.
"Relax," said Peter, "I've come to help you."
He then took some money out of his pocket and placed it on the table. The lady looked confused for a moment, then she became very happy at the realization that yes, thats a lot of money right there on her table. Peter then got her drunk, and managed to talk her into having sex with him. Afterwards, she got up and started to walk out of the room, but something caught her eye. She reached down and picked up Peter's shirt.
"You like my shirt?" said Peter.
"Whats this badge? You work with my husband?" she said. She was holding his ID badge from the place where he worked. "Oh my god...you're the one who broke his leg!"
To be continued...
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-05-17 16:20:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
no - im sorry
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-04-09 23:52:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Peter, Peter, asshole eater...
Submitted by 8track (user info) at 2007-04-05 22:45:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2007-03-02 18:16:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AND THEN?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:19:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-15 15:12:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD: "He cashed out, and placed 43 million-dollar bills into his wallet."
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-15 18:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-15 18:12:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
You paid a dollar to put this garbage on the uberboard??
JonnyX, please end your own life.
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you first, DOUG
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-15 17:33:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Peter peter pumkin eater....
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-15 16:19:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
heh, retal -2s are teh suxxorz, DOUG...
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-15 15:12:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
GOLD: "He cashed out, and placed 43 million-dollar bills into his wallet."
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-15 14:56:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought this was superb
*shrug*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-15 14:44:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
y'know, I just got rid of ONE whiny bitch around here, I dont need for you to take his place, mmmmkay?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-1????
What was I thinking?
Oh yeah, I wasn't.
I was singing "Bill-y don't be a her-o, don't be a fool with your liii-fffffe..."
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-14 17:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-14 15:54:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you all for your excellent reviews, except Shlongy, you can burn in hell.
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Shlongy was very generous to give this piece of shit a -1...I'll rate this piece as it should be rated.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-09-14 16:21:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Pretty cool.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-14 15:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you all for your excellent reviews, except Shlongy, you can burn in hell.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-14 15:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:50:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:40:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I smirked
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:38:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was awsome.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You win the electro prize in literature
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:28:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wierd how things work out like that
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-14 14:07:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:52:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah Peter is pretty bosh
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:52:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
BILLY, don't be a hero, don't be a fool with your li-iiiiife....
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:49:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:36:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
"BUT WHOM KILLED HIM, AND WHY?!?!?!"
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:46:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
HAHAHAHAHA!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:38:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
craziness... this is how I think.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
PASS THE FLUFFERNUTTER!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"BUT WHOM KILLED HIM, AND WHY?!?!?!"
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-14 13:34:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment