Ridin’ Dirty with God (1074 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.68 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chronic (View user info) at 2006-09-16 22:03:18 EDT
"A little chat with God": http://www.ubersite.com/m/93085
"Hey God": http://www.ubersite.com/m/93147
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Me: Yo, these are some ill wheels you got here. God, I've never seen anything quite like it.
God: I know, right? Been callin' it The Wingtrain. It's been drippin' fly-ass angel pussy for weeks. Get in and hit this shit.
Me: You know how we do.
God: ...Here.
Me: Thanks....
God: So, what's good these days?
Me: ....Oh, ya know, a little of this...this is shit is tight...a little of that........................wheeewwhhhhhha....
God: That's a dragon's drag you got there, kid. Of the mortals I roll with, I think you're owning the smoke thing. How do you do it? You're not even that big.
Me: Whenever I go ridin' with you, we always cruise the galaxy and ride the lighting between parallel dimensions and shit, so I figured out way back that when we do this, I'm actually...remember that movie, The Matrix?
God: Yeah?
Me: It's like when that Morpheus dude fights Keanu in the simulator and then chuckles at him when Keanu's stupid enough to think that....his muscles or how fast he is or how hard he breathes...actually has anything to do with the world around him. It's like that, ya know?
God: Oh.
Me: Man, whatever. I just rock the damn Casbah. That's why.
God: Haha.. Blunt, Bogey.
Me: My bad.......
God: I know the Bishop.
Me: Heh....I wanted one more hit. Here. It's not like you pay for it.
God: No shit............Listen, I gotta head through the homegirl's sometime today.... Said I'd hit her up.
Me: Bet you did.
God: Is it chill if I drop you off to grab lunch somewhere?
Me: Sure. I'm feeling some Chinese needs. Know what I'm sayin'?
God: Word.
Me: Where are we?
God: This is the island of Hainan. It's just off the southern tip of China. Head up this road about a quarter of a mile and you'll be in town. Little restaurant called Maio's, I think. Mas bueno.
Me: Vaya con...Usted?
God: Heh, peace.
-----------------------------
God: I've been waiting for an hour.
Me: I was only in town for like, an hour and a half?
God: She's a living anomaly made of pure energy, Chronic. How long do you think it takes to tap that? And what makes you think it didn't feel like an eon with her, anyway? What the hell do you know?
Me: Hostile, homeboy. Hostile.
God: Yeah, well she's a stupid bitch. Sexy as fuck, but a stupid bitch however ya figure it.
Me: Heh...
God: Something on your mind?
Me: We're boys, right? I mean we can talk to each other about whatever's the shit?
God: Of course. You're my runnin' dog, Chron.
Me: Roll another fatty and let's cruise the dimensional rim.
God: Fo'sho, my son.
Me: ....
God: ....
Me: I saw that you talked to a couple other people on Ubersite.
God: Yeah, haha, I figured you'd like that. You got a lighter?
Me: Uh, sure. Here.
God: Thanks.
Me: So it was a joke for me? Heh, I guess never mind then.
God: Spill it, kid......................
Me: Well, don't take this the wrong way, but, you're playing somebody here. I mean, you obviously weren't being yourself with those people. Like, why'd you say you love everyone?
God: .....Alright, I can feel where you're coming from on this. Not everyone is really able to take me the way I am. I mean, if there is a definition of "keepin' it real," I'm it. I actually keep it, all of it, real.........
Me: Well, obviously.
God: For real, though. Not everybody can handle it.... Take this.
Me: Thanks................................
God: That Rob is a nice kid. He wants to believe I love him. That other guy actually keeps it pretty real sometimes, but he's a little confused, so he'd rather I was a little confused, too. Feel me?
Me: Yeah, I think so. You understand why it makes me uncomfortable, though, right? It makes me wonder if you act this way just for me?
God: You think I'm not bein' f'real wit you???
Me: Nah, I'm just sayin'..........................
God: Kracka, you callin' me out?
Me: Nah, chill, Big Man. I just had to wonder is all. Want the last hit or two on this?
God: Hell yeah. Chronic, seriously though. We been boys for a minute, son. I keep it real with you because you keep it real with me. Don't worry about what other people say I'm sayin' to them. I don't keep it real with everybody, and I don't have to. I keep it real when and where it counts.... We're home.
Me: You're timing is straight gangsta. Seriously. And thanks, Chief. Same time next month?
God: ...You know how we do.
User Reviews
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-10-05 07:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think God liked this.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:23:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a Bostonian these days.
And thanks, Rad.
And Tony, I'm glad you said that because you're exactly the kind of person I was hoping would comment. I've heard this attitude before and I'd like to analyze it for a minute.
Where in here did you see me trying to speak "black slang"? 'Cause I dropped "ill" in terms of a car or maybe "tight" in terms of some trees, or even "gangsta" in terms of timing? Oh golly. So basically anyone who uses a little of what you think of as "black slang" is either "copkillin' hoodcat" (not on Uber) or "punk ass suburban poser" (on Uber), which is really what I think you're getting at. It seems to me that it's going to be people like you that are gonna be the next generation dickheads who play for some higher ground because you never said something was "sick as hell" (meaning sweet) or "hella fine" (meaning sexy) during your depressing childhoods. For the rest of your lives when you can't relate to anyone involved in any part of the hip-hop generation, which is pretty much everything between those two ends of the spectrum mentioned earlier, which has sucked in a lot of pieces of everything else, please try to remember this: The duality of that spectrum, along with all the gray area in between, has distinguished the connotations of the diction when employed to be conversational, sarcastic, comedic, controversial etc. Do you get it? Is it totally gnarly?
Now, did I make God a little more gangsta than me, or maybe even more than what I'd be normally most used to? Hell yeah, a little. He's God. He IS more gangster, but that doesn't mean I'm trying to depict him as The Godfather OR BigPapaBlood spittin' rhymes at me with laughable bling, blingin' all around the way, ridin' spinnaz, wit stunna shades on. I wasn't shooting for either of those things, but God's still real gangster.
And I said "Rock the Casbah" because it IS a worn-out cheesy phrase, and the stupid high shit that I said before it required me to take a little jab at myself, which would also explain him wanting the blunt back when I said it. There was a form of sarcasm in use there. Heard of it? It's all part of what I'm talking about.
For real now, I've been blazin' with the boys since we was kids, and when they roll through for the ride, I'm always gonna be hoppin' some real life so I can be game to go, even if it's to get "hyphy" (What up West Coast). Real recognizes real. Nothing here had to do with bein' black ghetto, yo.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-21 05:22:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was wondering if you understand actually how deep and meaningful this piece was.
The social implications of it alone are revolutionary and nothing short of the direction mankind needs to evolve in order to survive.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-09-21 01:21:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why not. i've met up with plenty of people from this site. i had a few drinks with Method in NYC a couple weeks ago and i'll probably hang with Rizzo in Philly sometime next week. the best was when i met up with Lauren in Austin. holy fuck that was a crazy night. anyway, i realized she was nuts a little while after that and stopped talking to her. most people on this site are completely insane. the funny part is that some of the ones you think are the most insane are actually the normal ones. Method is quite normal in person, although i'm sure he doesn't want any of you to know it. me and him go way back, though.
anyway, i may be in Philly, Boston, Princeton, NYC, or Atlantic City at any point in the next couple weeks. and then it's back to Chicago with a trip to St. Louis. where do you hang out?
Submitted by TonyMontana (user info) at 2006-09-21 01:21:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
it's painful watching retarded, starched-collar white people try to imitate black slang. go pull your pleated dockers up a few more inches you fucking white urkel. doesn't your community college accounting class give you enough homework?
"Me: Man, whatever. I just rock the damn Casbah. That's why."
Whoaaa man, that was gangsta! And nice usage of the word, "chuckles." get your fucking ass off here and go watch your season 3 box set of Dawson's Creek.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-21 00:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll say.
And it's becoming a reality that I might have to reveal myself to all these heathens eventually. So yeah Hidden, I hope I do smoke with you at some point.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-20 18:37:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
god is a smart man.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-09-20 03:35:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
dude, we gotta smoke together sometime.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-20 01:16:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I try to take some inspiration from the Ubercesspool once in awhile.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 01:04:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was a great idea for a post series. You rule.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:44:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't worry. God doesn't actually like the song either.
I was just lookin' for hits, here.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:35:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really hate that song but I just found out what it's about. I need a ghetto translator.
Submitted by gank (user info) at 2006-09-18 16:17:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They see God rollin,
They hatin.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-18 16:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had my suspicions that God was a hippie, but I never knew he was a ghetto hippie.
Submitted by Wicked (user info) at 2006-09-18 14:56:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for subtlety. Best god convo yet, because it doesn't sound like it was written by a two year old with an agenda.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-09-17 22:40:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sa-weeeet.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-17 20:51:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ridin' Dirty with God (420 hits)
haha
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-09-17 14:13:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
word
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-17 13:42:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I liked it.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-17 04:21:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Either this wasn't too bad, or it's 4:20 in the morning and I can't think straight.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-17 03:13:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Every time I see this title I get that fucking song in my head.
DAMN YOU CHAMILLIONAIRE OR HOWEVER YOU SPELL YOUR NAME
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-17 03:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Chron, did you just make a matrix reference?
Nerd.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-17 03:07:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Green pill, motherfucker.
Submitted by JediMasterJambi (user info) at 2006-09-17 02:41:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you ever had a dream, Chronic, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream, Chronic? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-17 02:12:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
acid trips don't count as conversations with god.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-17 00:24:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well then, what an asshole.
At least you got Chinese food. I love Chinese food.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-17 00:21:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
jesus was actually a magic mushroom
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-17 00:20:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
But this one would cop your lighter.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-17 00:15:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I find that hard to believe.
A righteous lord would throweth flame from thine own fingertips.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-16 23:21:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
He jacked my damn lighter!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-16 22:39:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
God: Word.
===========
heheheh
that, there, is the "word" of God.