Getting the Cake Home - Part 4 (460 hits)
Category: GeneralLabels: cake
Rating: 1.88 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nath (w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m) (View user info) at 2006-09-18 07:26:01 EDT
Part 1 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/92653
Part 2 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/92752
Part 3 - http://www.ubersite.com/m/92793
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We were just a few steps into Ablington when we saw the first elderly man, sat on his garden wall. Sat like the proper, traditional senior citizen, with a flat cap pressed forwards and a brown, wooden pipe held firmly between his lips. He gave a polite nod as another puff of smoke floated out the miniature chimney and disappeared into the night above his head.
"You boys lost?" He asked. Ablington, like many of the villages in that area, didn't welcome strangers. And even though Andy and I might now be well known through the fair circuit, our fame obviously hadn't reached into the dingy little corner of Ablington Village.
"No, sir." Andy answered. "Just on the run."
The wrong words. The man stood up and walk slowly towards us.
"And what might you be on the run from?" The man asked, inspecting us from five foot away.
"A load of people, claim we cheated their cakes out of them." I said, holding out the cake from Amesbury as evidence. "But the truth is we just won them fairly."
"What the hell are you boys on about?" The man stared harder, the little black beads that were in his eye sockets wonder all over us. It was very creepy.
"At the village fairs." Andy said as if the man was stupid for not knowing. "Guessing the weight. We got it right in every fair in the area and they don't like it."
The man took a step towards us and straightened up his hunched back slightly, giving him an extra four inches in height, which still wasn't tall enough to look down on us.
Then his eyes settled on the half eaten cake I was still holding forwards.
"That's funny." He liked his lips in a sound that reminded me of when my dad used to use sandpaper to smooth over a piece of wood. "I don't remember you winning ours."
I took a look at Andy, who was already looking at me, both of us in shock. We didn't even know Ablington had a fair. It wasn't publicised or advertised, and we knew. We had been checking all the papers and newsletters in the areas.
"No?" Was all I could think to say. What else could I say?
"No." He repeated, taking another short puff on the pipe. "Because I won it. You think you boys are too good to win our cake?"
"Not at all." Andy quick spluttered out. "We just didn't know you had a fair."
"So you boys are too good to even come to our fair?"
"No, no, no," Andy said. I was begging for him to not dig us in any deeper. Not when we were so close to home.
"Don't worry boys." The man's face cracked into a disgusting smile. "I'm just fucking with you. Where you headed?"
"Netheravon."
"Well you're practically there." He seemed to have a humour and a lot of heart in his voice. "You've got a...what...ten minute walk?" We nodded in agreement. "Well you better get going. Just leave the cake and you're free to pass through."
The relief we had felt instantly disappeared like a puff of the man's smoke. He wanted our cake? We'd almost been burnt alive, shovelled, tractored, biked and lesbianed to death for this fucking cake. No way were we going to let some senile gobshite from Ablington of all places bully it out of us.
"Fuck you." Andy and I said in unison, and we both just kept on walking.
We heard the man give a slight chuckle to himself as he returned to his home.
---
As we made our way down the steep hill towards the border of Ablington, which lead directly into the short stretch of No Man's Land between Ablington and Netheravon, we heard a lot of footsteps somewhere in the streets around us, a sound which we had heard all too often that night.
"What now?" Andy asked, as if I would have any better idea than he would.
The footsteps seemed to move around us completely, until people were charging into the road in front, blocking the way completely. Slowly the old man from the wall hobbled into the middle of the group.
"You see what you get!" He shouted at us. "You see what you get when you mess with us!"
We turned around to see if we could get back and try an alternative route, but the idea of sprinting up the hill wasn't an attractive one. Especially in the states we were in.
Then the whole idea of it was dashed completely when we heard more shouts and whoops. It wasn't long before the headlights were visible and the engine noise was audible. Over the peak of the hill, winding down the narrow street, came the tractor, still covered in Land Wardens.
Instantly they spotted us and began speeding up, desperate to run us down. Andy ran to one of the gardens nearby and picked up a plant pot, while I placed the cake down carefully on the pavement and heaved one of the drain lids off.
Andy threw his pot at the tractor, hitting one of the people off the side, causing him to fall to the road. The lid was too heavy for me to throw well on my own, so Andy got the other end, and on the count of three we launched it towards the tractor and then dived out of the way.
There was a loud smash, followed by a scream, as the metal cover shattered the front of the tractor's cabin and hit the driver in the gut. Instantly he doubled over and the vehicle began to spin out of control. The few others inside the cabin tried to steer it along carefully, but it was useless, as gravity took over all control.
The people from Ablington, who were still stood at the bottom of the hill, looked dumbfounded as the massive tractor shot towards them. Only a few managed to get out of the way as it finally tipped and slid hard towards them, smashing and squashing most of them.
Andy and I were already back on our feet and running, as fast as we possibly could. We followed in the tractor's wake, through the torn gap in the people, where smears and streaks of blood covered the road.
Moments later we were in the No Man's Land, but we didn't stop pumping our legs, refusing to feel safe until we were back in Netheravon territory.
---
After a few minutes of desperate sprinting, we collapsed over the border and into Netheravon. My legs were aching and sweat was stinging my eyes as I looked at the sign again to confirm, we were indeed home.
From that point on we took it at a gentle pace, walking steadily back home, slowly picking at the cake. It tasted all the better after knowing what we had gone through for it. As we got towards the centre of the village something seemed strange. There were more people around than there should have been.
"What's going on?" I asked Mick, who was just heading down the village.
"Nath, where the hell have you been?"
"Why?"
"Someone's set the club on fire." He said. The three of us broke into another run, a different kind of energy fuelling me and Andy on.
When we got to the club the fire was just burning itself out, the building all but gone. Most of the people in the village were present, watching the events. Apparently the fire crews couldn't get in because of a row of cars blocking the main road.
On the wall of the car park, which had been unaffected by the fire, was sprayed, in large, white letters "NEXT SUMMER" followed by a crudely drawn picture of a cake.
---
The End for this year
User Reviews
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:39:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Bit dull, this series
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-19 09:01:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:09:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-18 13:42:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-18 12:39:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it.
now go read and rate my series.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-18 12:22:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're not actually going to continue this series next year are you? That would be crazier than marrying a tree.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-18 11:18:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glory
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-09-18 09:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't realise quite how enjoyable this was
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-09-18 09:22:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very underated.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-18 07:34:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
get low and give Darko some dome
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-09-18 07:29:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd stick to guessing how many skittles are in a jar next year mate