I'm Sorry Dave, I'm Afraid I Can't Do That... (407 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.11 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by zfx84 (View user info) at 2006-09-18 10:56:55 EDT
I TYPED THIS UP AT WORK:
This past Saturday night, I found my computer to be running a little slower than usual. Maybe it was because of all the porn and hidden trojan viruses on it, or maybe it was the 32 programs I had open and running all at once...I wasn't quite sure.
So I brought up the magic box that lists all the ongoing processes, via the secret key code of "CTRL+ALT+DELETE", and cancelled everything I thought was slowing the system down. When that didn't work, I restarted my computer hoping that would end any other hidden processes I didn't know about.
But when the computer restarted and up came the first boot screen, I was greeted with a flashing "WARNING!" followed by this message: "Hard drive failure imminent. Back up all information before complete drive failure!"
So it would appear that my hard drive was in pre-crash mode, and that would explain the sudden slow speed and further solidified my theory that my computer is old and fucked up. At least the machine had the decency to warn me before it completely failed.
So the next day I went to Circuit City and bought a brand new hard drive, doubling the size of my old one and for a pretty cheap price too. I came home and set to work on my computer. Once I got the new hard drive in there and hooked up, I turned my computer on and prepared myself for hours of transferring data from one drive to the other.
Except, my computer didn't exactly turn back on. You could hear everything loading up, but no image popped up on the screen. The monitor was on and plugged in, I even tried a different monitor, which also didn't work. So that cancelled out the possibility the monitor was the problem.
After about another hour, I narrowed it down to the cause being that my video card was shot. What were the chances of the video card going and the hard drive at the same time?
Luckily, my dad's old computer was still sitting around with an unused video card in it. So I just took that one out and put it in my computer and problem solved.
Now all that was left to do was to transfer everything from the failing drive to the new one. There was automated software to do that job, so I let it run and work it's copying magic as I watched all of seasons 1-3 of Arrested Development on DVD.
Man, Gob never should have given up the animation rights.
Anyway, after I was done watching the show, I turned my attention back to my computer to see how the process was going. Apparently, it wasn't going at all.
It had stopped copying mid way through because the original drive finally gave out and crashed. There was nothing left to copy, and I didn't get there in time. The drive crashed before I could finish because I was delayed due to the stupid video card.
I became angry at the fact that so much information was now lost. All the music I had stored on my computer, gone. Everything I had ever written, gone. All the pictures of people's heads I had photoshopped onto a naked sexy bodies, gone.
I exploded with rage and picked up my computer monitor. I tossed it out of my bedroom window; the glass shattered followed quickly by a large thud-like noise, a crash, and then a scream. I looked out of my window to see where that scream came from.
Apparently, my monitor landed on my neighbor's driveway, right on top of their 4 year old daughter who had been on her bicycle. In a morbid way, it kinda looked like that scene from the Wizard of Oz when the house lands on the witch; the monitor was just sitting on top of the girl's lifeless body and only her legs stuck out from underneath.
I was waiting for the feet to curl upwards like they did in the movie, but instead her parents came screaming out of the house in shock and horror. Like instinct, they saw the monitor and looked up at my window, with me leaning out.
They automatically accused me of killing their daughter as one they pointed up at me and screamed in disbelief some more.
I brought my head back in from the window and sat down in my chair. This was horrible. I can't believe this happened and that I did something so reckless. How was I going to live like this?
I had no money to buy myself a new monitor; I should have thought about that before I carelessly tossed it out the window. I guess I could dip into my savings, but now I was going to be out a couple hundred dollars.
This was the worst thing that could have happened to me right now.
I stopped wallowing in self pity and went into my closet to get my gun with the silencer on it. I had two witnesses outside I had to get rid of before either one of them tried to call the cops, then I'd have to dipose of all three bodies...and I was not at all in the mood for digging graves.
User Reviews
Submitted by LadyJay (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:19:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked it.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:15:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-18 16:50:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not too bad
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-18 15:25:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Retaliatory -2's are for fagots, you cock smoke.
Let me call whine-1-1 for you, bitch.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-18 13:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I got to "I" and I stopped reading.
Submitted by Allyson (user info) at 2006-09-18 12:15:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
blah
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-09-18 12:02:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Buy a flat panel next time.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-18 11:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I lost interest very early.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-09-18 11:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not guilty of this.
Give me some credit, darko.
I wouldn't do a post titled "I'm sorry Nath, I'm afraid I can't do that" (AND get B@W) and then release this. Not my style
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-18 11:06:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
They automatically accused me of killing their daughter as one they pointed up at me and screamed in disbelief some more.
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*falls off chair*
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-18 11:00:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nath?