I saw a group of crying 8-year-olds lick a dog's balls (730 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -0.82 on 34 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Maltese (View user info) at 2006-09-18 17:47:27 EDT
The citizens of Huntsville, Alabama aren't exactly the smartest in the world.
This became scientifically proven during one hot summer day in 2000.
I remember it vividly, almost too vividly.
My friend Jeff invited me to his tenth birthday party, and so I came over. This was going to be great. Plus there was an Oreo cake. An Oreo cake is an omen that you will rock and roll all night (and party e-var-y day).
Anyways, his little sister, Maria, like the jealous bitchkabob she was, whined that since Jeff got to invite his friends, she should be able to invite some of hers. She was able to, so she invited three of them. Since we didn't want them to ruin the party, they were forced to play in the front yard, where we would celebrate in the backyard.
There were about seven of us at the party, drinking punch, eating cake, spraying each other with the hose, telling dirty jokes, stuff like that.
Yes, all was well, until I stumbled into the front yard. I can't exactly remember why I did, but for some reason I decided to walk into that grass-covered 8-year-old's territory, but I now wholeheartedly regret it.
As soon as I ventured into the front yard, Maria grabbed my arm. She and her 8-year-old friends were sobbing.
"Rusty -- I think JoJo might have cancer", Maria said in between sobs. JoJo was the dog owned by the family next door to Jeff. Since Jeff's family didn't have a dog, they would play with JoJo and treat them like their own dog.
"What? Nuh uh. He doesn't", I replied.
"No really, it's true! Please, you gotta help us! You're a big kid, you know about this kind of stuff", Maria said, crying, as he and her friends dragged me through fifty feet of insect-filled bushes to their neighbor's backyard.
When I arrived, I saw the dog. He looked perfectly normal.
"See, nothing's wrong with him", I said. I didn't have time for this shit, there was Oreo cake to be had, dammit!
She flipped the dog over and spread its legs. She pointed to a large red sac below the dog's penis.
"See? There's the cancer!", Maria cried.
"That's not cancer, that's his testicles", I said.
"What's a 'testicles'?", I heard one of her friends say.
Before I could answer, however, Maria added, "He keeps licking it. I think it's because it's hurting him so bad."
"No, he's just cleaning himself, it's perfectly natural for a dog to do", I said.
"Maybe if we lick it, too, it might help the cancer go away!", suggested one of the kids.
"Yeah, like a popsicle!", added another.
"That's a great idea!", said Maria, as she and her friends approached JoJo.
Before I could even say anything, all four sobbing 8-year-olds dropped to their knees and LICKED THE DOG'S BALLS. At that moment, the image was irreversibly burned into my memory to haunt me for the rest of my life. Oh the humanity.
I truly could not believe what I was seeing here. A group of crying 8-year-old kids licking a dog's nutsac?
With that thought, it went from scary to funny. I started laughing, and within a few seconds I was laughing so hard I fell over onto the ground.
I wanted to tell them to stop, but I was laughing so damn hard I decided not to.
I walked back to the party, had a great time, and slept happy that night knowing that while I got a mouthful of Oreo cake, those sniveling 8-year-old douchebags got a mouthful of canine crotch. As Wazza would say:
what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want veterinary advice ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they lick jojos testes uh?
Good night, bitches.
User Reviews
Submitted by BlueEagle (user info) at 2006-10-21 10:37:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I had a neighbor whos kid would get humped by another neigbors dog periodically. He didnt know what it was, so when they called the dog off, he would say, "No, its ok, it kinda feels good."
I dont know whatever happened to that poor kid.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-11 19:54:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
was i by any chance a member of this group?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:28:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Round One Begins: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93282
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-19 05:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
everytime I see one of your reviews I want to stick a needle in you
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-09-18 23:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-18 22:40:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
hahah you suck
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-18 21:02:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:50:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
oh by the way apollo had a point.
Submitted by blueboy (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I heard it too
Submitted by baking_Lady (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:49:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
did somebody say 'cunt'?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
cunt
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:25:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Ummm...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-09-18 20:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Yes, if could have happened, but the setup's so implausible and the ending's so predictable that it wasn't worth writing about; you have to assume people are going to call bullshits.
Submitted by extacy_red (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why does this have a negative rating?
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:47:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd advise not shitting on friends.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Please fuck off and die
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:35:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Wow.
Bitchslapped by the Brit.
Wow.
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:30:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHA
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:17:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oops, forgot the +2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-18 19:16:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+2 for "Oh the Humanity"
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:44:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bye.
Submitted by sideshow (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:39:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go Apollo!
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:10:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Heh. Nice apollo.
Submitted by Arthur_Dent (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
me three!!
Submitted by Psmith (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:09:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
me too!
Submitted by kwame_johnson (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:08:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i'm apollo's alter.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:55:51 (#)
Ranking: -2
A retal -2 on Uber and a retal -5 on Pulsehead?
Get your arm out of your ass. """
make me you little spastic.
the -5 on pulse was because that 'article' was the biggest piece of shit ever.
you are a 16 year old scum bag with a knocked up gook as a side kick and you presume to judge other people?
you shouldn't have ANY time to be online in your situation.
there you go: judged.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-09-18 18:08:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And I just threw up in my mouth a little.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:58:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Eat an ass, immature cock.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:56:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
SAW the group?
You were IN the group. You're their spiritual leader...King of the Dipshits.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:55:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey, why not.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:54:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm guessing it was you, wang wesser, stok, paint_it_black, and lsd420.
What do i win?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:51:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You are 16.
If I wanted to associate with 16 year olds I'd go back to raping.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-18 17:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93155