Waiting is Overrated -or- I'm a Doomed Paraplegic (1149 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.77 on 87 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Average_Dan (View user info) at 2006-09-19 03:22:26 EDT
I've been told that waiting on having sex until you get to know the other person, is the best way to a long lasting relationship. I've also been told that if I didn't forward an email to at least 10 of my friends, I would never walk again and aliens were going to destroy the planet Earth. My point is, you have to be careful what you choose to believe.
To test the former of the above named thesis, I offer you, yet another thrilling entry of Average_Dan and his made up, figurative girlfriend who may or may not be real.
We met earlier this year, in the spring. The green grass of the freshly manicured fairways paled when she looked up. The light of the Sun danced around the emerald flecks in the iris and sent it shining back out in a myriad of colors. Was I having a flashback? Probably, but it was captivating nonetheless.
She was the daughter of the Vice President of my company. An absolutely breathtaking carbon copy of her mother (who is the object of every new intern's idolatry), she had just graduated from William & Mary with a degree in Philosophy. What she saw in a guy like me, I'll never know, but she had this date set up by her father, who was always nice enough to me but I found her boldness stunning.
In any case, she was certainly the conversationalist. Quite eloquent, she was almost intimidating with her lovely mix of charm and wit. Coupled with a rocking body and those prismatic eyes, she was quite the catch.
We ended up meeting later that very night for drinks. She drank Tullamore Dew on the rocks, which I liked right away, being a huge fan of Irish Whisky. I forgave her the fact that it wasn't Bushmill's (which I, of course ordered. Bushmill's being for Men and perhaps larger biped mammals) and we had an amazing time jumping from conversation to conversation. Subsequently, the subject of Sex came up.
"I'm not going to tell you that I have never slept with anyone, that wouldn't be true" she said without the slightest hint of shame, "but I will tell you that I haven't slept with anyone in years, and it's not changing anytime soon because I haven't met anyone that means something to me in a long time."
"Conversely", I reply, "I don't think I've ever been in a relationship that didn't start out by the two of us meeting drunkenly and having sex, waking up next to each other and not feeling repulsed".
"And how have those tuned out?" she questioned.
"Well, I'm short a flat screen TV and I can't go to that sandwich place over on Main anymore"
"Wha--?"
"Um, nothing, what I'm saying is that, if you think that getting to know one another first is important, then I'm willing to try it."
And we did.
She met my parents, who took to her immediately. She met my friends, who liked her quite a bit more it would seem, than me. I loved her because she made me wait. She turned into my best friend, and I hers. She had been to every nook and cranny of my existence and wasn't scared of what she saw. We shared moments that reminded me of those pictures that are in picture frames when you buy them. This was love. This was the thing I had been waiting for. Sex wasn't even on my mind this girl had me so bent.
For a while.
Then I thought how I wanted nothing but to make her mine. To show her how she had waited with good reason. To please her more than any man had ever pleased her in her life. My pleasure would be to see pleasure on her face. She was ready as well. She could see it in my eyes and she knew I wouldn't be satiated until she took me deep inside her. The clothes were off in an instant. A thought, and some ripped fabric. She took me on top of her as she lay on the soft mattress. With her hand she rubbed the head of my dick against her drenched folds and up to her clitoris. The pressure was unbearable. I needed to be inside her. With a final tease, she let me slide between her hands and deep inside her quivering vagina. She gasped as she gave way to the unfamiliar appendage.
Shit, I didn't want it to go this fast, but it's just so intense. Maybe I can just get this one over with and go again? But wait. Where am I going to cum? Not inside of her. I know that. On her face? Yeah, that's fucking sweet. This girl knows that I cried at the end of Armageddon when Bruce Willis pushes the switch for the Nuke. I couldn't shame her like that. She might let it out. On her stomach? Same principle as the face I suppose, plus, she's not giving me any signs on where to cum. I wonder if she even knows. Oh god. On her sheets? Goddammit, those are the sheets her grandmother gave her that she knitted herself. Fuck, I wish I didn't know that. There's only one thing to do.
That's right ladies and gentleman, I held it. At least, I think I did.
I cinched the end of my manhood off like a pipe cap. I squeezed, I yelled, and I got one stuck in the chamber. She looked at me confused, but not nearly as confused as when I looked at my dick, in turn, and asked for affirmation of detonation. He said nothing out loud, but his body language indicated that there had. The strange part is, residual evidence said the opposite. There was no spunk to be found in spunkville. It didn't turn up in anyone's hair either, mistaken for mousse, it simply didn't exist. They say that energy can never be created or destroyed, but what the hell had happened here? I was speechless in inner-struggle. I needed time to figure some things out.
The fact is, if she were any other broad, this situation never would have happened. I would have janxed on her window shutters and got the hell out. Now I may or may not have a fear of getting to know women well before I sleep with them.
The latter of the two thesis above is being evidenced in that I haven't been able to leave my computer seat since I trashed that email and I have it on good word that there is a Karrilian Death Ship in geosynchronous orbit above the Eastern Seaboard.
User Reviews
Submitted by Arizhel (user info) at 2006-10-11 23:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto +2 disappearing jizz.
Neat trick!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-11 22:28:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
:( I have no ass now, and it's all your fault.
Hey wait a minute!
I just looked in the mirror and my ass is TOTALLY there.
I even grabbed it just to make sure.
Then I slapped my own hand. Touchy-feely bitch; who do I think I am?!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SPACE SHIP VROOOM VROOOM
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-11 20:34:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-11 19:56:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-06 15:36:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-04-14 20:09:11 (#)
Ranking: -2
No, tetrasodium chloride is just 4 salt shakers tied together.
=========
AHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAHHA
------------------------------------
I'm glad there was someone here that was nerd enough to get that.
Good show
==========
Seriously, I laughed my fucking ass off.
no, really; check it out, my ass is gone.
:(
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-10-02 15:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-02 14:56:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Methinks there is just something to,
a witty charm in your reviews.
They always seem so well thought out,
and edited, without a doubt.
The time you take to write them down,
Persons, places, things are nouns.
The above sentence made no sense,
and I'm not good at compliments.
So switched the subject, swiftly I,
To draw your mind, in form of guise.
Take this review, you filthy dame,
If it sucks, you're just to blame.
I'm going off to fly a kite,
so thank you miss, god bless, good night.
========
You are brilliant.
This editing, you think I do?
well I must say, it isn't true
I'm slick like that, I've got some wit
Not a bunch, let's say a bit
I can't write poems
I can't write rhymes
I can't write much
most of the time
but do know, A_D
my efforts are true
even if my work sucks
compared to...uh..yours.
;)
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-02 00:47:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-01 16:59:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:58:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:51:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:27:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:23:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Merlina and Sacrilicious be my uber-bitches: take you out sometime? QueenAshlee can hang even when i was a mega bitch to her. Jade is my homegirl and Juls rocks the hizzy.
Darko is my late-night pal, rad puts up with my ramblings, Average_Dan makes me giggle like the nerd that I am, TTOM is an even bigger nerd than me (and I think he rules), and GodChicken is the only one who's got me on surveillance (and I'm not scurred).
-----------------------------
Do I now?
You are somewhat nerd-ish, but please, you have no idea teh level of nerdyness you are dealing with here.
TTOM HAS NOTHING ON ME!!
===============
Well, sometimes you do, and sometimes I just don't know what to think of your wackiness. I must dispute your claim of greater "nerdyness", for any good nerd knows that when adding the suffix "-ness" you must change the y to an i (therefore "nerdiness").
Sorry to lay the smack down like that, I don't want to hurt your feelings of course.
TTOM has nothing on you? I dunno bout that...I sense an impending mudwrestling match. Pocket protectors and all.
------------------
I know the dropping of the Y for I rule, I thought the irony of forming an incorrect word in claims of nerddom would surely equate to humor.
I was wrong.
Mudwrestling it is. Choose your weapons.
=======
You should know, as an Ultimate Nerd, that you can't misspell things for the sake of irony. Of course, in that very statement defending your misspelling, you made up another word (nerddom), wich either equates to unavoidable humor or means you have graduated to MegaNerd; which means you are finally at my level (which I hath attained by writing pointless and stupid reviews such as this one).
You were wrong? clearly we aren't married, or you wouldn't say that to me for another ten years. HAHA
Mudwrestling is on, eh. Let's see....I suppose I ought to inform your opponent....
weapons?
*points at awesome biceps* These guns, bitches..THESE MOTHERFUCKING GUNS.
NERDS....ON MARK!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:58:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:51:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:27:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:23:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Merlina and Sacrilicious be my uber-bitches: take you out sometime? QueenAshlee can hang even when i was a mega bitch to her. Jade is my homegirl and Juls rocks the hizzy.
Darko is my late-night pal, rad puts up with my ramblings, Average_Dan makes me giggle like the nerd that I am, TTOM is an even bigger nerd than me (and I think he rules), and GodChicken is the only one who's got me on surveillance (and I'm not scurred).
-----------------------------
Do I now?
You are somewhat nerd-ish, but please, you have no idea teh level of nerdyness you are dealing with here.
TTOM HAS NOTHING ON ME!!
===============
Well, sometimes you do, and sometimes I just don't know what to think of your wackiness. I must dispute your claim of greater "nerdyness", for any good nerd knows that when adding the suffix "-ness" you must change the y to an i (therefore "nerdiness").
Sorry to lay the smack down like that, I don't want to hurt your feelings of course.
TTOM has nothing on you? I dunno bout that...I sense an impending mudwrestling match. Pocket protectors and all.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:27:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:23:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Merlina and Sacrilicious be my uber-bitches: take you out sometime? QueenAshlee can hang even when i was a mega bitch to her. Jade is my homegirl and Juls rocks the hizzy.
Darko is my late-night pal, rad puts up with my ramblings, Average_Dan makes me giggle like the nerd that I am, TTOM is an even bigger nerd than me (and I think he rules), and GodChicken is the only one who's got me on surveillance (and I'm not scurred).
Submitted by The_Cyst_Master (user info) at 2006-09-27 13:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The jerk store called...
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-09-27 13:47:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
unjust? evil-doer? why, my friend, i merely lend a helping hand to those in need. don't pay too much attention to the pitchfork, it's just the fashion in He.. aven.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-24 04:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And that probably should have another comma or two in the review below but I didn't want you to think you were tripping a nigger, I was just saying you was trippin'...my nigga. My nigga being a term of endearment amoung those if Afro-American descent.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-24 04:52:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, that?
Sheeyat, I thought you was trippin' my nigga.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-22 02:06:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It is because I will have horrible mental images every time I look at you, sir!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:56:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Which is nothing like "Kicking" myself in the nuts.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:55:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Or I could just thank you now, dick myself in the nuts and call it a day?
Submitted by TheRocketeer (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:49:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You may have had a "retrograde" (backward) ejaculation. The semen just gets swallowed up and goes into your bladder, and it comes out harmlessly next time you pee. Get the book The Multi-Orgasmic Man (shows guys can learn to have multiple orgasms) and thank me later.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 11:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I like firefly +2's
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-20 11:07:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 03:04:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not. That's the problem. The part of our comedy duo that would be humorous, would be played by you. Basically, you do all the work, I just sit on stage and rock out.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-09-20 01:59:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i play guitar. people love it when i play "fuck her gently" or my acoustic version of "hit me baby one more time".
why are you so funny?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chronic, you're hilarious. We should start a comedy act, like those new blokes from New Zealand that play guitar and make jokes about it. Do you by chance play guitar? Please advise.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:43:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was hilarious
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:43:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
From what I can understand, it's when someone hoses another man's ass.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:17:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
wait, wtf IS a hoser, anyway?
"one who hoses"?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:16:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hoser?
someone called me?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:51:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Answer me hoser!
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:24:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
why is that William?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:23:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Note to self: reading Dan's posts is probably a bad idea.
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:06:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought that i was the only one
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 20:41:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well after I wrote that last review, I was going to come back and say also that "it was also very....sweet? that's not the right word, but something like that. And ignore the little clown, it's not humor. It's something else that they don't make a category for."
But I didn't.
But now I did.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 20:39:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I just read this again and I cleared the barrel.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 19:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just read this again and it was pretty hot.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-19 18:22:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Frist off, Happy Shine Day A_D!
And you didn't know where to cum? Seriously? Her ass was right there. You could have told her the truth too: "Baby, I didn't want to mess your sheets up." She would have appreciated your sensitivty.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 18:03:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was thinking more along the lines of an old fashion jewlry caddy basting.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-19 18:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should have just cum in her shoes.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 17:59:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't always feel comfortable with the gluing of the eyes. It makes for a messy clean-up. Of course that's not always a bad thing. While she's cleaning up, you can get a few seconds of thought before the idea of sex comes dashing back in to take over things.
Does that happen to anyone else?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-19 16:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
glue her eyes shut next time.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-19 16:17:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 for janxed
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 16:11:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heat? you want heat?
Rub two sticks together.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-09-19 16:07:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:12:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
somebody set you up the bomb
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I used to use the chat up line "Do you take it between the toes?". It worked once or twice.
Then I stopped going to the fetish bar, and started getting death threats.
I don't use that line anymore.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:38:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell are you on?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:33:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by texashartattack (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
stick it in her ass she'll love it
I swear!
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:15:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:45:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:56:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also no woman would willingly date a bald man.
======================
How do you UNwillingly date someone?
-----------
Pity.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-19 12:54:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm... something kind of sweet about this.
And, uh, next time, try a condom. It solves the conundrum.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 12:28:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I wish I could contribute to my own heat.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 12:15:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That's why I keep mine waxed at all times. Me and Myteeone split 2 cases of wax every 2 tuesdays like clockwork.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:51:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll get you on speed-dial; one can not bear the thought of an un-shiny melon.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:49:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thinning a bit? GIve me a call when he needs bowling ball wax and we'll talk shop.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:45:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:56:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
Also no woman would willingly date a bald man.
======================
How do you UNwillingly date someone?
In other news, mr coley is thinning a bit and I couldn't give a shit less.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:41:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-19 10:37:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have given her the baby tears.
Or just faked it inside her, and when she flipped out about it busted one right between her shoulderblades. It's fun to dance around, screaming "O'DOYLE RULES!" while the woman tries in vain to reach the load that's running down her back.
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
unnnngh
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
AHHHH!
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
"O'DOYLE RULES!"
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That is a badass star ship if I do say so myself, wouldn't you agree Jeanneee.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:21:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Berty, I've had about enough of the bald comments, but I better get used to them. It would seem that I have a lifetime of solitude ahead of me.
You are an evil man Orgasmatron. The shoulder blade mystery should only be reserved for revenge fucks. It's extremely difficult to wash up from without a loofa on a stick. You truly are, Ming the Merciless.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-19 11:21:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
delightful
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-19 10:37:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Should have given her the baby tears.
Or just faked it inside her, and when she flipped out about it busted one right between her shoulderblades. It's fun to dance around, screaming "O'DOYLE RULES!" while the woman tries in vain to reach the load that's running down her back.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-19 08:48:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like you.
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-09-19 07:39:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very well written, Dan ol boy.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-19 07:17:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"We shared moments that reminded me of those pictures that are in picture frames when you buy them."
===
Aww. Do you think any of the guys in those pictures have ever held it?
p.s.- I'm not a big whiskey drinker, but I like Bushmills. 10-year Single Malt, especially.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-09-19 06:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Read it now!
What are you a man or a fag? Do you not understand the whole sex thing? Man spoofs in womans greasy axe wound. That's the way it works, thats what that sloppy, smelly hole is for! The deeper the better, the more volume of spunk the better. Fill that cunt up.
If she gets pregnant, who gives a fuck, thats what all those fancy abortion clinics are for. If she gets AIDS fuck her off and infect someone else. You filthy AIDS scum.
Jebus, some tards really need their hand holding.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 06:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:59:43 (#)
Ranking: 2
and conversly every girl would date a guy with a flowing head of hair.
right Berty?
------------------
Women are for gheys.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-09-19 06:16:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Didn't even read the first line -2 anyway cock sucker, all paraplegics are doomed now that I've perfected my tard seeking rocket launcher! Mwahahahahaha
Your spastic ass will be the first to suffer.
Woe to the retarded.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-19 05:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and conversly every girl would date a guy with a flowing head of hair.
right Berty?
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also no woman would willingly date a bald man. Unless the bald guy was a swimmer and only then if she'd known him prior to his going pro and streamlining his noodle. Then it would on a par with a girl staying with her boyfriend when he's dying of leukemia.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your lazy sperm is undoubtedly on it's way to her fallopian tube, dying horribly in the process.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:24:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:58:58 (#)
Ranking: 2
Look into the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen effect. It's possible the strength of your ejaculate teleported your semen elsewhere. I found some semen in my own penis this morning, so that's one place it may have ended up.
--------------------
Does that have anything to do with an 11 dimensional space-time?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 04:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
let it here be noted that today is official
TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY
ARRRRRRR
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
BECAUSE YOU HAVE T3H BABYS
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:58:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Look into the Einstein-Podolsky-Rosen effect. It's possible the strength of your ejaculate teleported your semen elsewhere. I found some semen in my own penis this morning, so that's one place it may have ended up.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:55:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well GEE, what reason could anyone EVER have for not wanting to come inside someone....
HMM
I GOT NOTHING
(sarrrcasm)
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:49:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
why not inside her? I didn't quite get that part...
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:48:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Something tells me that you're telling the truth.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:46:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It wakes me up every morning.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:44:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, you know that song?
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:38:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Capt. Jean-Luc Picard
of the U.S.S. Enterprize
**Dances furiously**
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:33:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this pic made me think of
MR JEAN LUC PICARD OF THE USS ENTERPRISE
okay I'm done ruining your nice post.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:31:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Let's pretend it did. That was nice of you to hold off on those grandma-made sheets. That being said, in the face/mouth is not necessarily disrespectful.
WAIT
I KNOW
you two should have gone in the shower!
but not with the water too hot, etc...reference that one post
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:29:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember, this may or may not have happened.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:28:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
more like fucking ouch. I don't even have one and I can't imagine.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:28:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har Har Broken Peenir
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:27:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PS let me know if you end up a paraplegic; I take care of them and this job's not going to last forever.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:27:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sounds like you broke it.
I'd have a professional check it out.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-19 03:23:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Long live the whitespace