Welcome to Palmghetto-Palmetto Florida (539 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 1.86 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <romiustexis.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-09-19 13:45:35 EDT
All you want... is to get to Rally's and get a few of those 69 cent cheese burgers.
Then woolf 'em down before your break is over without an 'incident' breaking out.
Welcome to PalmGhetto.
First, you must realize that you if you want the 69 cent cheeseburgers you must ask for the '69 cent version' of the cheeseburgers. Or you do not get the 69 cent cheeseburgers. You get the 99 cent cheeseburgers. This same philosophy applies to getting the 69 cent shake or hot dog.
"You want the 69 cent version of the cheeseburgers?" Inquires the ubiquitous Mexican fast food employee. All employees at fast food restaurants in PalmGhetto are Mexican in compliance with city ordinance.
"Um...ya...I guess." But by now you will have regretted your decision to get the 69 cent burger. You will wonder what the non-69 cent version of 'the same as far as anyone can tell' cheeseburger is.
"I suppose we don't funnel any of our biological juices into the buns."
Conveniently located across from the puerile spilling cashier, at the second of Rally's/Checkers famous "walk up windows" is one of the native species of the PalmGhetto's white trash. Teen boy/girl couple.
Teen boy/girl couple are joined together in a sort of conspicuously pre-coitus poise. Hands run from buttocks to back, legs are intertwined. Tongues dart.
You sit and admire the view of her slender legs and backside, because she distracts his otherwise vigilant eye-patrol of all things "his" by the carefully constructed force of her hands, which pull and tugg at his head creating a managed choreography where once was there was only youthful incompetence.
You can take your time enjoying their display as it is so clearly apparent it is for show and as the workers at Rally's "We call it Checkers in Florida" are both slow and incompetent.
That is until some nimrod drives by and shouts "FAAAAAAG!"
This gets the attention of the so very pimpled yet so obviously hetero boy. He breaks his lustful embrace of the soon-to-be-Baby's-Mama, and in an ironic evolutionary instant, is firmly ensconced in the stereotypical stance of Fight-or-flight.
You then see his his hands go searching for something in his back pocket. And within the instant of the item's appearance you gleam forth its identity. A knife. The young man has drawn forth a knife.
Meanwhile; the hoodlum who was screaming epithets while driving his Ford truck, has dashed away-merrily offering up both his middle fingers in a ritual farewell salute.
You; howver, are going nowhere, you cannot get away. You can just stand there hypnotized by the glimpse of metal darting back and forth around the young teen in a primitive pantomime of West Side Story.
You see, you still have an order still to receive. It is ony then with cheeseburger in hand that you can attempt your getaway.
And it is only during your getaway that you are able to discern that the boy has not chosen to wield a switchblade, nor even the prosaically pedestrian pick of pilferers everywhere the common pocket knife.
But instead he has ineptly chosen to defend his honor with his mother's steak knife. That's right when not cutting Macaroni and Cheese or slicing through Salisbury Steak the humble steak knife is the trusty sidekick to any Real ASS Kicking which might go down in the Real PalmGhetto.
User Reviews
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2008-05-21 15:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was just in Palmetto 2 days ago for a job.
Tampa is better, glad I was just visiting
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 21:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*makes note*
FLORIDA FOR NEXT VACATION
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-19 21:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This sounds like certain parts of SoCal if you replace the white trash couple with a gang member and his ho amd if you replace steak knife with gun.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-19 18:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fag AND alter below
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-19 17:05:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-19 16:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
FAAAAAAG!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-19 15:33:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
white trash like this should be hunted for sport.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:59:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
go florida.
Submitted by freebie (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:37:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by Kaelic (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:36:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha ... I've been there. It's not very far from Bradenton, right? It seemed like a dump.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Never been there.
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:02:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shiiit.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
very descriptive
I liked it.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:50:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty good.
The steak knife was a nice touch.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:48:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my weapon of choice.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-19 13:48:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
slices, dices, and julienne fries....