Uni (456 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.42 on 9 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Yellow Dart (View user info) at 2006-09-19 14:39:04 EDT
After the third crack across my jaw I was down, and out. The tall, hunched man with conjoining eyebrows and a hair cut you could set your watch to ran off into the darkened street.
This is when it began. I don't particularly enjoy metallic canes across my jaw, especially when I'm not expecting one. It wasn't the pain that got to me, though. It was that fucking eyebrow, I'm sure of it. Either way, the event has haunted me ever since. I keep telling myself to confront my fear and just get it over with. It'll be better in plain daylight and I can view from a safe distance. This way it can't creep up on me and cause me to act that way again. It was dark.
I remember his shoes very clearly. I always notice people's shoes. I like to make sweeping generalisations about people simply by what they choose to harness their feet in. People who wear shiny dress shoes have given up, people who wear basketball shoes are insecure and confused, people who wear sandals are more laid back and / or adventurous, etcetera. I hate the falsity of completely white socks.
The man... he was wearing fucking shopping bags. I don't even have a generalisation about those people. He tried to escape my classification. He forced me to raise my eyes and look at it; that thing growing across his forehead, so low that it was parallel with his shoulders due to his incapable neck. Maybe it's too heavy to support.
Any other set of footwear and I could have kept my head down and just walked away.
"No, sorry, I don't have any change," I could have blubbered while pretending to check my pocket with the giant hole in it as I walk on looking a good ten paces at the ground ahead of me. I didn't actually have any change on me as I loathe the little round unnecessary weights that hold little value. I gave my change to the waitress, I think. All of it; even the pennies. I'm good like that.
The anti-fashion man left me dumbfounded and caused a terribly obvious double-take that ended up costing me more than the current street value of the coins. I'd have gladly given him my huge tub of pennies I have at home if I had the chance.
I flick them around my place and in the general public constantly. I'm deadly accurate with them and, come to think of it, I could have used them to defend myself that night. Then again, I've never had to flick under pressure. I usually just inconspicuously flick them at strangers for my own amusement and quickly look away. The beauty of the flick is that it requires no arm movement, making it much harder to spot where the projectile's origins were. God-dammed uni-brows.
Looking at the bags caused me to see the type of soul that would dawn such bold plastics. It was at that moment that my jaw dropped and I pointed like a child does at the candy just out of reach.
I wanted it to go away; yet, I wanted to touch it and confirm its validity. Do joke shops sell such things? This is the quandary that refuses to let me sleep. No matter how many cokes I chug before bed, it won't let me rest. Besides, my dreams are always huge exaggerations of my actual life. Based on my cold sweats, sleeping may not be the best idea.
I need to see it once more. To reassure myself that everything is okay so I can go back to my normal neurotic self.
Perhaps tomorrow I'll set out to that part of town again. I'll equip myself with an off-white sock full of pennies, some actual change, a belt (to keep my over-alls up due to added weight), and a razor. The razor is for emergency sneak partitioning or to quickly commit suicide before it snatches me, adding my name to the ever-growing 'missing persons' list.
If you do not hear from me, feed my fish and help yourself to some sour cream (formerly yogurt) in the fridge.
I must return to Uni.
User Reviews
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-09-20 10:19:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One day I was laying (lying?) on my couch when I saw a fly on the ceiling on the other side of the room. I mean, this fly was a good 25 feet away all told. For no reason at all I reached into my pocket and pulled out a penny. I took aim and let it fly. I didn't really have any expectations, cause I'm not like that... ahem... but I nailed the thing right between the eyes.
Then I felt bad. WHY DIDN'T HE JUST MOVE?!?!?
O, THE FLYMANITY!!!
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-19 18:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-19 17:39:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-19 17:03:03 (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
_______
Me too.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-19 17:03:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-19 15:32:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-19 15:26:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
how can you tell when sour cream goes bad?
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-19 15:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Grizzly Adams DID have a beard.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-19 15:01:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eew, unibrow.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-19 14:51:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting....