The REAL Conspiracy (1250 hits)
Category: Politics -> RepublicansRating: 1.75 on 43 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Darko (View user info) at 2006-09-19 23:19:24 EDT
"The republican party has been infiltrated by liberals in order to make the American public think they have a conservative government. Our country is run by a bunch of baby killers."
"Trix and Lucky Charms commercials are propaganda meant to keep the public from ever granting civil rights to rabbits and leprechauns."
"Übermadness is run by Jews."
"The Smurfs were an attempt by communists to win the Cold War by brainwashing American children. Socialist Men Under Red Father. Papa Smurf even had a red hat!"
People spout out conspiracies such as these all the time, and while some may be valid, they all are miniscule when compared with the REAL threat. People always think that other people are out to get them, but what if these other people aren't really people at all? What if the other people are cows? Sure it may seem crazy, but let's look at the FACTS:
The two main reasons that the Rain Forests are being cut down is for Lumber and grazing land for cattle. Deforestation has long been credited as one of the contributing factors to Global Warming. Another contributor? Cow farts! Clearly the cows are trying to raise the world temperature to unlivable standards for human beings.
The world produces enough food to feed everyone, but instead of distributing it amongst everyone much of the food goes to cattle. That's right, instead of helping out fellow human beings we throw our food to our future oppressors. Clearly they have us under some type of hypnosis, people are not naturally this cruel to other people. I suspect cows had something to do with us going to GrowingFamily.com and making fun of ugly babies, but I have no proof at the moment.
The ten states in the U.S. with the largest population of cattle are: Texas, Missouri, Oklahoma, Nebraska, South Dakota, Montana, Kansas, Iowa, Kentucky, and Florida. ALL of these states voted for George Bush for the 2004 presidential election. Where was George Bush supposedly born? Connecticut, but he was the governor of Texas. Only steers and queers come from Texas, and the president has made it quite clear that he doesn't think too kindly of queers. I suspect that the actual George Bush was kidnapped and replaced with a bull back when he owned the Texas Rangers. Has anyone seen him barefoot? Check for hooves!
There are 1 billion Hindus in the world. Cows invaded their religion early on and convinced all of these people that they are sacred animals. In fact, they are supposed to be treated with the same respect as ones mother. When the uprising comes, these people will either be unable to fight against the bovine bastards or even worse will join them. After all, how many of you would be able to fight a war against your mother, even if you disagreed with her? Couple them with the population of cattle, roughly 1.3 billion, and there is an unstoppable army that will take over the world because the rest of the world won't be able to join together and put down the threat.
Aliens don't abduct cows, they hold conferences with them in which strategy is discussed to further help the cattle ascent to power. Aliens believe that cows are the most intelligent life form on the planet when they look at how we serve them (to each other sometimes) and are positioning themselves for future diplomatic relations.
How do they do it? It's the beef! These animals are so ruthless that they sacrifice themselves for our consumption, knowing that it only causes us to raise more cattle! They just sit around all day masticating with the knowledge that their children's children's children will rule the world. People complain about how unhealthy fast food is and all the problems that it causes, but they don't take it far enough. Most fast food restaurants specialize in, DUN DUN DUN, beef! The cows are clearly behind these companies, and they even taunt us with their commercials. Where's the beef? Taking over the world while we sit on our fat asses! The only solution is to stop eating cattle. Sure it will be difficult giving up our hamburgers, steaks, pepperoni, hot dogs, etc. but it is imperative that we do so! Luckily cows don't get along with other animals we eat so we don't need to become vegetarians. When you want your hamburgers, try Boca burgers, and add bacon to it to prevent Vaginitis from setting in.
I know this will be tough, but we MUST be united against the cattle threat. Tell your friends of the danger we are all in, and encourage them to change their lifestyles to a beef free one as well. Remember, Soylent green is beef!
User Reviews
Submitted by Judgement (user info) at 2008-08-02 06:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Lambchop (user info) at 2007-06-19 20:17:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SOYLENT GREEN IS PEEEEEEEEEEOPPPPPPPPPLE
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2007-06-19 18:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What these people don't know is that YOU are part of the vast conspiracy! That's right, the cows sent you here to weed people off a beef diet in anticipation of their upcoming takover. With few natural predators, the cows, along with their alien counterparts, are plotting their revenge set to begin in Australia, I hear.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-06-19 18:35:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still a meatatarian.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2007-06-19 18:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a vegetarian now :(
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-23 21:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas Darko, and I think you were right! {PS I ain't Jack's alter} xo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGnGh2_I8XQ
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:23:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Merlina and Sacrilicious be my uber-bitches: take you out sometime? QueenAshlee can hang even when i was a mega bitch to her. Jade is my homegirl and Juls rocks the hizzy.
Darko is my late-night pal, rad puts up with my ramblings, Average_Dan makes me giggle like the nerd that I am, TTOM is an even bigger nerd than me (and I think he rules), and GodChicken is the only one who's got me on surveillance (and I'm not scurred).
Submitted by rodyarask (user info) at 2006-09-29 19:22:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thank you!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:45:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-20 16:46:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
but I don't iron.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-20 15:53:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 10:01:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Guys, you need to remember that this was one of the worst things submitted to the Ubermadness committee.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-20 03:17:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 02:46:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to know if my post was generally disliked or just really disliked by one or two.
===
Somebody really liked it, somebody thought it was alright, somebody thought it was shit and I thought it wasn't even worth reading.
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I thought this had some possibilities for it - it could have been better, but I gave it marks for whimsy.
Submitted by plasman (user info) at 2006-09-20 15:05:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
u know u love beef
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-20 14:56:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll help Darko.
if only so Filthy sees this again, and maybe gets ETS to -2 No Comment it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 14:40:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
my last pathetic attempt at a bump for more reviews
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:34:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fast or slow? Cause I want to hold you in my arms stevie. I want to hold you and dance until the sun comes up.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:32:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And now we dance.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:20:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The good news is I got paid today.
The bad news is I DON'T HAVE A TITLE.
I LOVE COMPLAINING!
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:14:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Wait, Filthy thought that something disparaging her boy-toy in a round about way wasn't worth reading?
O RLY??????
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:13:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh yah?
No title for me.
NONE.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-09-20 12:09:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Fucking cows
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 10:01:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Guys, you need to remember that this was one of the worst things submitted to the Ubermadness committee.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-20 03:17:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 02:46:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
I want to know if my post was generally disliked or just really disliked by one or two.
===
Somebody really liked it, somebody thought it was alright, somebody thought it was shit and I thought it wasn't even worth reading.
Submitted by shitfuck (user info) at 2006-09-20 09:59:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking eh.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-20 09:59:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bad.
Ass.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-09-20 09:42:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did not give up on my contest. It is still "The week following the end of the preliminary round." R1 will begin today.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-09-20 08:26:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh man, Im checking EVERYONE for hooves from now on!
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 08:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I can't believe my fucking title
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-09-20 07:02:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
[GASP!]
THAT'S MY T-SHIRT! I'm so proud.
___________________________________
Note: By "my t-shirt" I do not mean that I am the one who owns that specific t-shirt. By "my t-shirt" I mean that I designed it and it was purchased from my cafepress store.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-09-20 02:49:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-20 02:48:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HI FRIENDS
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-09-20 02:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just part of your pro-Boca burger propoganda.
I don't trust anyone who eats Boca burgers with bacon on them.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:04:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
go ot http://members.aol.com/danthecowman/cows.htm for all your cow needs.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well, that got fucked up
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-20 00:03:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
you are a good person hun. I in no way advocate vegetarianism, just that people scale back on the cows. For ever 7 people there is one cow.
Just say no to
(__)
(oo)
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^^ ^^
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:54:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have these moments, these "if-there-ever-was-a-time-where-I'd-have-a-revelation-and-become-a-vegetarian-now-would-be-it" moments..
but then I don't.
Am I a bad person? :(
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:48:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But cow is good eatin'.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:37:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
YOU STOLE MY "DUN DUN DUN"!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:35:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cows are immature assholes.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:35:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MOO!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:34:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Has anyone seen him barefoot? Check for hooves!
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HAHAH
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:34:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92373#2119473
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:32:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"Übermadness is run by Jews."
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this was a conspiricy?
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:31:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*runs away to hide in a cellar somewhere*
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-09-19 23:30:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i love to eat cow