I'm Number One So Why Try Harder. The Winningest UM Submission. (Dunno How). (771 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.88 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Davros (View user info) at 2006-09-20 17:11:14 EDT
ADDICT
I sat in the car in the multi storey lot for what must have been almost an hour.
It had been six months. Six months clean, since we moved to Manhattan from Albany. The promotion had been good for me and the family. The city was not a great place for kids to grow up, but with them away at boarding school for seven months of the year, we could deal with the changes.
I wished I had never accepted the slip of paper that Giuseppe had slipped into my hand as I left his place for the last time, but now the address was burned indelibly into my mind. As time passed it seemed to scorch deeper into my brain. I had finally succumbed to the temptation.
Even as I walked from the car to the club, the directions from the parking lot were almost as deeply etched as the address, I hesitated at least once.
It had been so much easier in the early days. The black market had provided us all with our fix. As the intensity of the campaign intensified, it got more dangerous trying to buy on the streets and so the "Speakeasy's" had sprung up. Giuseppe's had been one of three close to the old residence. The one where you were least likely to get rolled over getting your hit. I had been a good customer, hence the reason for the passing on of the location of this place.
I was confronted by a black metal door, with a grill set into it at face height. Seconds after pushing the buzzer, a face, which appeared to blend with the door appeared.
"Giuseppe, from Albany sent me.", I said, hoping still, to be turned away.
I felt a strange mixture of elation and dismay as I heard the bolts being drawn back. I followed the corridor to a steep stairway and descended, with no small amount of trepidation, to the room below.
It was certainly different from G's place upstate.
There you were far more likely to be confronted with working men after a hard days slog.
This place was a far more "High Class" establishment. Among the clientele I spotted a former successful actress, who's addiction had prevented her from continuing her career. The only similarities were the constant humming noise, evident even over the soft music, and the looks that I was getting, being a new face. I felt considerably underdressed in comparison to the rest of the patrons.
I ordered a club soda at the bar, while I looked around for the dealers table, which I couldn't see anywhere.
"Just take a seat.", the bartender offered, sensing my confusion.
I found a seat, opposite a man wearing a Banker's suit and nursing a soda similar to mine. He grunted at me in welcome then returned to his business.
After what seemed like an age, a young woman dropped a card in front of me. I placed my order and pulled three $20's from my pocket. I received a handful of singles and my purchase, unceremoniously dumped on the table in front of me.
I took a great amount of pleasure in simply unwrapping the package. The very familiarity of the process helping to calm my nerves.
I extracted my purchase, flicked the cover on my Zippo and struck the wheel. Touching the flame to my drug I inhaled deeply, relishing the slight buzz that I always got after a period of absence.
Breathing the harsh smoke out gently, my eyes wandered to the package again. I scanned past the foreign writing, looking for the words, familiar for the last ten years, which meant as much to my high as the chemicals I was inhaling.
"The Phillip Morris Company. NOT FOR SALE IN THE USA"
-Dave
User Reviews
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2006-10-19 09:29:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
But smoking is so cool!
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-10-04 18:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hey dave, throw me an email at dmacd58.at.telus.net
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-21 15:38:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this.
smoking smells like burnt foot. that's actually the only thing i have against it as long as children aren't exposed to second hand smoke.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-21 15:24:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:45:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you're confused about what has actually gone on here - snark chose the titles, snark gave out the titles. The rest of us know nothing about it. We have no insider knowledge when it comes to the competition itself.
Perhaps you should make sure you know what you're talking about before you decide not to keep YOUR opinions to yourself :P
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I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I mean that JonnyX, after judging submission entries, then made comments for everyone to read re: how he judged them, how they compared to other entries, or even that they are entries at all. He even commented on the poor quality of Jack McCallum's entry, and it hasn't even been posted.
If someone wants to post their entry, it should be up to them to say if it was their submission entry for the contest.
It's inappropriate, in my opinion, for someone to judge the entries secretly and then post comments such as these.
That's all. Simple ethics. Of course, the judges should have been anonymous, too, but that's probably asking too much.
Except it IS pretty hilarious that JonnyX, of all people, is a 'judge' of literature of any kind.
He may be a good judge of writing, I suppose. Anything's possible. But given the quality of some of the posts today that appeared to be highly seeded, I would imagine that either the writing or the judges, or both, were of fairly poor quality.
==========================
Honestly, It's my opinion that the variety of character in the committee is one of its strengths. The closer it is to the general Uber population, the closer the seeding will be to how the general Uber population will vote in the coming contest.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-21 11:26:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:04:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:00:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
JohnnyX and ethics are two words not often used together, unless the rest of the sentence is "has no concept of"
HA HA. YOU FUNNY JUDGE.
If people worried about the transparency and ethics of national elections as much as they do about ubermadness, the world would be a better place.
I cannot argue with that.
Thanks for your reply.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:00:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:45:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's inappropriate, in my opinion, for someone to judge the entries secretly and then post comments such as these.
That's all. Simple ethics. Of course, the judges should have been anonymous, too, but that's probably asking too much.
Except it IS pretty hilarious that JonnyX, of all people, is a 'judge' of literature of any kind.
He may be a good judge of writing, I suppose. Anything's possible. But given the quality of some of the posts today that appeared to be highly seeded, I would imagine that either the writing or the judges, or both, were of fairly poor quality.
===
JohnnyX and ethics are two words not often used together, unless the rest of the sentence is "has no concept of"
The submissions this time around were generally weak in comparison to the last two UMs (even in the days when people didn't have to submit to gain entrance, we still had to read their shit to seed them.) If you can do a better job than the current crop of judges (nice dig, btw) - you know which hand to raise next time around.
If people worried about the transparency and ethics of national elections as much as they do about ubermadness, the world would be a better place.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:35:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
It's probably better than mine. I'm not posting mine.
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:02:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:45:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I think you're confused about what has actually gone on here - snark chose the titles, snark gave out the titles. The rest of us know nothing about it. We have no insider knowledge when it comes to the competition itself.
Perhaps you should make sure you know what you're talking about before you decide not to keep YOUR opinions to yourself :P
------------
I don't think you understand what I'm saying. I mean that JonnyX, after judging submission entries, then made comments for everyone to read re: how he judged them, how they compared to other entries, or even that they are entries at all. He even commented on the poor quality of Jack McCallum's entry, and it hasn't even been posted.
If someone wants to post their entry, it should be up to them to say if it was their submission entry for the contest.
It's inappropriate, in my opinion, for someone to judge the entries secretly and then post comments such as these.
That's all. Simple ethics. Of course, the judges should have been anonymous, too, but that's probably asking too much.
Except it IS pretty hilarious that JonnyX, of all people, is a 'judge' of literature of any kind.
He may be a good judge of writing, I suppose. Anything's possible. But given the quality of some of the posts today that appeared to be highly seeded, I would imagine that either the writing or the judges, or both, were of fairly poor quality.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:20:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I kept trying to figure out what the twist was going to be, but there was no way I was expecting this. Brilliant!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-20 20:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Controversy! Controversy! oh wait... false alarm... crap.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-20 20:33:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 18:09:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen several of Jonny's comments on some of these entry posts. Sometimes notifying the readers as to the fact it was a UM submission, and other times giving an opinion as a judge of the initial entry.
While some writers have given out that information themselves, it seems unfair for a judge to do it.
For what it's worth, I don't think Snark should have shown the judges the master list, since the judges will presumably be voters.
Especially not JonnyX, who seems like an idiot from the posts and reviews I've seen.
As far as the original submissions, as a judge she should keep her opinions to herself.
===
Everyone on uber who comments on a post is a judge.
The master list that we saw after voting was complete was a list of names against whatever score we each gave them. It doesn't even tell us who wrote which anonymous story that we judged, so unless someone posts their story up on uber or we have an exceptional memory, we still don't know who wrote what.
I think you're confused about what has actually gone on here - snark chose the titles, snark gave out the titles. The rest of us know nothing about it. We have no insider knowledge when it comes to the competition itself.
Perhaps you should make sure you know what you're talking about before you decide not to keep YOUR opinions to yourself :P
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-20 20:30:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
As a two pack a day smoker, I find THIS tale truly terrifying!!!
Well written with just the right worded ending - definitely better than mine.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 18:09:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:41:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:19:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
stop writing as a seppo.
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actually, that's what sealed the deal. I know I rated this very high. It was a little cliched, but not so much so.
Plus, I _really_ didn't care for McCallums at all, so that's why you beat him.
-------------------------------------------------
I've seen several of Jonny's comments on some of these entry posts. Sometimes notifying the readers as to the fact it was a UM submission, and other times giving an opinion as a judge of the initial entry.
While some writers have given out that information themselves, it seems unfair for a judge to do it.
For what it's worth, I don't think Snark should have shown the judges the master list, since the judges will presumably be voters.
Especially not JonnyX, who seems like an idiot from the posts and reviews I've seen.
As far as the original submissions, as a judge she should keep her opinions to herself.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-09-20 18:06:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is not a random comment
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fucking righteous man. Great writing and everytime I smoke out in public the more I start to feel just like that or maybe a leper.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:41:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:19:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
stop writing as a seppo.
-----
actually, that's what sealed the deal. I know I rated this very high. It was a little cliched, but not so much so.
Plus, I _really_ didn't care for McCallums at all, so that's why you beat him.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:40:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*grudge, grudge, grudge*
Ok, fine. You earned the +2. I grudginly enjoyed this.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:36:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
- +2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:19:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
stop writing as a seppo.
-----------
Fair Comment, but for this I thought it would be more believable in the USA.
-Dave
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:32:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:31:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It will really come to that one day.
Good writing.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:31:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:12:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I just polluted myself, so this hit the spot.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not bad.
I can see how this beat me by .25. *shakes fist*
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:19:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
stop writing as a seppo.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:18:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:17:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hehehe cool.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-20 17:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just polluted myself, so this hit the spot.