The Mythical Rape Beast (826 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.14 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by rejected (View user info) at 2006-09-20 21:15:59 EDT
I remember it like it were yesterday. It was at least two days ago.
My Dad and I were out searching again. It's what we did every Saturday. The crazy bastard was always talking about some mythical creature he had seen when he was a kid. He wanted me to see it, too. Like some sort of twisted family tradition.
"We're never going to find it, Dad."
"What did I tell you about quitters?!" He hit me in the face with a big ass carrot before I had a chance to answer.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?! And why do you carry around that huge carrot?"
"What did I tell you about swearing?!" He hit me with the carrot again.
"Jesus Christ, psycho!"
"Shut up, Johnny, and keep your eyes open. Is your gun still loaded?"
"Uh, yeah." I started loading my gun while he wasn't looking. What the hell was I going to do with a pump action bb gun anyway? My dad had one too. He's such an asshole.
"What are you doing? I thought you said you had that loaded already? What did I tell you about keeping your gun loaded?!" He shot me twice in the side of the face with his semi-automatic bb gun.
I just held the side of my face and stopped talking to him. Getting shot in the face with a bb gun fucking hurts, and I didn't want to get shot again.
"What did I tell you about holding your face, you little pussy boy!" This time he shot me in the wrist. Seriously, what kind of twisted asshole shoots his son in the wrist?
I was clutching my wrist when I heard the noise... It sounded like a woman being raped. I started running towards the sound, clutching my gun in a fit of rage caused by a combination of the bb gun wounds, and the thought of someone getting sexually assaulted. That's when I saw it... All those years I had thought my dad was crazy. That he was just dragging me out there as some sort of sick joke. But it wasn't a joke. It was so beautiful... I've never been the same since that day.
User Reviews
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-09-22 03:02:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:15:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Stok, whatever you say. I recommend you find a knife and put it to good use
_____________
OOH BOOHOO fucken faggot cunt cry like a fucekn bitch why not?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-21 13:24:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"It sounded like a woman being raped."
What exactly does a woman being raped sound like? This was kinda funny, but too short (then again if you dragged the joke on, it might not be funny at all). I like the smile on the victim's face.
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-21 12:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-21 11:32:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jokes huh? Are they good jokes? I like good jokes.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-09-21 11:31:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was going to give this a 1, but then I tought of a few of the jokes I've made up in the middle of the night at work and have to give this a 2.
Submitted by texashartattack (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:00:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What the hell was I going to do with a pump action bb gun anyway? My dad had one too. He's such an asshole.
Teeheehee
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-21 09:42:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
For this: "He hit me in the face with a big ass carrot before I had a chance to answer."
and that picture
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-21 06:34:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Keep trying laddy.
Submitted by FlakMonkey (user info) at 2006-09-21 00:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked it.
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:50:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
NOTE TO SELF: GO FARTHER
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I uh... huh.
I don't know. I kind of liked it, but it just didn't go far enough.
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:08:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Do you people not understand my art? My work? MY VISION!?!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:02:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:33:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The female orgasm - THAT'S THE MYTH.
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:15:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, Stok, whatever you say. I recommend you find a knife and put it to good use.
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:12:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
your a faggot cunt
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:57:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I'm going to hell for laughing at this
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:53:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I've seen that before.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:40:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If it wasn't for date rape I'd never get laid
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:34:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:24:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have this beast in a cage if anyone wants to see it!
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
wow. that just about sums it up. wow.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-09-20 21:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hate myself for laughing at this