The Gift and The Giver vs. The Recipient (UM IV Seeding Entry) (375 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 7 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by NerfHerder <NerfHerder.at.comic.com> (View user info) at 2006-09-20 22:24:08 EDT
"Open my present next, Richard!"
"Which one is yours?"
"The cube in the corner with the big yellow bow on it."
Richard's birthday had always been a big deal to him. Most of Richard's peers let each year go without so much of a nod but Richard treasured each year just as he treasured his Warren G. Harding commemorative plates. At this, the celebration of Richard's 60th birthday, the party had an extra meaning because Richard's age now had a zero at the end of it instead of one of the other fine single-digit numbers.
"Ohhhhh it feels heavy," Richard joked as he took his place on the couch, already surrounded with the corpses of other gifts.
He began to tear into the packaging, ripping its flesh with a carnal delight. As he came to the box that advertised a blender, he couldn't help but quip,
"Oh a blender! What I've always wanted!"
Disappointed that Richard had taken such an obvious joke, the gift giver gave him specific instructions on how to open the box.
"Just open the damn thing, Richard."
With a smile and a nod, Richard unlatched the small cardboard latch at the top of the box and took a breath. Before he looked at each gift for the first time, Richard prepared himself for a sucky gift and the subsequent look he was supposed to have on his face.
Richard dove through the tissue paper inside the box and felt around. First he felt some kind of metal. And then a piece that moved inward and out. The item was circular, too. What the hell was this thing?
Richard pulled the item out of the box and held it high so that every one of his guests could get a look at this thing inside the box.
"Ooohs" and "Aaaahs" erupted from the peanut gallery. As he was holding it, Richard figured he should also get a look at this thing he was showing off.
"A trumpet?"
The gift giver, of course, was not necessarily looking for a reaction such as this. Instead, she was most likely hoping for something along the lines of: "A trumpet!"
With any unusual gift, such as a trumpet for a 60-year-old man, a story is involved. And as everyone in the room knows, it is the job of the giver to explain that story to everyone, emphasizing how much thought they had put into the gift and eventually receives appropriate kudos.
"Remember that time we were in that pawn shop a few years ago, Richard?"
Major points. Usually people have to pay attention to the birthday boy or girl for months to notice any longing behaviors for minor, trivial gifts. But this particular gift giver obviously had a wide breadth of knowledge related to the opener of the present and did not need to rely on the techniques that the rest of us had to.
"When you were at that pawn shop, you expressed a desire to pick up an instrument some day, y'know, to help occupy your time now that you're retired."
Approving glances were shot across the room. It was good for old people to delude themselves into doing something in their own homes that did not force them to go out in public and lower the happiness of those around them.
"And when we were watching college football a few weekends ago, you remarked how stately and magnificent the all-brass band of Ohio State is."
"Yeah, but that damn team just relies on luck all the time," Richard interjected.
"True. But their band need not be disparaged because of the football team's playing style. The two groups are only very loosely linked."
"Agreed."
At this impasse, the undeniable impulse to know whether or not the birthday boy or girl liked their gift is too much and the gift giver must know whether their hard work was worth it or not.
"So...Richard," the gift giver approached the situation carefully, as to not sound too desperate. "Do you like your gift?"
"What," Richard asked, "you mean the trumpet?"
"Yeah," she said, "the trumpet that I got for you. Do you like it?"
After three seconds of not answering, it was clear that Richard did not enjoy the trumpet. The idea for the gift had been created between two very obscure moments in his life. Unlike the completely un-obscure moment when Richard told this gift giver, "I could really use a nice letter opener" 14 days before his birthday. Richard hated the trumpet and after the silence, everyone knew it.
Now how could he get out of it?
Racking and scrambling his brain at once, Richard had figured out both a great thing to say and an awesome recipe involving eggs that he was looking forward to using tomorrow morning.
Richard settled himself back in the couch, looked his gift giver in the eye, and said,
"I love it. Thanks."
User Reviews
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-03 11:57:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://dictionary.reference.com/
Submitted by stok (user info) at 2006-09-21 02:35:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
more like poofherder
herdin poofs into your bum bum
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:14:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:42:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought the judges said these sucked.
Here's my theory: They wanted to see absolutely dynamite posts in the real competition, and to achieve this they are talking madd shit about this stuff. They knew that if they tore away at the writers' efforts, that extra effort would be put in for the meaningful stuff.
Or they were just being assholes because they had to read mediocre to decent literature non-stop for a week straight.
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Boy do I know that feeling...
Great work.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:26:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Standard Nerfherder awesomeness
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:26:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it.