ya know what. (848 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.91 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Manda (View user info) at 2006-09-20 22:36:55 EDT
I'm getting drunk over here, and so right now it seems like a great idea to post my UM submission application story. In the morning, it might not seem like a good idea. I have absolutely no qualms (even stone sober) about admitting this, but please keep in mind that it does, indeed, suck.
Just like you.
and i became male in this story.
The car sitting on the side of the road with the giant "FOR SALE" sign was like any other car being sold in my white trash neighborhood. It had seen it's fair share of abuse, including a nasty looking scrape along the passenger side. The once black cloth seats were worn into a gray-brown color and the musty red exterior paint was chipped and peeling in places.
But hell, it was a car and the two hundred dollar price tag was cheap for my shallow high school pockets. I took the year of the car as a good omen; it was manufactured the same year that I was born, and hey, if I was still running after multiple broken bones, concussions, and other bodily malfunctions, then the car and I were meant to be together.
I came to love this ragged shitbox of a car and fondly named it Jodie after a girl that I knew. That girl was the biggest hussy this side of town and had seen more action than any other girl in my high school, including the seniors. She was also the biggest bitch, but I heard it on good faith that once you got her started, she ran loose and well lubed and always came back wanting more after any amount of abuse you gave her. Exactly like my Jodie.
The first summer I had a car was one to remember. I cruised along the waterfront, scoping out the girls in their short shorts and too-tight shirts. The younger high schoolers were always the most impressed with Jodie. The older girls had their own cars by now, shining new and covered with the stink of Daddy's money. She may not have been flashy, but at least Jodie had character from the scratches and dings on her exterior. She was like a tomboy and wore her scars proudly. The young girls were attracted to that, you know. Jodie was a chick magnet.
The first girl I ever parked with was at the town's scenic overlook on a brisk summer evening. Once in the backseat, we went at it like, well, two teenagers. She was a little minx, that one, already experienced in the ways of juvenile love. She wasted no time jumping in my lap and shoving her tongue into my mouth. I can't say I minded.
The day, ironically my last day of high school, that Jodie died was a sad one. I was driving along a back road, speeding of course, when I noticed smoke coming out of the hood. That was not a good sign and I pulled over to check things out, with the appropriate amount of cussing from someone in my situation. A couple of hours and one tow truck ride later, a mechanic that stunk of grease and beer with a cigarette dangling out of his mouth confirmed my suspicions. Yep, dead.
That was the end of an era.
But, hey, it's okay. It was time for me to grow up anyway. RIP Jodie.
I disagree with James Beniger's statement from the N.Y. Times, May 18, 1999. Although having a light bulb implanted in the center of the population's forehead would quickly weed out everyday lies from the truth, the method itself is far too unreliable to cause the collapse of the Western world. Truth is a subjective part of society - what may be truth for some people may not be truth for others.
Religion is a prime example of subjective truth. There are many variations of religion, ranging from fundamentalist zealots to atheists, from Catholicism to Scientology. Religions are derived from one or more persons' spiritual beliefs, and are most significantly influenced by their own personal experiences. No matter what sect of religion a person claims allegiance to, what he or she believes in is normally resolute. For an Islamic to pronounce that Allah is the only deity worthy of worship would be true for those that believe in this. If someone steadfast in the Baptist faith were to pronounce this same statement, this would be a complete lie, and thus his or her light bulb would shine.
Journalism is another field that deals with subjective truths. Field reporters are required to research and report on topics to which they are third party, and often draw to truths that are conclusive from the facts that they have acquired, but are also incomplete. Without having a complete set of facts and motives for an event, it is far too easy to arrive at conclusions that are true from the reporter's evidentiary viewpoint but are inaccurate in the big picture. Therefore, light bulbs would remain dim in many instances when they should shine, if not for the fact that the reporters are reporting truth as they knew it to exist. This accounts for the greatly varied accounts and debates on the "truth" behind the wars in the Middle East - no one seems to know the entire story, and thus no one can claim to know the entire truth, but each person holds fast to the truths that they are aware of, regardless of their degree of accuracy in reality.
Therefore, since truth is subjective in nature, the collapse of the Western world could not be credited to the use of light bulbs as the lie detectors of society. Our fundamental beliefs as individuals and our limited access to entire truths would deceive the light bulb every time.
User Reviews
Submitted by WillZone (user info) at 2006-12-29 01:27:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-10-09 15:56:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Have you submitted it yet? Cause I did mine on friday. So, if it doesn't show up then maybe mine screwed up.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-21 19:21:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:34:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:18:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:02:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:33:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron: I've been trying for entire minutes to think of an appropriately clever and witty response, yet I've come up with nothing.
---
Who needs a clever or witty response?
All you need to do is spread 'em.
====
I forewent (?) the clever or witty response and sat here, spread, for like an hour and a half and you never showed. What gives??
---
I instructed you to do something.
You are supposed to inform me when it is done.
Do not make me use the switch on you. Or the paddle.
========
Goddammit, you make things so complicated!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:18:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:02:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:33:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron: I've been trying for entire minutes to think of an appropriately clever and witty response, yet I've come up with nothing.
---
Who needs a clever or witty response?
All you need to do is spread 'em.
====
I forewent (?) the clever or witty response and sat here, spread, for like an hour and a half and you never showed. What gives??
---
I instructed you to do something.
You are supposed to inform me when it is done.
Do not make me use the switch on you. Or the paddle.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:29:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
I liked this story when I was judging it, I thought it encapsulated the spirit of youth quite well.
You know your subject, I'm guessing you've spent a LOT of time in the back seats of cars...
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-21 17:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:02:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:33:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron: I've been trying for entire minutes to think of an appropriately clever and witty response, yet I've come up with nothing.
---
Who needs a clever or witty response?
All you need to do is spread 'em.
====
I forewent (?) the clever or witty response and sat here, spread, for like an hour and a half and you never showed. What gives??
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-21 11:16:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Show me you cans
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:17:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm not psyched out. I think I may just write something profound on my chesticles and be done with it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-21 10:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:33:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron: I've been trying for entire minutes to think of an appropriately clever and witty response, yet I've come up with nothing.
---
Who needs a clever or witty response?
All you need to do is spread 'em.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-21 09:29:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Heheheh.
I have you so psyched out and I'm just going to post lemonparty.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-21 06:30:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Arrrrrgh.. today is the day from freakin hell already. I refuse to go anywhere today.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-21 05:23:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-21 03:24:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Panda!
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-21 02:58:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 UM!
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-21 02:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Drunk, eh?
Have you forgone the clothing requirement yet?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:33:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
O-tron: I've been trying for entire minutes to think of an appropriately clever and witty response, yet I've come up with nothing.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:29:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
A fucking VACATION, or a FUCKING vacation?
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:28:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
manda: :)
everyone else: I need a fucking vacation.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:22:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nothing to fear here.
Just make it easy on us both and spread 'em.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm so....scared.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:14:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Don't make me retool you, coley.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 23:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
did O-tron just ask "who needs retooling?"
hehehehhuhuhehehuh.
huheheh.
heh.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:54:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Just because you wrote something quickly doesn't mean it isn't good. Same case with spending hours on something..doesn't mean it will be awesome.
I think some of the best writing IS done quickly; it gives your words a chance to spill out without second thoughts and hesitations and leaves most of the story in one "voice".
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:48:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good job. I write almost all of my stuff right before I post it.
Reflection, revision, retooling...who needs it, right?
Right?
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:46:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
FEAR ME BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
because i'm not trying to undermine myself when i say this, but i literally wrote that in 10 minutes.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Why weren't you sure if you should post this? It's good.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:45:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i do believe that that is my college essay.
i just had the thought to turn off my radio and ended up turning off my light instead. i think it's nearing bedtime
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:44:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked both parts but I am confused as to how they have much to do with one another.
Or maybe I'm just an idiot...?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:41:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
When drunk, cans must be shown. It's a rule.
I think.
probably.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:41:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
So did you learn that testicles are really just made up of nothing more than leftover elbow skin?
It's the essential male experience, after morning wood and shaking off a good piss.
Get your money back if none of these happened for you when you became a dude.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-20 22:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked how I was drawn in by a tawdry tale of youthful love then BAM you hit me over the head with something meaningful