Credit cards are like penis pumps (733 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.81 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by iradney (View user info) at 2006-09-23 09:24:35 EDT
I'm working today.
There seems to be trend for a RUSH in the morning, then a RUSH during lunch, and the rest of the day is dead.
"But why work on a Saturday?" I hear you ask. The answer is simple: Money. See, I made the mistake of getting me a credit card. I then spent freely and merrily on said credit card, and the bank, chuckling evilly, raised my limit twice.
I realised that the madness MUST STOP when I got near the Gold card status. A credit card is rather like an overly large penis. Sure, it's nice to whip out every now and then, and you REALLY impress people, but at the end of the day it's a drain on your resources and generally impractical.
So I've locked my credit card in a deep dark place where I never venture. Yes, that's right - I put my credit card in the same cupboard with the fancy steam iron, Taebo ™ video and Suzanne Somercise Gynae-like leg thingamajig. (Whatever happened to that woman?)
The weird thing is, I have less money because of my credit card. Once I've paid that little sucker off, I'll be able to do all the things I've wanted to do! Go to shows! Buy clothes! Get a breast reduction! Pie Bill Gates!
See, credit cards aren't as whizzbang as they make themselves out to be.
Credit cards are the pornstars of the financial world. They look great on TV and all, but meet em face to face and you realise that
a ) those lips and boobs are really fake looking (and don't feel that great neither)
b ) if her hair was bleached one more time it would fall out
c ) she's had a whole bunch of wangs up her hoo-ha and do you really want sloppy 523rds?
Ok, maybe not QUITE like a pornstar. Maybe more like a penis pump. Yeah. Credit cards are like penis pumps. They make all these promises, but at the end of the day, you're putting in a whole bunch of effort for minimal results. Or like those "herbal libido enhancers" that just give you a headache and fuzzy eyesight...
ANYWAY
You have all this "cash" available for the first, oh say, 3 weeks. Thereafter, you're just paying off. Then once you've paid a bit off, you use that bit to buy something ELSE! Lather, rinse, repeat. Mix with 2 parts water etc etc.
So I've made a plegde to myself to pay the leeching bastard off by the end of the year. The sad thing is, that by that time, the bank will most probably have raised my limit AGAIN and I'll probably have enough to either get a boob reduction or buy a nice lounge suite. *sigh*
User Reviews
Submitted by Wicked (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Rated: 1 for being true
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2006-09-25 03:05:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that from a guy whose average rating is 0.8? gee, i'll really take that to heart
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-09-24 22:28:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what the fuck were you thinking? this is pure shit.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-24 15:13:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by iradney (user info) at 2006-09-24 04:44:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
LOL
look, big boobies are nice to play with and all, but they're damn irritating too
can't go jogging without putting on like 3 bras first
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-09-23 18:45:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm conflicted.
I agree with your post, but I am morally opposed to breast reduction on a cellular level.
+1 it is.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-09-23 15:20:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Can't plus-2, since you talked about boobs without posting a diagram.
Submitted by TomAce (user info) at 2006-09-23 14:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more tits. I just saw "Boob reduction." Please post before and after photos. Thanks.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-23 10:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Because I wanted more free time.
Submitted by DeathJester (user info) at 2006-09-23 10:42:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Credit Cards are to allow you to spend money you don't have now, but will have in the future.
If you get into debt on your card, or don't plan your budget around the purchases you make, it's your fault, not the credit card company's.
Id you don't need to use a credit card, don't get one. Ever. They are far more hassle then they are worth, just to get a £5k limit which you'll never use.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-23 10:42:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just quit my job.
Submitted by Barnymeinhoff (user info) at 2006-09-23 10:14:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I just offed a tonne fifty on my egg before lunch today....credet cards are free money.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-23 09:47:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I hear ya.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-23 09:26:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
coo