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Entry 1
October, 1998If you are reading this, the first question you may ask yourself is "Why is this written on various sheets of colored construction paper?" I apologize, but it was the only thing I had available. Fortunately it has always been a habit of mine to carry about my person an ink pen of some sort, or you may have found this note scribbled in crayon.
At the moment I am barricaded inside my niece's bedroom while my eldest brother prowls the outside corridor like a modern day "Cain," ready to strike me down. I do not know how many of my other family members are still alive. It really doesn't matter, I suppose. None of us are fit to return to the outer world now.
I leave this as a warning to others who may take up residence in this house, for I do believe in was the house that drove us to this state. Perhaps someone will find this letter early enough and see the signs. I can only hope that they will not only remove themselves and their loved ones from this infernal structure, but burn it down as they flee.
It started not long ago...
My father, Roger Gastlin, had finally retired as principal from West Essex High School after quite a number of years. He had been an English teacher before his promotion, a job role I myself had followed him into at a neighboring school. Once he had left the school, he and my mother Margaret sought to find a smaller house, perhaps one along the lake. After searching for a few months they came across a beautiful estate for a ridiculously low price. Although there were some slight repairs that needed done, my father always considered himself a bit of a handyman and they were ecstatic about the new home.
My three brothers and I didn't hear much from our parents after they moved in, and we assumed they were busy adjusting to their new life as senior citizens. A few weeks past before I received a call from my youngest sibling, Jonathan. It would seem that our parents were suppose to have come to retrieve him for the weekend from his college and had not done so. Worried, I phoned them, only to have my mother answer the phone gruffly. The conversation did not go well, and she hung up on me. My eldest brother Bryce fetched Jonathan and took him back to his home for that weekend.
I had lunch with my other brother Neil a few days later, and he confided in me that he had tried to ring up our parents multiple times. Each time he had been met with either scorn by my mother or by indifference by my father. He was concerned, as he knew Jonathan was. I have to admit, it was my own idea that we sons should all make a trek out to see them the following weekend. I did not expect Bryce to bring his wife and daughter, nor Neil to bring his fiancee. It was I who damned my entire family...
We all met at Bryce's and drove out in two cars. Our parents lived only about forty-five minutes away from West Essex, near Constantine Lake. I was delighted at first to spend time with my my beautiful niece, Emily. At five years old, she was as precocious as any of the Gastlin boys had been at her age. I had often teased my older brother that he was being rewarded for years of tormenting our poor parents with such a wonderfully mischievous child. He rarely argued. Bryce's wife Amanda and I were friendly enough, but I felt that she had often made things overly difficult for him. Their relationship had been rocky and most of the siblings had been quietly surprised the marriage had lasted this long.
Neil and his fiancee Rachel came in their car with Jonathan. Unlike Amanda, I considered Rachel like a sister. She and Neil had been together since early in their college careers and both had taken positions as Undergrad faculty at Franklin State University. Sadly, Jonathan had had a brief affair with Rachel's little sister that ended badly, leaving a gap between the two.
Slightly less than an hour later we pulled through the small gates that lead up to my parent's new home. I couldn't believe the size and magnificence of the home they had managed to purchase for so small a figure. A three story building, it jutted out with two immense wings from a rounded center structure. This was not a summer cottage, this was a mansion. It appeared my father had achieved little in the way of repairs so far, but that did not dissuade my marvel at the home.
The cars pulled around the drive way and came to a stop directly before the front porch. Wrought iron pillars held up a solid balcony to the second floor, vines of an unnamed kind wrapped all throughout the flaking black metal. Patches of moss grew up haphazardly all along the first floor exterior wall of the graying brick and one of the white wooden shutters hung loosely from its post.
As we all climbed out of our vehicles, still in awe, the double front doors slammed opened and my mother stormed out. She was dressed in blue slacks and a flower print blouse, both that hung somewhat awkwardly on her frame. In was obvious she had lost a good deal of weight in the last month and her hair had been pulled back severely in a tight bun. She tilted her head back and looked down at all of us. We were quite stunned for the moment, but just as Jonathan was about to say something, she spun on her heels and returned inside, leaving the front door open.
Looking at one another with many a raised eyebrow, we gathered our minor things and headed inside. The foyer was gigantic, with stair leading off on both sides and wide duel corridors in front of us. The effect was somewhat dampened by the boxes of my parent's thing still cluttering up the room, however. Why, after all this time, they still hadn't got to unpacking everything weighed heavily on me as Jonathan called out into the house.
My mother appeared out of one of the corridors and promptly admonished Jonathan in a loud voice that there would be no screaming with in her house. As Neil began to come to his little brother's defense, she shot a finger up and told him in a voice dripping with venom, that her rules still applied no matter what the roof, no matter what our age.
Needless to say, we were shocked. My mother had been a bit overbearing in our early days, before she had grown at ease with her age and started taking medication for various aches and pains. Regardless, we had never seen her act like this. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Bryce, the most argumentative of the four boys, getting ready to lash out verbally at her. Stepping forward, I asked as politely as I could to the whereabouts of our father. Our mother sneered and flipped her hand dismissively towards the left corridor as she stomped to the stairs.
Glancing at Bryce, he nodded in agreement and we all proceeded down the hall to find him.
The corridor itself has beautiful natural wood paneling, and I knew that Bryce was itching to examine it. His time as a contract woodworker may not have brought him in riches, but it made him happy. He was lagging behind as the rest of us moved into a library. The dismay we had felt upon seeing our mother did not prepare us for our father.
When we had last seen him, he had been a strong and fit man of sixty-six. He now appeared feeble and withered, what little hair he had left had turned white. Sat back in a beaten up out recliner with a blanket over his legs, he smiled at us. Rachel couldn't hold back a sob and Amanda clutched for Bryce. Poor Emily didn't even recognize her grandfather. Jonathan and I scrambled to his side, asking about him. He had a far away look in his eyes, but managed to concentrate enough to look at me and say "Aaron," while patting Jonathan's hand tenderly. He said he was very tired and needed to rest. We backed slowly out of the library and returned to the wide hallway.
There we discussed what we had witnessed so far. At the time, we assumed that our father had taken ill and the stress of this had broken our mother. Why they had neglected to inform us, we couldn't deduce. No longer young children, we felt we had the right to know if our father was sick or dying. Bryce suggested confronting our mother, but Rachel pointed out that in her state, she might forbid us to see him again and force us to leave. How were we to aid him then? We all agreed to stay the weekend as planned, taking in as much information as possible, then regroup as a family come Sunday evening at Bryce and Amanda's home to figure out our next move.
That, of course, never happened...
That Friday evening progressed normally enough, I suppose. My mother wandered the house, rarely speaking to us unless to snap a judgment or speak ill. Father never left the chair in the library, although we peeked in on him constantly. We explored the house and found that perhaps only three fourth of our parent's belongings had been unpacked. The home itself was huge and we all joined in a friendly squabble about what wings we were going to take for the night. Much of the house was still lushly furnished, and I began to wonder just how my parents had afforded this place. Why it had been so cheap? Bryce, a fan of horror related movie and books, told me because it was obviously haunted. As I write this, I wonder how right he could have been.
We had pizza delivered that Friday evening, and although our mother screeched not to get any messes on the floor, father seemed mildly thrilled at such a delicious treat. I could tell Bryce was getting irritated with out mother's attitude but Amanda was doing her best to soothe him. Rachel was playing happily with Emily while Neil looked on with a certain gleam in his eyes. Jonathan and I spoke of his schooling. Eventually the five year old started to wear out and her parents decided to put her to bed in a room adjacent to theirs. The rest of us decided to stay up a bit longer.
After a few more hours had passed, we all decided to call it a night. I must have taken a wrong turn or something, because I ended up on the second floor left wing instead of the right wing where I had chosen to bunk down. Chuckling to myself, I prepared to turn when I heard a moan. I crept further down the hall, when the moan started yelling out words that I won't repeat here. It was Amanda. It would seem she and Bryce had not simply gone to sleep. I found their actions a bit odd, considering the circumstances, but shrugged and made my way back to my room.
It wasn't until Sunday that I noticed the changes, but as I look back now, I realize that they began on Saturday. That morning when I came down to find the kitchen, Amanda and Bryce where already making coffee. Amanda had on a robe that was draped open a bit more than should have been appropriate. Bryce didn't seem to notice or care, but I did my best to advert my eyes. When I asked about Emily, he grumbled something pertaining to Rachel. I must admit, I didn't think much of the behavior at the time, nor of the fact that Neil didn't appear until around noon.
Most of the day went along well. We checked in on our Father, who after we had hassled to bed last night, had promptly returned to his chair in the library. Bryce seemed to be in a bad mood, although Amanda seemed more pleasant than usual. He was only brought out of his scowling when Jonathan told some particularly disgusting jokes he had heard recently. Neil roamed the house and Rachel worked Emily into such an excited frenzy that afternoon, she had to be put down for a nap.
We had all discussed going out for dinner on Saturday the previous evening, but come the time, no one wanted to be bothered leaving. We raided our parent's fridge and found enough supplies to make dinner for everyone. Of course, when mother saw us in the kitchen, she threw a fit. Jonathan laughed at her and Bryce told her quite bluntly to leave. Eyes wide, she shook a finger at all of us threateningly and marched out. We ate a bizarre meal, concocted of various items and everyone sat around the diner table in a relatively good mood. Even Bryce had perked up a bit.
That night when Amanda and Bryce excused themselves as well to put Emily to bed I wasn't surprised. What I was surprised by, was how exhausted I was. I had done practically nothing all day, but my desire to sleep seemed overwhelming. I dragged myself to bed and was out as I hit the pillow.
The next day, it was noon before I crawled out from under the covers. As I was coming down the steps, I found Rachel calling out for Neil. Asking me if I had seen my brother, I told her that I had just woke up. Throwing her hands in the air in exaggerated exasperation, she stormed off. Unconcerned, I strolled into the kitchen. This time I was greeted by the sight of Amanda in a robe that was fully undone, her sheer bra and panties exposed.
I know I should have turned away and walked out. I should not have looked. The thing was, I didn't even care. Amanda was a beautiful young women, Bryce had married well, but I didn't feel the least bit of a stirring. I remember thinking this was strange as I watched her pour herself a cup of coffee. She asked me if I wanted to sit, and I responded by asking about Emily. Amanda shrugged. I wandered out of the kitchen.
Aimlessly, I maneuvered my way through the house. Eventually I found myself in the library. My Father was smiling up at me. I sat down on the floor beside him and leaned my head against his chair. He mumbled something that vaguely sounded like "I love you, Aaron." I closed my eyes and fell back asleep.
Darkness. When I woke, it was dark. No one had turned the lights on that day in the library and father was sitting in the dark, me slumbering on the floor beside him. I got to my feet and asked if he was okay. I could see him nod in the growing twilight, so I made my way out to the wide corridor. I blinked in the light as I came into the foyer and call out for anyone. Nothing. I walked into the kitchen to find it empty. Shuffling back to the foyer, I glanced out to make sure the cars were still here. They were. I realized it almost didn't matter.
Taking the right corridor, I went down to the sitting room. I stood there blankly for a minute taking in the scene before me. Emily was running around in circles making the sounds of a train oblivious to the fact that Jonathan was laughing at Rachel, who lay on the couch weeping. Eventually, my brother noticed me standing there and he pointed at me, giggling. Jonathan told me how he had been informing his soon-to-be sister in law how HER little sister, his ex, had cheated on him multiple times. He appeared deliriously happy at the result this had on Rachel. I took it all in mutely. When Emily made another pass around the room near me, I reached out to stop her. She snapped at me, her teeth biting only inches away from my hands. I leaned back and let her go on her way.
I asked about Emily's parents and of Neil. Jonathan just laughed and said big brother Bryce was probably still fucking his wife. Rachel pulled her face away from the couch cushion long enough to wail that she had only seen Neil briefly that day. And our mother? Rachel was once again sobbing and Jonathan merely shrugged. I nodded and left.
I had made it most of the way back down the hall when I had to stop and rest. Again, I was wiped out, as if the basic of actions had taken the most strenuous toll on me. Trying to keep my eyes open, I felt an arm go around my mid-section and help me along. I know at some point I glanced up to see it was Neil. I may have murmured my thanks to him, but I honestly do not recall. He got me to a bedroom and laid me down.
As Neil began to close the door on me, I do remember calling out his name. He came to my bedside and I asked him what was wrong with me, what was happening. I remember him saying that he was searching for something, that he thought he could fix things. He said we would never leave this house if he didn't make things right. Neil, the associate history professor, said he would save us as he gripped my arm then left me to my dreams.
I never saw my little brother again.
When ever I woke up the next day, it was daylight. I had left my watch on my nightstand in my room the day previous. It took all my energy to pull myself from the bed and into the hall. By the time I started moving, I felt better. I was aware that it was Monday and I was suppose to be teaching at school, but for some reason, this didn't really bother me. I was mildly concerned for my father, but even that sensation seem distant and faint. Regardless, I decided to check in on him, leaning against the walls most of the way.
Along the way I ran into Jonathan. He told me everyone was sitting down for dinner and that he was just coming to fetch me. Although I must admit I found this somewhat suspicious, and I don't know why, I didn't care. He lead me to the diner room, and sure enough, everyone was present, except for Neil. I thought to comment on this, but before I could, my mother started screaming.
Like she had come out of trance, she had looked around the room at her gathered family and their state and found it lacking. Father sat at the head of the table drooling down his chin, Bryce beside him with arms folded tightly. Amanda was curled up on a chair beside Bryce in only her sheer undergarments, her robe now fully discarded. Beside my mother was an empty chair, presumable for me, then one for Neil. Then sat Rachel, who rocked back and forth, tears streaming down her face. At the other end of the table, Emily had her face buried in a pile of mashed potatoes, an empty seat to her left for Jonathan.
Our mother began howling, swearing at each of us, calling out our flaws and faults. She banged her fists on the table to punctuate her words, cursing us as failures in her eyes. There was such hate and rage in her voice, such utter contempt.
Each of us took it differently. I slumped down to the floor, impassive, while Jonathan cackled at her display. Neither Amanda nor her daughter seemed to care, the first too busy rubbing her husband's arm, the child too busy gorging herself. Rachel wept harder as my father just bobbed his head and smiled. But Bryce, oh but Bryce...
He grew more and more tense, visibly shaking, until he finally reached out and grasped one of the glass goblets that had wine in it. Hurling the wine at my mother's face, in the same motion he brought the top of the glass down against the table top shattering it into a jagged shard. We were all stunned into silence, all but mother who continued her stream of obscenities, now directed fully at Bryce. Then, with a scream of defiance, Bryce lunged across the table and shoved the glass shard straight into our mother's throat.
Before I passed out once more, I heard Rachel scream over Jonathan maniacal laughter.
I have no idea how long I was out that time, perhaps a few hours, maybe a day and a half. When I woke up, it was because something was rubbing against my mouth. I opened my lips slightly and something was shoved to my teeth. It was a nipple. I opened my eyes to see Amanda straddling me nude. She was grinding her hips into me, the moistness between her spread legs already working into the thin cotton fabric of my pajamas.
Through the haze in my brain, I knew this was wrong. Strangely yet, I wasn't even remotely turned on. I managed to get my hand up to her chest and push her away. She called me a faggot and sauntered from the room. Lying there propped up against the wall, I rolled my head over to see to body of my mother. It was gone. Bryce must of removed the evidence of his madness.
The more I thought upon it, the more I realized the truth behind that statement. We had all walked through the doors to this house and gone mad. And yet, each of us had somehow been afflicted in a different manner. Each effect had been specific, been personal, as if...
I heard the giggling and shifted my head over to see Jonathan squatting in the corner of the dining room, defecating into a pile, his face covered in blood. I wearily asked him whose blood he had smeared on himself and why, not bothering to ask the reason he was shitting next to the diner table. With a big grin, he told me it belonged to Rachel, that he had convinced Bryce that she had been on Mother's side. I believed I raised an eyebrow in confusion. Jonathan replied that he had said it to Bryce so that he would kill her so the bitch would stop crying. I shook my head. As his giggling commenced, he said that he couldn't wait to see what would happen when he told our eldest brother that his wife had been trying to fuck me. I tried to voice my objection, but Jonathan just wiped his ass with his hand, smeared the shit on the wall, and left.
Knowing my time was limited, especially with my uncontrollable onsets of slumber, I forced myself out into the house. Although the thought of my family falling apart didn't really matter to me at the time, I had enough in me for self-preservation. Commanding as much will power as I could, I formulated a plan. Emily's room had been chosen for it contained bunk beds. If I could just make it there and move the furniture, perhaps I could wait out the ensuing insanity. Perhaps I could survive.
And survive I have, I suppose. Not for much longer, however. I made it to Emily's room and immediately fell asleep. It was only by pure luck and Bryce's madness that I wasn't found before I woke and could move the bunk beds. Next time I awoke, it was to Jonathan's screams, so I assume my eldest sibling turned on him. I have no idea if Amanda or my father are still alive, but two days ago I saw Emily running on all fours outside the window, her clothes in tatters.
I have no food and I've been disposing of my waste in one of the closets since this window refuses to open. When ever I'm conscious, I write what I can down before falling prey to my flaw of apathy. That's what it is, you see. This house brought out all of our darker aspects, our most subtle of faults. It latched on to them, so deeply buried but so deeply a part of us, and brought them to the surface. It's the only thing I can deduce and I've had the time to think about it, locked away here in my niece's former bedroom.
I'm just glad that the fool English teacher in me always kept a pen handy and that my brother and sister-in-law promoted Emily's love of art. But it's all coming to an end now. My bouts of slumber are getting more frequent, and during my times awake, I've heard Bryce smashing through rooms about the house. It's only a matter of time before I no longer wake or he simply finds me.
Really, I don't much care. Although there is a small part of me inside that I think grieves for my father, wherever he may be. And Neil, I wonder what happened to Neil...
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Lake Constantine Police Force are still investigating the disappearance of the entire Gastlin family, their bodies never found. The letter written by Aaron Gastlin was found by Samuel Nevelson, age 8, in August of 2006 underneath the bunkbeds of his new bedroom. He placed it on top of his dresser and forgot to give it to his parents in the excitement of moving in.
- VS -
Entry 2
The teeth were the size of bananas. Small bananas.I know that is a ludicrous analogy, but I want you to be able to picture the moment clearly.
Doctor Wakeman was sitting by one of the windows in the ruined laboratory, using daylight filtering down through the trees to compose his notes.
The others were using that daylight to explore the damage done to the laboratory, and I was writing this account of what happened to us on my laptop.
I am certain none of these writings will survive to be found. Ink scribbles on paper and data on a disk drive dependant on a dying battery will not endure sixty-five millions years of environmental changes and geologic upheavals.
The jaws crashed through what little double-glazed glass remained in the window.
The teeth were five to six inches long, with the same girth and curvature as a banana. Most of the teeth came to rounded points. Some of them were shattered into clusters of sharp points like a fistful of steak knives.
The experiment had been flawed.
*
On paper it was simple, and so earth-shaking it was considered nonsense by those who received press releases. I was only one of two visitors who showed up on the appointed day. Not because I thought that Edmund Wakeman had put his doctorate in physics to good use and built a 'time displacement chamber,' as stated in the glossy single-page press release, but because I thought I had a good human-interest story to work on. Genuine eccentrics are few and far between, lost in a sea of poseurs with carefully crafted quirks.
Wakeman had sprouts of gray hair growing out of his ears, his wrinkled shirt had a dirty collar, and there was what looked like a pee stain on one leg of his tan trousers. Wakeman wasn't looking for fame in a camera lens. Insane or not, his dedication to his own work was complete. Everything else, including personal grooming, came second.
I had driven my car into the Alberta foothills only a few hours ago. The Rockies loomed over the gray concrete slabs that made up Wakeman's laboratory.
The old man had been teaching at the University of Calgary for a quarter century. He was one of those characters you read about in Popular Mechanics or Time Magazine, always espousing some grand theory, always on the verge of some magnificent breakthrough.
Doctor Wakeman had come close to fame so many times that he was now considered a boy who cried wolf in the world of physics.
*
Everyone scattered. Ted Banner ran into Jill Yashita and they stumbled on an overturned chair. Marti Jefferson ran by me so fast she was a blur. The Russian, Oleg Ivanova, backed away from the row of windows. Thomas Haynes simply stared in disbelief from the far side of the room. He was clutching his bible. Haynes had been against the event that brought us here from the very beginning. Despite objections based purely on faith, I had to admit he made the right call. The kid, James Ogilvy, let out a yelp of either terror or laughter. He pointed at Haynes bible and shouted, "Revision time!"
I only took a few steps back. I knew I was safe for the moment.
Doctor Wakeman was the first course on this hot-blooded menu.
The teeth were set into massive jaws. Exhaled breath filled the room as a roar came out of that nightmarish mouth. Jill vomited all over Ted's pant legs. I couldn't blame her.
The jaws closed and I saw a row of those huge teeth sink into Wakeman's forearm. They must have passed between the radius and the ulna. The bones were forced apart. Blood welled and something popped in Wakeman's wrist. Only then did he scream. A length of bloody bone ripped through skin and muscle. I could hear viscera tearing.
Wakeman looked me in the eye, just for a moment, and then he was pulled through the window.
*
When I showed up at his lab I was the only credentialed member of the media in attendance. I wasn't surprised. Newspapers and TV need flash and pizzazz these days to draw eyes away from computer screens. Doctor Wakeman was just a soft-spoken old man in an ugly plaid shirt.
Ted Banner, Jill Yashita, and Marti Jefferson were grad students assisting the Doctor. Oleg Ivanova was on some kind of government sponsored information exchange program. James Ogilvy was a very sharp kid, riding a fast track through school. He was only seventeen, but he was right in there with the others, aligning the grid. I didn't know much about Haynes. He had introduced himself as a writer doing a feature for the Christian Science Monitor, but since he showed up with a bible tucked under one arm I was quite sure he was more a right-wing soldier or spy for Christ and the Church than an unbiased observer.
Introductions were made, and Haynes and I took seats a few feet away from a double row of sturdy worktables in Wakeman's laboratory.
I took a few pictures with my digital camera and made a note on my laptop to ask about the interconnected components of the tables, a profusion of wires and humming boxes surrounding a glass and metal mesh cube about one meter high. All I really recognized were the many laptops used by the students as they followed Wakeman's instructions.
Wakeman said little. As stated in his press release, he was going to create a "plasma displacement chamber" and "reach into the past and grab whatever I can."
When I asked if he had done this previously he showed me a few rock samples and half of a broad, wilted leaf, explaining that the previous incarnation of the chamber had been quite small.
I asked him what powered the chamber and he said, "A plasma grid, of course."
Young Ogilvy saw the blank look on my face and pointed to a squat black metal box in one end of the room. "That's a self-contained mini-reactor, and it generates a plasma field that we can manipulate like a knife. If you think of time as something malleable, you'll see how we are able to cut a slice out of the past and retrieve it for study. Our cube will be filled with whatever the plasma grid encounters. Rocks or dirt, atmospheric dust and pollen, hopefully an insect or two and some more plants."
Marti Jefferson laughed and said, "Yeah, maybe even a slice of a living creature if a hadrosaur happens to walk by nice and slow at the right time."
For the first time I noticed she was wearing a t-shirt that read 'Gravity is every man's dream: She sucks and swallows.'
Raising his head from behind a rat's nest of wires and cables on the far side of the table, Ted Banner grinned in agreement. "Wouldn't a tender Edmontosaurus steak just kick ass?"
Jill Yashita frowned and shook her head. James Ogilvy let out a high-pitched laugh, reminding me he was just a kid. Wakeman snapped his fingers, and his students returned their concentration to the grid.
"Doctor," I asked, "Are you saying you can control what period of the past this plasma grid... visits?"
"Within reason," Wakeman replied, reaching into a high framework holding a maze of circuit boards. There was an abrupt buzzing sound and Wakeman pulled his hand back. "We are targeting the late Cretaceous. It was the time of the dinosaurs, of course, but also the time of many insects and birds, and bees as well, busily pollinating a profusion of flowering plants. Quite a hectic time, indeed."
The Doctor stuck the reddened end of one finger in his mouth.
*
"Not good," Ivanova said, his accent heavy. "I said it before. Not good, to take a seat near the window."
We could hear something huge and agile moving in the jungle outside. The entire room we were in was canted on an angle, and we could feel deep vibrations in the broken floor.
I went to the window. I couldn't help myself. I was a writer. More than that, I was an observer.
Haynes followed. So did Ivanova.
A few yards away was a tremendous clawed foot, and a leg with muscles as big as sandbags. The leathery skin had a sheen to it that displayed subtle changes in color as it moved.
"This color of the skin..." Ivanova said, raising his head and looking upward. "Most beautiful. Most unexpected."
"That's a dinosaur," Haynes said. "A tyrannosaurus. My Lord."
I'd seen things like just like this in dozens of movies, clutching a container of popcorn in a cozy seat. Seeing and hearing and smelling the real thing was almost more than I could bear.
My heart was racing and my lips felt numb. I wondered if I was going into shock.
Wakeman was screaming, high-pitched shrieks that were almost unbearable. His forearm was still caught on the teeth of the tyrannosaurus rex, and his body flopped and flipped on the end of the dislocated limb. The great lizard was raising and lowering its head, trying to shake Wakeman free. The small forelimbs swiped at the Doctor, tearing away his shirt and gouging his flesh, but they were too weak to dislodge him.
Haynes crossed himself.
*
The Doctor continued to tweak wires, moving between glowing laptop displays of his creation and the hard reality of the device.
"Assuming that this device works at all," Haynes said, speaking up for the first time, "And accepting your confidence in that miniature nuclear reactor in the corner, how do we know your grid will not retrieve some bacteria or virus to which humanity has no immunity? After all, according to your science, at this stage of the Earth's development only the smallest primate ancestors were scurrying about. I can't imagine the University endorsing something so fraught with risk."
I glanced at Haynes, feeling ashamed by my own poor judgment of the man. I had expected him to start thumping his bible and crying blasphemy.
I waited for Wakeman to blow him off with some blather regarding the strict observation of highest possible standards of safety.
The Doctor grinned at Haynes. "Most astute, my friend. Yes, there is a danger. Yes, the University is funding this work. And yes, we are in an isolated building at the foot of the mountains for a reason. If something goes wrong, it will be contained. If someone tries to spy on us from the outside, and you would be shocked at the lows to which my fellow academics will sink, we are protected by a state of the art electronic web built into this structure, one that makes eavesdropping by any means an impossible task. One does not explore a new frontier without risk, wouldn't you agree?"
Before I could even reply the Doctor said, "We are ready to begin."
For the first time I really noticed the heavy concrete blocks under a fresh coat of paint, the reinforced and sealed windows, the air circulation system out of the ceiling.
"This is wrong," Haynes said. "The hand of man is not the hand of God. Only His perfection can shape the world. Whenever men try, they fail. Doctor, do not do this."
Wakeman frowned. "I don't play by the rules of any mythological being. I play by the rules of Physics. No reasonable man of science will let baseless beliefs in a so-called supreme being steer him in his quest for knowledge."
Wrong, I thought, as Haynes spoke up.
"Einstein said science without religion is lame."
"Complete his quote, if you please," Wakeman said, with growing irritation. "Religion without science is blind."
Haynes smiled, but his eyes were dark. "Einstein also said that technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal."
Wakeman sighed. "If you feel at risk you are free to leave. No one is holding you here against your will."
Haynes crossed his arms. "I am here to observe."
The Doctor gave a curt nod. Young Ogilvy handed out shaded goggles, and everyone slipped them on.
"There will be a flash inside the grid," Wakeman said. "And we will reach back in time and steal a piece of another world."
Switches were flicked and dials were turned. The lights dimmed overhead and a low hum filled my head as if the bones of my skull were vibrating.
Wakeman raised and arm and said, "Ready..."
My mind filled with images of the old black and white Frankenstein movie, and I cursed quietly.
"Now!" Wakeman lowered his arm and struck a single key on a keyboard in front of him.
*
The tyrannosaur began swinging Wakeman up and down, opening its mouth wide every time Wakeman rose up into the air.
"Such coordination," Ivanova said. "Such intelligence."
Doctor Wakeman rose up into the air one final time, his arm tore free, and the jaws snapped shut on his torso. There was an explosion of blood as the tyrannosaur began to chew, and I lowered my eyes.
Muscles in the towering leg quivered. Runnels of blood ran across that nearly iridescent skin. Something heavy fell into the undergrowth. Poking out from behind the thick stem of a tall fern was a loafer, a foot, and most of a leg.
"Oh my fuck," Marti whispered.
As the T-rex chewed and swallowed it turned away from us. Its back was seething with crawling insects, and it moved in a cloud of flies and wasps. A small furred creature that looked like a cross between a possum and a monkey scurried up along the dinosaur's back and perched there, holding itself in place with three feet like tiny hands. Its tail stuck up in the air like a question mark. With its free hand it collected writhing grubs and little shiny beetles, stuffing them into its mouth until its cheeks bulged.
There was a hollow hooting cry from somewhere in the distance, and the tyrannosaur quickly moved away. The little mammal leaped onto a tree branch and disappeared.
"Bigger prey than us," Ivanova said with a grim smile.
When the jungle was quiet I went back to my seat, a heavy plastic packing crate, and continued writing on my laptop.
*
My first thought was that Doctor Wakeman's device had blown us all to hell.
In retrospect, that would have been preferable.
I had been watching the glass and wire cube for the flash of light, waiting to see if this device really would scoop something from the past. Instead, I was dazzled by a burst of white light that filled the windows and appeared to blaze through seams in the floor, walls and ceiling.
Every one of us was knocked off our feet. The floor dropped out from under us, thick stone slabs fracturing, as the entire building seemed to settle on a slight grade. One wall of the laboratory collapsed and revealed a wall of tree trunks. Most of the windows shattered and almost every light went out, from the big fluorescents overhead to the many colored displays in front of me. Aside from daylight filtering down through the trees and seeping through the windows on the far side of the room, the only lights I saw were tiny green and amber power indicators on a few of the laptops in the room, mine included.
When the structure around us stopped settling, we realized that the quiet of the lab had been replaced by a thousand different sounds, most if them small and soft.
Insects buzzed and chirped. There were tiny pipe-like hoots from high in the trees, and further off we heard a deeper hooting call.
"That sounds like a didgeridoo," Marti said, delicately probing a bleeding scratch on her forehead with her fingertips.
"Or somebody with an oboe stuffed up their ass," Ted replied. "Hey, anybody see my glasses anywhere?"
Jill handed Ted his glasses. They were scratched, the wire frames bent, but he could still see. "Thank fuck for space-age plastics, eh?"
Marti let out a hiss. "You little bitch!" She swatted at a bug perched on her arm. An ugly red welt was already forming. "Whatever that was, it had a hell of a bite."
The kid looked scared shitless.
"Hey, Ogilvy," I said. "You okay?"
He nodded, looked at the trees beyond the fallen wall, and took his dell phone out of his pocket.
"No signal," he said.
"Of course there's no signal," Doctor Wakeman said. "There won't be any cell phones in the world for sixty-five million years."
*
There was a cacophony of screams and shouts and curses. Jill was the most reserved.
The Doctor didn't lose his composure when I asked him what went wrong. He didn't react when Haynes said something about God punishing us for our over-reaching pride and referenced the Tower of Babel. He didn't say a thing when Ogilvy asked if we were going to die, and when Marti said that we were all 'toast.'
"Well," Ted said. "This little experiment sure as shit went tits-up."
Only then did Wakeman react. "What did you say?"
Ivanova was watching a pair of beetles crawl up a tree trunk. "He said the test was a failure."
"A failure?" Wakeman's face reddened. "It was no failure," he roared. "If anything the device worked too well!"
No one said a thing.
"Don't you see? Instead of retrieving a piece of the past inside the grid, the grid itself somehow expanded beyond the containment cube, perhaps using profusion of wires and fiber optic cables encircling that laboratory. In any case, time displacement was achieved. The laboratory and everything in it have been sent back to the late cretaceous period. We should be celebrating."
The Doctor picked up a pad of paper and a pen and went to one of the windows. He righted a toppled chair, sat down, and began to write.
"My friend," Ivanova said, his voice a harsh rumble. "To sit by the broken window, I think it is not advisable."
The Doctor ignored him.
His students began sorting through the mess of equipment thrown onto the floor.
"Wherever we are," Jill said softly, "We need a few essentials. Light. Food. Water. And if anyone smokes, matches or a lighter might come in handy.
Doctor Wakeman ignored everyone, furiously writing on the pad of paper.
That was when I saw the teeth outside the window.
*
After the incident with Doctor Wakeman, I was outside, with Ivanova and Haynes.
The air was very warm and moist.
We cautiously made our way to a clearing in the trees, and before us was a body of water that reached to the horizon.
There were four little dinosaurs nearby, darting their slender heads into a dark green bush. They looked like plucked chickens. Chickens with tiny arms and greenish skin. Chickens with tiny teeth. Trying to evade their attacks was another of the small mammals with a tail like a
question mark. The little mammal chattered. It had huge eyes.
I kicked out at the little dinosaurs and they scattered into the undergrowth.
The long-tailed whatever-it-was looked me in the eye a moment, and then literally high-tailed it for the nearest tree.
I looked at the endless body of water again, and then I looked over my shoulder. Through gaps in the thick growth of towering trees I could see the jagged peaks of mountains.
"Where the hell are we?"
"We are where we began," Ivanova said. "At the foot of the Rocky Mountains. And that..." he said with a broad gesture. "That is the Western Interior Seaway. It reaches from the Arctic Ocean to the Gulf of Mexico. We are in the past, and the tyrannosaurus tells me that we are in the Cretaceous period. Sixty-five million years ago, is now."
"It is beautiful," Haynes said. He sounded calm.
I glanced down at the bible Haynes was still carrying. "Doesn't all of this contradict what's written in that book?" I was trying to sound cool, trying not to let my mind wander. I was afraid I'd go mad if I didn't keep a tight grip.
"I'm not a fanatic," Haynes said. "It isn't God's fault I have to readjust my understanding of His works."
"It is glorious, this world," Ivanova said. "But I think we will not survive long. We are merely defenseless meat."
"You don't think we can start the human race right here, Oleg?" My heart was hammering in my chest, and I was straining to keep my tone light. "We have three women and plenty of men. Wouldn't that give us enough diversity to get the ball rolling?"
Ivanova looked me up and down and gave me a roguish smile. "Which one of us would you choose?"
The thought of seeing any of these guys naked was more disturbing than the thought of being eaten by a big lizard.
I blew him a kiss and said, "I'll let you know when the time comes."
The Russian laughed, and we all stood quietly, looking at the sea.
Haynes spoke softly. "If God intends this to be Eden and us to be Adams and Eves... He has gone a little over the top with the serpents."
I was so tense that my laughter exploded out of my chest.
"So," I said, "Can we live here? Somehow?"
The laboratory was in ruins and it was more than likely that Doctor Wakeman was soaking in digestive juices right about now, so there was no going back.
"If we could survive," the Russian said, squinting up into the sky. "We may spawn one generation, or two, but I think even those children would die off. Eventually. Only the smallest mammals now living will survive to... to become us."
"And it would interfere with God's plan," Haynes said. "I do not take the bible literally. I am willing to believe in evolution, but I still believe that it is the will of God guiding the ascent of man, not mere chance."
"What is that sound?" I had been aware of it for a minute or more, the faraway roar of jet passing overhead.
"We are about to see if the hand of God will protect us, or if we play no part of His plan," Ivanova said.
Something came over the mountains, far up in the sky, a bright and massive object leaving a roiling trail of smoke or steam behind it, something so vast the ground shook with its passage and our ears rang with its roar.
"Our timing, it is spectacular," the Russian cried. For the first time he looked horribly distressed.
The others came running up behind us, stopping dead when they saw the object in the sky. It was descending as it crossed the great sea.
Young Ogilvy's lips moved. I couldn't hear him, but I could read his lips easily enough. "No."
Jill reached for the boy and started crying. They hugged each other.
Marti and Ted reached out for each other without dropping their eyes from the sky and held each other's hands.
I had to shout to be heard. "What is that?"
The noise diminished a little.
"The K-T Extinction," Ted replied. "The biggest show on Earth."
Ivanova reached out and put a large, gentle hand on my shoulder.
"An asteroid, its orbit flawed, falling to Earth. This is the most likely cause for the demise of the dinosaurs. A rock the size of a modern city. It struck the Yucatan Peninsula. It hit this world with such strength that debris was blown back into space. There were earthquakes. Hurricanes. Wildfires."
All of us drew together and watched the fiery ball disappear over the horizon.
Ivanova's hand on my shoulder was reassuring. "Dust and ash filled the atmosphere. Blocked the sun. Created what we would call nuclear winter. Plants died. Large plant eaters died. Beasts like the tyrannosaurus died, because their meat was no more. The weather changed, and most of the cold-blooded reptiles died off. Only the smallest mammals survived the cold to come. "
I thought of the little creature with the curled tail, hiding somewhere in the trees.
I wished it the best of luck.
We huddled together, waiting.
Entry 1:
a_palindrome
Amontillado
Antioxident
august_sobriquet
Axolotl
BadAssJulie
badassmofo
Beano312003
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Bob_Dole
c1ndy
Cinderblock
Coyote
Crystle
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
drgoatcabin
DrogoRoch
EchoBoxing
FunnyAsCancer
GetNakeddd
ghola
Hirilnara
hot_pocket
Impassive-Digressive
JMG114
kimmy02721
Luckystar
Magicaddict
Maltese
Merlina
NerfHerder
nyxmar
Pentameter
rad1101
ripple
Samo
scourge
sicosemen
sparkle_pink
strwbryfanatic
The_Yellow_Dart
thorpe
viciousness63
Wiggles
43 eligible votes (45 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
apollo88
awesome_face
Bigmike
Brdn_Nkd
Bubba2341
BubbaEarl
CaptainObvious
CaptainThorns
chipolatte
Chroniclysm
Circe
coley
Confuzitron
Cracked_out_cali
cshape
darko
Davros
Defect
DudeThatsBOSH
Durae
firefly
fodesnor
Genko
goferforhire
gravitas
HotWillie
indoninja
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
justagirl27
kaos-king
kybernetikum
littledan
loki
MandaPanda
Method
Orgasmatron
professorfuckface
prozac
Sacrilicious
satchel
Serious_Melvin
shandythedog
simple_catalyst
Soley_Trinity
Spam
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
supadupapupa
Uberjunkie
VileSin
Wicked
William_Q_Percy
WingedFoote
55 eligible votes (62 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 15:08:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is kaos king VS Jack McCallum.
Thanks, man. Great story, stiff competition.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-29 08:24:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by fodesnor (user info) at 2006-09-28 08:40:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-28 07:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-09-28 02:34:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ez-pz
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-09-27 16:38:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-27 15:59:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Nicely done, both of you.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-09-27 10:06:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-09-26 16:43:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1=awesome
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:48:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Welcome.............to Jurassic Park!
BUM BA, BUM BEH, BA PA BA BA-BA-BA-BAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
BA BA BA-BA, BA BA-DA-DA-DAA BA DA DAA DAAA!
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-26 13:47:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
these were painfully bad
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-26 12:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i thought both were awesome
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-26 12:25:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-26 10:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy fuck.
I can't believe I actually read both of these in their entirety.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-26 10:49:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoyed both of these, sadly I can only pick one.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-26 04:44:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-26 02:51:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"......wiped his ass with his hand, smeared the shit on the wall, and left....."
Not to say that was the reason entry 1 got my vote, but, as good as the second one was, it didn't strike home as "Flawed" as much.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2006-09-26 00:36:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:29:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hi-jack
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-25 19:12:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both are excellent, but #2 goes with the tradition of killing off the whole world, with the bonus of killing off the world of the dinosaurs.
I'm guessing this McC vs. K-K
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:17:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both had good premises, but the ambiguity of entry #1 made for a great, great read.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:55:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#1 if there are four brothers in the family and no sisters, why are you using the somewhat generic word "sibling"? I'm just curious.
Submitted by Luckystar (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:48:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were extremely well written....
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:39:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG look how small that scroll bar is - daham y'all
ok ok I'm gonna read it now GOSH
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:21:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did I read ALL of both?
No.
Will I? Probably not.
Why?
Fuck if I know, neither grabbed me.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:51:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Toughest so far.
Both good stories.
1 was a little confusing, lots of typos.
2 was well written and executed.
This has got to be Kaos v McCallum.
2 gets my vote.
-Dave
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Both were pretty decent.
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:04:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
teh suxor.
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:29:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
These were so long I couldn't read them. The first one (upon skimming) seemed like a total rip off of Amityville Horror so I voted for #2.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:22:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
eh
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:11:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You had me at Calgary!
w00t!
Submitted by Durae (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:24:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
both fantastic
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:47:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You are logged in as hot_pocket
Please confirm your vote:
Entry 1
Submitted by Wicked (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:45:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:30:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:44:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
MEH
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:41:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WOW.
Both of these stories were excellent.
Just a sliver of an edge in terms of originality gives #2 my vote.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:41:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked both, but the first entry edged the second one out just slightly for me.
Submitted by VileSin (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:38:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:19:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of those were truly excellent, but I give it Entry 1 simply for better use of the title. Pity either had to lose.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:18:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:09:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:33:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I got the impression this was Jack and Kaos's entry.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:31:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:28:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Coin flip. In a good way.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:28:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Fucking fuck fuck long fucking fucker entries.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:20:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:09:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Thats a lot of construction paper for number one.
And a lot of construction paper for number two, but the plot was less cliche.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:19:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:58:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:19:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Making the protagonist become increasingly apathetic as the house affected him was a strange but bold choice in #1, but it's goddamn boring as a writing style.
As I read, I felt myself slowly descending into madness as if I was in that fucking house.
Which is fascinating.
Boring, but fascinating.
#2 needs an editor, STAT!
Both had too many details which were unnecessary, as if the writers felt the need to be descriptive for it's own sake.
Both displayed a bit more talent than the average uberer, but that's not really saying much, as the bulk of you seem easily impressed.
Good effort, though.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:18:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked both.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:06:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-25 03:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-25 02:26:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
the fact that one of these is going to lose, and one of those crappy-ass "pack it up pack it in" pieces is going to win is quite distressing...
------------------------------
That's what great about this newfangled Scandinavian Bracket Convention. The winner of the Pack it Up contest will likely be beaten by one of the winners of the other rounds, while the loser of this one will have a good chance of beating the losers of other rounds.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-25 03:45:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I guess everyones saving the good stuff for the later rounds.... should they make it.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2006-09-25 03:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't read either, but let me just say they were fantastic
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-25 02:26:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
the fact that one of these is going to lose, and one of those crappy-ass "pack it up pack it in" pieces is going to win is quite distressing...
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-09-25 02:22:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of these were quite good, but I liked the new Jurassic Park better.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-25 01:04:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-09-25 00:21:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both stories were awesome...tough choice
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-24 23:45:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
There were a few grammatical errors, but overall entry #1 was fantastic. I didn't even make it all the way through #2, I just said "Fuck it" and went with my gut.
GREAT JOB!
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-09-24 23:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-24 23:02:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-24 22:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-09-24 22:24:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
tough choice here.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-09-24 22:23:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Better than all of the other entries, but 1 dragged on a little too long. It had potential though. Number 2 was great, but I didn't know the narrator was a woman until the sex talk.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-24 22:05:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I swear I've read both of these before. A house that brings out the worst in people and a science fiction story about pulling in chunks of the distant past. I've seen both these plots before.
#2, because I liked the style a little better.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:56:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:55:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
These entries keep on getting better, and it's been close every time.
Entry 1 was kinda cool, and I think the best part was how you didn't have to be particularly expressive with extreme emotions because the character was seeing things through a haze etc.
When I started reading Entry 2 I thought it would get my vote, however it just seemed to go on too long to hold my interest, and I only kept reading out of principle. Also, the ending wasn't necessary at all: throughout the piece I had just assumed it was the experiment which was flawed. The asteroid just made it a bit cheesy, combined with the characters like the Russian, the Christian and the Mad Scientist.
It was still quite close, but Entry 1 gets my vote because it held my interest the whole time.
Submitted by a_palindrome (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:49:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:14:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was really hard. 2 wins it for me, though.
Author of entry 1: yours was awesome too.
You both did a great job!!!!
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SHIT SHIT SHIT
both of these are so goddamned good, I don't know which one to vote for.
:(
Submitted by CaptainObvious (user info) at 2006-09-24 20:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
HOLY CRAP what a choice!! Why did the 2 of these have to go up against eachother? Damn, by far the 2 best pieces I've seen so far in this. Well done, authors.
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:48:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
interesting how both chose the same standard forumula to present their stories
finished neither, but vote for two because of the bananana business
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:47:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i can rate withouth voting?
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:44:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I really liked entry one. Made great use of the title.
Entry two wasn't bad either... but after readng entry one, it just didn't sink in properly.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:44:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
mmmm... horror
Submitted by viciousness63 (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:03:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Two of the best entries yet.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:01:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Man, another hard call.
Both stories were long, but kept my interest. The only negatives, in #1 I started losing track of who was who, and the bullshit 'science' in #2 was ridiculous.
In the end I have to go with the B-movie adventure appeal of #2, by a hair.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-24 19:01:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:58:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:56:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both of these are freakin' amazing!!! Basically a flip of the coin, but I though 2 was just a little bit more creative. But still, both entries totally kicked ass.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:41:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wicked sick.
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:38:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
WTF IM NOT READING ALL THAT
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:30:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:26:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ooo dinosaurs
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:25:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:24:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent entries...
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:18:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:16:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:50:50 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sorry, I meant grammar check for #1, not spell check.
________________
Not trying to be rude, but these made my eyes bleed:
A few weeks past (passed?) before I received a call
The foyer was gigantic, with stair leading off on both sides and wide duel (dual?) corridors in front of us.
He lead (led?) me to the diner room,
Submitted by prozac (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:05:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:02:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#2 was done very well.
#1 had many wrong word choices and grammatical errors that detracted
from the story.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-09-24 18:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:56:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Finally, a good Round 1 match-up.
#1 - Neil's introduction came outta nowhere. Didn't affect the story that much, but I had to read back a couple times to figure out who he was. Only other problem was that you made the "diner table" mistake twice. Other than that, a bit "Amityville"-ish, but good.
#2 - It might just be me, but I didn't think the last names were necessary at all for this story. I especially thought you didn't need to repeat them again. You had a decent idea with a good twist, but throughout the tale, short, choppy sentences bugged the hell outta me. If it had flowed a bit better, you woulda gotten my vote.
I almost flipped a coin for this one. Alllllmost.
Submitted by BubbaEarl (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:51:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm sorry, I meant grammar check for #1, not spell check.
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:50:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 was just more...lush.
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:50:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both were good, but i think that entry 1 had a more personal feel.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:49:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I suppose I shouldn't say that number one had a stolen plot.
Lots of houses make people crazy.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:49:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hmmm...
I find it interesting that both start out the much the same.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:47:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I expected I might enjoy #1 as I read the first 2 paragraphs. I think there was some potential in it, but it dragged on and on to an uninteresting end. Also, it desperately needed editing, and for UM, there's no excuse for not at least doing a spellcheck.
I enjoyed #2. It was well-written and while the premise of time-travel isn't uncommon, I thought it was a good take.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:47:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Number two didn't tie into the title all that well, but it was a great story with solid characters. And the plot wasn't stolen from a movie called the Amityville Horrors.
Overall, I suppose both were good, but two was signifigantly better.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:44:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both very well written. I suspect kaos king and jack.
Neither story was horribly interesting, but i enjoyed the style of the first piece and found it more engaging.
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:43:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:39:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
at least author 2 proof read.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:33:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Anything involving 1998 and construction paper gets my vote.
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:25:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Quality, both of these.
I think #1, although well-written and creative, had no real exlpanation and I would've liked to known a lot more of the story than just we entered the doors and our flaws took over or something.
#2 makes a lot more sense, but the plot line is a tad cheesy, or something like that. I can't really put my finger in it, but something about #2 just seemed a tad generic.
Good stories though, both of them.
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:25:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:23:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Both posts were very well written. However, #1 wasn't able to hold my attention for too long. I feel the writer took too long to get to the actual story, and spent more time describing the scenery and such.
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:06:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked both, but 1 was just really fucking solid.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:05:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-24 17:03:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment