Permanent Ban (189 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 1 review (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by calbearspolo (View user info) at 2006-09-24 17:26:04 EDT
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
September 25, 2006
Burbank, California (AP) - In a swift and unexpected industry move, the Motion Picture Association of America (MPAA) has announced it is enacting a permanent ban on all clichéd and overused movie one liners from being used in normal conversation. The list of movies, which is extensive, includes bar room staples such as "Caddyshack," "Napoleon Dynamite," "Old School" and "Happy Gilmore."
"We feel that the problem multi-layered. Most importantly, these fine cinematic achievements are losing their icon status. The genius of their screenplays is being diluted," said MPAA spokesman Peter Kiplinger during a Taco Bell promotion for "Ocean's 13."
Not everyone agrees that the ban is a good idea, however. Many smaller advocacy groups have taken up the fight against the MPAA, claiming that pop-culture quips are a lifeblood of the American male and millions of unintelligent men will have no way to communicate while drinking or during football half-times.
Chad "Moose" Oberlander, chairperson for Fraternities Against Governing Speech (FAGS) at the University of Arizona, feels that his ability to hit on women will be greatly impacted:
"Dude, I just... dude. I mean, dude, this is so wrong and shit. They're like, 'dude and stuff,' and I'm like 'this sucks!'" He further elaborated with "Like, dude, how am I going to talk with chicks and shit. Like, I can't do my totally sweet version of 'the price is wrong, bitch!' Or, shit dude, or 'if things go right I might be showing her my O-face. You know: Oh. Oh.'"
Kiplinger points out that such uses of movie quotes is not only incorrectly taking them out of context, but causing the stupefaction of society as a whole:
"People should be attempting to converse *more* originally, not relying on tired gimmicks and overused pop-culture ideas to get ahead," he said from a joint press conference with Mike Myers for "Shrek 3."
"People often gravitate to cultural axioms when they are uncomfortable or at a loss for other means of communication," says Dr. Emil Vynchek of the Vynchek Associates Guild for Informal and Normalized Articulation (VAGINA). "One of those assumed truths is that these movies are funny or insightful or even romantic, and that by using them the speaker becomes these qualities too."
Some of the more popular phrases that will be included on this permanent ban include:
- "Shampoo is better, it goes on the hair first!" from Billy Madison
- "If I'm not back in five minutes... just wait longer!" from Ace Ventura
- "You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater." from Austin Powers
- "Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber, you go and do something like this... and totally redeem yourself!" from Dumb and Dumber
- "You're not going to fall for the banana in the tailpipe?" from Beverly Hills Cop
Should this ban prove successful, movie insiders are pushing forward with the idea of other bans as well.
"The MPAA has always taken a hard line against overly romantic posturing. Oh, And John Stamos. Thoughtful looks towards the horizon with background music will certainly be put on the permanent ban list. That, and anything that at all resembles Uncle Jesse," said insider Bill Swerski, while softly humming "In Your Eyes."
Informal protests have already started, including a spontaneous and horridly off-key rendition of "Leaving on a Jet Plane" at John Wayne International Airport in Orange County by travelers in terminal 2 and an impromptu nearly-naked clay pot throwing event in Boston.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-05 12:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2