The Rising (948 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.26 on 105 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-09-25 04:30:16 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Come on up for the RisingCome on up, lay your hands in mine
Come on up for the Rising
Come on up for the Rising tonight
Spirits above and behind me
Faces gone black, eyes burnin' bright
May their precious blood forever bind me
As I stand before your fiery light
8:43AM
Fall, 2001
The smoke was visible to John McBride long before the fire engine turned onto West Broadway and roared south through Greenwich Village, sirens blaring. McBride saw cars and people fleeing north up the sidewalks and streets, stopping to gaze back at the fireball pouring out of the North Tower. The hook and ladder fire engine sped down the broad Manhattan street at forty miles an hour; there were only other fire engines and police vehicles in the southbound lane.
John McBride was holding on to the side of the truck's bars, along with the rest of Ladder Company 3. It was like any other fire—but different. This one was massive—and incredible high up, McBride thought. He wasn't envying going up the stairs—and the elevators would be off limits. That rule was drilled firmly in his head.
"Shit, I guess it really happened," said Ruiz, next to McBride. Directly ahead down the street in front of them the twin towers of the World Trade Center—smoke billowing from a gash near the top of the nearest tower—
"Not a small plane, either," Captain Steve Jordan remarked, his voice calm and emotionless. McBride's heart was pounding—his fingers shaking. If his red FDNY helmet wasn't firmly strapped onto his thinning head of hair, he would be nervously twirling it.
"We're getting there," Jordan said, his lined, cold face looking back at his firemen as the engine blared within two hundred yards of the base of the North Tower on Vesey Street. "Get onto the ground and wait for my orders. There's going to be a lot of people trapped higher up, so we might be going to the top floors on foot."
They were within a hundred yards now—the fire seemed close enough to touch, McBride was not afraid—did not drawn back. Scorched papers fluttered down from the recently-shattered tower, leaving a film of spreadsheets and bank notes on the asphalt and concrete a thousand feet below in the plaza. It was like a snowstorm how the sheets fluttered around, flapping in the cool September breeze, and McBride watched the destruction with an air of grace. Almost beautiful—
The fire engine parked on Vesey, and McBride jumped off and turned around onto the World Trade Center plaza. There was a memorial near the center court of the deaths in the 1993 bombing, one of McBride's first assignments as a firefighter—
Policemen, rescue workers and firemen were congregated all around, the soot beginning to blacken their faces and uniforms. From the many doors around the concourse of the World Trade Center, accountants and office workers stormed out—some with bloodied faces, all terrified.
How many were trapped above the impact, McBride thought—above where the plane hit?
"Listen up!" Jordan said, gathering the twenty men of Ladder 3 around him on the concrete square. They were maybe two hundred feet from the base of the North Tower—te only thing separating the firemen from the World Trade Center was the acre of fallen steel, plane gears and flaming wreckage dropping down from the tower's wound.
"Guys," Jordan said, the attention of his men wavering. "I talked to battalion, and we're going up there. Take it single file up the stairs, we're going to go as high as possible to find the flames, and get anyone who needs help. Radios on, and get the line hooked up."
"Jesus Christ!" Ruiz exclaimed, his face contorted and looking up at the burning face of the tower. His train of thought broken, Jordan looked up at the tower to see a figure falling weightlessly down the side of the tower, like a rag doll.
McBride prayed that he wouldn't—no—he slammed into the concrete and came apart like a beanbag. Someone screamed—a civilian. More bodies came plummeting from the sky above, maybe every twenty seconds—couples falling hand in hand, their bodies pulverized on the plaza—McBride choked.
"We're going up," Jordan said, as if trying desperately to reign control over the attention of his men. "Don't think about those guys—better place, you know."
It began quietly, like the sonic boom of a jet in McBride's ears, but grew tremendously, an ominous roar of terror, a plane flying low over the city, McBride's eyes drawn inexorably upward, the plane's underbelly filled with passengers—hijackers—they looked—
—the plane sunk into the building, the tower swallowing it alive—for a moment McBride thought it had been a mirage, that everything was all right, but the glass windows blew out in a bright-orange explosion, flinging pulverized concrete, asbestos, and particles of glass down into the air.
"Fuck!" Jordan grunted, slamming his hand on his helmet. McBride stood there—mesmerized by the falling plume of smoke and fire, the falling bodies crashing onto the field. The fire was rising.
"Confirmation a plane has just struck the South Tower," an electronic voice sputtered over Jordan's radio.
Were they jumping to escape the fire? Or was it a natural reaction, the heat giving them a fight-or-flight urge—forcing them out the windows, dropping them by the dozens onto the ground? Reverie broken—McBride took his half-mile of line, sturdied the sixty pounds of equipment on his back, and followed Jordan, Ruiz and the rest of his company into the World Trade Center.
The concourse was crowded with policemen, and rescue workers tending to the wounded. There were stairs and elevators leading down to the shopping mall underground—more stairs leading up. Office workers were making a frenzied escape from the stairwells, fleeing the burning towers; others stayed, trying to help their co-workers.
Part of him couldn't believe it. They were going up.
McBride followed his men up the long, winding stairs. How many floors up? It was hard to tell—it was hard to tell how many people were walking down, fleeing the towers. Their eyes met for single fleeting moments, rescuer and refugee—eyes meeting—and gone in opposite directions. McBride lugged his equipment on his back, somewhere around the 12th floor—aching back—
"Keep going, buddy, you got it," McBride said to Ruiz, his mouth parched as they felt the towers shaking—ignoring his own pain. Ruiz' face was bright red, stomping up the concrete stairs, pushing past the office workers escaping downward.
It was endless, eternal—up the stairs high to a top floor, feeling like hours. They left the stairwell on a high floor, and entered another—the building looked empty except for the streams of people escaping down the stairwells. McBride wondered inside the elevators—any people trapped by the fire?
"Keep going, keep going,"
The tower swayed back and forth, knocking McBride off of his feet. He crashed into the concrete wall of the landing, his equipment falling onto him. Jordan cursed, and lifted himself up—the tower—
—it was going over, thought McBride—leaning to one side, smoke above, fire above—the tower groaned and strained, an earthquake running through the ground—and it stopped.
The tower stopped its stomach-turning lean to the side, and stayed where it is. Jordan said something into his radio, but McBride's ears were ringing—and Jordan said it: "The South Tower has collapsed."
Onto the ground. Onto the field. Filled with thousands of—McBride stood up.
"Keep going, keep going,"
Ears were ringing—vision focused on the steps above him. It was taking forever, and the smoke was thick—Jordan opened a landing door and stepped onto the floor.
Breathing calmer. Heart slower. McBride looked.
It was an office, maybe for Verizon or Bank of America, hard to say. The impact was only a few floors above—the windows were open. Cubicles, and carpeting—fire was in the corner of the room, the plane's wing had cut through the office, and the room was wrecked. Broken computers and shattered desks littered the hall.
"Is there anyone here?" Jordan shouted. His radio had lost signal. "Firefighters! Ruiz, McBride, report back down to battalion on the ground that we're in contact with the top floors."
"Let's go," Ruiz said, and McBride followed him back out onto the landing. They went further and further, down the stairs, away from the fire.
"Keep going, keep going,"
The wound of the trade center high above—there was no one, McBride saw no one. The towers groaned again. They were in the stairwell, making their way down. Ruiz fell in his haste, his foot slipping on the ashen steps and slamming into the wall, the equipment crushing him to the ground.
"Keep going, keep going,"
"I can't, let me pull this off you."
"Just go, John, I'll still be here when you get back. Get down!"
John McBride closed his eyes—
He lifted the heavy equipment off of Ruiz' body, freeing him from his entrapment. Ruiz' leg was broken, but John carried him. He carried him down the remaining flights of stairs, past the bars and fleeing workers—
They were in the concourse of the World Trade Center, they were out in the plaza, in freedom—
McBride's fantasy faded away, and he once again found himself in the landing with Ruiz trapped. The tower screamed, girders straining, and another explosion seemed to rock the building from its thick structure up through the iron and steel to the top of its bitter, shorn crown.
Rapid impacts—slammed into the floors, compressing, compacting, the stairway dark. The lights went out.
They were in darkness, holding one another—McBride and Ruiz—the floors compacting. The walls cracked, the strain and tension of millions of pounds shrieking in the morning sky—a black day, a red day. Faces gone, black eyes burning bright.
They held onto one another as the world came crashing down. McBride opened his eyes, and his hands were hot—together—a light shone in the darkness, guiding McBride home.
He saw nothing.
There was nothing.
- VS -
Entry 2
Ross: "Hello everyone, I'm Craig Ross and welcome to Hero Talk. My guests today are the founding members of The Rising. Directly to my right is Helminth, the team's leader, next to him is the very lovely Nexus, and on the far end we have Quaff. Let's not waste any time, tell me how you all met."Helminth: "Well, I've known Nexus since high school, and we met Quaff in college. Nexus and I have known about each other's powers since the beginning, but it wasn't until I saw Quaff fighting with some drunken frat guys that I realized he was also a super."
Quaff: "I made a bet that I could out-drink them all. After losing, they refused to pay me."
Ross: "What exactly is your power, Quaff?"
Quaff: "I can drink large amounts, and I mean very large amounts, and then use that as fuel for my adrenal system."
Ross: "So wouldn't a name like "The Drunken Avenger" better suit you?"
Quaff: "I considered it, but Helminth didn't think it sent a good message to kids."
Ross: "I see. And what are the rest of your powers?"
Helminth: "I have super strength and heightened reflexes."
Ross: "And you Nexus?"
Nexus: "I can control the hardness of my body and my legs get sticky when I'm excited."
Ross: "For the sake of my censors I hope you mean you can stick to walls. So what can you tell me about the group itself?"
Helminth: "We're good. It's just that most people haven't heard of us. I'm not trying to say we've got The Fantastic Four or The X-Men beat, but those guys have been around for years. We only got started in March."
Quaff: "Plus, they're both stationed out of New York. Do you have any idea how much shit goes down in that state? Meanwhile, we're stuck in bumblefuck Ohio. My dead grandmother can beat the kinds of things we've gone up against."
Helminth: "Quaff, could you please watch your mouth?"
Quaff: "What?"
Helminth: "This is a family show; you can't say things like that."
Quaff: "...Ohio?"
Ross: "Helminth is right Quaff; I need you to tone down your language."
Nexus: "We apologize for Quaff. He can be irrational at times."
Quaff: "I what?"
Helminth: "Please continue Mr. Ross."
Ross: "Umm... let's see, where was I? Oh, here we go. What's the reasoning behind naming the group The Rising? Is it a metaphor for something?"
Helminth: "Well actually, we--"
Quaff: "It started out as a penis joke but we liked it too much."
Ross: "Helminth, would you like to tell us the real story?"
Helminth: "Actually he's telling the truth about that one."
Ross: "Oh. Well I guess all stories can't be winners. What was your initial reason for starting this group?"
Quaff: "Well we--"
Helminth: "To be honest, it was that day we saw Quaff fighting the frat guys. Like he said before, his power is a result of drinking. So after he won the fight, he got in a car and tried to drive away. He was on the verge of crashing into a couple of freshmen before I stopped the car."
Quaff: "It's not entirely my fault, the kids jumped right out--"
Helminth: "As you may have guessed, when Quaff uses his powers, his reflexes and judgment get fairly skewed. I'm not even sure if he can handle fighting crime two days in a row."
Ross: (laughing) "I was wondering that very thing."
Quaff: "Actually, the alcohol is worked out of my system faster than--"
Helminth: "Carry on Mr. Ross."
Ross: "What do your families think of your crime fighting?"
Quaff: "Well, my father has told me that--"
Helminth: "Quaff, why don't you let me field the rest of these questions. You know, so you don't get embarrassed."
Quaff: "What is that supposed to mea--"
Nexus: "Please Quaff; don't interrupt Helminth."
Quaff: "That's it. You little shits have done it now, someone get me a drink so I can kick their asses!"
Helminth: "Quaff, your drinking is the most inappropriate thing about this team. You need to--"
Quaff: "No, you know what Helminth? You need to shut the fuck up! You want to talk about inappropriate? What about you sleeping with Nexus? Sure, we all want to hit that, but I can hear you guys from two doors down! And you both make the exact same noises, what's up with that?"
Helminth: "I..uh..I don't..."
Quaff: "And you want to talk about sending a good message to kids? I know what a Helminth really is. It's an intestinal worm! Look it up Ross, it's in the fucking dictionary! Why the hell would you name yourself after an intestinal worm? I know that just about anything is better than your real name, Meredith, but just shut the fuck-- Oh come on, you're crying again? I've walked in on you crying almost every-fucking-day. Are you sure that isn't your superpower? Being the world's strongest and most emotionally sensitive prick? Nexus, how can you sleep with this pussy?"
Ross: "Well I think that's just about all the time we have for today. I'd like to thank my guests for--"
Quaff: "Aw Ross, just shut the fuck up. Somebody get me a beer so I can kick this guy's ass."
Ross: "Goodnight everyone."
Entry 1:
Amontillado
Anansie
Antioxident
august_sobriquet
Axolotl
BadAssJulie
Badlands
Beano312003
Bigmike
Bob_Dole
Bubba2341
c1ndy
Chroniclysm
coley
Confuzitron
Cracked_out_cali
Davros
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DrogoRoch
Genko
ghola
goferforhire
Hirilnara
Jack_McCallum
jgreening
JMG114
justagirl27
kimmy02721
littledan
Magicaddict
MandaPanda
matnotharry
Merlina
NerfHerder
Orgasmatron
Samo
satchel
scourge
Spam
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
strwbryfanatic
thorpe
Wicked
Wiggles
William_Q_Percy
WingedFoote
44 eligible votes (47 total) *
Entry 2:
Adamdidit2u
apollo88
AsshOly
Brdn_Nkd
calbearspolo
CaptainThorns
Cinderblock
Circe
Coyote
Crystle
darko
DudeThatsBOSH
EchoBoxing
firefly
FunnyAsCancer
GetNakeddd
gravitas
HotWillie
Impassive-Digressive
indoninja
intellismartness
jack11058
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
kaos-king
kybernetikum
loki
madddonkey255
Method
morontian
nyxmar
Pentameter
rad1101
ripple
Sacrilicious
Serious_Melvin
shandythedog
Shaun_Rocks
sicosemen
simple_catalyst
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
Stagger_Lee
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_Yellow_Dart
45 eligible votes (47 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-09-29 08:22:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2006-09-28 21:32:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-28 18:20:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
SHIT!
I BROKE A FUCKING TIE!!!
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:28:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ahem.
depsite the brilliance of a super hero called Quaff who's super power is to get drunk and fight (sounds familar) I have to vote for one here because it was written well enough to hold my interest on a subect that really, has been a trifle over-done
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:26:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
The tower screamed, girders straining, and another explosion seemed to rock the building from its thick structure up through the iron and steel to the top of its bitter, shorn crown.
---
MULTIPLE EXPLOSIONS!!!
OMG!!! PROOF!!
SOMEBODY CALL THE GUYS AT LOOSE CHANGE!!!!
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
wtf?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-09-28 05:54:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-27 12:30:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-27 04:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-09-27 01:32:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-09-26 21:51:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:08:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't like either of these. They were equal if you ask me, but I had to vote for something.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:06:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:52:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:59:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
omg
painfully bad or painfully unfunny
i couldn't choose
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-09-26 16:48:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:28:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't really like either of these.
1 was ok, but I didn't like the way it was written.
2 was just meh.
-Dave
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:08:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-09-26 13:37:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-09-26 09:09:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-26 02:55:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I actually didnt like either, but it would seem #1 put more effort into it.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-09-26 00:41:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Number 2 rules
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:59:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know if I am the only one who thinks so, but using 911 to win a writing contest because it plays well to sympathies seems inappropriate.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:36:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't read either one. Number one had a picture.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2006-09-25 19:58:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:55:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:50:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
i don't want to vote for either. but 2 gets it for quaff. god, i love voting.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:49:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:39:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:33:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't like to read plays or scripts or screenplays or whatever the hell that was.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:20:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Remember Timmy, only douchebags forget to vote!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-25 18:20:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a good thing that #2 was such a festering pile of waste, because as well-written as #1 was I was tempted to vote against it since it didn't really bring anything new to the whole 9/11 thing- please take that as helpful criticism, as it is intended. You are good, #1, this was just too 'ssen it before.'
#2 was, well, number two. A huge turd awaiting a hearty flush.
When author #1 writes something completely original he or she will be a force to be reckoned with.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-25 17:52:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I did giggle a bit at #2, though.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-25 17:50:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
both very good, I guess liked the humor better
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-25 17:22:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:36:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Auto 9/11 anti-vote
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:28:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:25:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-25 16:01:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a real tough decision, I'm glad my vote doesn't count 'cause I just don't know who deserves it...
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:35:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I found entry 2 to be strongly reminiscent of "Mystery Men".
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:24:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by madddonkey255 (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:24:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by simple_catalyst (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:18:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:02:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:40:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:36:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:29:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was pretty creative.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:26:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:22:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-25 14:08:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:44:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
the twin towers theme wasnt bad, but not done well enough to get my vote.
i would say that now, its somewhat difficult to write on such an emotional topic because its pretty much the obvious choice.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:42:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:20:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:30:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-25 12:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:58:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I was *quite* torn here but the beaten-dead 9/11 post loses by default.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:55:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 almost made me cry.
Entry 2 almost made me laugh.
Neither did a great job, but I'd take attempted laughter over attempter crying any day.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither was that great so I flipped a coin.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
although 2 was more enjoyable...
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:35:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't like the talk-show transcript thing too much, as a general rule. Sorry.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Wicked (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:26:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
(Voted #1) (#2 was simply lacking.)
comments for #1 below
Submitted by Wicked (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:24:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm inherently skeptical about the choice of topic. Firefighting also; it would have been better to chose a more varied subject. The writing was good, but the characters were static and one dimensional. The imagery was the best part of this piece, and it alone got you this "one" from me. Otherwise, mediocre writing. Step it up!
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:23:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, this is Ubersite, after all...
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:00:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
what was the dude's name in entry 1...oh right, McBride!!
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:20:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
#2 was funny, written well, and at the very least newer.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:52:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.rotten.com/library/crime/terrorism/september_11/911-collapse2.jpg
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:48:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:45:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:39:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:50:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better matchups so far in this competition. Great work by both of you.
Entry 1 - Timing aside (I find it hard to believe they'd be able to scale, what, 60 or more floors, and then run back down, especially with a broken leg, in the time alotted) I think the story was outstanding. Obviously 9/11 is a soft spot for me, just like anybody else, but I am not sure my sort of nostalgic sadness right now is by any means a result of your writing, but of the story I remember from my real life. So I really cant give you credit for that, despite the fact that you wrote this so well.
Entry 2 - I'm glad to see somebody taking Ubermadness away from the dramatic feel all the other posts so far have. This story cracked me up, and I loved the structure. I think it could have gone into greater detail at some points and some of your segways were a little shitty, but I laughed enough that it would be tough not to vote for you. """
NOTE TO SELF:
IGNORE THIS GUYS OPINION WHEN HE REVIEWS MY POSTS.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:37:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
not sure what it had to do with the title but it was way better than the illiterate formulaic crap that was number 1.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:10:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:46:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Not a small plane, either," Captain Steve Jordan remarked, his voice calm and emotionless. McBride's heart was pounding—his fingers shaking. If his red FDNY helmet wasn't firmly strapped onto his thinning head of hair, he would be nervously twirling it.
"We're getting there," Jordan said, his lined, cold face looking back...
unforgivable
(unless of course this was deliberate and you were leading up to some satiric twist, in which case i apologise)
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:36:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:27:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's good to see some comedy in here.
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:19:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I knew that I'd see a 9/11 post with this title. I wouldn't have voted for it because of that, but it was superior to entry 2. You didn't even try hard.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:13:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:01:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:59:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I wasn't that interested in number one.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:47:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 07:13:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:52:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was funny, but #1 had better writing.
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:41:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Did not like number two at all.
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:37:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
2 could have been so much more than just a talk show. It felt like a drunk post, to be honest.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-25 06:07:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:32:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:32:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
*didn't see how it related to the title
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:31:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't really like the first one, and didn't see how it related to the first one. The second one was just woeful though.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:09:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
goferforhire vs. thorpe?
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:08:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-25 05:05:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So, ah... yeah.
#1 - Sorry friend, this is the first Entry that I couldn't even finish. WAY too many spelling and grammar mistakes. And while I'm obviously a fan of the dash, you abused it in a way that was almost criminal.
#2 - The set up was kinda silly, and we've seen this type of thing done many times (usually better) before. There were some fun lines in it, but really, you were just lucky to go up against the other tale.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:55:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Very nice indeed.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:50:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One of the better matchups so far in this competition. Great work by both of you.
Entry 1 - Timing aside (I find it hard to believe they'd be able to scale, what, 60 or more floors, and then run back down, especially with a broken leg, in the time alotted) I think the story was outstanding. Obviously 9/11 is a soft spot for me, just like anybody else, but I am not sure my sort of nostalgic sadness right now is by any means a result of your writing, but of the story I remember from my real life. So I really cant give you credit for that, despite the fact that you wrote this so well.
Entry 2 - I'm glad to see somebody taking Ubermadness away from the dramatic feel all the other posts so far have. This story cracked me up, and I loved the structure. I think it could have gone into greater detail at some points and some of your segways were a little shitty, but I laughed enough that it would be tough not to vote for you.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:49:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:47:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I dunno.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:47:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:46:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:35:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Neither particularly wowed me. Entry 2 sort of edged it.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:34:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I READ THE STORY GOOD.
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-25 04:34:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment