Reluctantly Crouched at the Starting Line (615 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.5 on 41 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Cinder Block (View user info) at 2006-09-25 08:25:35 EDT
I ride mountain bikes. It's kinda my thing. If you find this sport at all boring, please move along ...
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There comes a time in every novice rider's life when he questions his aptitude, really, on a mountain bike.
For someone who is really curious about where they stand in the whole scheme of the sport, the race looms. It's like a huge hammer of justice, just waiting to either humble you to your knees, or glorify your efforts as a cyclist. For me the former took place, and this is my account of it.
A stuffy, humid day in Athens, Georgia...nothing to look forward waking up to unless, of course, you had a race that morning. I did what I could the night before to prepare my bike for the certain beating that was going to take place at 12:35pm the next day. Applying plenty of chain lube, front to back cable adjustments and even the slightest brake pad tweaks; I was stoked to the point of meticulously worshipping the functioning capacity of my bike. A healthy breakfast was had, as was a stretching workout that even a contortionist could appreciate. I wanted to DOMINATE. In fact, it was the only thing on my mind that morning as I drove to the race, with the joyous sounds of punk rock permeating my brain. I reached the site:
It was immediate intimidation...
- $4,000 bikes
- Huge, shaved legs rippling with endurance-proven striations
- Pro-class riders zooming by, their tires spitting gravel as if it were water
- Laughter and conversations being had by whole teams of pro riders
There was a LOT to be afraid of. VERY afraid of.
But I did not let any of this get to me, too much. I got out of my car, swapped my cut-off khakis for lycra and stussy hat for helmet and proceeded to the starting line. What I then took in really got my heart racing. I decided to race sport class, thinking that surely I was no pro, but that beginner-level races were, how should we say, below me. Those around me were emotionless, their faces taught with intent. These men were teeming with aggression as they jockeyed for the ideal start position.
A shot was heard, followed by the sound of 35 rear tires spinning on loose gravel, and we were off. It had begun...
I launched myself from stationary with an explosion of power on my left foot. I soon found myself coasting down the first descent amidst 5 or 6 of the most tuned riders I have ever seen. I remember thinking to myself, I am of the best...look at me! Racing with these guys! This thought changed as soon as the first climb came.
I was swallowed by a 5-wide pack of riders careening by me, left and right, faster than I had ever thought possible on a climb like this one. Someone said, "You're an hour late! The beginner race ended 20 minutes ago! HAHAHAHA!!"
I was enraged.
3 miles later, I felt my heart tugging at it's abilities. Sweat began to pool under my eyes and my sight became blurred by huge clouds of dust enveloping me as I drifted slowly back to accompany the slower riders. This was all too much. I hadn't given ANY thought to the possibility that I should be pacing myself.
5 miles later, I began to cramp. My hydrapack was exhausted; coincidentally so was I. With every crank I felt a knot swell near my knees. The cramps were irreconcilable. The moment I would try to stand and stretch one calve, the other would cry in pain as it underwent yet another torturing cramp. There was NO escape. Thoughts of my dominating this race quickly turned to thoughts of my merely finishing this race. I pressed on, knowing that the next day would bring certain agony accompanied by muscle recovery. I didn't care. It became to me a game of survival. Either I played my cards right in the field of energy conservation, or I lost the hand to others with even more determination than I.
Countless miles later, the finish line was in sight. By this time, I was bleeding at both knees, my head had become a swollen grenade of aching, pulsating annoyance, and my forearms were wrought with lactic distress. I crossed the finish line placing 32nd of 35 riders, beating only those 3 participants who, for one reason or another, simply dropped out of the race. It was humiliating.
The next day I spent all morning in bed, unable to stand. The usual hangover remedies (hot coffee, aspirin, and a nice cold shower) seemed to only insult my condition. I felt like a hospice patient...and I didn't care. I raced my heart out and won the game of survival. At the same time, I learned an awfully valuable lesson: Sometimes bridling your ego can prove to be the best move you can make in an effort to better yourself.
NO race would ever be as beneficial to me as that first race was. I still have my number sheet...#2501, Sport Class, placing: DEAD LAST.
User Reviews
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-09-25 15:41:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Die.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-25 13:28:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
cake is good; it's santeria not santa ria, sublime is good
and I suggest if you are interested in seriously competing in something as athletic as competitive bicycling, you read a few basic health-related textbooks to take care of your muscles and body more, nutrition and exercise-wise.
And the reviews below?
FUCKING STUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPID
but I'm rating the post.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:36:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lot of fags below
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:22:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:19:08 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't work in absolutes, Oathmeal. Being a fairly well adjusted human being, I am able to enjoy insulting whilst still being able to offer advice. You demand answers from what you believe are my flaws, but you will never answer mine about yours, interesting.
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You've done nothing but confuse me with your circular logic (maybe I really *am* an idiot?).
If that wasn't your aim, consider yourself having failed.
Submitted by badassmofo (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:22:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
water, not coffee and aspirin
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't work in absolutes, Oathmeal. Being a fairly well adjusted human being, I am able to enjoy insulting whilst still being able to offer advice. You demand answers from what you believe are my flaws, but you will never answer mine about yours, interesting.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What a series of pansy whining going on. It's the fucking internet, grow the fuck up, both of you.
When you fight on the internet, it's like the special olympics.......you know the rest.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:11:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TMB, therein lies the glaring flaw in your logic.
If you get off on insulting me, then why on *earth* would you be trying to help me?
Make sense now, you fucking dolt?
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
When you say, "I'm telling you this because it might help you.", what could you *possibly* mean aside from "I'm telling you this because I need to come across as eager to help, as opposed to eager to insult.".
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Err.. am I missing something here? That's exactly what I wanted it to mean. Do you think I have a problem with insulting you? Of course I don't, infact I thoroughly enjoy it. This time however I wanted to let you know that it was not an insult, so what are you talking about? Idiot.
An alter getting pissy about alters.... pot, kettle, black.
As for that being different thing, again, not sure what you think you're saying. I'm not trying to be different or the same, were you trying to insult me or something? It didn't work very well, infact it just sort of left me indifferent and wondering if you think your insults are good.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:07:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Nothing more humbling than getting 0wnt by your own limitations.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:03:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TMB, help me understand something, if you would:
When you say, "I'm telling you this because it might help you.", what could you *possibly* mean aside from "I'm telling you this because I need to come across as eager to help, as opposed to eager to insult.".
You're no different from that maggot Method and his godless army of lurking alters.
Don't feign sincerity in an effort to seem different from the rest of the callous assholes on here. Because you're *not* different.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:01:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Yes, about 1 minute 30 seconds Oathmeal.
But that is exactly what I am talking about, you just ignore what people say to you because you refuse to believe it. I have known many people with your sort of personality and let me tell you their friends REALLY do not like them much. I'm telling you this because it might help you, I want you to seriously think about how you treat peopl. The next time one of your friends says they can't make it or stop a conversation when you enter the room, just remember they don't like you.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:54:56 (#)
Ranking: -2
...And if ratings don't mean anything to you, then why throw a hissy fit every time you get -2'd?
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Oh, hello Method alter.
Kindly fuck off.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:55:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
TMB, look at the time you spent on that review.
Now, look at me basically thumbing my nose at you, taking none of what you say seriously.
Now, consider your commentary inconsequential and promptly go away.
thankyouverymuchpleasepullforward
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:54:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
...And if ratings don't mean anything to you, then why throw a hissy fit every time you get -2'd?
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:50:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I'd like to point out that I called him out as being a retarded little crybaby long before anyone else.
I've seen you picture Oathmeal, I've seen Method's and I've seen Kaelic's, and I'm pretty sure those two could handle a short tubby ginger nerd no problem.
Really this is pathetic, your problem is that you think you are better than everyone else. You have a superiority complex (or something along those lines) we are always telling you "fuck off you suck" yet you just refuse to believe it, probably because mommy and daddy have also told you what a special little dumpling you are and you could be anything when you grow up. What do you want to be WHEN YOU GROW UP, Oathmeal?
Oops, wait you sit in a cubicle selling fans or something right?
Congrats on that whole life thing, fuck up.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:47:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this alone: "I ride mountain bikes. It's kinda my thing. If you find this sport at all boring, please move along ..."
Don't post stupid fucking shit on Uber and not expect us to rate it as such
Don't want a -2?
Don't waste our time, cunt
=========
I'll waste whoever's time I like, thank you.
And ratings don't make a hill of beans difference for me, now that I'm posting under this shit account. So please, -2 on cockboy.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:48:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
When I see shit like
"WHAT A LOOOOOOOOSER YOU ARE"
I just get *so* irate it actually hurts.
Hahaha!! Whatever, you dicksock. Get off my post, bitch.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:47:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
-2 for this alone: "I ride mountain bikes. It's kinda my thing. If you find this sport at all boring, please move along ..."
Don't post stupid fucking shit on Uber and not expect us to rate it as such
Don't want a -2?
Don't waste our time, cunt
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:45:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:07:21 (#)
Ranking: -2
Can you take criticism well?
If you can, well, this post sucked.
------------------------
Apparently not...
Did I hurt your feelings by giving you a -2 along with the opinion that you asked for when you posted this gay horse shit?
You're a sad man.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:42:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
YOU READ EVERY WORD OF IT AND YOUR FACE IS EVEN REDDER THAN USUAL
ADMIT IT, FAGGOT
YOU FAIL AT LIFE
GO AHEAD, THROW ANOTHER TEMPER TANTRUM
WE CARE, WE REALLY DO!
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Method, that was poor. Try again. I barely read two lines of that nonsense before sloughing it off as infantile.
*sigh*
I expected better from you.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:41:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
T
O
O
L
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:39:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:33:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
And for the record, I'd fucking *crumple* you in a fight.
I JUST SAW THAT
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA*snort*HAHAHAHAHAAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
AHHHHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:39:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
bahahahahahaahahahah
STOP YOURE HURTING MY FEELINGS
SERIOUSLY
WHAT A LOOOOOOOOSER YOU ARE
"Waaaaaaaaaaa people fucked with me on the internet because I'm a total tool and gave out my personal information, and now that I've thoroughly shit my pants, I've switched to an alter so that people won't recognize me."
Give it up Howdy Doody, you're way out of your league here. Go look up the definition of "troll" - you have no idea what you're talking about.
This was shit, you're shit, and you're a mediocre writer at best. I sure as hell am NOT going to give this anything other than a -2, regardless of who wrote it.
Maybe you should re-evaluate the fact that you LIVE for internet ratings, and throw a fucking temper tantrum when you don't get what you want. I'm sorry if you expect everyone to kiss your ass and give you +2's, but that's not how it works, buddy. Now be a predictable little faggot and go -2 20 or 30 of my posts.
I think you've just trumped Tom Sorrell for the BIGGEST FUCKING CRYBABY ON UBERSITE award. You're shit on ubersite, you're shit in real life, your parents hate you and can't wait to bury their shoddy disappointment of a son, and no one else gives a fuck about you either.
Keep crying, I'm sure it'll get you real far in life
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:33:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
And for the record, I'd fucking *crumple* you in a fight.
But! That doesn't seem to matter around here (as it shouldn't). So, no. I guess we won't be meeting at any schoolyard anytime soon.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:31:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:27:35 (#)
Ranking: -2
How's that, hoss? I'm a pussy because I didn't threaten to internet beat you up? What the fuck are you on? Would you like to meet me in the schoolyard after class?
idiot
==============
Kid, you're an internet troll if *ever* there was one.
Your immaturity is preceded only by your putrid stench noticeable any time you're within 5 feet of a computer.
Give up Ubersite, dude. You suck.
Oh, and you're greek. Kill yourself now for that alone.
Faggot.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:27:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
How's that, hoss? I'm a pussy because I didn't threaten to internet beat you up? What the fuck are you on? Would you like to meet me in the schoolyard after class?
idiot
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:24:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:18:07 (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
============
Dude, you are *such* a fucking pussy.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
good post
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:37:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I dont see why this is so negative
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Can you take criticism well?
If you can, well, this post sucked.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-25 09:02:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I bet that bike can do some sweet jumps.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:44:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Auto OathMeal saying he was going to leave twice and pretending to give away passwords twice -2. Just can't keep away can you? You ginger lardo.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:40:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:37:14 (#)
Ranking: -2
Eh, fat jokes don't bother people that aren't fat, fucker.
What were the specs on your bike? I used to have a pretty sweet hardtail I built myself.
===============
Cannondale CAAD4 Sobe Team frame with a Lefty DLR fork and disc brakes (pretty cutting-edge at the time). I was pimpin' Hutchinson Python tires and Mavic CrossMAX wheels with XT hubs and a RaceFace North Shore XS crankset.
Pretty dope, but obviously not dope enough.
And hey, you don't have to be 'fat' to be a fatass.
Or, something.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:37:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Eh, fat jokes don't bother people that aren't fat, fucker.
What were the specs on your bike? I used to have a pretty sweet hardtail I built myself.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:32:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:30:16 (#)
Ranking: -2
You're still gay, Oathmeal.
-==========-
Hey I appreciate that, fatass.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:31:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I used to ride a bike everywhere up until I discovered cars and girls.
Submitted by WildcatMcGee (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:30:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You're still gay, Oathmeal.
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-25 08:25:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
As a sidebar, I would continue racing and place 1st in the SORBA regionals 2 years later.