The Fire Within (Part 3) (217 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 0.33 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rillins (View user info) at 2006-09-25 10:10:06 EDT
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93428
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93487
After a fitful nap they decided it was time to get on the road. Their destination was Duke, where Wayne's sister Mary was attending college. They drove in shifts, stopping for breaks whenever necessary but quickly getting back on the road.
Sandra pulled into the campus dorms, trying to see which one Mary stayed in. Finally, she and Wayne parked outside of the correct building and signed in at the desk. They rode the elevator up to the top floor and walked down the hallway, littered with books and people studying for finals. They found Mary in the common room, reading on English Literature. Mary didn't look up until Wayne plunked down a cup of coffee in front of her.
"Wayne! What are you doing here? I can't believe you're here! What terrible timing! I've still got to study for a lit. final for this afternoon." Mary frowned at her book. "Hey, who's she? Hi, I'm Mary!" Mary thrust out her hand to Sandra, who smiled and gladly shook it.
"Hey Mary, I'm Sandra, a friend of your brother."
Mary made a sly kissy face towards Wayne. Fashioned in middle school, the kissy face would never go out of style.
Wayne rolled his eyes "hey, you want to go on a quick ride with us. You know, take a break from studying and all?"
Marry slammed her book closed "Heck yeah I do!"
Sandra opened the common room door and headed towards the elevator. Mary prattled on about her finals and which ones she knew she failed. Wayne glanced at the stairwell behind them at the end of the hallway, catching the eye of Michael.
"Oh shit!" Wayne yelled as he turned to run, pushing the girls ahead of him.
"Wayne, since when do you cuss?" Marry looked confusedly at Wayne, and then past him at the beast of a man running their way. Sandra ran to the elevator, calling for them to hold it open before it went down. It slid shut just as she reached it. Panic in her eyes she shoved Wayne and Mary behind her.
"Get downstairs, I'll meet you at that park."
Firmly bracing herself against a wall facing the charging man she held out her hands. Stormy winds raced from her being, throwing books and scholars down the hall. Michael seemed as a rock, weathering the storm, still moving their way but slower than before.
Books slapped him in the face, enraging him to no extent. He pushed students out of the way, kicking them so he could be that much closer to his goal. Wayne and Mary stared openly first at Sandra, then to Michael, and finally resting back onto Sandra.
"Go!" She yelled, the power draining her energy with every second of use.
Wayne and Mary ran to the far end of the hall to the stairs at the other end of the hall, taking the stairs two at a time. When they reached the bottom floor they bolted past the kid at the reception desk and out into the parking lot. Wayne shoved Mary into his car and sat in the driver's seat looking at the exit they had just come through.
"What is going on?" Mary began.
Before Wayne could answer the sound of breaking glass enveloped them. They could see shards of glass flying from broken out windows all across the top floor. A shape jumped out of one of the windows. Wayne tracked the person's decent when it just disappeared.
'The park." The voice floated to Wayne on a puff of air, reminding him of their escape plan. Gunning the Dodge Neon into gear, the brother and sister sped off campus and towards a park they had picked as their meeting place.
When they reached the park, Sandra sat awaiting them on a picnic table. Cuts made from broken glass had slashed at her arms and legs but they were shallow and had already finished bleeding. Wayne half carried her back to their car, as her energy had been completely drained from the battle in the dorm.
They sat in the car in complete silence. Sandra had been sleeping for a couple of hours, but Mary was wide awake.
"Wayne, I need to know..." Mary trailed off, not even able to understand what question to ask.
"I know Mary. Let's just get to mom and dad's before we start. It's just too weird, and I really can't tell it more than once." Wayne looked questioningly at Mary.
"OK, so we'll wait." Mary rested her eyes, comfortable in the protection offered by her big brother.
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:23:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No point in pointing it out... Ghola already said it and you agreed.
Submitted by rillins (user info) at 2006-09-25 17:05:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I definitally need to edit. Sometimes when I write, I almost get tired of how it sounds in my head; all proper n' such, I totally agree with what you are saying.
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-09-25 11:46:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
mmmm...... I tend to agree with the comment below.
This was almost 1940's polite writing where the author was too uppercrust to use language that people actually used on the streets.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-25 10:15:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
"Wayne! What are you doing here? I can't believe you're here! What terrible timing! I've still got to study for a lit. final for this afternoon."
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no one talks like that. work on your dialogue.
also, you use a lot of what i'll call "cliched language." make your sentences your own. don't say things like "fitful nap."
props for spelling your title right this time though.