Mary's Place (1092 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.37 on 106 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-09-25 20:11:00 EDT
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
- VS -
Entry 2
"Blow into this paper bag."Billy was stupid enough to do it. He believed Adam when he told him that he wasn't going to do anything to scare or hurt him, even though Adam told him that every time he was about to play a trick on him.
Gingerly, Billy put his lips to the opening of the bag, and even jerked back once to gauge Adam's reaction. He didn't flinch, so Billy pressed harder. Instantly, his lips felt hot and picky, and when he pulled the bag away, a few bees began to buzz from the opening. Fighting the urge to cry, he began to feel around his lips to see how badly he had been stung.
"I can't believe you fell for that, you little fag!" Adam shouted as he tried to catch his breath from laughing so hard.
Without saying a word, Billy started to walk home, brushing the dirt off of his hands onto his blue and white striped t-shirt. He could feel his lips swelling, the soft flesh underneath feeling as though it would burst through the tautness of his skin. Something inside Billy told him to hold his tears.
Suddenly, he envisioned Adam with a spike directly through his forehead. Blood gushed from the wound, covering his shirt. Billy shivered all over as he tried to dash the image from his mind. He wanted to hurt Adam for what he did, but he didn't want to kill him.
Thoughts like that scared him. He remembered when he thought that his puppy, Miko, was going to die, and the next day he woke up and she was dead. There were many times when Billy had seen something in his mind, and it happened. He needed to keep it a secret, because no one would have ever believed him.
Billy walked around the back of his house, flipped his shoes off and walked into the back door, where his mother was busy cooking dinner.
She hurried around the kitchen, grabbing paper towels and band-aids, blotting his lips and trying to keep the sauce from burning on the stove. Her blonde hair kept coming loose from her ponytail, her forehead a little clammy. After a dose of Benadryl and a hug, Billy was sent to his room to take a nap.
He lay down in his bed, and the walls began to abandon their shape. Voices echoed inside his head. They told him to hurt, kill and destroy. In his mind, he saw a tiny rundown cottage in a clearing in the woods. A man stood on the front porch with a shotgun in his hand, and it seemed as though he was looking for someone. He waved to Billy and called out his name.
A trail of blood led into the house, and rats gathered at the front door. The old man's eyes were crystal clear blue, and his smile revealed a mouth full of broken and yellowed teeth.
"C'mon Bill, I'm waitin' for ya!" he shouted.
Sweat began pouring down his face and his shirt was soaked. Claws wrapped around his throat and squeezed with all of their might, and he was barely able to get his tiny voice to escape from his mouth. His mother rushed into his room.
"Honey, are you all right?" she asked as she tried to wake him.
He flailed in the bed, then came to with heavy breath. "I was having a bad dream," he said between pants.
"It was probably just the medicine," she said.
"Probably," he said.
But he wasn't completely convinced. The images stayed with him all day no matter how hard he tried to repress them. He was so afraid of what would happen that when a neighborhood kid he actually liked stopped by to ask him if he wanted to play, he stayed home.
The next morning, he woke up early and set out by himself. A few years ago, he and Adam had stumbled over a long dirt road, but neither one of them had the nerve to follow it to its end.
Billy decided that he was going to find out, no matter how scared he was about what he would discover. He scrawled a few words on a piece of paper, which he left on his dresser. The last thing he wanted was for his mother to worry, so he figured that a note would save him a week on his probable grounding. Before he left his room, he grabbed his favorite Raiders cap and put it on his head.
Tall weeds and stalks of grass lay across the road, and Billy took high steps almost the entire way. By the time he reached the end, he was completely exhausted. Little trees were clustered here and there, and in the middle was the cottage he had seen in his dream.
"I can't believe this is real," he whispered as he made his way up the front stairs.
When he looked down at the steps, he saw the trail of blood, but he wasn't scared. With every ounce of courage he could muster, Billy pushed open the door to the old cottage.
Inside, it looked as though it were lived in just yesterday. The furniture was tattered, the floor was worn, yet it still had that feeling of home. He wandered into the kitchen where there was still a kettle on the stove, and when he peeked in the refrigerator, there was still some food, even though it was rotten and moldy.
The entire morning was spent looking through all of the cabinets and cupboards in the house, searching through photo albums and drawers. He ran his hands across the mantle, where he found a picture of a woman that had been turned over. She looked very beautiful, with a bright smile and eyes that had a certain mischievous look, with which Billy was very familiar.
Billy puffed up his chest as he walked past the dirty old mirror. Adam would surely be impressed that he made the journey all on his own.
The house was filled with feminine touches, from lace to flowers to porcelain dolls. Many of the dolls were broken in some way. Some had no arms, no legs, some heads were smashed in and some of them had no eyes.
Right before he left, he opened the closet next to the front door. Inside was the shotgun the old man had been holding in his dream. Billy took it in his hands and aimed at the mirror, pretending to pull the trigger.
"Bang! Bang! BANG! Adam's going to shit his pants!" he yelled.
He burst out of the door and ran all the way to Adam's house, where he spotted Adam getting ready to play baseball with some other neighborhood kids. He shouted, "Hey, wait for me!"
"Don't wait for him, he's a loser," Adam said.
In his loudest voice, Billy shouted, "I went down the rooooooad all by myself!"
"Bullshit. What's back there, then?" Adam asked.
"A house. Wanna see it?"
"Yeah."
When they arrived at the cottage, Billy asked Adam if he wanted to go inside, and Adam shot back with, "Of course I do. Do you think I'm some kind of pussy or something?"
As soon as they walked through the door, Billy picked up the shotgun and said, "Check this out."
"Cool, does it have bullets in it?"
"Naw, I tried shooting it before and nothing happened," he said.
"Let me see it," Adam said as he ripped it from Billy's hands.
He raised it up and pointed it at the mirror, then pulled the trigger. The force was so strong that it sent him reeling back so hard that he nearly broke the window on the front door.
"Holy shit! Are you all right?" Billy asked.
"Yeah, I think I'm all right," Adam answered.
Billy walked over to where the mirror was and cleared some of the remaining glass out of the way. In the darkness of the cottage, he squinted hard and noticed that a staircase was hidden behind the mirror.
They were both thinking the same thing.
As they made their way down the stairs, they realized that the basement was surprisingly bright. All of the windows were smashed open, allowing lots of sunlight to reach every corner of the room. Old tools were scattered around the room, covering a worktable and littering the floor. Newspaper clippings and old advertisements lined the walls like makeshift wallpaper, and they flapped in the chilly fall breeze.
From opposite ends of the room, they began to work their way around, flipping over boxes and rooting through drawers. On one of the shelves, Adam noticed what appeared to be a safe. "I bet there's something cool in there," he said.
He stretched, but his fingertips were no where near being able to reach.
"Try this," Billy said as he handed him a dusty old chair.
Adam placed the chair in front of the shelf, and tested it to see how sturdy it was. He extended his hand, but just wasn't close enough, so he jumped up to see if he could grab the safe. The chair was so dusty that when he tried to keep his footing, he slid and fell to the floor.
Then Billy heard a shriek.
His legs were so wobbly he could barely make his way over to Adam, who was lying on his back in a pool of blood. A rail spike was flush in the middle of his head, and when Billy looked on the floor, he saw it protruding from a railroad tie that had been tossed aside.
It was exactly as he had seen it in his mind.
He didn't need anyone to tell him that Adam was dead. He tried to run as fast as he could, but he kept slipping and tripping over everything that was scattered on the floor. Tears streamed down his cheeks and his heart thumped heavily inside his chest.
"What am I going to do? Am I going to go to jail? What the fuck am I going to do?" he cried as he scurried up the stairs.
"Don't move."
Automatically, Billy raised his hands up over his head.
"Put your arms down, son."
The man stepped around in front of him. Billy began to feel pins and needles all over his body when he recognized the face of the man from his dream. The old man spoke, "That stairway was sealed off for a reason."
"I didn't know! Me and Adam were just fooling around and he wanted the box on the shelf so I gave him a chair and he climbed up and then, and then," Billy said between sobs.
"She always yelled at me for leaving my things on the floor. She said it was dangerous," the old man said.
"Huh?"
"Mary. My wife. She's buried down there, you know. I killed the fucking bitch. She never had a sense of humor. Well, not when it came to me."
"Oh my God."
"No one misses her. She was a crazy son of a bitch. She liked to cause a ruckus, make me look like an idiot in front of anyone and everyone," the old man said.
"I think I want to go home," Billy said.
"You aren't going anywhere, ya little bastard. I'll call the cops and tell them what you did to your friend."
"You're gonna call the cops?" Billy asked.
"Well, they will come looking for your friend down there, don't ya think?" he asked.
"I'm going to go to jail," he said as he began to cry.
"No you aren't. C'mon, we'll go downstairs and clean everything up. Don't worry about it. I'll take care of you," the old man said.
"But what about Adam? What about his parents? They're going to want to find him."
"Don't worry. They won't be able to find anything," he old man said.
"I don't want to go down there again," Billy said.
"If you don't, I can always tell the police that a little boy named Billy Mitchell was with Adam when he died."
"How did you know my name?"
"I have ways of knowing these things. Now, get down into the basement so that you can help me."
The old man turned and began down the stairs. Billy thought about running for a moment, but when the old man muttered, "Don't even think about it," he thought it wiser to just do as he was told. In the basement, the old man pulled the carpet off of the floor and tossed it against the wall. He began moving the floorboard, revealing a makeshift grave.
"What the hell is this?" Billy asked.
"Shut the hell up and grab your friend's feet," the old man ordered.
Billy's hands were so sweaty that he could barely keep his grip on Adam's ankles as he dragged him over to the hole in the floor. When he was right in front of the grave, the old man said, "Go on, push him in there for Chrissakes!"
He kicked Adam with his feet, and he toppled head over heels into the grave, the rail spike still sticking out of his head. Rats and maggots began crawling up his legs, and Billy could do nothing but scream. The old man pushed him against the wall, trying to stifle his screams with his hand. Desperately, Billy tried to break from his grip, and with some effort, was able to free himself.
He bounded up the stairs, dizzy from the struggle. With his last ounce of strength, he ran out into the clearing.
"C'mon Bill, I'm waitin' for ya!" the old man screamed. "You little fucking shits, always coming up here and fucking around in my house, breaking everything you see. Son of a bitch!"
Billy shouted, "No, please! Don't hurt me!"
"There's no one here to stop me. There's no one around to hear this gunshot, either."
Billy's mother went into his room just like she did every other day to pick his dirty laundry up from the floor. As she was cleaning up in his room, she noticed the note he had written earlier in the day, which read, "If I'm not back by sundown, you'll find my body and Adam's at Mary's place. The old man did it. He killed his wife too, but that was a long time ago."
"That kid, always being dramatic," she said to herself as she threw his dirty socks into the laundry basket.
Entry 1:
Amontillado
Axolotl
bob
charminglybeef
coley
Confuzitron
darko
domenad
drgoatcabin
EchoBoxing
electrictoothsyndrome
FilthyAssistant
fodesnor
gravitas
Impassive-Digressive
jgreening
JonnyX
rad1101
rejected
Saffron
sicosemen
thorpe
Wiggles
WingedFoote
20 eligible votes (24 total) *
Entry 2:
absolutes
Adamdidit2u
AlwaysAnEagle
Anansie
AsshOly
august_sobriquet
BadAssJulie
Ballare
Berty
Bigmike
Bob_Dole
Brdn_Nkd
Bubba2341
c1ndy
calbearspolo
CaptainThorns
Chroniclysm
congo
Coyote
Crystle
Davros
DonkeyOnTheEdge
DonovanMD
DrogoRoch
DudeThatsBOSH
firefly
forthewin
FunnyAsCancer
Genko
GetNakeddd
ghola
goferforhire
Hirilnara
HotWillie
intellismartness
Jack_McCallum
Jeanneee
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
justagirl27
kaos-king
littledan
loki
Magicaddict
maiorano84
Maltese
MandaPanda
Merlina
Method
NerfHerder
Orgasmatron
Pentameter
polyamorousaj
RonArtestPunch
Sacrilicious
satchel
scourge
Shaun_Rocks
Soley_Trinity
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stardamage
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_Yellow_Dart
tinactin
WiKi
William_Q_Percy
69 eligible votes (71 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-09-29 06:40:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:35:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-28 18:58:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i almost wish i could change my vote
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-09-28 15:49:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-28 04:02:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was seriously much better.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-28 03:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I liked number 1 a fair bit better.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-09-27 21:51:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-09-27 20:07:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i have to.
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-09-27 15:57:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't think # 2 made a whole lot of sense as far as plot line, but its tough to not out write that first entry.
Submitted by AlwaysAnEagle (user info) at 2006-09-27 14:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-09-27 14:22:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
a double shot of meh
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-09-27 14:02:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-09-27 12:57:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-09-27 11:51:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-27 11:34:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-09-27 10:00:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-09-27 08:37:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-09-27 06:27:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I still don't know why that dozy boy went out to the cottage when he already knew what was going to happen. I dare say that if you'd had more time you'd have shed some exposition; perhaps something cool like a suicidal child or similar.
In any case author 1 should never have bothered entering.
Submitted by Soley_Trinity (user info) at 2006-09-27 05:53:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-09-27 01:48:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
since my vote doesn't count, might as well vote for the one that made me laugh...
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-27 01:01:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-27 00:24:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:28:23 (#)
Ranking: -1
Author #2....2,426 words? Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?
*****
Did you copy and paste the story into a word processing program or count them with little scratch marks on your lunch bag during study hall?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-27 00:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:06:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Seriously, some of you people need to lighten the fuck up. You wanna know why people don't want to play ubermadness anymore? You wanna know why there weren't even enough interested parties to fill the requisite 64 positions?
It's because it has been made lame by repeated formulaic writing and self-important ball-sucking. Not that #2 fell into that category necessarily, but it's time to shake shit up. Stop being anal-retentive dipshits and have fun with it for once.
--
I completely agree with you. Completely. http://www.ubersite.com/m/93497#2158175
Unfortunately, I didn't laugh at #1. I almost voted for it anyway, though.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-26 23:48:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Har har har you suck.
I did not read entry two.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-09-26 22:00:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 20:05:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:11:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:31:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:19:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
I will kill you to daeth you ass hole.
Seriously... that fruit pic post? THAT was funny. This one (#1) was pathetic.
-------
Maybe so, but judging the match without even reading the second post is even MORE pathetic.
Plus, it's all in the eye of the beholder. You get some stereotypically gushy title like "Mary's Place" that is just screaming for the protracted drama treatment and do this to it, I'm sorry, but in my book that's funny.
--
What the shit? I TOLD the author I read it!
Fuck you, Mister! Fuck you in your gaping facehole!
--------------
Calm down Jack. I was talking about Kaos.
As for Kaos, one need only read his last review to see what I mean about taking this shit too goddamned seriously. "This is not the place for your screaming matches..." Give me a fucking break, dildo.
Submitted by Saffron (user info) at 2006-09-26 20:00:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by William_Q_Percy (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:18:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 was shit.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:11:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:31:56 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:19:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
I will kill you to daeth you ass hole.
Seriously... that fruit pic post? THAT was funny. This one (#1) was pathetic.
-------
Maybe so, but judging the match without even reading the second post is even MORE pathetic.
Plus, it's all in the eye of the beholder. You get some stereotypically gushy title like "Mary's Place" that is just screaming for the protracted drama treatment and do this to it, I'm sorry, but in my book that's funny.
--
What the shit? I TOLD the author I read it!
Fuck you, Mister! Fuck you in your gaping facehole!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-26 19:02:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ETS, this is NOT the place for your little screaming matches...
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:58:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i DIED
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:31:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:19:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
I will kill you to daeth you ass hole.
Seriously... that fruit pic post? THAT was funny. This one (#1) was pathetic.
-------
Maybe so, but judging the match without even reading the second post is even MORE pathetic.
Plus, it's all in the eye of the beholder. You get some stereotypically gushy title like "Mary's Place" that is just screaming for the protracted drama treatment and do this to it, I'm sorry, but in my book that's funny.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:24:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't even need to read #2.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:19:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:06:48 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-26 16:36:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't even bother to read #2... it got an instant auto win. Congrats.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:51:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
To your credit, you wrote out a full story, and some people might not even bother to read it, seeing the deprssing little turd that was Entry #1.
-----------------------
No, McCallum, only pompous asses like Kaos would do something like that. Assuming that #2 was better simply because it had more words does nothing but show you're an idiot.
Seriously, some of you people need to lighten the fuck up. You wanna know why people don't want to play ubermadness anymore? You wanna know why there weren't even enough interested parties to fill the requisite 64 positions?
It's because it has been made lame by repeated formulaic writing and self-important ball-sucking. Not that #2 fell into that category necessarily, but it's time to shake shit up. Stop being anal-retentive dipshits and have fun with it for once.
Who the hell cares. It's like I told Indoninja on his latest post, if you think have something to prove, you are not enlightened.
Now shut up and laugh. You know you want to.
--
I will kill you to daeth you ass hole.
Seriously... that fruit pic post? THAT was funny. This one (#1) was pathetic.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-26 18:06:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-26 16:36:30 (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't even bother to read #2... it got an instant auto win. Congrats.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:51:59 (#)
Ranking: 0
To your credit, you wrote out a full story, and some people might not even bother to read it, seeing the deprssing little turd that was Entry #1.
-----------------------
No, McCallum, only pompous asses like Kaos would do something like that. Assuming that #2 was better simply because it had more words does nothing but show you're an idiot.
Seriously, some of you people need to lighten the fuck up. You wanna know why people don't want to play ubermadness anymore? You wanna know why there weren't even enough interested parties to fill the requisite 64 positions?
It's because it has been made lame by repeated formulaic writing and self-important ball-sucking. Not that #2 fell into that category necessarily, but it's time to shake shit up. Stop being anal-retentive dipshits and have fun with it for once.
Who the hell cares. It's like I told Indoninja on his latest post, if you think have something to prove, you are not enlightened.
Now shut up and laugh. You know you want to.
Submitted by tinactin (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:55:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:51:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Regarding Entry #2.
This is a fairly straighforward story, so it should have been edited for length. It could also have used a proof-read or six to tighten up the structure, as it seemed to go on and on, but hell, you were probably on a roll. It happens.
To your credit, you wrote out a full story, and some people might not even bother to read it, seeing the deprssing little turd that was Entry #1.
Thanks for a mighty effort, Author #2.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-09-26 17:47:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-26 16:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Didn't even bother to read #2... it got an instant auto win. Congrats.
Submitted by FilthyAssistant (user info) at 2006-09-26 15:58:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm a bad person.
Submitted by fodesnor (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:31:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Most of you guys are too young to remember this, but they used to have ads for cigarettes in newspapers - the ads for Lark cigarettes used to say 'I'd rather fight than switch' with someone having a fake black eye painted on them, much like this picture.
Author #2....2,426 words? Seriously, what the fuck were you thinking?
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-09-26 14:21:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-09-26 13:04:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-26 12:45:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-09-26 12:39:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
1
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-26 12:19:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm still laughing.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-09-26 11:59:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-09-26 11:57:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-26 09:56:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Why even get in if you're not going to try?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-26 09:10:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Short, simple, sweet...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-26 08:57:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Gosh, this was an easy vote.
Submitted by intellismartness (user info) at 2006-09-26 08:37:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Didn't even have to read number two.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-26 08:16:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
AHAHAHAHAHAHA
ENTRY ONE ALL THE WAY
Don't worry #2. You're not out.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-09-26 08:09:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-09-26 04:32:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-09-26 04:19:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
obvious.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-09-26 04:10:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-09-26 02:57:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take that back, #2 was a great story!
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-09-26 02:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
A little more effort #1, just a little more...
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2006-09-26 02:14:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I liked the first picture but it seems like that person was too lazy to write something and as this is a writing competition, I'll have to choose number 2
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-09-26 01:40:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by RonArtestPunch (user info) at 2006-09-26 01:35:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-09-26 01:24:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I laughed at #1...I'm a terrible person
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-26 01:10:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by absolutes (user info) at 2006-09-26 00:50:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-09-26 00:08:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
voted for the post
Submitted by satchel (user info) at 2006-09-26 00:07:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:43:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by littledan (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:38:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great. No Contest... but even if 1 was amazing, 2 woulda destroyed it.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:23:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonovanMD (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:18:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:14:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Skimmed #2 long enough to make sure it wasn't completely retarded.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-25 23:09:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
I've never been stung by a bee.
This is the kind of shit that happens when you get a bee's ass in your body.
Submitted by WiKi (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:55:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:54:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:49:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Solid "meh" for two.
Solid "go fuck yourself" for 1.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:39:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 2 was decent, but it would've had to suck REAL bad to get my vote over #1.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:25:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:25:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't not vote for #1.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry #2 because #1 was pure bullshit
And I liked the filename for entry 2
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-09-25 22:00:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:49:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Necessary
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I voted for #2 without reading it just because they obviously put in more effort than that first thing. I may make it back to read later... probably not though.
Submitted by electrictoothsyndrome (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:23:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
fuckin' magnificent
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:21:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
hehhe.
Sorry, author 2.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:16:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-09-25 21:06:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 was humorous, but didn't go all the way. Needs more sexism.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
......
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:49:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I hope to God #1 isn't winning.
Submitted by Chroniclysm (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:43:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
this was the hardest choice yet. I'm sorry #1.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:39:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
MOST. ONE-SIDED. MATCH-UP. EVAR.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:34:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I had to look behind myself after reading story two.
Well done.
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:31:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:29:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I voted purely based on the pictures. I love crunchy leaves.
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:29:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
the best entry yet. nice job 1.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
My apologies.
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:28:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
lmao
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:21:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:19:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Any story, no matter how poorly written, beats a dumbass picture of abuse.
:-D
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:19:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Impassive-Digressive (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:16:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:15:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-25 20:12:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i didn't even have to read number two to know it was better.