A Tale of Pinworms (460 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -1.37 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Gingerly (View user info) at 2006-09-28 09:06:11 EDT
Bret: "... but doc, I've put *everything* on it and still, the itch is driving me INSANE!"
Doctor: "I'll need a culture. Go ahead and strip down, I'll be back in a few minutes."
*door closes*
====================================================================================
So there I sat, miserable, worried and fearful of what would become of my anus.
This all took place about 8 years ago after a long weekend camping trip attended by me, my twin brother, a couple of sorority whores from Gamma Phi Beta (or some shit) and 4 cases of Molson Ice. I think we had brought some decent weed with us, too.
We had a blast on that trip. A lot of drinking, debauchery, dry heaving and strange vocal emanations were had. For all the joyous fun, the resulting anguish would be *quite* not worth any of it.
This anguish I tell you now, can be conveyed accurately in one word:
Pinworms.
You see, pinworms are parasites that make their home in the human colon. One can 'contract' Pinworms (also known as Threadworms) by simply being naked in the wrong place, or by having sex with someone who is a host. They actually lay their eggs in and around the anus and travel as far up your ass as your small intestine.
Sound nice? Oh, you don't know the half of it yet.
Back to the camping trip ... instead of spending any money on buying a new sleeping bag for the outing, I opted to borrow a friend's. It was a nice sleeping bag, too. North face. Comfy. Rated to -10 degrees. I never asked the guy I borrowed it from how long it had been since he used it or if he had bothered to wash it since said use.
I was just stoked to be partying in the woods with drunk chicks.
But, alas, the sleeping bag would end up being the culprit here.
Upon returning from our trip and getting back into the routine of ramen noodles and Biology labs, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night on account of a VERY intense itching sensation in my ass. When I say 'in my ass', I mean IN. Like, probably 2-4 inches IN.
How do you scratch an itch like that?
I won't get into details here but let's just say I didn't use my fingers and had to commission the help of some household hand tools.
But still, the itch persisted. It became not only an itch, but a CRAWLING itch. I could feel the worms wiggling around.
Ramen, anyone?
So anyway, this persisted for about 3 days before I mustered the courage to approach a medical professional about it. In order to diagnose the ailment, the doctor had to take a piece of cellophane tape and press it against my taint and asshole, before ripping it off and putting the strip under a microscope to identify the presence of the insidious Pinworm Egg.
Yes, eggs.
PINWORMS WERE LAYING EGGS IN MY ASSHOLE.
Thankfully, a medication called Vermox was available at a nearby CVS Pharmacy for like 3 bucks. I can't tell you with how much fervor I ripped that fucking package open and crammed my swollen chocolate starfish with the life-giving suppositories.
8 hours later I took a shit that was, bar none, THE most satisfying and cathartic one I've ever experienced.
The morale here kids is that if ever you are offered a used sleeping bag, run.
Run far, far away.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-08-24 06:38:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-09-29 05:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:48:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey listen folks.
I must have *really* rubbed you guys the wrong way. I personally thought this post would have ended up kinda 'worth reading'.
Evidently I was wrong! C'est la vie.
How about some advice, then? Not so much about which method I should use to kill myself (already cemented that, actually) or how I should go about having my penis used as a knife sharpener ... no.
Tell me, Gingerly/OathMeal/Cinderblock, about what it is exactly you dislike so much.
The more specific, the more I'll care.
=====================
Personally I dislike you because you are an ugly, fat, ginger cunt. On a deeper level I just don't think you can write very well and constantly come accross as thinking you're better than everyone. Which you're not since you're probably the spawn of Margaret Thatcher and Mick Hucknell.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-28 20:02:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:28:23 (#)
Ranking: -2
Sure, give me your home address and your social security number, I'll make sure the money gets deposited into your account.
------
I can get that for ya George, I'll send it to you in a sec..
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:57:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:53:36 (#)
Ranking: -2
not funny or entertaining. i dislike the word anus.
-----------
Ok. Point taken.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:53:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
not funny or entertaining. i dislike the word anus.
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:48:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey listen folks.
I must have *really* rubbed you guys the wrong way. I personally thought this post would have ended up kinda 'worth reading'.
Evidently I was wrong! C'est la vie.
How about some advice, then? Not so much about which method I should use to kill myself (already cemented that, actually) or how I should go about having my penis used as a knife sharpener ... no.
Tell me, Gingerly/OathMeal/Cinderblock, about what it is exactly you dislike so much.
The more specific, the more I'll care.
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:43:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:37:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
eeewwwww
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I told you your friends didn't like you. He knew there were worms in the sleeping bag, he probably put them there.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:28:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Sure, give me your home address and your social security number, I'll make sure the money gets deposited into your account.
Oh, and Prince Mtumbu Umbabwe of Nigeria has a once-in-a-lifetime offer for you too!
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:26:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You might as well pay up now, fagboy.
Submitted by Tr4ppedunderice (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:24:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
You ain't seen nothing yet, crybaby
20 bucks says this faggot throws a temper tantrum and goes crying to Bart about his ratings
Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:23:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:21:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
OH WERE PLAYING THE ALTER GAME TO NEUTRALIZE RATINGS NOW, ARE WE?
I'M YOUR HUCKLEBERRY, FAGGOT
------------
There's an apostrophe needed in the above rating.
Oh, wait. It's a Method alter. Should've known from the all-caps and raging level of testosterated hate.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:21:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
disgusted me.
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:21:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
OH WERE PLAYING THE ALTER GAME TO NEUTRALIZE RATINGS NOW, ARE WE?
I'M YOUR HUCKLEBERRY, FAGGOT
Submitted by Gingerly (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:19:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
fag below
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:18:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
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A Tale of Pinworms
Category: General
Rating: 0 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V) (Label this item) X
Labels:
Submitted by Gingerly (View user info) at 2006-09-28 09:06:11
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bret: "... but doc, I've put *everything* on it and still, the itch is driving me INSANE!"
Doctor: "I'll need a culture. Go ahead and strip down, I'll be back in a few minutes."
*door closes*
====================================================================================
So there I sat, miserable, worried and fearful of what would become of my anus.
This all took place about 8 years ago after a long weekend camping trip attended by me, my twin brother, a couple of sorority whores from Gamma Phi Beta (or some shit) and 4 cases of Molson Ice. I think we had brought some decent weed with us, too.
We had a blast on that trip. A lot of drinking, debauchery, dry heaving and strange vocal emanations were had. For all the joyous fun, the resulting anguish would be *quite* not worth any of it.
This anguish I tell you now, can be conveyed accurately in one word:
Pinworms.
You see, pinworms are parasites that make their home in the human colon. One can 'contract' Pinworms (also known as Threadworms) by simply being naked in the wrong place, or by having sex with someone who is a host. They actually lay their eggs in and around the anus and travel as far up your ass as your small intestine.
Sound nice? Oh, you don't know the half of it yet.
Back to the camping trip ... instead of spending any money on buying a new sleeping bag for the outing, I opted to borrow a friend's. It was a nice sleeping bag, too. North face. Comfy. Rated to -10 degrees. I never asked the guy I borrowed it from how long it had been since he used it or if he had bothered to wash it since said use.
I was just stoked to be partying in the woods with drunk chicks.
But, alas, the sleeping bag would end up being the culprit here.
Upon returning from our trip and getting back into the routine of ramen noodles and Biology labs, I found myself waking up in the middle of the night on account of a VERY intense itching sensation in my ass. When I say 'in my ass', I mean IN. Like, probably 2-4 inches IN.
How do you scratch an itch like that?
I won't get into details here but let's just say I didn't use my fingers and had to commission the help of some household hand tools.
But still, the itch persisted. It became not only an itch, but a CRAWLING itch. I could feel the worms wiggling around.
Ramen, anyone?
So anyway, this persisted for about 3 days before I mustered the courage to approach a medical professional about it. In order to diagnose the ailment, the doctor had to take a piece of cellophane tape and press it against my taint and asshole, before ripping it off and putting the strip under a microscope to identify the presence of the insidious Pinworm Egg.
Yes, eggs.
PINWORMS WERE LAYING EGGS IN MY ASSHOLE.
Thankfully, a medication called Vermox was available at a nearby CVS Pharmacy for like 3 bucks. I can't tell you with how much fervor I ripped that fucking package open and crammed my swollen chocolate starfish with the life-giving suppositories.
8 hours later I took a shit that was, bar none, THE most satisfying and cathartic one I've ever experienced.
The morale here kids is that if ever you are offered a used sleeping bag, run.
Run far, far away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
User Reviews
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:14:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck off, Method.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:10:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They said the same thing about Urkle; that little snot. Boy I'd like
to smack that kid.
-- Homer Simpson
Bart Gets Famous
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Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:14:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck off, Method.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-28 09:10:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2