Love in the First, Second and Third Degrees (1034 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: handicapable_women
Rating: 1.78 on 51 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-09-28 12:19:07 EDT
A blind date can go either way, but I must thank my friend,
I thought that when he said you're "different" I would not attend,
I'd have been a fool if I'd have judged you from the start
But here we are, at your place, and, my dear, you have my heart.
O beautiful Fred'rique Krueger! Unwrap your bandaged flesh!
And show to me the reasons why you never wear a dress
Or shorts, or strapless gown, or even tank tops when it's warm,
Yes bare to me the scarred remains of your once perfect form!
I do think that its sexy how you have no eyebrows left
And how your bare vagina's not your body's only cleft,
For there spread o'er your face and back and legs and breasts I see
An endless stretch of nooks, a field of wonders just for me.
Those lips, once small, have stretched and blended with your rosy cheeks
Your tearducts both have melted, from them water never leaks,
Your toes, bonded together, like the crack that splits your butt,
Are you a clone? Your bellybutton's sealed completely shut.
What's this? Is this a nipple? I can hardly tell, you know,
Your tits are multicolored now, but still, they're quite a show,
Sure they feel like rubber and they don't exactly flap
But it's a great sensation when my wang slides 'tween their gap.
Like candy-coated rubber, yes your skin's odd to the touch,
It's colorful and crispy, made of pinks and grafts and such,
Imagine if our bodies were like chicken, beef or ham:
You'd still be charred and blackened like an o'ercooked rack of lamb.
My darling Dresden girl, lay back, let me ease your mind
I'm not just here to get a glimpse at your well-done behind,
A true heart beats inside me, burns like ancient Rome for you
And I have something special that I hope you'll let me do:
I know, I know, "no oils" and yes, I know, "no open flame,"
The thing I have in mind for us is reasonably tame,
I'd like to role-play as the fire chief, you the burning lass
And use my hose to douse the flames from off your smokin' ass.
Oh knock it off, get over it - it's really all for you!
I dare say it's not tasteless, it's the perfect thing to do,
Too long you've lived with memories of ash and blistered skin
Now lay back, let me cum on you - the healing, let begin!
The shadows of the past will die as my white streaking load
Coats all of your tortured dermis as slime upon a toad
My manly aloe vera all your pain will soothe away
It leaves you slick and satisfied, my sexual sorbet.
Look, dear, just think it over, run it through your hairless head
And please remember I'm not here to just get you in bed,
I think that you're amazing, strong, intelligent and sweet
And might I add I love that when we hug I smell mesquite.
You're my London, Rome, Chicago, Boston, all in one
And in you I'm on fire, in love, and yet we've just begun,
I hope in time you'll come to be my partner and my wife
And that I'll help you forget that grease fire that changed your life.
User Reviews
Submitted by Uberjunkie (user info) at 2006-09-29 13:01:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:27:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:19:09 (#)
Ranking: 0
Well played, Spam.
What can I say? We ruled.
--
I Like to think so.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:24:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I didn't vote for you I'll cut myself. But I'm pretty sure I did.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:19:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well played, Spam.
What can I say? We ruled.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:10:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:10:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
and to rub salt in the wound, I forget to rate.
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-09-29 12:09:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
awesome entry mate, I think you should have won to be honest.
Good luck with the rest of the comp - See you in the final!!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:11:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagette (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:10:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
She doesn't prefer you, you hussy, stay away from there.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:09:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Low blow.
Maybe.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:08:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Does your woman read your uber page?
Does she read mine?
Does she prefer me?
It's ok, doesn't make you any less of a man.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:06:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh wow. If users' counterparts had their own accounts to review with?
Stagette, TheBloke, Mrs_Shlongy, MissO, scourgeoftheseaswife, Average_Dans_Right_Hand.
What a bizarre, silly little intarweb world this would be.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
She says hi. This post kinda disturbed her though.
Submitted by Stagette (user info) at 2006-09-29 00:01:43 (#)
Ranking: -1
Ewwwww
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:58:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Y halo thar Stagette.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:57:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I was gonna give it to my girlfriend, but she decided she couldn't be fucked actually having an account, so she just lurks.
Wave to the nice lurker.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:56:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It took me so long to get verified that I thought maybe something about my email address or Stagger_Lee account wasn't working...so I tried with Jackie boy there, using my hotmail account. He never even got verified.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't tell me my alter has an alter.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:44:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/Jangling_Jack
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:36:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It has been answered, Jangling Jack.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:26:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Answer my email, you...guy.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:26:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ahahaha.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 23:06:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Shut it, Dreg.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-09-28 21:57:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
shitfuck is a fucking legend. Think of all the shit he pulls and then look at the fact his rating is 0.92. Think of soups on bitches. Look at how long he has been here and returned from multiple bannings. So many of his works are money. Orgasmatron just isn't at shitfuck's level yet, and to see the "who are you again" being pulled by the upstart noob over the accomplished veteran makes me cringe.
Submitted by RPharazon (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:42:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read the poem song thing. My attention span sucks.
+2 for the guy on fire though.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:33:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
my little china girl
you shouldnt mess with me
I'll give you every thing you want
you know
i'll give you television
i'll give eyes of blue
i'll give you a man who wants to rule the world!
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:31:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-28 17:01:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
On a side note, I also own and still dig that Wax CD...I think it's called "13".
"I'm gonna move to southern california, got me a ride and a reason to igNORRRRRRE you..."
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-28 15:07:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have that Directors' Series: Spike Jonze DVD. The burning man is on the cover. S'good.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-09-28 15:05:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You raise a good point, Labia.
It's been too long since I've thought of that "man on fire" video. Good call.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:56:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
to be fair, you did warn me
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This reminds me of that video for the band "Wax" for the song "California". It was 2 minutes and 20 seconds of a guy on fire, running after a bus, in slow motion.
It was one of Spike Jonze first music videos.
He, of course, famous for the best video ever - Weezer's "Buddy Holly".
ever see it?
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:21:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your posts are fucking sick, all filled with sex and gore.
Before getting half way thorugh, I threw up on the floor.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:21:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
<3
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-09-28 14:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Delightfully demented. Wonderfully warped.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:22:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
# Reviews written: 1999
You get 2000. Go on then. Revel in the lube that is this milestone.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:10:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I meant that pictures of burn wounds are typically not the most ha-ha of images.
Burn victims are a blast.
"Hey, Carl, is that a strip of baclava or is it my finger? IT'S MY FINGER! HAHAHA!"
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:08:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yer fukt.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:05:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nonsense, burn victims are always funny!
"I want to go go into a restaurant just ONCE and not have garnish sprinkled on me and an apple shoved in my mouth"
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:04:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:56:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
for the picture filename alone
---
I really debated putting a picture of a burn wound or a burn victim up instead.
Then I felt bad about it, and went with the "flame on" shot.
Sometimes I worry about karma coming back to kick me in the face.
Besides, it's hard to find a "funny" burn picture.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:01:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're an alter of goatse, aren't you?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-28 13:00:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I burnt my hand yesterday. I didn't bother to run it under cold water but instead of hurting my hand it gave me a headache.
So..wanna do it?
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:58:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You are quite possibly the only person more twisted than I on this site.
Except for Fungah.
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:56:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
for the picture filename alone
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:44:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
OMG TEH LOST VERSE:
I hope you're not as dry inside as you are in the flesh
But if you are that's cool with me, I've found KY works best
Using lib'ral doses I will work with dedication
Your secret, hidden parts long blackened by smoke inhalation
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:43:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Reading an O-tron post is kind of like going to a 3LR show. You'll have a good time, but you leave feeling a little violated.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:36:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
indeed, kicker of all ass
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:34:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
They are labeled: "handicapable_women"
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:30:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh my god.
You should consider labeling your posts about girls with problems. You love them and I find it endearing.
EN FUEGO
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:20:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
My manly aloe vera all your pain will soothe away
It leaves you slick and satisfied, my sexual sorbet.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:26:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
odd
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-28 12:20:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My manly aloe vera all your pain will soothe away
It leaves you slick and satisfied, my sexual sorbet.