Enter Your StupidAss, DrunkenAss, Didn't-Remember-Ever-Making Comments Here, You DrunkAss, FaceFucked, BitchBagged AssHat (NSFW?) (1424 hits)
Category: Science & EnvironmentalRating: 1.15 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Mountain (View user info) at 2006-09-29 01:07:54 EDT
Here's whatcha do:
1) Sign in
2) Click on "My Uber" (upper right)
3) In the upper left hand corner toggle the box "Search This User Only." No need to type anything in, just toggle it and hit "Go".
4) On the following page, leave a check in the "Search his user only" box.
5) Then, MAKE SURE TO CHECKMARK the box labeled "Include message reviews in search".
6) Type in fucked up words until you come across a review you have absolutely no memory of writing. It doesn't matter if you were high, drunk or plain just don't remember.
7) Okay... I guess you can remember it, just make sure when you read it, you thought: HOLY FUCK IF ANYONE I KNOW SAW THIS, THEY'D STAGE A (not-so) PEACEFUL INTERVENTION AND CASTRATE (ladies read: sew my cunt shut) ME!!!one!!!shift+one!!!@#$%^&*()
8) Copy & Paste it here WITH THE LINK. The majority of time, you need to be able to put it in context to fully appreciate it.
9) If you don't know how to get the link: Click on the (#) highlighted in blue next to your "name" of the desired review. Then go up to the addy in the URL, copy & paste you fucking dirty apecunt. Then cut yourself for being a fucking tourist.
10) Challenge your arch-nemisis to a fight at the nearest flagpole and take pictures of you holding two handfulls of your own ass because your arch-nemisis just handed them to you.
I was kidding about all those mean spirited comments. I adore everyone one of you.
As proof... I'll give you a prime example of drafting a fantasy football team whilst drunk... after all, it's the spirit behind this post.
Some good players... LOTS OF BAD DECISIONS. Mostly 'cause I was running to the kegerator to get a new beer and clicked on the first dude recommended when I heard the emergency warning 10 secs or less countdown.
Either way I own it... and I will own the league.
WOOOOOOOO!
User Reviews
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-10-01 02:44:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I WILL OWN THE LEAGUE TOMMORREY.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-10-01 02:36:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93755#2164678
That was the first time I think I've been on uber drunk. My last effort on this post was embarassing so I need to make up for it.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-30 12:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I still can't believe the RBs you guys let me get. ROnnie Brown, Westbrook, then Dunn in the third round.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-30 03:41:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I swear I don't remember this: http://www.ubersite.com/m/78001#1666784
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2005-10-29 17:10:39 (#)
Ranking: -1
Dip your finger in Apple Butter and shove it in your ass. You'll either ejaculate, or take a shit.
Just an alternative to actually putting fiber in your diet, and I imagine you would prefer this method anyways being a ghey beast and all.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-29 18:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/58558#1120615 Ahahaha wtf?
This is a fun idea.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-09-29 18:02:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Here's the first one I found that I don't remember:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/77652#1661054
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2005-10-26 11:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
From now on all bitter man or bitter woman posts raging about the opposite sex will not be rated above 0 from me. They all sound the same.
"Wah, wah, women only want assholes."
"Wah, wah, men only care about teh sex."
Shut the fuck up, your problems are not unique.
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Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 17:40:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
here's a gem: http://www.ubersite.com/m/88376#1992005
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-29 11:01:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Search word: No...it's the only thing that would work.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-03-31 11:55:09 (#)
Ranking: -2
I went to the doctor the other day because of a yellowish-green discharge that was constantly leaking out of my penoz. They had to take a specimen, but thankfully they didn't have to go into my urethra because the discharge was so great. I was relieved, if only a little. I went back today so that they could give me the analysis from the specimen. I waited in the waiting room for hours, sweating and so nervous that my stomach was making loud groans and I kept getting uncomfortable stares from the other patients in the waiting room that came and went. ALL THE WHILE I'M STILL WAITING! Finally, the doctor came out and asked for me to join him in his office. After long moments of tense waiting he finally came out with it. Do you know what he said? DO YOU?! He looked me right in the eyes and said, "what the hell man if they are comin at you , means they want somthin ,more better you look after them and care for them ,than they get on the street uh?"
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-09-29 11:00:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't remember writing this at all
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86102#1911648
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 10:51:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:49:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
DAMN. IT. Why didn't I pick Steven Jackson instead?
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Actually, the appropriate 3rd pick would be Rudi Johnson, not S. Jackson.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-09-29 10:13:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
3-0 bitches.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-09-29 09:17:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Gay!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-29 07:46:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
From - http://www.ubersite.com/m/86152#1913032
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-04-01 21:18:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
A fascinating discharge of information.
And I mean discharge as in the puss oozing from the sores of mystiamoon's cunt.
And by puss, I mean a substance much like peas mashed up in ketchup.
Mmmm... ketchup.
Wait, what?
Sorry Method, this was a good post.
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From - http://www.ubersite.com/m/88561#1999003
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-05-31 10:14:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
You are probably just an alter, but on the off chance you're not...
Listen here you moralistic, self-righteous cunt... no one asked you to come here and preach your views upon us. You say we disgust you, but then why have you been visting the site for over a year? Just to get your daily fix of shock? How fucking dare you come in here and accuse some of the female writers of being anything less than badasses for putting up with the shit we throw at them on a regular basis? Oh, and in the "grown-up world" people swear and curse. Fuckfuckfuckshit. So either a) you are some kind of repressed religious zealot, or you are b) a semi-function woman-child.
You come onto MY post and hand out a low score, calling me a godless prick. Yes, yes I am. But why am I a godless prick? For writing a funny birthday message to an internet buddy who happens to be a chick? Your logic is flawed.
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From - http://www.ubersite.com/m/90796#2070616
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-07-21 18:45:02 (#)
Ranking: -2
There are almost 28,000 accounts here on Uber.
Uber is what it is. Do not think for a minute you can change it.
We are sadistic and brutal people, and we believe in "Trial By Fire."
I have seen works of great literary value on the page right next to tributes to an image of a man spreading his rectum open.
In essence, welcome to the site you self-righteous cunt. Be prepared to spit up blood...
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From - http://www.ubersite.com/m/91454#2089911
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-08-07 00:40:29 (#)
Ranking: -2
Don't fuck with TeH A_D, little Alter...
I'll slice off your imaginary vagina with an x-acto blade, fry it in a pan with some butter and garlic salt, then serve it to you on a bed of cajun rice. I'll sit back and watch as you are forced to consume your pretend womanly parts, the blood leaking from between your legs where I've stuffed a gasoline soaked rag. Once you've finished in the joys of self-cannibalization, I may or may not light up that rag in blazing victory, forever rendering your fictional cunt a place of TRUE darkness...
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-09-29 07:37:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/88690#2003318
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-09-29 07:21:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ron Dayne huh?
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-09-29 07:16:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89265#2024545
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82086#1775922
http://www.ubersite.com/m/92389#2119861
http://www.ubersite.com/m/90767#2069692
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89785#2040895
I'm going to make a sweet comeback in FF.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-29 04:48:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I take it back, he does.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-29 04:17:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:58:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
SEE! This isn't the ONLY league where it happened, Mountain!
Bart got screwed just like me!
But I was leaning towards Tiki, not Jackson.
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I'm going to go out on a limb and bet that it has happened in 100% of fantasy football leagues. I wonder if Shaun picked himself forhis own team? He is the reigning MVP after all. And that would explain why he's pushing to come back and play this weekend against the bears.
Bart's quotes win.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-09-29 04:14:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
And I DON'T have a team? I have the best fucking offense in the league. If only I ever got points out of my defense...
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:59:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/50925#941090
http://www.ubersite.com/m/5604#12860
http://www.ubersite.com/m/9715#85021
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
SEE! This isn't the ONLY league where it happened, Mountain!
Bart got screwed just like me!
But I was leaning towards Tiki, not Jackson.
Submitted by bart (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:49:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I have Shaun Alexander in my non-ubersite league. I got him with the third overall pick after Larry Johnson and LT were already gone. I swear, I said to the other people in the league "I know he's going to get hurt and have a shitty year, but I can't NOT pick him" and then proceeded to give the details of the Madden curse.
DAMN. IT. Why didn't I pick Steven Jackson instead?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:22:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/81226#2163333
Sorry Mountain.
Had to find it... again...
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-29 03:07:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
The Clash stands alone as a seminal band- timeless- no point to make there.
What is a point is that the only clash you know of is how your girlfriend's last name is the same as your own.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:52:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:49:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you Thorpe. :-)
Oh, and here is my favorite one of ALL FUCKING TIME.
I had to hunt, because I couldn't remember the exact post...
^
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Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:51:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
greening... LINK IT YOU BEEEEEEEEYOTCH.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:50:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BEST REVIEW EVAR:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93745#2163325
double time!
(aka... X 2)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:49:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you Thorpe. :-)
Oh, and here is my favorite one of ALL FUCKING TIME.
I had to hunt, because I couldn't remember the exact post...
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:46:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:40:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Since they're on a bye.
------
O RLY?
<funny owl> FUNNY OWL </funny owl>
*sigh*
You're too easy my friend... too easy.
HOPEFULLY YOU'RE THE SAME WAY IN THE SACK.
what?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:44:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:40:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll bet you the $1000 that the Broncos don't win this weekend.
Since they're on a bye.
:-)
And it's Wingate DTC.
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The Broncos don't have a bye, they're in the grand final you idiot.
http://ninemsn.sportal.com.au/default.aspx?s=leaguedisplay&id=88857
GO BRONCOS WOOOOO
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:43:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93745#2163325
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
And finally, I'll have them out tomorrow.
Nitty had a few suggestions to fix things up, and I'm gonna use most of 'em. Fewer total picks overall though. One per game.
He says I should use the money line, but I'm not a big fan of that, because it might confuse some folks, but if i can get it formatted right, I think it'll work.
Now I need to find a site that has OLD money lines from previous weeks so I can re-cal the first 3 weeks.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
yo Elvis... the clash?
What.. born in 1970 or some shit?
Did your Enzyte order show up yet? Or are you just sitting in your empty studio apartment listening to "London Falling" ejaculating on a picture of your mother since she's the only cunt on earth that gives you an erection?
Anywho... swallow like a good boy and choke on it, Oedipus.
Obviously, you'll be needing this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oedipus_complex
asspony
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:41:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and I only remember the first one about Caul.
The other ones I remembered after I found them, but I went looking for the first Caul.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:40:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I'll bet you the $1000 that the Broncos don't win this weekend.
Since they're on a bye.
:-)
And it's Wingate DTC.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:38:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I searched for "drunk" and didn't find anything funny, but I did come across a post where Andy and I said horribly mean things to each other and it made me sad. So thanks for that.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:31:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
that's the spirit, greening... nice ones. knowing you though, I figure you remember ever one of those.
what hotel are working at again? Ima make good on my mancrush.
YOU'RE BRINGING SEXY BACK, YOU BEAST. SEEEEEXXXXYYYY BACK!
I hope Average_Dan doesn't get mad. It's been a while since we sipped a buttery chardonay whist watching "Brokeback Mountain" in slow motion.
I'll throw down $1000 on the Broncos this weekend, including the spread if they're bet on to lose... did you learn your lesson the first time, fella?
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:28:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Since you questioned my competence, I'll now say "Psyche, mofo, you took it hook, line, and sinker up the stinker." Thus, my below review shall suffice.
(PS- at a glance, hacking your slave-drive is most interesting... DAY-UM boy!)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:19:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82802#1800104
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:15:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/89950#2044779
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:12:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91173#2088580
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:11:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91788#2106215
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:08:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Hey only one of those posts is mine...
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 02:07:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93207#2146770
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:58:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thorpe... that shit is getting old.
-2 (Don't Bother)
Hitwhoring douchetesticle.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:49:25 (#)
Ranking: 1
What does "toggle" mean?
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Put a fucking CHECKMARK in the goddamned box.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toggle_switch
fuckssake... elvis' [comptence] has left the building.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:55:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/61168
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:53:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/52261
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:52:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/79503
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/86596#1939480
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:49:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
What does "toggle" mean? I'm so computer-stupid (seriously) I can't even find the most stupid thing I wrote. (Going out to sit on porch to watch the bug zapper and sip a cold one... damn high tech bastards).
At least I've got The Clash shaking the walls, by god. (Damn, I'm old too, fuck everybody.)
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:44:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/65223#1296536
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:39:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www2.ubersite.com/m/83069#1808518
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:38:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
My team fucking stinks. In my money league I will probably go undefeated. But I cant stand that 0-3 next to my name in this league. Weep.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:33:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I did a search on "twat"
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Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2005-04-26 17:18:00 (#)
Ranking: -2
Fred Durst is a fat pussy bitch. I could probably kick his ass. Wait...no probably about it...I CAN kick his ass.
Fred Durst's little soul patch goatee makes his face look like his mamma's twat.
Welcome to Uber
Fuckwit
------------------
No booze or drugs but I had forgotten about this until now.
Nothing as changed though.
I still hate Durst.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn you, Mountain...
And fuck you for picking LT with the #2 pick. WHY DIDN'T YOU TAKE TIKI SO I COULD GET LT?
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:27:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i just searched for drunk and this was the first thing i found.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2005-03-18 06:27:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
That's pretty gay. I partied and came home around 2 am and played video games while drunk. I'm still awake. I ahve to piss
http://www.ubersite.com/m/62195#1212166
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:22:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I searched for the word "SJUYUTST"
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Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2005-05-20 13:55:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
YOU GET HEA GT BECAUSE YOU HAVE AWHOLE WHERE MY PENI ISL... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA I SJUYUTST SPIETETSD 0ON MY KEYBORD.
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From: http://www2.ubersite.com/m/66728
I have no memory of this review.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:13:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/91365#2087066
Word search= fucker
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-08-03 16:51:27 (#)
Ranking: 0
He's not a cock sucker. He's a butt fucker.
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I HAD to be wasted when I wrote this. It was in August.
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:12:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/87001#1946537
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-04-23 03:47:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
i'M REALLLY sorry I couldn't climax with your Mom.
It's not her.... it's me.
I can't stand to fuck the down syndromed.
auto pity +2
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-09-29 01:10:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82850#1801062
Submitted by COMountain (user info) at 2006-01-25 02:31:24 (#)
Ranking: 0
ouside of heroin (yes I can't spell it right), I'm most likely on it right now.
Judge away, MOTHERFUCKER!!! Judge away.... and if you're wondering what it's like to be surrounded by sex and you have questions, lemme know!
I'll give you answers to any questions you have regarding the latter.
if you're REALLY curious, I check this old-as-hell email address: bigcomountain.at.yahoo.com
You have much to learn... yup all y'alls. I'm a bit like 'Dear Abby'... but I'm a dude so why don't you call it 'WTF MOTHERFUCKER?"
I'll give honest answers to all questions.... but if you have a sensitive stomach or a fragile ego, don't waste your time. I'll either make you puke or break your hi
Oh yeah... if you're worried about whether I've fucked your Mom, sister or Aunt.. the answer is yes. That's how i am able to disperse such amazing advice.
Non-believer? Cool with me... gimme a chance and I'll make a believer outta you.
Fuck.............. whose got some EVERbeer?