Your Mother Sucks Cocks in Hell (1163 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.64 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Snark << snarkk.at.gmail.com (View user info) at 2006-09-29 20:01:02 EDT
Whoah!
Calm down!
Take a breath!
That's it man, grab a perch and take a second.
Sorry to bust in on you like this. How long has it been? Five years? Six?
You look good. The scars on your face have almost healed and the rest of you isn't nearly as bent as I imagined you would be. Hell, I almost fell over when I saw you standing there in your pajamas. I figured you'd spend the rest of your life on your back being fed through tubes.
Whew, good thing I didn't. When something like me starts falling it doesn't stop for a very long time.
So.... How's the family?
Hah! Kidding!
Ahhhh c'mon don't cry. You gotta admit that was a little funny.
No?
Geez, the way your acting you'd think I chopped them up yesterday. It's been MONTHS kid. Get over it already. There's some tissue by your bed there, wipe your eyes for fuck sakes. Don't forget your nose, you got a booger gonna make a break for it.
You cold or is that fear of me making you shiver?
Relax Kid, I can't hurt ya. I'm dead remember? They strapped me to a chair and fried me till my eyes popped and boiling black blood shot out my nose. Gruesome I know but for a once in a lifetime ride, I gotta admit, it was a rush.
I was disappointed you didn't come to watch, but then, I guess you were hospitalized and shit so I forgive you.
Will you calm the fuck down already? Look at my hand. See how it passes through your bedpost. I couldn't touch you if I tried and besides, that's not what I'm here to do.
I'm came here this evening to tell you I'm sorry.
I want you to know that I learned my lesson and ...
Ahahahahahahahahaha! Oh Shit! Ahahahahahahahaha!
Goddamn. I'd slap my knees if I could.
Ahem... sorry... I know I can be a putz sometimes. Listen, it's true. I really am....
Ahahahahahahahahaha!
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh Fuck. Oh Man.... What?
You crying again?
You're almost 16 fucking years old! Grow some balls!
All you've done since I got here is cry and shake and make that pathetic mewling sound like a fart sneaking out of a nuns ass.
Say something for fuck sakes.
C'mon!
Say something!
SAY MY NAME BITCH!
Ahahahahahahahaha!
I know. I know. I'm an asshole. Kinda hard to talk when some fucker broke into your house one night and cut out your tongue.
Hey, wanna see it? I got it right here. It's dead like me so I got to keep it.
I'll show it to you if you want.
No? Awwwww c'mon... I got it right here in my hand... here I'll just lean a little closer and... BOO!
AHAHAMOTHERFUCKINVAGINABLOODFART!!!
Damn kid. You near bounced off the roof!
Ahhhhhhhh I'm sorry kid. I didn't mean to make you piss your pajama bottoms. Honestly... fuck... that's just damned embarrassing.
Me and my shitty sense of humor.
Look, I promise I'll stop bullshitting. I'm almost out of time anyways. My master is calling me back home. No rest for the wicked and all that shit.
Anyways, here's the real deal. I'm not really sorry about what I did. Wasn't really my fault you see? I'm one of those rare cases where Satan really was talking to me through my toaster. I was just following orders kid. It was never anything personal. You and your family were good people, and the boss has this weird hate on for people like that so he sent me over.
See, when you're in hell, there ain't much to do but suffer and gnash and wail and shit. I know it sounds all busy and stuff but - truth is - it gives you time to think.
So I'm in the lake of fire, doing my thing, and I started to wonder how you were doing. I guess it was kinda sloppy of me to leave you like that without finishing you off. And that whole thing where I took away everyone you loved and left you to suffer wasn't exactly Christmas of me either, so I says to myself:
"Slasher," - says I - "You gotsta make it up to the kid for what you done to him. It weren't right what you done. You left that boy alive and missing certain part of his body that are going to make him look damned funny when he hits the shower after gym class. You get your scrawny ass up to the boss man and apply for a day pass."
So I did, and here I am and I even got a message for ya.
Yep, I got some information for you from back home.
It's about your mom.
I'm afraid you ain't gonna like it but try not to concentrate entirely on the bad and focus on the positive side of things instead.
At least she's keeping busy.
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/93781
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-09-16 02:25:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 22:36:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-01 15:40:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
probably not quite as good as the others, but that's no shame, 'cause it was still real good...
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-10-01 00:09:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-09-30 06:26:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
When do you reckon the round-up is going to be posted?
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-09-30 03:42:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Whoa....
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:32:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You dirty cunt Snark.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:32:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*blinks*
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:30:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:24:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still waiting for my title you arsehat.
=========
You have waited too long good sir.
Your title is 'Arsehat'
In fact I dub you 'Sir Arsehat', defender of Arsehats and Lord of all that is Arse.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:27:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack,
I don't care at all.
It's all good.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:31:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Damn it, how many more times...
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:31:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If I see that new GAP ad one more fucking time I'm gonna dig up Audry Hepburn's corpse and piss on it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:30:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an asshole.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:29:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Screw me.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:29:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I blew your +2. Fuck.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:01:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:48:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:24:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still waiting for my title you arsehat.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:21:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
I don't give a fuck what your answer is... I'm writing one!!!
--
You guys are cracking me up.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:24:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still waiting for my title you arsehat.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:21:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
Can I play? Can I play? Can I play?
I don't give a fuck what your answer is... I'm writing one!!!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-29 21:00:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
What an utterly strange bandwagon...
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-09-29 20:45:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 20:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-29 20:25:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny shit, but please remember::::
THERE IS NO SUCH WORD AS "ANYWAYS!!!!!!!!!!111!11!!"
GODDAMNIT!!!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-29 20:05:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-28 19:43:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
And I like Snark. I mean, I think I mean like..LIKE LIKE. But don't tell him 'cause that would be embarrassing.
Submitted by strwbryfanatic (user info) at 2006-09-29 20:02:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read this. Here's a +2 for promise.
In any event, who is running the Ubersite Myspace. Whoever you are, you're driving me fucking bananas. I've denied your request like 3 times already. Take a fucking hint and knock that shit off.
Homie ain't playin', yo.