Your Mother Sucks Cocks In Hell (1160 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: Kaote
Rating: 2 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2006-09-29 22:49:17 EDT
Jack McCallum's Version - http://www.ubersite.com/m/93781
Snark's Version - http://www.ubersite.com/m/93784
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"Shut the fuck up," she said mildly.
He watched wide eyed as the girl sauntered over to the table. She casually looked over an array of objects, most of them sharp or metal. Some both. She picked them up one at a time, examining them like fruit at the grocery store.
As he started muttering to himself he cast a manic glance all around the room. High stone walls surrounded him, two or three stories high. The ceiling exposed an unnatural orange sky. He sucked the drool that was threatening an escape back into his mouth and frantically tested his shackles. As he heard the girl shush him, the brown stone wall he was locked to caught his eye. The stone itself wasn't entirely brown. It had been haphazardly painted from all the dried blood that had been splattered on it. A low moan came from him, despite his effort to keep it in.
The girl sighed and turned from the table. And she WAS a girl, maybe five and a half feet tall and quite slender with boyish-cut dark hair. Only the lip piercing belied her age. She pulled a pack of cigarettes out of her back pocket, and lit up a Marlboro Red. Instead of her pocket, she put the lighter down on the table.
"So, I hear you like little kids." She strolled over to him hiding something behind her back. "Three year olds, dude? Three year olds?" She got right up to him, staring him right in the face.
She shook her head. "So you're the one who kidnapped that infant! Everyone assumed it was some crazy lady who wanted a baby."
She pulled a cheese grater out from behind her and held it up to his face. "You shoved yourself into his mouth and let him suck on you. Your tiny prick instead of his mom's tit. Very cute. Up until you got too excited and rammed it down his throat, tearing his esophagus."
She ran the grater up and down the left side of his chest. He screamed especially loud as his nipple came off. She stopped and tapped the front of the grater, allowing the sliced strips of flesh to fall out. The girl looked inside to make sure it was clean.
"W-who... are you, you?" he blubbered.
"Me? Oh, that's right, no one told you yet. You're in Hell, Jeff! You died of carbon monoxide poisoning, of all things."
He started trembling. He tried to get the word "No" out.
"Yes! And as for me, I'm Satan's little girl," said Grace, putting out her cigarette in Jeff's right eye.
Jeffery promptly passed out.
He had dreams. Dreams of beautiful babies, toddlers naked all about him. Their round little bottoms quivering as they stumbled about. That luscious bare skin, so soft and tender, it tasted like wonder when he would run his tongue across that flesh. Jeff reached down to stroke on his cock, to ready himself for the pleasure. But nothing was there, no manhood perched erect at his groin. He was as smooth and hairless a plastic doll, as smooth and hairless as his beloved babies. Screaming, he looked up into the glowing red eyes of thousands of children, children who barred their fangs at him.
And then there was a voice. A girl's voice calling his name.
"Jeff? Jeff! Time to come back, Jeff!" he heard as he returned to consciousness.
"Opps! I think you dropped something."
Jeff tried to focus his left eye. His remaining eye. The girl. She was in front of him, still. She was making strange motions with her hands. Cleaning something. She looked at him, and pointed at his feet. His head lolled on his shoulders, obeying her. Jeff looked down. He was on his tip toes, suspended in the air against the wall. On the floor his intestines lay in a pile, steaming. The stench caught his nostrils and he started gagging.
"None of that, now. Besides, I'm pretty positive that that's your stomach," she said kicking an organ. "How are the contents of that going to make it all the way back up there?"
"D-die. Gonna... dieee," he blubbered.
"Hope you're not talking about me, Jeff-ems. Not that it would happen anyhow. And I told you already, you died. You can't die again. Well, some do, but only in special circumstances."
Grace walked back over to the table and took a swig out of a bottle of Diet Pepsi. She flung her hands out in front of her, and all the blood sprayed off. Now clean, she pushed her pixie cut hair back in a crimson headband. She tightened her belt another notch and bent over.
"Gotta make sure I'm ready for the next step in our little game of 'Shits and Giggles.' Got that phrase off my boyfriend, he has all kinds of clever little quips. Chaos Avatars have weird senses of humor."
She picked up an electric saw and spun the blade in her hand. "Now I know what's going through that diseased little brain of yours. You're wondering 'how's this chick gonna use a power tool when there are no outlets in here?' It's funny..." she trailed off while pulling the trigger and revving up the machine.
The sound of the spinning blade made Jeff's left eye go wide. "You see, I crammed a soul of the damned into the saw. It kind of acts like a battery. I'm under the impression it's quite an excruciating process. But so, hey! It's like a two for one deal!"
Grace pressed open his already empty torso and rammed the saw up against his spine. If anyone else had been in the room, they could have heard Jeff's screams over the whine of the mechanical device. Jeff couldn't hear anything, too much pain. And Grace was busy concentrating.
She stopped for a moment. "Damn. Need better leverage. Here we go." The saw started up again. Jeff had never stopped screaming.
"Just a little farther now. Oh, quit yelling, it can't hurt that bad. Ummm, yeah... I suppose it does."
"Goggles, Grace! You should be wearing goggles."
Grace shut off the saw and climbed out off the man's chest cavity. Her dad, Satan, was looking about the room. He walked to the table of goodies and turned off her propane torch.
"Sorry, daddy. What did you say?"
"Don't worry about it, honey. Why did you have the flame on? I don't see any blood splatters or charred flesh on it."
"I was using it to heat up some scalpels. Get 'em hot enough to cauterize the skin as you cut."
"Impressive."
"Not really. It didn't work as well as I thought it would."
"That's all right, you're practicing still. The idea is what counted."
She looked over her father. His Unholy Majesty was dressed in black slacks and a red silk shirt. It was half unbuttoned and untucked. His brown hair with its streaks of gray were slightly disheveled. Not usually like him.
"Daddy, does mom know you've been perusing the adultery pit again?"
"Grace, even if you are a big girl now, and the heiress to Hell, I really don't want to discuss my sex life with you."
"Okay, we'll discuss mine. Ed and I bought this new toy and it only..."
Satan shuddered and put up his hands defensively.
Grace giggled. "Come over here and give me a hand with this then."
Jeff was making strange bleating sounds as Grace's dad examined the gaping hole in his abdomen. "Oh, shut it," mumbled Satan.
"I can't seem to get the right angle to break through the..."
Her statement trailed off as her dad grabbed Jeff's legs and gave a tug. Jeff's lower half came away from his chest and fell to the floor. Satan stood back, gave a quick nod at the results, and smiled at his daughter.
"See hon, you just needed to put your back into it!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
The Kaote known as Edward Sands ordered his second Gin & Tonic absently while he fumbled about for his cigarettes. His girlfriend, Grace Morningstar, The Daughter of Satan and Lilith, Princess of Hell and Heir to the Infernal Throne... was late. Again. Ever since they had returned from their journey to the Outer Realms, she had been taking special care to learn more about the role she would eventually play in the Archguard Trinity of Heaven, Earth and Hell. This usually involved torture.
As happy as he was with her newfound respect for her lineage, they found less and less time to spend with each other. His duties as a Chaos Avatar kept him at strange hours and...
Before Ed could finish that thought, delicate hands had grasped his face and spun him around. He felt a slim torso glide up tightly against his as lips playfully brushed across his ear. The faintest scent of brimstone found his nose and he smiled.
"God be damned, I'm gonna make you cum blood tonight," Grace whispered to Ed.
Leaning back, Grace giggled at the look on Ed's face. "Sorry, hon. Human evisceration always makes me horny."
"Good day at the office?"
"I got to torment a violent child molester!" she beamed.
"Um, that's good, right?" asked Ed, slightly confused on the ettiquette required for a reply in this situation.
"Definitely," Grace replied as she ordered a Vodka Martini. "Seems our naughty boy had some deep-seeded 'mommy issues.' You should have seen his reaction to the images I forced upon him before I realized what time it was!"
"Do I even want to ask?" smiled Ed.
Grace stole one of her boyfriend's cigarettes and grinned. "Shit, how would YOU feel if I showed you visions of your mother sucking cocks in Hell?"
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DIARY OF A KAOTE series, featuring Grace Morningstar - http://www.ubersite.com/u/kaos-king/l/kaote
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-02 19:46:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:00:45 (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
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are you kiddig me? my post was brilliant, you cunt!
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-01 18:21:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PLUS TWO
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-01 15:38:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this is a HELL of a bandwagon...
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:53:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment Required
Submitted by Serious_Melvin (user info) at 2006-10-01 13:48:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by calbearspolo (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:58:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
BBIHER
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-09-30 18:26:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oh lord....is it wrong that I have a raging hard on after reading this?
haha just kidding....i hope
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-09-30 17:41:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-09-30 16:59:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"God be damned, I'm gonna make you cum blood tonight," Grace whispered to Ed.
====
HAHAHAHA
OK..this was hella funny. Sigh.
My favorite of the bandwagon so far. You could have saved this for Grueberfest, man. I love it.
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-09-30 16:44:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-09-30 13:17:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Woman: I'm not going to press charges, but I assume you'll want to
punish him.
Homer: 'Preciate the suggestion, lady, but he hates that. And I
gotta live with him.
Bart: You're the man, Homer.
Bart After Dark
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-09-30 02:00:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It still perplexes me how someone who looks like a cross between Vincent D'Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket and Berty's old girlfriend can actually be a 'writer'. But then I guess you've got Snark who looks all sensitive and girly like and he can't write for shit, which is why his +2 streak was deservedly ruined.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:44:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
this was awesome
Submitted by Phinch (user info) at 2006-09-30 01:34:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
kick ass.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-09-30 00:59:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-09-30 00:41:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
im njmust going to assumen this was the coats motherfucking palgajmas. im with buba here. i cant read a seorius post right now,.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-09-30 00:17:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You people are disgusting.
What the hell is wrong with you?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-09-29 23:23:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm waiting for a pic post of this...
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:59:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am to fucking drrunnnkkk to read this shit.
I will rtead it tomorow. (tom=morrow) Tamale.
Day after today, you get my shit. . . . .
Oh, yes, I be stunker than an unkin' dridiot.
:-DDDD
Goonite, sweet prince, ya fuckin' doobie. . . ..
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-09-29 22:50:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
best bandwagon ever.
i may do one tomorrow.