Grueberfest 06: Stain (517 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0.95 on 30 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by S.I. Co. Semen (View user info) at 2006-10-02 10:43:02 EDT
http://www.ubersite.com/m/93382
She creeps in and out of all the tombstones drawing closer to the attraction in the middle, that she dare not touch, the angel masoleum. It's heavy trask cut with grooved notches, tiny spores of algae slowly taking over the once granite form, slowly fading it to a bioluminescent green. Her tiny, frail, angelic hands fits slightly into one of the crevasses, but she still has her head down, she can't manage to lift it and see what has drawn her into this godforsaken, dimly lit, place of the dead.
She knows they are all looking up at her at this very moment, what with their vaulted ceiling of pine and mohagany, trimmed with onyx and brass, neatly decorated borders of satin, cashmere, and all of the other finer things in life. Outside of their wooden boxes, while looking up, they see a dirt sky, individual pieces of humous making constellations along with rocks orbiting moons except she's not certain they can see anymore. Some of the ones with newer homes, able to be told apart from the others because they have mounds of dirt rather than the neatly trimmed lawn that they all get. They might still have their eyes, and eyesight for that matter, if it hasn't rotted into a complete devoid.
She climbs the angel statue, grasping firmly around the chiseled stone, the bracelet that the angel wears makes a good hand hold, while the toe itself makes for a good toe hold. She hasn't looked up at her face yet, she knows whats there. It's that putrid, crimson red stain, the one that smells of slaughtered animals with entrails dangling from the meat hook. It's always the same smell, of rusty metallics and stale water, blood mostly, crossed with the smell of fecal matter coming from the entrails.
The voice is present again, this is the third time she's been here this week and it's still Monday. Every time she here's the voice she stops in the middle of her tracks, stiffening like the statue that is calling her. It's almost a snap in her posture, a couple seconds go by and her neck snaps at attention to the eyes of the statue like a tin soldier.
Blood spurts, flushing wildly, outpouring copious amounts all over the tranced girl covering her face and body in polka dots of syrupy blood, the smell cascading over her like a demonic blanket. The smell of metals causing her to fall deeper into the transfixed state while more blood pours over her face, in her eyes, down her throat, through her nostrils, soaking into her ears, until she becomes the blood. A big red blob of blood that looks black in the night running around the graveyard...
Her skin has tore away from the bones, exposing all of the demons, glistening against the moon that was once dull. Evil emanates and it causes the once creepy creatures beneath her, the ones with dirt skies, to roll over and stare directly into the bowels of hell for they dare not look up, laying on their backs and feel the real fury. Rotted flesh slowly creeps up through the tiny perforations in the grass and take shape on the blood mass. Collectively, from all of the corpses, she will become the ultimate.
A toe here, an ear there, never really forming a definitive shape, the statue still looking over her, the one thing that can keep an eye on her. She lets out a wretched sound that the word scream feels like a hiccup towards the moon causing it move a few light years away from earth, now just a dot about the size of quarter. Clouds come in, the trees bend backwards and touch the ground, there's no grass, and standing in the middle of the clearing is this creature so vile, so unnamely, that realms are changing everything they have ever known in order to be a part of this phenomenon.
The statue stands, no longer stained.
The statue breathes.
The angel dies.
Blood Stained.
Blood.
Stain.
User Reviews
Submitted by Felony (user info) at 2006-10-09 13:40:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Fixing stupidity leak (no need to -2 retal)
Submitted by Felony (user info) at 2006-10-09 13:09:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
This was just horrible.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-10-05 15:04:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-04 22:52:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
good effort
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-04 20:35:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-04 16:19:38 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5.
GREAT description, but what the hell happened?
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Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:44:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
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Your writing is improving greatly- and yeah, your description fucking rocked. Since your opponent forfeited, keep the change.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-04 16:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5.
GREAT description, but what the hell happened?
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Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:44:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-04 16:19:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:45:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5.
GREAT description, but what the hell happened?
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Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:44:11 (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-04 15:45:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
here, you can have a +2 here instead, mostly because of that annoying gingertard
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-04 15:24:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Good on ya.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-04 14:05:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
A little too purple for my taste
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:45:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5.
GREAT description, but what the hell happened?
No deductions for typos, because I'm not that kind of gal.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 22:44:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-02 16:47:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-10-02 15:02:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
At my own risk, it seems, I'm giving this one a 1. The descriptive beginning was a bit much and didn't add much to the rest of the story. Otherwise, pretty cool.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-02 13:21:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The story was more of a +1, but +2 because I find it highly amusing that the title "Stain" was assigned to a guy with the word "semen" in his username. :)
Submitted by GetNakeddd (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:35:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
pretty good for 20 minutes...
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:26:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Any time, micro-cock.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:21:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks, shit tick.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:19:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Never mind. I checked. Three posts back I gave you a -2. Something like 9 posts before that I gave you a pity 0. Wow, that's some serious stalking. If you find your pet rabbit in a bloody pile on your doorstep, guess you'll know it was me.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:14:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
No, I prefer whine-1-1, shit cheese.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, dickarus, thank you for your truly insightful pile of shit that means nothing because every time I post you come by to add your twopence. I'm glad your infatuation with me hasn't halted even though, according to you, my writing is complete shit. If it makes you feel any better, near internet stalker, I wrote this in about 20 minutes (3 to get the picture) in this window vs. a word window because I knowmy oppenent isn't playing.
Or, you can continue to drop by, unfailingly, and rate whatever you feel necessary because I, nor anyone else for that matter pays attention to you. Do something new, creative, like...I don't know...follow someone through the park everyday, hone your stalking skills on someone else.
Or, wait in the crouched position by your computer for the next time I post, which will probably be Thursday (f.y.i). Okay, cool guy.
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Poor baby. Want me to call you a waaaaambulance? Maybe get you some skates? A decent sized dick so you can man up? So, tell me, when was the last time I added my "twopence" to one of your opuses?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:10:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 12:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Bret, you cakeboy, I'm not bitching or moaning, I'm just pointing out that this shit tick has nothing better to do than wait for me to post. I could care less about what uber thinks of me, far less what you think that I think. The fact is that I'm not even bent out shape about this, had you actually known what the fuck you were talking about before you opened your cock sucker up, you would be informed.
However, you take another stab a fight, which you will surely lose, only to look like a giant ass. Maybe if you weren't so quick to jump the gun and layed back and waited for a while, you would actually have something worth listening to. Instead, you reek of "Top Gun" syndrome, but let me tell you something, iceman, goose, lemon shart, whatever the fuck you want to be called...no one likes you, finds you interesting, etc.
Besides, this is a competition and during that I abscond with stupid behavior when it involves competion.
The problem with you is that you are taking this as a personal vendetta because no one likes you, it just happens that I voice it. I don't take uber personal, I'm not desperate to cling onto some internet personality, and I'm not banal enough to care what others think. Truth of the matter is that you will remain part of niche no matter where you are: plebes that should fuck off suits you well.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:58:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, dickarus, thank you for your truly insightful pile of shit that means nothing because every time I post you come by to add your twopence. I'm glad your infatuation with me hasn't halted even though, according to you, my writing is complete shit. If it makes you feel any better, near internet stalker, I wrote this in about 20 minutes (3 to get the picture) in this window vs. a word window because I knowmy oppenent isn't playing.
Or, you can continue to drop by, unfailingly, and rate whatever you feel necessary because I, nor anyone else for that matter pays attention to you. Do something new, creative, like...I don't know...follow someone through the park everyday, hone your stalking skills on someone else.
Or, wait in the crouched position by your computer for the next time I post, which will probably be Thursday (f.y.i). Okay, cool guy.
=================
Here, ladies and gentlemen, is a shining example of pure, unadultered hypocrisy.
Siscosemen, you fucking bitch and moan about how much *I* fly off the handle re: criticism, and now look at you!! This is pathetic.
The pot and the kettle are having fun calling eachother black, I guess.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:55:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:54:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:49:50 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:45:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I actually found this pretty cool.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:33:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, dickarus, thank you for your truly insightful pile of shit that means nothing because every time I post you come by to add your twopence. I'm glad your infatuation with me hasn't halted even though, according to you, my writing is complete shit. If it makes you feel any better, near internet stalker, I wrote this in about 20 minutes (3 to get the picture) in this window vs. a word window because I knowmy oppenent isn't playing.
Or, you can continue to drop by, unfailingly, and rate whatever you feel necessary because I, nor anyone else for that matter pays attention to you. Do something new, creative, like...I don't know...follow someone through the park everyday, hone your stalking skills on someone else.
Or, wait in the crouched position by your computer for the next time I post, which will probably be Thursday (f.y.i). Okay, cool guy.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:25:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
I could look past the failed attempts at grammar and spelling, and pretend there was a plot buried somewhere in that train wreck of tired, melodramatic imagery. I could even filter out the emo poetry you used to land this post like a 747 in Hudson Bay.
But then there wouldn't be anything left to rate.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-02 11:11:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bret/Oath, please stay away from my posts. I really think you are becoming more pathetic than I originally thought. You are old hat, my, my, internet acquaintence.
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-02 10:46:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Auto +1 cherry jello