Happy Birthday! I got you SPAM! (584 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.81 on 11 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rodion Raskolnikov <rodyarask.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-10-02 16:48:09 EDT
My friend Jean Jaques Body was very angry that day with our superiors at the Spamfactory. It was his birthday and they gave him a birthday cake made of spam, but wouldn't allow him to take the day off. He quit, yelled at them to go eat spam and die, and we were out of there.
We tried to give the spam birthday cake away to numerous homeless people, but they just screamed and cursed at us. The dog wouldn't eat it and we only managed to flush 3 spoons of it down the toilet before the plan backfired.
We called the town and ordered a special pick up, they asked us what the item was, we said a spam cake, they hung up. We tried to burn it, but it turns out that spam doesn't burn, so we dumped in a dumpster behind a Taco Bell and thought we were in the clear, when suddenly the homeless person who's been sitting there waiting for dinner crawled out and threw a chunk of spam at us. J.J. Body ducked and I got hit in the face.
I woke up hours later on J.J.'s porch, he was much more bruised than I and smoking a cigarette, the cake at his feet. As we were burying it in his back yard, some city official showed up and told us that burying spam was illegal in all 50 states because it contaminates the underground water supplies. He refused to eat any of it, gave us a ticket, and left in a hurry.
A week later I went over to J.J.'s and found him wearing the same clothes and peeing in a water bottle since he couldn't unclog the toilet. Gallon jugs full of yellow liquid were lined along the wall, the room was a mess, and the spam cake was on the coffee table in the center of the room.
J.J. was pacing around it, cursing and yelling at it. He said he tried everything. The dog had run away. I smiled, nodded, and tried to back away slowly, but J.J. would have none of me leaving. He made me pace around the cake with him until dark, when I finally managed to convince him to hide it under the bed and forget about it forever. It is there today.
User Reviews
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-10-03 15:22:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short and sweet...
I like it.
Submitted by QuietObservation (user info) at 2006-10-03 15:05:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-10-02 23:49:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
a cake made of spam, may god have pity on the spamorama factory.
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2006-10-02 23:06:53 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:47:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"It was his birthday and they gave him a birthday cake made of spam,"
--
the horror.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:28:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"it turns out that spam doesn't burn"
Bullshit, I've been heating my house with spam for the last 3 winters!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-02 18:10:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
eew
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-10-02 17:40:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
brilliance
Submitted by Samo (user info) at 2006-10-02 17:09:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Beauty
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-10-02 17:04:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Reminded me of this:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/14167
Submitted by DrSeussman (user info) at 2006-10-02 16:56:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
+1 cause that was really weird but everyone knows to send it to Hawaii.
http://www2.jsonline.com/entree/cooking/aug01/spam05080201.asp