GrUeberfest '06: Dead and Bloated (564 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.96 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by fluffy_love (View user info) at 2006-10-03 05:27:24 EDT
Day 1
The first thing he was aware of was that his head hurt. They said hangovers were caused by dehydration, but this felt like fistfuls of wet cotton wedged between his brain and forehead. He tried to ignore the fact that he was awake even though he knew it wouldn't work.
Alisa must have put him to bed. Which meant Alisa must have brought him inside. Which meant that she must have driven home. Which meant that his head wasn't exaggerating; he really HAD gotten royally shitfaced last night.
He sighed. He wasn't going back to sleep. Maybe if he had some water he could come back and sleep it off.
He squeezed his eyes shut, turned his head, and squinted his eyes open. Nothing. He relaxed his face and slid his eyelids up. Pitch black.
He tried to roll onto his side, but his torso wouldn't budge. He furrowed his brow and felt his midsection. Wide straps, two of them, ran over his body, holding him flat on his back. Something was wrong here.
He tried to move his legs, and the pain rain from his legs to his head and back and froze him. Something was very fucking wrong here indeed.
He reached down with both hands and gingerly felt his legs. His thighs were held up at a right angle to his torso. He ran his fingertips lightly up the fabric of his jeans and met something big and rounded at his knees. His legs disappeared underneath it.
He reached his arms out to the sides. His left arm found empty space and another bed like the one he was on. His right found what felt like a window in a wall with a handle on it.
He needed to find out what the fuck was going on.
He had to think. He folded his hands across his stomach. Still drunk, he went back to sleep.
Day 2 (morning)
He was awake. Light was glowing in through his eyelids. He preemptively winced, then opened his eyes. He was looking up directly into the sun from the bottom of a ravine.
He was on his back in the passenger seat of Alisa's car. The ruined front end was pointed up into the sun. The light glinting off the twisted metal in front of his was spectacular. The ravine was maybe twenty feet wide at the top, narrowing all the way down to where the car was wedged in the standing water at the bottom. The water filled the back of the car. His legs were folded and pinned under the dashboard, which had been pressed back into the seats.
He couldn't see Alisa. She had either been thrown from the car, or had crawled out after the wreck and gone for help. Looking up the way the car must have fallen from he ran through it in his mind. He was drunk, passed out, she was tired, nodding off behind the wheel. They sail off the cliff, smash against the opposite wall, then fall ass first to where he was now. Alisa would have checked to see if he was alive, tried to wake him up for a while, then climbed out and swam away.
All he had to do was wait for the rescue.
Day 2 (evening)
He found Alisa. He had reached back between the seats to scoop some water to drink and his hand had bumped into her head. She was floating face up directly between the two seats.
He screamed until his voice was gone.
Day 4
He was hungry and thirsty. The hunger was bad, but the thirst was fucking unbearable. He could almost feel his eye sockets drying out. The pain in his head was getting ridiculous, but he would NOT drink what was available.
He thought about Alisa and cried.
Day 5
He lowered his left hand between the seats into the water, trying to avoid where he knew here head was. He could feel her hair tickling at the back of his hand as the water pooled in his palm. He brought his hand up and around to his face. By the time it got there the awkward motion had spilled most of the water.
He poured the portion that had survived the trip into his mouth, swallowed, wet his lips with his fingertips, then put his hand back for more. He had to repeat the motion until his arm was sore to sate his thirst. He felt her hair with every repetition.
Afterward he imagined the water running through her gently parted mouth and vomited.
Day 10
He had never been this hungry in his life. One time he had decided to see how long he could last without food, and had made it four days. That was brutal. This was indescribable. He couldn't remember the last thought he had had that wasn't about fried chicken.
Day 12
It was really starting to stink in the car.
Day 15
He couldn't take it anymore.
He had known for a week what he was going to have to do. He started crying.
He reached down into the soft soup that used to be his girlfriend. She was so bloated that her cheek just slipped off in his fingers. He brought it to his face with his eyes closed trying to force himself to think about fried chicken. He gagged before he could get it to his mouth. He pinched his nose, opened his mouth, and popped it in.
He stopped crying. He swished it around in his mouth a little. He swallowed. It was sweet.
He grinned and reached for more.
User Reviews
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:48:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. Sounds like me on a second date.
Too be honest I resort to cannabalism a little too soon in most cases.
"What our reservation isn't ready? That's it! I'M EATING SOMEONE!"
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-04 22:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-10-04 20:00:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sickening.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-10-04 17:09:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gross!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-04 15:54:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I wouldn't have minded a better introduction/beginning, but the progression from the middle to the end was very good.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-04 14:08:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Visceral.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-04 00:44:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Not quite a 1, but not quite a 2.
1.5
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-04 00:44:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
This was great except for day 1.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-03 21:18:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
yuck. awesome.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-03 14:46:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
RAAAAAAaaaaaahhhhhnd she says it naturalllllllll.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-10-03 14:34:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am smellin' like the roses somebody gave me on my birthday deathbed.
I am smellin' like the roses somebody gave me cos I'm dead and bloated.
*air guitar*
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-03 13:43:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
gross.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-10-03 11:15:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, this was just spectacular...
Submitted by UnderOathMeal (user info) at 2006-10-03 07:33:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Best album to come out of the nineties, bar fucking none.