I Just Lost My Virginity (2891 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: classics
Rating: 0.63 on 81 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by D "Underscore" Prime (View user info) at 2006-10-04 23:21:30 EDT
Looks like you older guys on the sight have one less thing to make fun of me for.
I am a very disturbed person (YES IT WAS WITH A POST-PUBESECENT FEMALE; I'M NOT DISTURBED IN ANY OF THOSE WAYS!) and following this achievement, I instantly thought "wouldn't it be hilarious if the first thing I did was go on Ubersite?" The sick part of me said "yes" and that part of me is now sitting at this computer desk. I snuck out of the room, replacing my torso with a pillow as not to take anyone and slid over here with an evil grin on my face.
Sitcoms have told me that virgins normally don't accomplish much their first time. But I did. So I guess I'm better than everyone else.
D-Prime : Keep Him Away From Your Daughter
...
TOO LATE!
User Reviews
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-10 09:11:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-08 21:06:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
God this is still fucking ghey.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-10-08 20:56:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:49:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for getting laid
Submitted by Spam (user info) at 2006-10-08 11:06:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-08 10:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Uberiste > Friends
Submitted by hsimah (user info) at 2006-10-08 03:52:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First thing I did was call my mates after my first time. Girl wasn't too impressed but they were. Then I put my pants back on.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-10-08 03:13:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
glad im not 16 anymore.... too much drama
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I have the eerie feeling that this post and everything associated with it will, unfortunately, be my last memory before I die.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-07 00:45:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
HI LOREN! WE MISS YOU!
Submitted by Arizhel (user info) at 2006-10-07 00:31:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-05 08:53:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you shouting "if I come now, will it be too soon?"
-----------------
*dies*
So, seriously, your first act after sex was to get on Uber?
Not even a post-coital cigarette or anything?
Philistine.
Submitted by Loren1 (user info) at 2006-10-06 16:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
I still hate teenagers
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:51:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-05 22:46:05 (#)
Ranking: -2
Your left hand does not count.
-------------
ha!
Submitted by Targa (user info) at 2006-10-06 00:07:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-10-05 14:48:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
make sure you moose her next time
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70755
Submitted by kybernetikum (user info) at 2006-10-05 23:56:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-05 22:46:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Your left hand does not count.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 18:15:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
This is going into 'classics.'
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 17:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That counter-strike thing was funny. It'd be better if it were Age of Empires though.
I have to PROVE it for it to be an accomplishment? What if she was and I can't prove it?
Submitted by SmirkDog (user info) at 2006-10-05 17:31:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
It only counts if you take a dump on her chest afterwards.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-05 17:30:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pics or shens
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-10-05 17:23:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Unless you have proof that the girl is hot, that was no accomplishment.
Submitted by Ingsoc (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Rats. I was hoping this was an Electro post.
...but we all know the likelihood of that happening! Hahahahaha!
Submitted by Boon (user info) at 2006-10-05 16:34:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
pics?
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-10-05 14:48:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
make sure you moose her next time
http://www.ubersite.com/m/70755
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-10-05 14:20:32 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate to break it to you, but....you're pregnant
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-05 14:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Good for you buddy.
Was she a real munter? or maybe really fat and hideous?
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-10-05 14:03:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You, my creepy canadian friend, are a fucking dork.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-05 13:08:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Shenanigans - she looked at you and said HAR HAR PEENER
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-05 12:54:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:25:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came
Submitted by Entaran (user info) at 2006-10-05 12:47:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesomeness.
I win though.
First thing I did after losing mine was roll over and continue playing Counterstrike where I left off.
Aztec for the win.
She and I were "together" approximately 48 hours after this happening. She still complains about it today... something like 5 or 6 years later.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-05 11:54:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
The only thing you "lost your virginity to" last night was your right hand, shithead.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 11:49:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That would be more clever if I hadn't explicitly said it was a female.
Maybe next time, Shlongy, you malevolent piece of shit.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-10-05 11:45:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
What was his name?
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 11:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
So is comma-splicing.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-10-05 10:55:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Stay away from women, they're nothing but trouble.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 10:48:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Recent milestones:
- The above.
- 200 posts.
- 150 000 hits.
- 5 000 reviews written.
(Coming soon) - 7 000 reviews on my posts.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 10:43:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Obviously that is not true Maddog. -1 minor infection.
Thanks for all of the comments, guys. I assure you that every clever Ubersite-related theme pun and reference I could have expressed was expressed.
Submitted by Maddog (user info) at 2006-10-05 10:05:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats. No one, besides you, gives a shit.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-10-05 09:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
High five, young blood. Now you have something ELSE a woman can use against you. High five, indeed.
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-10-05 09:45:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bullshit.
All of it. Bullshit.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-10-05 08:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Were you shouting "if I come now, will it be too soon?"
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-10-05 07:59:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nice. now wrap it up, so you don't end up with any unwanted kiddies.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-10-05 07:29:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
wow.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-05 07:20:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
D-Prime, if you're ever in chicago, drop by my shit-dirty loft and me and the guys will set you up with the best (although fat and cheap) hooker ever to rock your world (and medical history).
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-10-05 07:19:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome to the club!
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-10-05 05:29:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
virgins also lie about their first performance.
not like I care...but needs more detail...and pictures...
but congrats. don't ruin your pecker, dude. use a condom.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-10-05 05:01:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Some people are naturally gifted in the sex department.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-10-05 04:58:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
nerd.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-05 04:35:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-10-05 04:05:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
congrats
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 03:14:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Some-body's jeal-ous.
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-10-05 02:43:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
whoopdy fucking doo
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-10-05 02:36:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Well done, congratulations and all that shit. Just remember that sex is only going to get worse. After a while you'll care about satisfying a woman ,that takes all the fun out of it.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-10-05 02:25:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:25:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
-
Yes I did.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:37:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Christ mate, why didn't you post DURING it???
This is just lazy.
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:34:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
bw;;pw
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:25:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
gay
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:25:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:14:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by forthewin (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:16:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Sure, right now you're saying, "Holy shit, sex is the BEST!" I said the same thing. In fact, I still say that. But you're probably just getting old enough for your life to start sucking, and you having sex is just a sign of that.
</trying to find a way to turn this into a negative experience for D-Prime)
Submitted by eppliks (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:15:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
+0 delusions of grandeur
Relax, man. It's only your hand.
Submitted by WingedFoote (user info) at 2006-10-05 01:14:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:33 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by Wiggles (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
what a fucking nerd
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:58:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:28:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet she is a rabbit/emu
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-10-05 00:10:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by CRazyTALk (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:57:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:54:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NERRRRRRRRRRD
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:54:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
HAHAHHA
Good job.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:52:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Camwhore would be nice...
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:49:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for getting laid
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:45:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Ahahahaha.
Submitted by chipolatte (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:42:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ad only 42
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:54 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for getting laid
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet you screamed "+2!!!" when you came.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
congratulations, that's beautiful
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:38:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost mine on my thirteenth birthday. You lose by three years.
You are the weakest link. Goodbye!
*pulls lever*
*sends you into transvestite alligator pit*
*has iced tea with Keanu Reeves*
*keeps using these stupid fucking asterisks to represent action*
Submitted by Still-Life (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:35:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
... what the fuck?
You're how old?
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:32:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shoulda looked at the author.
"Rating the post in spite of the author"
Submitted by NerfHerder (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:30:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Shouldn't this be on your Xanga?
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:28:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I must take your anal virginity... MWHAHAHAHAH
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:28:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shenanigans.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-10-04 23:28:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I lost my virginity to a Coke bottle 30 years before you were born. Dipwad.
:-DD