Gheylord of the Rank: The Shire (1358 hits)
Category: Politics -> AfghanistanRating: 1.93 on 103 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Berty (View user info) at 2006-10-06 07:06:51 EDT
Dervel: "Ahrrmm... The twenty-second day of September in the year Nineteen-hundred and ninety nine, by Norfolk-reckoning. Bell End, Bagshot Row, Hobbiton, Westfarthing, Hertfordshire, Middle-England. The Third Age of this world."
[The interior of Bell End appears. Soiled and messy in nature, it is the home of a single, unkempt but rather cheerful person. Books and mugs are piled up in every room, spilling over shelves, on the floor, growing moldy, alongside used dishes and utensils.]
[Dervel is seated at his desk in the study at Bell End. His clothes are well-made but carelessly chosen. He has his back to view and is typing something on a laptop.]
Dervel: "There and Back Again. An Uberbrit's Tale, by Derka Dervel."
[Dervel turns the title page over to start on a new page. He pauses, reaches into his pocket and withdraws a crumpled packet of Marlboro. Lighting up, he returns to typing.]
Dervel: "Now... where to begin? Ah, yes. Concerning Uberbrits."
Dervel: "Uberbrits have been posting and chatting in the lower populated hours of the site for hundreds of months. Quite content to ignore and be ignored by the drama of the Big Folk — Ubersite being, after all, full of strange creatures beyond count. Uberbrits, being neither renowned as great political arguers, nor counted among the very literate."
[A knock sounds at his door.]
Dervel: "Nath! Someone at the door!"
[Dervel resumes typing.]
Dervel: "In fact, it has been remarked by some that the Uberbrits' only real passion is for booze. A rather unfair observation, as we have also developed a keen interest in the eating of kebabs, and the smoking of weed. But where our hearts truly lie is in back and forth, and good banter. For all Uberbrits share a love of things that amuse."
Dervel: "And yes, no doubt, to others our ways seem quaint, but today, of all days, it is brought home to me, it is no bad thing to celebrate a simple life."
[More knocking is heard at the door.]
Dervel: "Nath! The door!"
[The knocks become louder and more insistent.]
Dervel: "Cunt-cheese! Where is that boy? Nath!"
----------------------------
[A young Uberbrit is sitting beneath a tree in the woods, reading a book. He hears a male voice singing.]
ShandyTheGrey: [humming] "But as she's getting ready to go, a knock comes on the door."
[The Uberbrit closes his book and stands, listening. Recognising the voice, he smiles then runs to the road. An old man, wearing a gray cloak and a pointy hat, is driving a horse-drawn cart filled with fireworks and such.]
ShandyTheGrey (singing):
"Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Came down upon her head.
Bang! Bang! Maxwell's silver hammer
Made sure that she was dead."
Nath: [folding his arms] "You're late."
[The old man does not look at the hobbit at first, and then turns slowly, with an annoyed expression on his face that begins to twitch.]
ShandyTheGrey: "A wizard is never late, Nath. Nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to."
[He slowly begins to grin and crack up into laughter. Nath glares on impassively.]
Nath: [Clumsily clambers onto cart] "It's wonderful to see you Gandalf."
STG: [Still rocking with laughter] "Ooh! You didn't think I'd miss your Uncle Dervel's birthday?"
[STG resumes his drive towards Hobbiton.]
Gandalf: "So, how is the old rascal? I hear it's going to be a party of Uber magnificence."
Nath: "You know Dervel. He's got the whole place in an uproar."
STG: "Well, that should please him!" (chuckles, seems to be calming down)
Nath: "Half the Shire's been invited. And the rest of them are turning up anyway." [Nath's brow furrows.]
[STG starts laughing again. The cart makes its way past the fields of bright crops, over the bridge by an old mill, and past the market square.]
Nath: "To tell you the truth, Dervel's been a bit odd lately. I mean, more than usual. He's taken to locking himself in his study, all I hear is the sounds of hundreds and hundreds of banannas being peeled very rapidly, plus it smells of off rice pudding. He spends hours and hours poring over old maps when he thinks I'm not looking."
[Nath stares at the road.]
Nath: "He's up to something."
[Nath glances at Shandythegrey, but the wizard is non-committal and just stares deliberately at the scenery. He's stopped laughing.]
Nath: "All right then keep your secrets."
STG: "Hrrrmmph."
Nath: "But I know you have something to do with it."
STG: "Hrrrmmph!"
Nath: "Before you came along we Bagginses were very well thought of."
STG: "Indeed?"
Nath: "Never had any drama or did anything fishy."
STG [startled]: "If you're referring to the incident with Satan, I was barely involved. All I did was give your uncle a little nudge in through the door! His trousers fell open and his penis inadvertently entered the goldfish bowel!"
Nath [stares quizzically for a moment before continuing]: "Whatever you did, you've been officially labeled a disturber of the peace."
STG: "Oh really?" (starts giggling)
[As the cart drives past, Uberbrit children are drawn to the sight of the old wizard and his cart. They run behind the cart, shouting.]
Uberbrit children: "Shandy! Shandy! Rockets? Shandy?"
[STG pretends to ignore the children. They come to a halt as the cart keeps on going away.]
Uberbrit children: "Awwww."
[Phallic-shaped fireworks go off from the cart. The children cheer as a milky white fluid starts to drizzle down from the sky and STG laughs. Nath, with a look of disgust on his face huddles under the protection of the cumgaurd erected over the cab of the cart.]
Nath: "Shandy, I'm glad you're back, in spite of it all."
STG (grinning absently): "So am I, dear boy! So am I."
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-07 05:56:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CLOCK IS TICKING
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-13 05:30:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:04:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:56:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Make Davros Smeagol. I demand it.
---------
Why the hell not?
-Dave
Submitted by Mike-Mc (user info) at 2006-10-11 03:23:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
meh
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-10-10 08:04:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:56:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Make Davros Smeagol. I demand it.
---------
Why the hell not?
-Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-10 07:56:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make Davros Smeagol. I demand it.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-10-09 15:01:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
cute berty. i heart LOTR.
jade
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-09 14:48:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bwahahaha... "Where are the bloody towels"
hahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-10-09 06:13:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
If there's a spot for some foreign twerp that speaks funny and sits when he pees, I'll take it.
I'm magnanimous like that.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-10-08 13:11:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well...I do need to be in more posts, and at my level of pure fucking greatness and my ammounts of unholy awesomeness, I could go well in any post. I wouldn't mind being in this.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-10-08 12:43:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Glad you decided to follow through with this.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-08 11:24:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:37:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
While I do conceed that I am countryfolk with strangely hairy feet, why the hell do I get cast as the gay midget in this whole thing???
---
The answer is in your question Nath.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-10-07 19:37:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
While I do conceed that I am countryfolk with strangely hairy feet, why the hell do I get cast as the gay midget in this whole thing???
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-10-07 08:31:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
as you point out, lotr is a bit of a sausage fest.
giving frodo a lovely pink oriental cunt and milky breasts would add GENDER EQUITY balance
Submitted by shandythedog (user info) at 2006-10-07 08:27:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
do you think in the end frodo could actually turn out to be a eurasian prostitute in disguise?
fuelled by my magic jism?
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-10-06 22:08:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
whatever character gets forgotten and ignored, I'm sure that's me...
(this is good...)
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-10-06 17:59:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm still Gollum, right?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 16:35:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Jim Bowen is going to be your gaffer?
Can't do much worse I suppose.
You going to have bully up front, inject a bit of pace into your attack?
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-10-06 16:33:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-10-06 16:12:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome.
I would ask for a role as a ignorant, foul-smelling orc, but I don't want to be mistaken for an Englishman.
Submitted by The_Yellow_Dart (user info) at 2006-10-06 13:57:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AJ is clearly an Ent.
Well done, Berty.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-10-06 12:02:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Rubbish. Mark Bowens goal against Bayern was the best thing that ever happened.
He's going to be our gaffer soon.
Hopefully.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:52:55 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I really, really, REALLY hope you meant to say fish bowel, instead of fish bowl. Because that makes this all the more glorious.
Submitted by v8lover (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:46:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Would've been +2 but you're missing the other 12+ hours of it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:45:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
you know Dervel that is the greatest thing to ever happen to your club.
except that time Delia got pissed of course.
That was great.
LET'S BE HAVING YOU!
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:33:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:58:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
in other news the final 40 min installment of 100 players who shook the kop has just downloaded.
---
Is one of them Jerry Goss? With his last goal in front of the Kop heroics?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:14:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
You're too tall to be a dwarf AJ. Also there's only one dwarf in this.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-10-06 11:12:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Still say I want to be a dwarf.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:58:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
in other news the final 40 min installment of 100 players who shook the kop has just downloaded.
this 'working from home' lark kicks arse.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:57:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I RETAIN THAT THRONE
do you know how difficult it is for me? Huh? Do you? battling against the timezones... jumping from Calgary (where they still have the queen on the money god save her) to seppoland where they can't understand me if I talk fast, back to canada whilst STILL MAINTAINING MY THRONE?
<crys chemo tears>
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:56:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Also - to whoever put up that Uberboard message. 'A lot' are TWO WORDS. Remember by thinking of 'a little, a lot.'
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:55:19 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Yes - plus then Dervel can slap him around - thus demonstrating how Apollo has fallen from his throne as 'Best Brit.'
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:53:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I should really make Sam Fabit but I may use Spamial, although the redundancy of both Uberusers makes me doubt myself. Perhaps I should use Apollo so he feels included?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:53:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The winner of the Ig Nobel prize in medicine was Francis Fesmire, of University Hospital in Florida, for a study that showed that intractable hiccups can be terminated by "digital rectal massage".
"Initially, gagging and tongue pulling manoeuvres were attempted with no change in symptomatology," Dr Fesmire wrote in a study published in the Annals of Emergency Medicine. "Digital rectal massage was then attempted using a slow circumferential motion. The frequency of hiccups immediately began to slow, with a termination of all hiccups within 30 seconds," the valiant scientist found.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:52:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Do I get a part? If not I'll splash hot chocolate on your wang.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:51:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Make Apollo; Samwise Gamgees. Since he has gone to America his head has grown - just like Sam's belly grew as he went to Morddoooor
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:50:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Apollo, you are an Uberbrit. ERgo you're some manenr of hobbiut creture.
I'm tired, I want to go bedways/
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:49:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT DO YOU MEAN MY NATIOANLLITY YOU LITTLE HOMO???
I AM STILL UNDISPUTED LEADER.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:48:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Her name was Rosie. I imagine Berty will cast an appropriate Brit.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:46:40 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
needs more hot little hobbit bitches like the one Sam Gamgee was porking
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:45:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
It's Method I think.
Evil - and surrounded by clones.
*sigh*
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:43:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I would do Red but there aren't nine of them and Caul was already Isildur.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:41:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You're going to give the 9 rings of men to the French speakers aren't you? You no good dirty jub jub rubber.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:37:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's all going to be funny
There will be bits that make you think as well as well as romance and it will all be awesome
Unless it's rubbish, in which case we'll all have to suffer.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:34:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well - if you do it sequentially - you'll have loads of 'and then they travelled along' bits. Or singing in elf-gay.
Just pick the funny bits
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:31:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
What do you mean "Don't do the whole film in order"?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:30:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who are the Ringwraiths gonna be then?
*dangerous silence*
Also - don't do the whole film in order- do scenes or something.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:28:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That was great Red, I've always wondered about what that damn nursery rhyme meant.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:26:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
That was rubbish actually. I remember them singing it in the animated version of the film. With the giant hair.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:23:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In 45 minutes I AM GOING TO THE PUB.
There is an inn, a merry old inn
beneath an old grey hill,
And there they brew a beer so brown
That the Man in the Moon himself came down
one night to drink his fill.
The ostler has a tipsy cat
that plays a five-stringed fiddle;
And up and down he runs his bow,
Now squeaking high, now purring low,
now sawing in the middle.
The landlord keeps a little dog
that is mighty fond of jokes;
When there's good cheer among the guests,
He cocks an ear at all the jests
and laughs until he chokes.
They also keep a hornéd cow
as proud as any queen;
But music turns her head like ale,
And makes her wave her tufted tail
and dance upon the green.
And O! the rows of silver dishes
and the store of silver spoons!
For Sunday there's a special pair,
And these they polish up with care
on Saturday afternoons.
The Man in the Moon was drinking deep,
and the cat began to wail;
A dish and a spoon on the table danced,
The cow in the garden madly pranced,
and the little dog chased his tail.
The Man in the Moon took another mug,
and rolled beneath his chair;
And there he dozed and dreamed of ale,
Till in the sky the stars were pale,
and dawn was in the air.
Then the ostler said to his tipsy cat:
"The white horses of the Moon,
They neigh and champ their silver bits;
But their master's been and drowned his wits,
and the Sun'll be rising soon!"
So the cat on his fiddle played hey-diddle-diddle,
a jig that would wake the dead:
He squeaked and sawed and quickened the tune,
While the landlord shook the Man in the Moon:
"It's after three!" he said.
They rolled the Man slowly up the hill
and bundled him into the Moon,
While his horses galloped up in rear,
And the cow came capering like a deer,
and a dish ran up with the spoon.
Now quicker the fiddle went deedle-dum-diddle;
the dog began to roar,
The cow and the horses stood on their heads;
The guests all bounded from their beds
and danced upon the floor.
With a ping and a pang the fiddle-strings broke!
the cow jumped over the Moon,
And the little dog laughed to see such fun,
And the Saturday dish went off at a run
with the silver Sunday spoon.
The round Moon rolled behind the hill,
as the Sun raised up her head.
She hardly believed her fiery eyes;
For though it was day, to her suprise
they all went back to bed.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:23:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
STFU noob.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:20:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Crypto-Fascist!
ooh oooh - only the australian got the beatles reference - and he's australian - oooh - the deplorable state of British music - no wonder they're all hobbits.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:17:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
How dare you! I'm many things but a music snob is not one of them!
YOu...You... Fascist!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:16:14 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:14:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a good thing I'm moving then, he was the only one that got the Beatles reference.
---
I got the reference. music snob that you are.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:14:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
It's a good thing I'm moving then, he was the only one that got the Beatles reference.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:10:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:08:37 (#)
Ranking: 0
*starts slapping chin, adopts retard voice*
NURRRR THAT'S WHY SHANDY'S A WIZARD NURRRRR, SPAKKA NURRRRRRRRR!!!!
---
If you make Stagger_Lee Saruman I'm going to come down to Birmingham and poo right down your chimney.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:08:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
*starts slapping chin, adopts retard voice*
NURRRR THAT'S WHY SHANDY'S A WIZARD NURRRRR, SPAKKA NURRRRRRRRR!!!!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:05:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Right
Wizards are NOT humans.
They are a spirit thingy in a human-ish shape -from across the sea.
Perhaps Australians?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:04:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
TTOM must be the Dwarf. Midget that he is.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 10:02:24 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:46:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking awesome.
One glaring ommission of course but I'm sure you'll make up for that too.
The cumguard royalty cheque I assume is in the post?
------------
It is. I may steal more of yours and Shandy's marerial as this goes on, please take it as a compliment. Incidently I realise you want to be Saruman but I'm afraid I will have to turn you down because of your nationality.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:59:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought all British humor was unfunny or involved Benny Hill music.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:56:46 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I THOUGHT OF A BETTER ROLE FOR ME
Can I be Wormtail (if you get that far)?
I'd be ever so good at it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:46:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This was fucking awesome.
One glaring ommission of course but I'm sure you'll make up for that too.
The cumguard royalty cheque I assume is in the post?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:29:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am going to -2 into oblivion the Ubernaut who gets my position.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:27:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bother! I'm more neutral. Well if you can find a character for me please do.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:18:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This is just awesome. I love it.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:16:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Chris, that's not going to happen either. You're not dark enough.
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:14:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You should make me the witch king jobby. Why? Because I earnt it. + I have already sent you photos.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:13:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Not gonna happen.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:07:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Terribly mistaken. Bear as in to carry.
It's ok though - you can make up for it by making me the FUCKING WITCH-KING OF ANGMAR.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 09:04:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:56:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bare in mind that because Tolkiens work was a sausage fest that I will be putting women in former masculine roles
---
AHA - FREUDIAN SLIP. Pervert
=-=-=-==
What? It's actually 'bare in mind' isn't it? Am I terribly mistaken? I mean baring some thing in ones mind (revealing, unmasking etc...) seems more meaninful than 'bearing' something which could mean anything from ravaging to grumpifying (if that even is a word).
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:57:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:53:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent choice in doing the movie rather than your own spin of the books.
Can I be a goblin?
-----------------------
I actually considered you for Smeagol, what with your enormous eyeballs. I don't think any goblins have any real speaking parts in the film (which all this is based on).
Incidently I will deviate from the language in the script more often in later installments so I feel like less of a fraud.
In any case I will think of something.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:56:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Bare in mind that because Tolkiens work was a sausage fest that I will be putting women in former masculine roles
---
AHA - FREUDIAN SLIP. Pervert
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:53:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Bare in mind that because Tolkiens work was a sausage fest that I will be putting women in former masculine roles.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:53:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent choice in doing the movie rather than your own spin of the books.
Can I be a goblin?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:53:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Lack the presence?
Why you shifty eyed Brumlord! I'm going to post you a Wellington boot now. Filled with coal
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:52:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I am from The Frozen North though. With cloudy skies and fire and smoke and whatnot. Clearly not a Hobbit.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:50:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Red. You're just not a wraith. You lack the... presence. Besides you're British which kind of solidify's your hobbitness.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:50:23 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Who's Ghola?
Honestly, I go away for a while and you start making people up.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:49:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Holy shit. Please write more. This was brilliant.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:46:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ghola is so Éowyn.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:44:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
"You cannot enter here," said Shandythewhite, and the huge shadow halted. "Go back to the coal mines prepared for you! Go back! Fall into the nothingness that awaits you and your Master. Go!"
"Old fool!" he said. "Old fool! this is my hour. Do you not know Geordies when you see it? Die now and curse in vain!" And with that he lifted high his sword and flames ran down the blade.
See? That's totally what I'd say.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:43:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*sulks*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:42:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:38:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
For the last time, Red, no! Why do you want to be him anyway? The story have lost momentum by that point, it's like a million scenes away.
Whatever. you're wossname Took. Deal with it.
---
I get to stab Frodo in the shoulder and hiss at people.
I only want a few cameos - it's not a lot.
Peregrine Took indeed. I'd sooner be the fucking donkey.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:40:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I listened to Abbey Road at work today.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:38:57 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
For the last time, Red, no! Why do you want to be him anyway? The story have lost momentum by that point, it's like a million scenes away.
Whatever. you're wossname Took. Deal with it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:37:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witch-king_of_Angmar
Him him him.
He gets killed by a hobbit and a girl at the end - which I think is very apt.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:36:15 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
The King of the Ring Wraiths
RAM is ALMOST in the post.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:35:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
We'll see.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:32:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I want to be Smiegel...that way I'm sure to be around to veryend and you can easily make my name adjusted to fit. I will send you naked pictures of hot whores that I fucked but haven't put on here. Or I could just give you the best reach around ever, and I'm not blowing steam up your ass.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:28:52 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
...
I go away, eat a kebab and I am greeted back with cheerful confusion. If you want to be a part of the saga I want you to tell me who you want to be. I will then arbitrarily asign you a role based on bribery. I want material offerings, not promises. The promise of a blowjob behind the bikeshed will get you very little wheras mix CD's of music, cheque payments, genetic material and photographs will reap far greater reward.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:25:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty is shit at 'search and replace' clearly
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:21:22 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Shandy went from Shandy to Gandalf, what was going on there?
I above begging Berty, but I'm not above threatening, therefore put me in or I'll jolly well give you a good talking down and I might make some rather hurtful comments about Birmingham or your hair.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:11:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/redskieslookfake/l/gheylord_of_the_rank
*hums the music from Lord of the Rings - only more disco*
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:06:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Your casting is good so far also. Nath looks very much like an 'obbit.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 08:00:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Cumguard. Spelling is important for your splashback protection.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:59:03 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
This here is proof that nagging Berty works. If any of you want anything - nag Berty and he will fold like a concertina.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:57:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
One brit right here, willing to be a character.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:53:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't remember putting my penis in any fish bowels?
I think I shall go peel some bananas and have a good think about it.
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:41:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
*bemused*
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:35:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great, again! Put me in.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:19:36 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
If you want to be people start begging me now. I've decided I may as well do the whole bastard thing untill people get horribly bored of it all.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:17:59 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-10-06 07:17:09 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
In other news, I have been +2BOMB'd by UnderOath.
Should I be afraid...I could understand if he -2'd me..... or has he given his account away AGAIN?