Things You Didn't Know About Guam (547 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicRating: 1.66 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by YellowDragon (View user info) at 2006-10-07 10:16:51 EDT
I put this under the "Sound & Music" category because I've heard nothing but island jams since I got here. Tonight marks three weeks and change, or thereabouts, since a heavy and bored-looking girl in uniform first picked me up from the airport.
"I'll take you to the bachelor housing, and we'll get you checked in." This was accomplished, inasmuch as I checked into my room after only three keycard malfunctions. "I'll be back tomorrow morning to take you to Squadron."
"What, I go to work tomorrow?"
"You have a better idea?"
"Well, I don't have to report until the 20th, I was thinking of getting a hotel and just checking out the island for a week or so."
"How did you plan on getting around, taxi? It's a hundred-dollar ride from here to the airport."
"Damn... what time tomorrow morning?"
"You don't have to muster until nine, so eight thirty or so."
"Great, thanks. Utilities?"
"Yeah. Good night." She wasn't unfriendly, just bored. This is the way of duty drivers, as I discovered. The Squadron 15 Transient Personnel Unit was filled with the sick, lame, and lazy, and nothing helps ailments fester like a good dose of boredom.
So back to the title: things you didn't know about Guam.
1) The locals are called Chomorros, and are by best estimations the descendents of Filipino peoples who spread northeast through micronesia early in the last millenium. Regardless of their origin, they were certainly here when Magellan made his voyage around the globe. Spanish and Portugese influence are apparent mostly in terms of architecture and religion, both of which remain distinctly Catholic.
Now all that bullshit you could get from Wikipedia or another, even more competent source. I'm not even sure if all the nuances are quite there and I now it's a little light on facts, but fuck history, at least for the moment. What you won't read in the science books is that the people are some of the most generous and genuinely friendly in the world, certainly more so than I've ever met.
Day three on-island, and by 8:00 am I was already sweating my balls of in the pervasive 85F/100% humidity conditions. Myself and a handful of other volunteers were in Inarajan, a villiage sponsored by the Squadron, shooting the shit with some locals before we began work on the International Coastal Cleanup, a beautification effort taking place that day all across Micronesia.
"My name's Rory, man." Rory and I got to talking about his family, life on-island, myself, and my relationship to the Squadron.
"I'll be transferring to my boat when she gets back in port." I didn't feel like elaborating; I didn't know much else myself. She was coming back 'soon' I'd heard, and didn't push it past that. Turns out I didn't have to: the mayor piped up then and gave the official word to start, a sort of drop-your-cocks-and-grab-your-socks as far as I could tell.
"Hey, we're gonna start up now, but you see that little two-story there?" I nodded uh-huh, I did. "Well that's my house, man. If your car ever breaks down this side of the island, just try to pull up and honk or something, you know? We'll come on out and see what we can do, OK? Have some more corn chowder. The mayor made it this morning."
2) Beer=currency. Need to move? A case and a couple DiGiornos will get you four people ready and willing to haul whatever heavy-as-hell particleboard junk you've got lying around. I helped install a dishwasher for a sixer of Mickey the other day. Personally, though, I'd just as soon eat the $4.69 (dollars, change, and all) it would cost me otherwise than drink the stuff. All the same, it's a nice gesture, and one that I'd like to see spread further than the tiny territory where America's day begins.
Nonetheless, with the drinking age being 18 here and inexperienced palates being exposed to shitty beer early, help is never far away. Any beer is good, and fresh American beer is worth its proverbial weight in gold.
American beer you can get: Budweiser, MGD, and most of the other domestics can be had for as low as $3.99 for a 6 pack. And if you're happy with a February born-on date in late September, it's well worth it. Fresh(er) beer can be had, too, but the choices are distinctly regional. There's San Miguel, a brewery in the Philippines. Decent, but still bottled. And from the Philippines.
Then there's your Japanese brews: Asahi "Extra DRY!" will get you where you're going without asking too much in return. The other is Kirin Ichiban, whose mascot is a mystical half-deer, half-dragon animal. This must be the inspiration for their quality assurance scheme, which seems to take its place far in the fairy tale realm of "brewed under the highest quality conditions under strict supervision of the Kirin brewmasters." Make no mistake, it's made in California by Anheuser-Busch. Not that there's anything wrong with A-B, but honestly, would you give a fuck if you were brewing somebody else's beer, or if your company sent you to America to make sure the big oafs weren't fucking the whole thing up? Yeah, it tastes like it, too.
I think I'll leave it there for now. It's kind of late here, seeing as how I'm 15 hours or so ahead of most of you. That's calibrated to central time, seeing as how I'm from St. Louis. But if you've got any other questions, pop them my way.
Not that you'd care, or anything.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-10-09 18:16:33 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you like the brown snakes?
Submitted by YellowDragon (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:26:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
First off, I haven't bedded any natives. The women, on the whole, have sideburns and moustaches to compliment their rotund physiques. The men are withered, swarthy, and run an average age of 90. Suffice it to say, then, no kitchen utensils have penetrated any unmentionable bits of any natve by my hand.
As for the bars, I've only been to a few. Tumon is the tourist trap set on the lush northwestern edge of the island. It's basically a stereotyped Anytown, USA, replete with shooting galleries with high-caliber American weapons, strip clubs with curvaceous American strippers (imported, as it were, from around San Diego and L.A.), thinly-disguised brothels, and enough Japanese businessmen to keep all the establishments booming. Needless to say, alcohol profits all of the above immensely, and I've been to one or two of the nicer bars there.
Further south, in Hagatna (or Agana, the US spelling), I DD'd for a bar crawl with Richard, a professional partier and sometime Scuba instructor. That we'd paid him to take us underwater the next day became inconsequential compared to the idea of paying for drinks. In exchange, he showed us his favorite hole-in-the-wall parties. I'm happy to report that glaucoma is not a problem in any of them.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:03:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I meant to +2 this, sorry.
Have you been out to the bars there yet? Since there is an american influence they are probably a little more advanced than 80's music, but you can't go to far in that part of the world without catching an "air supply" cover band.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:03:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-10-07 11:00:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
San Miguel ain't that bad.
Stear clear of bintang, and if you see two types of Anker beer go with the one from indo not maylasia.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-10-07 10:39:43 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Short but sweet.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-10-07 10:35:28 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Did you fuck any natives? Do they like it in the pooper? Have you tried shoving inanimate kitchen objects in their snatch? How much for a hooker? Do they like when you put your thumb up their ass?
Submitted by paint_it_black (user info) at 2006-10-07 10:22:29 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
interesting